Pulled (16 page)

news. At least she was no worse.

A few seconds passed. The room was quiet
except for the sound of the ventilator.

“Eva?” Steve whispered.

My heart broke as her name came from his lips,
his heartache unbearable.

“Yeah, your granddaughter’s name is Eva.

Melanie and I picked it yesterday.” I hoped giving him this
information wouldn’t remind him of where Melanie had
been, but rather help him focus on the fact that he had a
granddaughter. I wanted him to talk to me, to ask me
about Eva. Instead, he stood and strode from the room.

Dad left for the night, and I tried to settle in,
falling into fitful bouts of sleep that didn’t last for more than
a few minutes at a time. Nothing changed, though I woke
often just to make sure Melanie was okay, to feel her skin
under mine. Then my eyes would flutter closed once
again for a few moments.

My eyes fought against rays of sunlight coming
in through the window. I must have fallen asleep. The last
time I looked at the clock it was three in the morning. I
heard hushed voices in the background; I could discern
one was Mom, the other familiar, but unidentifiable. They
were quiet, but not friendly.

“For six months? How could you?” The voice was
filled with venom.

“What else was I supposed to do, Peggy? She
didn’t feel she could come to you. Maybe if you focused a
little bit more on your daughter, you would have realized
what was going on. She needed you! Instead, she had to
come to me. I didn’t mind of course, I love her like my
own, but she needed her mother!”

Mom was upset. I don’t think I’d ever heard her
harsher with anyone in my life. Shifting in my chair, I
rubbed my face to get rid my fatigue before I stood and
walked to them.

“Mom, it’s okay.” This wasn’t a battle she needed
to fight; if Melanie’s mom had a problem, she needed to
take it up with me. Mom had only done what was right.

“Peggy,” I started to speak to her, but she held up
her hand.

“Don’t give me any excuses, Daniel. This is all
your fault. I can’t even stand to look at you. You make me
sick.” She shook her head, turned, and walked to Melanie,
shutting us out. I wanted to resent her for her words, but
how could I? I already knew I was to blame.

“I’m going to see Eva. Call me if anything
changes, okay?” It was the right time to go. Peggy needed
time alone with Melanie, and I needed to see my
daughter.

I hurried to the NICU, checked in, and washed,
this time not hesitating as I went to her. She looked the
same as she had the day before, yet somehow, I loved
her more.

They let me hold her for a short time again,
stating that it was good for her to feel me, but she also
needed the warmth of her incubator. It was so frustrating. I
wanted to hold her all day, but I also wanted what was best
for her.

That’s how I spent the next day and night—

dividing my time between my girls. I felt like the go
between until the three of us could be together. It was as if
I were carrying a piece of one to the other, making them
whole, as if we were part of the same soul.

Just as I did the night before, I slept in Melanie’s
room. Mom woke me with breakfast she had picked up
from the diner near the hotel.

“Good morning, sweetheart.” She kissed me on
the head, her smile soft, but her body weary. “Did you
sleep okay?”

I shrugged. How well could you sleep in an
uncomfortable chair in a hospital room? But I wasn’t going
to complain. I was the one who had gotten off easy.

Mom pursed her lips as she pulled my food from
the bag, setting it before me. She looked as worried and
exhausted as I felt.

“Thanks, Mom. This is great.”

She ruffled a hand through my hair. “Anything for
my baby boy.” My mom really was an angel; there wasn’t
anyone better than she was.

“So, I’m going to go down to check on Eva. Why
don’t you finish your breakfast and then meet us down
there? Your dad took Peggy and Steve over to meet her,
so you might want to give them a few minutes.” Mom’s
voice was filled with compassion.

“Yeah, I’ll head down in half an hour or so.” I
hoped that meeting Eva would help Steve and Peggy
soften their hearts.

I ate as I talked to Melanie, knowing she could
feel my presence. I finished, and sat by her for a few
minutes, letting her know how much I loved her.

“Sweetheart, I’m going to see Eva.” I kissed her
head, and I could feel her pulse quicken.

“I love you too, Mel.” I smiled. Finally, I felt like
everything was going to be okay, that we were going to
make it.

I ran downstairs, now familiar with the routine. I
jogged down the hall and to the elevator. I rushed past the
newborns and turned into the hallway leading to the NICU,
stumbling over my feet when I turned the corner. Mom
clutched Dad, sobbing as he held her up, her legs slack
beneath her.

My eyes scanned, finding Peggy in a similar
position against Steve.

My heart stopped. No. Oh, my God. No.

My feet that were frozen seconds before broke
flat out into a run. Racing the rest of the way down the hall,
I passed my parents and gripped the handle to swing the
door open.

I had to get to her. Something was wrong!

Two strong hands pulled against my shoulders,
holding me back.

“Daniel, stop.” Dad’s voice cracked. His hands
slid from my shoulders to wrap around my waist, dragging
me back. “Daniel,” he grunted through his tears. “Look at
me.” I struggled against him. I had to see her.

“No, Dad! Let me go!” I screamed at him, but he
wouldn’t release me.

He couldn’t keep me from her.

“Daniel, please,” he choked, his words like
poison as they came from his mouth. “She’s gone. It was
just too soon.”

“No.” I shook my head. “No!”

“Daniel, it’s too late.” Hands restrained me, but
my body pushed forward.

“No! Please. Save her. You have to save her!” I
begged. I wouldn’t accept it. “No!” If I said it enough, I
could make it true. She couldn’t be gone. I just saw her.

“God, no. Please!” Why weren’t they fighting for
her? Why were they all standing here doing nothing?

“It’s too late,” Dad said the words again, their
sharp finality ringing in my ears, his arms wrapping
around me tighter. They were no longer trying to fight me,
but trying to provide me some form of comfort.

“It’s too late.” His repeated words, now soft,
crushed me, bringing me to my knees.

I wept on the floor on my hands and knees. Dad’s
arms remained around my waist as he knelt with me, the
sound of Mom’s torment stinging my ears.

Eva.

My baby girl.

Gone.

God, it hurt so bad.

Worst was that Melanie had to sit there while Vanessa bragged about how we were going to be parents.

Never had I wanted to hold her more, to tel her what a great mother she would have been, to tel her she was the only mother I wanted for my child, and to tel her that what had happened with Vanessa was a mistake.

A second later Melanie’s chair protested against the floor, the legs squeaking as she mumbled, “I need to use the restroom,” to Nicholas before she fled, tripping over her feet.

I watched her rush away. With ardent desire, al of me ached for her—her mind, her soul, and her body.

Something close to a growl came from Nicholas, my rapt attention on Melanie broken by his anger. “Who the fuck do you think you are?” He leaned in close, his voice low.

I turned to him, wishing for nothing more than to tel him who
I
was.

That
I
was supposed to be Melanie’s husband, not him.

That
I
adored her more than any other creature that had ever lived and always would.

That
I
had every intention of taking her away from him.

But I couldn’t do that. I knew Melanie stil loved me. What I didn’t know was whether she stil
wanted
me.

Besides, based on the way he acted toward her al night, it was apparent that it would not be in Melanie’s favor to anger this asshole. If he treated her like this in public, I couldn’t imagine how he must treat her in private.

Once again, my fury toward him set in. What if he hurt her? My stomach clenched, and my hands curled into fists, every piece of me wanting to protect my girl. I wanted to hide her away. I wanted to keep her safe from him. I wanted to see life in her eyes once again. But that had to be Melanie’s choice, not mine.

I swal owed down the need to beat the shit out of the guy. I forced words out, making them as true a statement as I could. “She just reminds me of somebody I used to know.” That was about as civil as he was going to get from me.

“So, Daniel.” Shane’s voice was clear, though you could hear the tension in it. “What do you think? Do you have anymore questions about the proposal, or are you ready to get this thing started?”

I ran my hands through my hair, trying to focus. Did I want them to build it? Could I be this close to Melanie’s husband and not go completely insane? Would it al ow me see Melanie again?

see Melanie again?

Katie watched me knowingly. I was sure she could read every question I’d just asked myself as if it were written across my forehead.

“Uh, it’s a lot to take in, Shane. Just give me a minute. I need to clear my head before I can decide.” I stood, and Shane nodded at me.

Hands that I never wanted to feel again grabbed my arm, Vanessa’s voice whiney. “Where are you going?” I shook her arm off. “To the men’s room. Is that okay with you?” My voice was hard and condescending. I didn’t give a shit. There was no way I was going to let her have any control over me—ever.

The look on her face told me she was offended, which I hoped she was. Maybe then, she’d accept I would never want her or her baby. I turned on my heel and as I walked away, everything clicked.

“Daniel and I are having a baby.”

She’d done it on purpose. Vanessa wasn’t trying to further her career, to find an easy way to get ahead. She had wanted it al . The name, the money—everything. I knew then that there was no question about whether the baby was mine or not. Thoughts of her in my drunken stupor, assuring me she was on the pil when I had insisted we needed to use something, distracting me, spurring me on. I was always careful, always—that is, except for that one time with her.

I had every intention of going to the men’s room, but as I neared it, the pul intensified, drawing me to her. I tried to push open the door to the men’s restroom, but I just couldn’t do it. I could feel her heart beating against my chest, her body begging mine to find it. I dropped my hand and stepped back, looking between the two doors. She was only feet from me; I could walk right in there and ask her everything.

My steps were slow as I approached the women’s restroom, my breaths shal ow and hard. Setting both hands flat against the door, I prayed she’d let me talk to her.

If I could just tel Melanie that I was sorry one more time, would she final y forgive me? I could never take back what I did, but did she love me enough to see past it and al ow me to love her and adore her the way she should be?

Would she let me take care of her, al ow me to try to breathe life back into her? Was I being selfish because I knew if she al owed me that, I’d become whole myself?