Protective Love (Hidden Secrets) (7 page)

The only thing that would stop her from coming to me would be if she was…

I shook my head; I couldn’t even think about it.  Once I opened the door, the hairs on the back of my neck stood up.  The feeling in the room was different.  I started to back up, but was grabbed and thrown against the wall.  My back hit the wall with such force my breath was knocked out of me for a moment or two.  When my breath returned, I tried to scream, but a hand covered my mouth and I looked back into the cold, callous eyes of Alex. 

I am going to die.  He is going to kill me.

He pushed his forearm against my throat and it got harder to breath.  When he started removing my clothing, I fought him harder.  I hit and kicked, some of my strikes landing their mark.  He pushed harder in response, and pretty soon I was just too dizzy and short of breath to fight.  The light in the room began to dim.  Suddenly his arm was gone and I gasped in a breath.  He threw me on my bed.

Once I landed, I tried to scurry away, but he was there too
quick.

“Keep fighting Kayla.  It only turns me on more
, you know that.”

The next thing I hear
d was the clanking of metal.  I wanted to cry.  I wanted to scream, but if I did either it would only make things worse.  He cuffed me to my headboard.  The tears were burning my eyes, but I couldn’t let them fall.  If he saw them…

“I told you were going to regret talking to me the way that you did.  You did this to yourself.
  So how is pretty boy?  He sure is going to wonder what happened to you.  What are you going to tell him Kayla?”

I didn’t answer.  No answer I gave would have been good enough for this.  I knew that Jason coming around was going to be a problem
, and honestly, I was glad it was my problem and not his.  Jason didn’t know what he was walking into when he walked into my clinic.  For him to be hurt for that, well he wouldn’t be, and I knew it then.  It would be me suffering for not kicking him out sooner.  I pictured his face and I knew in an instant that I made the right decision to make him leave.

He pulled his belt from his jeans.  Alex made me watch as he folded it in half and
snapped the two halves together. There was no amount of preparing for the pain behind each swing.  It was impossible to ignore.  Every time he swung, the belt left more pain behind.  I pulled hard on the cuffs.  The pain was unbearable and I was clenching my teeth so hard I thought they were going to break.  I squeezed my eyes shut.  He kept swinging, landing hit after hit across my bare legs, stomach, and chest.

Eventually t
he swinging stopped.  My whole body hurt so bad that I was almost numb.  The cuffs came off the headboard only long enough for him to flip me over.  I knew without a doubt what was coming next.

“No!  Please God
, No!  Alex, don’t!  Please…”

I couldn’t stop the sob escaping as I beg him not to do it.  I begged him every time and he reacted the same way.  He laughed.  After a few minutes of fighting
, he got my arms reattached to the headboard.  On my stomach now, I buried my face in my pillows.  He started swinging again.  The belt hitting my bare ass as hard as he could.  I could feel the belt breaking the surface of my skin.  He hit my back and my head flew up as I screamed in pain.

“Now
, you little bitch,” he said between each final swing of the belt, “never talk back to me!  Never let someone else touch you.  Never fight me.”

The sound of the belt hitting the floor brought another round of begging and pleading.

“No!  God help me!  Please Alex don’t… please…”

He grabbed my sheet—that was knocked to the floor in our struggle—and put it in my
mouth, pulling back so my head was pulled out of the pillows.  The next sound in the room was his zipper lowering.  I died even more inside.  The shaking started and I started to gag.  It was the same reaction every time - revulsion.  I was trying desperately to hold in my cries; crying made him angry, and that made things worse for me.

When I felt him push inside of me, tears rolled down my checks.  I cried out for him to stop, but it was muffled by the sheet in my mouth.  I screamed for help, but
again, it could not be heard.

“Oh
, I look forward to these times, Kayla,” he grunted.

I shuddered
, completely disgusted, and just wanted so badly for it to be over.  His hand came down hard on my already tore up skin.  He continued to push and smack like he had all the time in the world.  With every thrust and every smack, another piece of me broke off and died.  Another part of me I will never get back. 

Why do I continue?  Why bother waking up at all?  Maybe
it’s time to just end it all?  Stop my family from suffering because I can’t tell them, and stop my suffering.

The only sounds in the room were my muffled cries and pleas
, and his grunts and groans.  It felt like an eternity before he finally finished.  With his body pressed on mine, I just wanted to puke.  I wanted him to leave so I could take a shower and wash his filth off me.  Once he had himself put back together, he gave me the usual instructions not to move or else he would not release me.

After a few minutes, I heard the front door shut. 
Slowly, carefully, I got up and walked to my shower in a daze.  It wasn’t until the water from the shower hit me that I broke from my daze, collapsed to the shower floor, and cried.  The sting was immediate and I had to shift to the side.  It wasn’t until I opened my eyes and saw the red in the water going down the drain that I realized how bad off it was this time.

I dried off carefully once I got out of the shower.  I walked back to my room and shuddered. 
When I opened my closet that was I saw Cara.  I dropped to my knees and reached out a shaky hand to touch my best friend.  She didn’t respond.  My heart sank further.  I lifted her head and saw the dart in her throat.

Hurriedly, I got dressed.  Because of the new marks on me—even though it was hot as hell outside—I threw on jeans and a long sleeve shirt.  Scooping up Cara, I rushed out of my apartment.  I forgot about my injuries, the pain, the humiliation
… I was focused only on my best friend.

Before I knew it
, I was pushing into the clinic.  I didn’t stop at the reception desk, even with Jenny calling my name.  I ran right into one of my open exam rooms.  I immediately went to work; I was going to save her.  The door opened and Jenny hurried in.

“Kay, what happened?
  Oh my God!  You’re bleeding!”

I didn’t answer.  All my focus was on Cara and making sure she was okay.
  After a while, Cara slowly started to wake up.  I held her and cried.  There was so much relief I felt, and so much pain that followed.  After a little while, when she was more alert, I moved her to my office.  Jenny tried to talk to me several times, but I kept sending her on her way.

I looked at Cara
, and I just couldn’t do it anymore.  Cara was hurt because of me.  How much more was I going to put my loved ones through?

It wasn’t long after I sent Jenny away the last time that Jake came barging into my office.  Immediately running to my side
, I looked at him and he had tears in his eyes.

“Kayla
… please, you have to let me help you.”  A tear fell down his cheek.  “You need to let us all in.”

I looked over at Cara and I knew it was time to say something.  It was time to set myself free.  Turning back to Jake, I nodded my head.  He picked up Cara and I followed him out to his car.  It hurt like hell
to sit; I winced or cried out at every bump - no matter how small - Jake hit on the way to our parents’ home.

Before I knew it, I was in front of my whole family; all ten siblings and my parents.
  Everyone was around me asking what happened, why I was bleeding, and a million other things all at once.  I looked at Jake giving him a ‘help me’ look, and he stepped in.  After Jake got everyone to back off of me and sit down, I took a deep breath and began.

“This is not going to be easy to say
, and I know for you, it will not be easy to hear, but please let me say everything before I can’t.”

Once everyone nodded I continued
.

“
You guys have been wondering what’s been going on.  Why I have pushed you all away.  I’m going to tell you.  You’re not going to be happy, but please know that I don’t blame any of you for this. I pushed you all away because I couldn’t tell you and I didn’t want you all hurt because of me.”  I took another deep breath.  “I have been raped repeatedly for years.  Today, I almost lost Cara because of it.  She has tried to protect me, but it doesn’t stop him.  He doesn’t care.”

“Are you telling me
it’s one guy?”

I nodded.

“I, uh, fought back more than usual and mouthed off, so today was a lot worse than what I’ve gotten in the past.  I have marks all over me from the belt he used.  The cuffs he used to keep me in place dug into me as I fought back or moved in pain.”

I rushed through
, rubbing my wrists as I spoke.

I looked at my family.  They sat there quiet
ly, just looking at me.  I just wanted to run and hide.  If there was a way to rewind time I would, and I wouldn’t be telling my secrets.  The pain on their faces hurt me more than the strikes of the belt Alex used.

“Kay, you told me that it was in the past and I couldn’t fix it or change it.  When did this first happen?” Eli asked.

I swallowed hard. 

“You remember the party you had when mom and dad went to that benefit when I was twelve?”  He nodded his head so I continued.  “Well
, while the party was going on, he came in my room.  He said I was being used to repay a debt, and now it’s revenge against all of you boys, I’m assuming.”

“He ra…ra…he did that to you while we were in the house?”

“Carson and Jake weren’t home, and the girls were at Lucy’s, but the rest of you were there.”

“You said you were used to repay a debt.  What debt
, and whose?”

I glanced at Carson without realizing it.  Dropping my head, I tried to pull myself together.

“That’s not important.”

“Who was it?”  Dad asked and not calmly either.

“That doesn’t matter either.”

“Yes it does!”
my dad bellowed, making me jump.

Carson was up a
nd grabbing my shoulders with such pressure, I was actually scared.  I stared up at him, tears falling down my cheeks and terror plain as day on my face.  He turned white and dropped his hands, and I stumbled backwards.  Jack caught me and I cried out when my back hit his arm.  Jack leaned me forward and lifted my shirt.

“Son of a bitch!”
he bellowed. 

E
veryone kept asking what he saw, so he turned me around to show the family my back.  Everyone gasped.  Jack was carrying me off telling everyone he was going to take pictures of the injuries and make sure everything was okay.  I trembled in his arms.

“
It’ll be all right, Kay.  I’ll take care of you.”

He shut the door to the bathroom.  Jack had grabbed the camera as he walked through my parents
’ room.

“Kay, I know you don’t want to do this, but I need to see all your injuries and take pictures.  Just
remember, I am a doctor and I’m here to help you okay?”

I nodded my head
, and with trembling hands, I began to take my shirt off with my back to him.  I covered my breasts with my arms.  The clicking sound of the camera and his gasps as he took pictures of everything were the only sounds in the room.  Reluctantly, I pulled down the back of my underwear for him to get the pictures of the marks on my butt.  Those had to be the worst ones.  He had to treat some of them before I re-dressed.  When I looked back at him, he was crying.

“I’m so sorry, Kay.  If I would’ve known
… if you would’ve told me…”

He couldn’t finish his
thoughts.  He shook his head and wiped his eyes, but the tears still fell.

When he told me we were done, I left the bathroom and went back out
to the den where everyone was.  When Jack came out, still in tears, they immediately wanted to know what was wrong.  Jack looked at me, but showed them the pictures.  Everyone was in tears by the end.  I stood in the corner and hugged myself.  I felt so exposed… so naked.

“Kay?”

Looking up I found my father standing in front of me.

“Who did this to you?”

I swallowed. 

“Alex
,” I said just barely a whisper.

Everyone in the room froze. 
A pin could have dropped in the room and it would have been heard loud and clear.

“That’s why you had that panic attack when you saw him at the party
… he was right there in front of us, taunting her, and… and…” Jake realized.

“SON OF A BITCH!” Carson yelled.

I turned my head in his direction.  By the look on his face, he figured out whose debt was being paid when I was twelve.