Protecting My Hart (Protectors Series Book 1) (10 page)

“No.”

“Hart.”

“No, Slyde.” I break from his arms and get out of bed. “You don’t need to know, and it doesn’t matter anymore. It’s all in the past, and I don’t want to relive it. So no!”

“Hart.”

“No. I’m going to shower before Ethan wakes up.” I walk out of my room before I lose my resolve. I can’t do this with him. I can’t tell him everything that happened to me. I can’t live with knowing how he will see me once he knows. I let the hot water of my shower pour over me. I will not live in the past again. I have to get my son to school, I need to get to work and figure out what to do about my car. I also need to start looking for a new apartment in a new town. Having to move again so soon is going to cut into the Montana money, but I don’t have a choice. Keeping Ethan safe is all that matters.

Finishing my shower, drying off, and getting dressed, I head to Ethan’s room to wake him up. He’s not there when I check, and my heart starts to race, then I hear laughing coming from the kitchen. Standing where I can’t quite be seen, I watch Slyde make Ethan breakfast and talk to him. Ethan tells him stories from school, and Slyde listens and responds like it’s the most interesting thing he has ever heard. My heart melts watching them interact. Ethan is completely comfortable with Slyde, and that doesn’t really surprise me—Ethan can feel it too, he knows just like me that he is safe with Slyde. Their stance is similar, their bodies both relaxed, and the thought that I hope to be true every days appears. I wish I knew for sure. I wish I didn’t have to doubt it, and I wish I had the answers to the questions that I know Ethan will ask me one day, but sadly I don’t, and I’m pretty sure I never will.

“Hey, what are you two up to?”

“Hi Momma. Mr. Slyde is makin’ pancakes.”

“He is? Sounds super yummy.”

“I hope you don’t mind, it’s what he said he wanted to eat, and I thought I’d help out.”

“It’s fine, thank you. I appreciate it.” I offer him a smile, and I can see some of the tension around his eyes ease.

“Hart, I didn’t mean to upset you earlier, I just...”

“I know Slyde, really, it’s OK. Promise.”

He gives me a slight nod and goes back to the pancakes while I set the table.

Ethan continues to tell his stories to Slyde while we eat, and I watch quietly as Slyde gives Ethan his undivided attention. Slyde doesn’t look as if he is bored or annoyed, he looks as if he’s truly enjoying his conversation with my son.
Damn it! Why does he have to be so amazing and give me another reason to fall deeper in love with him?
Snapping myself out of my thoughts, I turn my full attention to my son who has just shoved a huge bite into his mouth, and I have to suppress a laugh.

“Ethan, what do you want to do today after school? Momma gets to pick you up today.”

“Really? Can we go to the park and play?”

“Oh, I think we can manage that.” I smile widely at him, and my hearts melts when he smiles back.

“Mr. Slyde! Do you wanna come to the park with us?” Ethan asks excitedly.

“Honey, I think that Slyde is busy and probably needs to go home.” I tell him gently.

“Oh OK.” He lowers his gaze to the table, looking disappointed and my heart breaks—I know how he feels.

“Actually, little man, I was thinking that I’d hang out here today, and later I’d take you and your mom to my house and maybe tomorrow we can go to the park there.”

Ethan’s eyes shoot back up to Slyde’s and mine do too as I just stare at him.
What in the world is he talking about?

“Like a sleepover?”

“Yeah, buddy, like a sleepover only you would be staying a lot longer than just one night.”

“
Cool!
Momma, did you hear that?”

“Yeah, baby, I did. Why don’t you go to your room and get dressed? I need to talk to Slyde.”

“OK!” he states excitedly and runs down the hall to his room. My eyes fall back to Slyde’s who is watching me carefully. I just don’t even know what to say to him right now.

“Hart.”

“Why did you tell him that? About the sleepover?”

“Because it’s true, it’s what’s going to happen.”

“
Excuse
me
? Don’t you think that maybe you should have discussed it with me first?”

“No. We are going to pack up both yours and Ethan’s stuff, and tonight I’m taking you to my house.”

I stare at him just completely dumbfounded that he is stating this as though it’s the most natural thing in the world. The love thoughts from earlier are no longer an issue! Does he really think he can just start making decisions for me without even talking to me first?

“We’re not going with you. We can’t!”

“Yes you can, and you will.”

“No, Slyde, we aren’t. I don’t even know where you live! I’m not moving my son to a place I don’t know!”

“I live in Briley, about fifteen minutes away. There, now you know where we are going.”

“I can’t…no…you just…uuugh! I get it, you’re being a big, bad ass, macho guy right now. Listen, I’m grateful for your rescue last night and the comfort you gave me. I like that Ethan likes you, and it all seems surreal, you standing here before me, but you can’t just come in and take over my life Slyde! I have a job, Ethan has school. I need to work so I can pay my bills and take care of
my
son. You can’t just start making decisions for me, telling me what to do without talking to me about it. I will
never
be controlled like that again. I will decide what happens in
my
life. I don’t know what makes you think dictating my life is OK!”

“I fuckin’ failed you, Hart. Five years ago, I failed you. I wasn’t there when you needed me most. I didn’t get you out of that house, and I made you run. You vanished, and for five years I’ve wondered what happened to you, if you were OK, if you were even fuckin’ alive. I find you last night after five years of lookin’, and there you are with a kid. You’re being attacked and scared shitless for reasons I can’t even imagine and you won’t fuckin’ tell me. I don’t know what I’m supposed to do, but I will
not
fail you again. I
will
keep you and Ethan safe, and this is how it’s going to be done. I’m done arguing with you about it, so pack your fuckin’ bags!”

I glare at him a second longer before turning around and stomping down the hall, slamming my bedroom door behind me.
Yeah, I’m angry.
Pacing back and forth, I attempt to sort through what he said.
What does he mean he failed me?
And he didn’t make me run, I made that decision. He said he thought about me. I want to believe that, but I can’t. Why would he waste his time? Now he wants me to just pack up and move to his place? Is he insane?
Falling to my bed, I stare at the ceiling and take a deep breath. If I went with him, I know that Ethan would be safe. It would save me from having to find a new apartment and spending more money, and maybe I’d get to keep this feeling for just a little bit longer. This is really my best option. Taking another deep breath, I leave my room and head back into the kitchen. Slyde is just finishing the dishes; I watch as he dries his hands and turns around.

“Hey,” I offer first.

“Hey,” he responds, crossing his arms over his chest and leaning against the counter behind him. I take a second for my eyes to roam his body.
Damn, he’s still sexy
. I
love
that he’s still sexy. I
hate
that he’s still sexy.

“Listen, I really don’t like that you made a decision like this for me without talking to me first.” He starts to interrupt but I put my hand up stopping him. “However, after thinking about it, I’m not prepared to find another apartment in a new city, so for right now, this is the best option I have to keep my son safe.”

“You’ll be safe too, Hart.”

“I know, but I don’t matter. Just as long as Ethan is safe, that’s what matters to me, Slyde. Promise me you will keep him safe.”

Slyde pushes off from the counter, stepping and stopping in front of me. His hand caresses my cheek, and I lean into his touch briefly. “You matter to me, Hart, and I promise I will keep you both safe.”

If he keeps staring at me like this and talking like this, I’m going to start believing him soon and that won’t do me any good when it’s time for us to leave. I simply nod at him and watch as he leans forward and his lips soft and warm press against my forehead. My eyes close, and I relax.

“What do I need to pack?”

“Your clothes and personal items. I have everything else. I have a spare room with a bed, you and Ethan can sleep there, or you can sleep in my room, and I’ll sleep on the couch.”

“No, please, that’s not necessary; Ethan and I will be fine.”

“OK, let me help you pack, you tell me what you want to bring.”

“My clothes, and pictures, I think that’s really it. Ethan’s too, his clothes and toys. I don’t like him having to leave things behind, so pretty much his entire room gets packed.”

“OK, why don’t you pack your stuff, and I’ll help pack up his room.”

“Yeah. OK.” And as the reality of the situation sinks in, I feel like I just want to cry again. I’m getting tired this, of running. I’m looking forward to leaving soon, and then I can finally stop running.

I’ve just finished packing the last bag of my clothes; I have a box of with all my picture books, framed pictures, and my wooden box that contains the Montana fund and my important documents. I’m watching from the doorway as Slyde and Ethan mess around while packing up his room, and I smile. My heart constricts at the beautiful sight before me, and I become lost in watching them.

“Hi Momma. Mr. Slyde—oh, um—Slyde has been helping me, he says we are going to have fun at our sleepover.”

“Well, I think he might be right. It should be fun.”

“Momma, I’m not going to put my bear in the box, he doesn’t like being in the there. I can carry him. I will be careful.”

Bending down to him I kiss his cheek. “Sounds like a good idea sweetie; we don’t want him to be scared.”

There is a knock at the door and my eyes fly to the hallway. I’m not expecting anyone, nobody else knows where I live, only my neighbors, and even then I’m not really friendly with them, best to stay unattached. Another knock, and I remain frozen.

“I’ll get it, Hart, it’s OK.” Slyde gets up and leaves to answer the door. I keep Ethan hiding in the room with me. We are close to the window if we need to escape, and I listen closely.

Leaving Ethan’s room, I notice Hartley is terrified by the knock on the door. It should be Beamer, nothing for her to worry about, and I hate that she’s been living her life like this, constantly being scared. With my hand at my back on my gun, just in case, I open the door slightly and when I see Beamer, I open it all the way.

“Hey, man, thanks for coming.”

“Slyde, what the hell, man? Why did you need me to meet you here? What the hell is going on? Where are we? Why aren’t you at home?” Beamer fires out quickly.

“I found her,” I state simply knowing he will know what I mean.

“What? You found her? You mean, like you really found her?” he asks, surprised.

“Yeah, last night. Come in, and I’ll explain.” He walks the rest of the way in. “Hart, you can come out, it’s safe, I promise.” Hartley comes walking out of Ethan’s room. She has Ethan pressed close to her, protecting him.

“Tesoro, it’s OK. Hartley, I’d like you to meet Bryce Winters aka Beamer. Beamer, meet Hartley Jackson and her son, Ethan.”

“Momma, that’s not your name,” Ethan tells Hart quietly.

I’m surprised by Ethan’s comment but brush it off and watch as Hartley shakes hands with Beamer.

“Wait, Beamer? As in
the
Beamer?”

“I take it you’ve heard of me?” He laughs. “It’s a pleasure to finally meet you.”

“I have, Slyde used to tell me stories about you two and the trouble you caused. It’s a pleasure to meet you as well.”

“Hi, little guy.” Beamer kneels down to Ethan’s level.

“Hi, Mr. Beamer, are you friends with Mr.-um Slyde?”

“Yeah, buddy, I am, he’s my best friend, kind of like my brother.”

“I don’t have a brother, but I have a friend; his name is Jacob, and we play together every day.”

“Sounds like a pretty good friend.”