Protective Love (Hidden Secrets) (4 page)

CHAPTER THREE

~KAYLA~

There was no sleep for me the following night; every time I closed my eyes I saw Jason.  I would see his light hazel eyes and his dirty blond hair that fell loosely over his forehead, and feel his strong warm arms cradling me.  The feeling of his hard, muscular body pressed against the length of mine could still be felt over every inch of me.  He was at least a head taller than me, but it felt… perfect.

I shook my head and sat up in bed.  There was no way I was feeling
that way about a guy.  There was no way I was going to think about a man that way.  As I walked to the shower, I still couldn’t shake his image or the feel of him holding me.  That was not me; it was not how I acted.  Once I finished the shower, I grabbed a piece of fruit and filled a travel cup with some orange juice.

“Cara, come. It’s time for us to go to work.”

Cara was a beautiful Husky.  She had bright blue eyes that really stood out from the black and white of her fur, which was quite thick, and her tailed curled around to touch her back.  Looking at her you couldn’t tell she had, at one point, been fighting for her life. 

We walked out the door and
I’d turned to lock it when I heard the makings of a growl from Cara.  It grew louder and began to echo off the walls of the stairwell.  I could feel the fear start to run up my spine.  I knelt down next to Cara and tried to keep my voice calm.

“What is it girl?”

There was no way to hide my edginess.  My heart rate spiked, my breathing quickened, and the hairs on the back of my neck stood on end.  Cara only ever got defensive when one person was around.  It was not in her nature to growl, but somehow Cara knew that Alex was bad news.  Whenever he came around Cara did her best to guard me.  I was always thankful for her protection; however, it never stopped him.

A shadow moving in the hall caught my attention and I immediately froze.

“Hello again, Kayla.  You ran so fast out of the party yesterday, we never had a chance to catch up.”

He moved toward me and I fell backwards trying to keep the distance between us.  I swallowed hard and finally found my voice.  It was quiet, but strong.

“Leave me alone, Alex!  I will call the cops this time!  I am not letting you make me into a helpless woman anymore.  I am not the twelve year old girl you abused and destroyed beyond belief.  I am stronger now.  I will not let you control my life anymore.”

His laughter filled the stairwell
, echoing off the walls.  A chill ran up my spine again as I stared in fear.  He lunged for me, and Cara lunged back.  He managed to get one hit across my face before he pulled back to get out of Cara’s reach.  I held my hand to my cheek and willed myself not to cry.

Panting, he
said, “You make it sound like you have a choice.  I told you when I first nailed your ass… You.  Are.  Mine.    If you don’t start listening, your punishments will get worse until you do! You don’t have a fucking choice!  If you think pretty boy at the party will stop me you’re wrong!  No one can stop me… and no one touches what’s mine.”

His voice bounced off the walls and right into me until my stomach practically dropped to the floor.
  There was a noise from the floor above and it caused Alex to start backing up.  He was turning to run down the stairs when he stopped and stared at me.

“We will see each other again, Kayla.  You can count on that.”

Once he was gone, I let out the breath I was holding. I sagged against the wall and put my head in my hands.  I was already so exhausted, and still I had to walk to work not knowing where he was at.  Dropping my head against the wall, I took a few deep breaths. 

There is no way I am going to let him continue to run my life. 

I looked at my apartment door. 

It looks like I am moving again.
 

I had just stood up when Mrs. Bradshaw spoke.

“Oh, Ms. Williams.  How are you and Cara this morning?”

“Good Morning
, Mrs. Bradshaw.  We’re getting ready to head off to work.  How’s Mr. Bradshaw doing?”

“He’s getting better, my dear.  They say he should be able to start moving around in a couple of weeks if he keeps up with his physical therapy.  We are so grateful for you, that robber could have taken him from me that day.”

“It was nothing Mrs. Bradshaw.  I was just in the right place at the right time.  Glad he is doing better.  We must be going now.  Have a good day.  Tell Mr. Bradshaw we said hello.”

The walk to the clinic was stressful.  Every noise, every male, every shadow had me picking up my pace and hauling ass to get inside the clinic. 
What I told him in the stairwell was a flat out lie.  It was me wanting to believe in something that over the years was ripped from me.  I had no strength; I had only fear.  My one safe haven as a kid was summer camp.  My one safe haven as an adult was the clinic.  Surprisingly, Alex had never come to the clinic.  I couldn’t figure out why, but the fact remained that it was my safe haven - at least during the day.

The office was busy when I walked in.  Trainers, assistants, clients
, and animals all scurried about as they normally did.  It was like a whole new world inside my clinic.  I spent as much of my time there as I possibly could.

“Second Chances, please hold
,” Jenny said.

Jenny was my assistant.  She was as good as they come.  Struggling to keep her house after her divorce, she came in with no experience
and needing a job.  Working hard over the course of time, she had proven herself invaluable.  I called her the librarian because her dyed blonde hair was always pulled back in that tight bun and she wore black glasses over her dark brown eyes.  So much shorter than myself, I had to purchase a special chair so she could sit comfortably at the receptionist counter.  If for any reason I was unable to come in, the clinic would be just fine in her hands.  She worked just as hard as I did, plus she was going back to school to become my assistant in surgeries and help with checkups.

“Today is going to be a catch up day for you, Doc.  There are only a couple of appointments for you on the board.  You might be able to escape this place some today.”

Jenny was like an overprotective sister.  She always worried about me working so much.  It was always the same speech: “You’re too young to be so consumed with work.  You need to go out and have some fun, and live a little.”  I wanted to go out and “have fun.”  Hell, I wanted to date, but with Alex lurking around every fucking corner there was no way I was going to risk another man’s life to have that. 

That
made me think of Jason.  In my heart, I kept thinking that he would save me - that he was sent to me for a reason, but my mind was telling me to not drag him into my hellacious life.  That would be exactly what happened if I had any more contact with him.  For some reason, that thought had my chest hurting.  Sighing, I said my goodbyes after Cara got her treat from Jenny and headed toward my office.

“A quiet day, huh girl?  Quiet days scare me…”

I walked into my huge office. My desk was right as you walked into the room in front of one of the windows, with bookshelves on either side of the window and the wall to the right of my desk.  Off to the left was a couch with enough seating for eight  with a coffee table in front and an end table on either side.

I set my things down on my desk
, and out of the corner of my eye I could see a figure near my couch.  The scream escaped me before I could stop it, and I backed into my bookshelf, knocking a picture down on my head.

“Son of a bitch!”  I said as I rubbed my head. 

I looked up at Elijah, who was moving toward me. 

“What the hell are you doing here, Eli?”

It wasn’t that I hated him, but he never showed up at my clinic, so I know that either he needed something, or something was wrong.  Considering I had not heard from my other siblings, I knew nothing major was wrong, so I guessed he needed something.

“Are you okay?”

He reached up to check my head and I pushed his hand away.

“I am fine.  What brings you here?”

I busied myself at my desk so maybe he would make the trip a brief one.  It was too hard to have him around, even though I longed for our closeness again.  Eli was the one I ran to for everything.  He and Jake were my heroes.  I loved them both with all my heart, but it just hurt too much to have them close knowing that when I needed them the most they were never there  It hurt equally as much to not have them close to me anymore.  It was all so confusing and painful, I resorted to just keep my distance from everyone. 

When I looked up, Eli had a sad expression on his face as he stared at me
, making me uncomfortable.  Eli was a handsome man, and we all looked a lot alike.  He had wavy brown hair while mine was curly, with crystal blue eyes.  He had chiseled features, that friends have confessed make you want to reach up and trace every line and every dip of his face.  He was tall - much taller than me, and about the same height of Jason.

Whoa, where
the hell did that come from?  I seriously need to stop thinking about him.

I shook my head and tried to erase those thoughts.  Looking back and my brother’s sad face, I softened my tone.

“Well?”

“We need to talk, Kay
,” he said softly.

“Oh?  What about?”

He took a deep breath and stared at me a moment.

“What’s going on?  You and I used to be so close.  Now you barely acknowledge me
… well any of us really.”

With
Elijah, family was everything.  If there was a rift in the family, it was unsettling to him.  He wasn’t a push over - just the opposite actually.  Honestly, I was surprised he didn’t have a wife and million kids yet.

“I don’t know what I did, but please give me some clue so I can try
to fix it and get my sister back.  Please.”

I didn’t want to have
that conversation at work.  Hell, I didn’t want to have that conversation at all!  It was a complicated and personal conversation, and I didn’t want to have it.  There was no way I was even near ready.  However, one thing I knew about Eli was if he took time out of his day to come to my work, then he wasn’t leaving without answers.  So it seemed I really had no other choice than to at least give him something, and I was going to be as vague as possible.

“You can’t fix it.  It doesn’t matter if I tell you or not
, because it can’t be fixed or changed!”

I could feel the tears prick the back of my eyes and I tried to blink them away, but it wasn’t working.  My brother was right.  We were so damn close
, and then it changed… I changed.  No matter what I told them and when, I couldn’t get that day and the past sixteen years back.  So it made no difference.  Just as I wouldn’t then, I wasn’t going to put my burden on someone else’s shoulders - not if I could help it.  I needed to figure things out for myself and then I could start to slowly work on getting my family relationship back.

Eli almost looked stunned by my outburst.  I
had never been one to scream or fight about anything.  Nor was I a crier… well not in front of anyone.  I had learned that lesson, and it wouldn’t happen again.

“Kay
… whatever I did… I am sorry.  Can you please tell me so I at least know what caused me to lose my sister… for all of us to lose you?  Kay, we all miss you.  We all love you.”

The sadness I heard in my brother’s voice hurt badly
, and those tears I was fighting so hard fell down my cheeks.  When I was little, I knew no matter how bad things got or how mean people were I could always count on my brothers.  Then that day happened; that horrific, unforgettable, life changing day happened, and my view of everyone around me changed, more so for my brothers and my dad.  They were supposed to protect me, and I was left defenseless when I needed their protection the most.

“It’s not what you did
. Don’t you get it?  It’s what you didn’t do!  What all of you didn’t do!  None of you protected me when I needed it the most!  You were so fucking caught up in your own selfishness that you didn’t protect me!”

The tears fell faster now.  Everything boiled over and I finally said everything that I
had been holding in… almost all of it.

“You didn’t save me or protect me
, and you’d promised me you always would.  What you really meant was as long as it didn’t interfere with your plans.  You can’t change what already happened.  Just drop it!”

He moved closer to me and pulled me into his arms
, and for the first time since this all happened, I let him hug me.  I let him try to comfort me, even though it was futile.  My life was in a downward spiral, and I knew that at any minute I was going to hit the ground and be put out of my misery.  I prayed for that day anyway.

“I’m sorry.  I’
m so sorry, Kay.  When didn’t I protect you?  What happened?  Please let me understand now.”

I pushed away from him. 
That was all he was getting; it was all I could afford to tell just then.  In the back of my head, that nagging voice was screaming at me to talk - tell him everything and not be alone anymore.  But at the same time, the voice of reason was telling me to keep my mouth shut.  There was no use in bringing him down with me, he was better off without me.  So I did the one thing I was good at; I pushed him away… again.  Even though I hoped one day pushing them out of my life would work, I also feared that it would work too well.  My family giving up on me would be like the last piece of straw before my back broke.  And yet I stood there with the chance to do something, to let my brother in, and I still pushed him away.