Rainbow High (11 page)

Passing the front doors to the school, Jason slowed and gazed out the window. Beneath a clear blue sky, rows of cars reflected bril iant sunshine. A couple of his teammates crossed the parking lot, heading off campus, enjoying senior year privileges.

Why not join them?
Jason thought. Forget al this coming out crap. He’d tel Muel er and Coach he’d made a mistake—that he was stressed with senior year and the upcoming state championship. Impulsively Jason gripped the door handle, but stopped short.

From amid the clutter of graffiti scratched into the paint of the front door, a single word jumped out: FAG.

Jason stood staring. He clenched his eyes shut, wishing there were some way to get away from the ever present slurs. But he knew he couldn’t. Opening his eyes again, he released the door handle and turned toward the main office.

Muel er sat behind his massive oak desk, pul ing a rubber band between his fingers. Across from him sat Coach Cameron.

“Have a seat,” Muel er told Jason, with a familiar tone of disappointment. Had he taken the news of Jason’s coming out as badly as he took the basketbal team’s losses?

“Hi, Carril o,” Coach said, offering a tense smile. But his jaw remained set, like when he tried to force encouragement during a difficult game.

“I’ve explained your situation to Mr. Muel er.”

Jason slid into the hard-backed wooden chair, bracing himself.

“Jason,” Muel er began, “I’ve seen a lot of boys and girls come through that door.” He pointed, as if to leave no doubt which door he meant.

“When a situation results in a student being cal ed to my office, I take it very seriously.” Jason shuffled his shoes on the floor, wishing Muel er would get to the point.

“Quite frankly,” Muel er continued, “I was surprised when Coach informed me what you’d confided in him.
Very
surprised. Have you thought about how your teammates might react to this?”

“Yeah.”

“Real y?” Muel er chal enged. “Tel me. How do you think they’l react?”

“Wel . . .” Jason felt his stomach grinding. “I’m not sure.”

Muel er tossed the rubber band aside. “You think they’l be happy and congratulate you?” Jason gritted his teeth, resisting the urge to vol ey back some equal y sarcastic response. “They’l probably be upset,” he said in a low voice.

“Yes. That’s exactly right.” Muel er gave a sigh. “Jason, what I’m trying to get at . . . This isn’t just about you. It’s about your team. Do you even care about your team?”

“Yeah, I care about them!” Jason answered so loud that Muel er reeled in response.

Jason sat up straight in his chair, trying to anticipate what might happen next.

It was Coach who spoke. “Jason cares a lot about the team. That’s why he came to me with this.” Jason glanced at Coach. The mere sight of his steady, confident expression made Jason sit even tal er.

Muel er’s eyes darted between Coach and Jason, til he let out a breath. “I believe you do care about the team, Jason.” His voice had switched tone again, now uncannily sincere. “You know why? Because I’ve seen you on the court. You’re one of the best team players our school has ever had.”

Then why’d you challenge me just now?
Jason wondered.

“And you’ve made too great a contribution to this school to just toss it away like this.” Jason listened careful y, trying to guess where the principal was heading.

“I’m going to be blunt,” Muel er said. “If you feel the need to jeopardize your future with this, that’s one thing. But for you to risk upsetting your team as we head toward the state title ...” He shook his head as if genuinely mystified. “I can’t believe you’d do that, Jason.” At the words “state title,” something clicked in Jason’s mind. Was that why Muel er was concerned about him coming out? If it was, Muel er could take a hike.

“A lot of these boys look up to you, Jason. I see it in their eyes. I hear how fondly they speak of you.”
Oh, no,
Jason thought.
Not again.
Much as he tried to resist, the role model crud got to him every time.

“I know you’ve got a lot going on,” Muel er said, bringing a hand to his forehead. “Between school and the state championships, it’s no wonder you feel pressured to come out with this. But don’t you agree it might make sense to wait a few more weeks? Let your teammates celebrate another winning season? Would you be wil ing to do that for them?” Jason shifted his feet, trying to wade between the
BS
and the truth. He had to admit Muel er had a point. Would it hurt to wait?

He turned to Coach for guidance, but Coach gestured back to him.

“This one’s up to you, Jason.”

Jason glanced down at his chewed-up fingernails. He’d waited seventeen and a half years. What were a few more weeks?

“Okay,” he told Muel er.

“Great!” the principal exclaimed, extending his hand. “I know we’l win this title.” Jason shook Muel er’s hand, though inside he was thinking,
We?

As they left the meeting Coach patted Jason on the back. “I could tel that was a tough decision.”

“Yeah,” Jason said, his voice barely a whisper.

“Hey.” Coach stopped and looked him square in the eye. “Stop by to talk if you need to. You have my home number. Al right?” Jason nodded as the bel started ringing. A second later students began pouring into the hal .

For the rest of the day Jason tried to reconcile what he’d done. Had it been the right thing? Or a wimp-out?

He needed to talk to someone about it. But whom?

Not his best friend, Corey. He’d be relieved that Jason had put off coming out. He’d told Jason he thought this whole thing was a big career mistake.

Not his ex-girlfriend, Debra. She was stil
PO
’d at him for not having told her about Kyle.

Not his mom. She had enough to worry about. Besides, she was stil in denial about his being gay.

The obvious choice was Kyle. But would he be disappointed in Jason for bagging out?

After the last bel , Jason meandered to Kyle’s locker. “Wha’s up?”

“Um, hi,” Kyle mumbled.

“You okay?” Jason asked.

“Yeah . . .” Kyle muttered, not very convincingly. “I was going to cal you tonight. It’s about . . . Tech.”

“What happened?” Jason asked impatiently, casting aside his own problems.

“Um, remember back in the fal ,” Kyle said, fidgeting with his backpack zipper. “I told you I’d applied to Princeton?” Jason vaguely recal ed the mention of it.

Kyle reached into his backpack, pul ed out an envelope, and handed it to Jason. The return address was Princeton. A knot formed in Jason’s stomach as he unfolded the letter.

Halfway down the page, he stopped reading, too stunned to continue. What about their plans to go to Tech together? What about Kyle’s wil ingness to stay and go to community col ege so they wouldn’t be separated? What about their being “boyfriends”? Had Kyle forgotten al that?

“Congratulations.” Jason shoved the letter back. “That’s great.”

“Is it?” Kyle said, his hazel eyes gazing up.

Jason wasn’t certain what he meant.

“Can I come over later?” Kyle asked. “So we can talk about it?”

“Yeah.” Jason nodded. “Sure.”

At practice Jason had trouble getting into stride. With his thoughts bouncing between Kyle one instant and Muel er the next, he could hardly score a basket.

But then Corey positioned him for a layup and Jason made a hook shot he’d long been practicing.

“Good one,” said Andre, clapping him on the shoulder.

Jason was in sync again, his mind focused on the one thing in his world that always made sense.

It turned out to be one of their best practices ever. At least it seemed that way, with each teammate knowing the others’ moves, as if playing in perfect harmony. And afterward, in the locker room, everyone laughed together—even Dwayne.

Mueller’s right,
Jason thought. How could he let the team down now, before the state finals?

That evening, as Jason was finishing dinner, Kyle arrived. Melissa ran to greet him at the door.

“Just in time for dessert,” said Jason’s mom. When Kyle sat down at the table, she served him a dish of flan.

“It’s like custard,” Jason said, in response to Kyle’s crinkled expression. “Try it. It’s real y good.” Kyle tasted a spoonful. “It’s great,” he told Jason’s mom.

“How do you make it?”

She explained how she’d learned to make it from Jason’s grand mom on his dad’s side.

As she spoke Jason wondered if she understood that he and Kyle were not just friends. He’d told her Kyle was gay, but that was al .

“We’re going to study awhile,” Jason said when they finished their desserts.

Melissa clung to Kyle’s hand. “I want to go too!”

“Let them study,” Jason’s mom said, holding her back.

“She’s real y gotten insecure since my dad left,” Jason told Kyle on the way back to his room.

From atop the bed, Jason’s cat glanced up sleepily as Kyle sat down beside it and began scratching its chin. “Hey, Rex. How’s it going?” Jason closed the door and sat on the desk chair across from Kyle. He crossed his arms, eager to talk out everything going on.

Kyle glanced up from petting the cat. “I don’t know what to do about Princeton. How can I accept it?”

“Is it expensive?” Jason asked.

“Yeah, but it’s not that. It’s because . . .” Kyle’s hazel eyes peered up at Jason. “It’s because of us. It’s because of you.” Jason’s leg started jiggling. Would Kyle seriously consider passing up Princeton because of him?

“Kyle, you’re crazy. You can’t pass this up. No one passes up Princeton. Have you told your mom and dad?”

“Not yet. I know they’l tel me Princeton’s a better school. But Tech’s a good school. And it’s closer to home and cheaper, too.” Jason listened skeptical y. He
wanted
Kyle to go to col ege with him. But . . .

“Kyle, you know Princeton’s better. If you don’t go there, your mom and dad wil hate me.”

“No, they won’t.”

“Oh, yes, they wil . And what if I lose the scholarship? You’d be passing up Princeton for a community col ege?” Kyle shrugged silently, his eyes fil ed with trust, making Jason no longer want to sit apart from him. He moved over to the bed, beside Kyle.

Kyle turned to him, his mouth open. In an instant the two of them fel back on the bed, their arms encircling, as the cat sprang away meowing.

“Oops.” Kyle laughed and Jason kissed him more deeply, then said, “I like your chlorine smel .”

“I’m sorry,” Kyle told him. “Some jerk on the team told Coach Sweeney he doesn’t feel safe showering with me.” Jason pul ed away. “Are you serious?”

“I’m so ticked,” Kyle said. “But I don’t know what to do about it. And Sweeney’s no help.” Jason’s anxiety about his own team came flooding back. Would they react like that? How would Coach Cameron handle it, if they did?

He sat up. “Muel er cal ed me down to his office today.”

Kyle sat up beside Jason, listening as Jason told him what Muel er had said.

“Do you
want
to put off coming out?” Kyle asked.

“No. But I don’t want to screw up our chances for the championship.”

Kyle hung his head, staring down at the carpet.

“Are you disappointed in me?” Jason asked.

“Of course not!” Kyle looked up. “In fact, I was thinking. If you win the state championship, they’re less likely to take your scholarship away, don’t you think?”

Jason guessed where Kyle was going with this. “Kyle, you can’t count on that. I don’t want you to do something that you’l end up resenting me for.”

“I won’t,” Kyle said, and leaned forward, pressing his lips onto Jason’s.

Jason kissed him back, wanting more than anything for them to go to Tech together—except if that meant Kyle had to pass up Princeton.

His turmoil wasn’t helped much after Kyle left, when his mom asked, “Does Kyle have a girlfriend?”

“Ma!” Jason shouted. “I’ve told you Kyle’s gay. When are you going to stop being in denial?” He stormed back to his room and cranked his stereo, trying to stop the doubts pummeling his head.

Nelson dodged Kyle at lunch, stil furious at him for getting accepted to Princeton. But Kyle nabbed him in the hal .

“Nelson! I haven’t even decided if I’m going!”

“You’re going to reject Princeton? I don’t think so,” Nelson scoffed, though secretly he hoped Kyle would.

After school Nelson sat at his computer, ignoring Kyle’s instant messages. Across the desk lay his own acceptance letter to Tech—the only school to which he’d applied. His mom and counselors had told him he should target at least three universities, blah, blah, blah. . . . But what for? He wanted to go to col ege with Kyle. And Tech was the only one of Kyle’s choices he’d stood a chance of getting into.

But if Kyle isn’t going there,
Nelson thought,
why should I?

Besides, going to Tech would mean leaving Jeremy . . .

Suddenly a new idea popped into Nelson’s brain. Why not go to community col ege with Jeremy?

Of course, he’d have to convince his mom. She was so pukingly proud of him getting into Tech. But she also real y liked Jeremy. Except, Nelson stil hadn’t confided the teeny little HIV detail.

That evening was the weekly supermarket night. Out of boredom Nelson accompanied his mom. While waiting for her to select between sour or sweet pickles, he combed through the greeting cards. Why not get one for Jeremy?

Nelson flipped through them for something romantic but not intense, sweet but not syrupy, cute but not sil y.

He final y found the perfect one—a chimpanzee on the cover, with the inside caption: WANT TO MONKEY AROUND?

Somehow his mom knew whom it was for. “Is it his birthday?”

“Um, no.”

His mom gave him a look, then her mouth curved into a drippy smile that made Nelson turn away, blushing.

“Why don’t you invite him over for dinner?” she asked.

Nelson nearly tripped over a pyramid of lima bean cans. “You mean the three of us?”

“It would be fun,” his mom replied.