Promise of Forever (4 page)

CHAPT
ER FOUR

Chloe

“Clo.” He stared down at me with emotions pouring out from the depths of his rich, emerald eyes.

“Jax?” I managed a weak smile as his face came into focus. He looked as handsome as ever as he returned a smile. As I looked into his eyes, there was a nagging ache somewhere deep inside my chest that I couldn’t seem to pinpoint.

“Thank God you’re finally awake. How are you feeling?” He held onto my hand tightly as he waited expectantly for my response. 

“I’m alright, I think.”

“Let me tell the nurse and text Aunt Betty that you’re up.” He raced out of the room but was back in less than a minute. “Aunt Betty and Uncle Tom are on their way back. The nurse will be by in a minute.”

“Why am I here? What happened?” My head hurt and I couldn’t seem to remember how I’d gotten here. I looked around the room. I noticed the heart monitor screen beside my bed as my nose registered the distinct smell of disinfectant in the air. “Is this a hospital?”

“Yeah. You were in a car accident. Do you remember what happened?” He looked at me with concern.

“A car accident?” I closed my eyes and tried to think through the throbbing headache that made it hard to think.

“Yeah. It was after we got back from the lake. We had plans to go on a date that night. I happened to have been looking out my window when I saw you running out of your house. You got in your car and sped off…”

His words brought images to the forefront of my thoughts. I was in my car. I was crying and could barely focus on the road. I lost control of the wheel and the car crashed through the bridge railing. Then another memory came into focus that sent a chill down my body. I found the letters in the attic.

“I followed you and tried to get your attention with my car, but you didn’t seem to hear me—”

“I didn’t hear you,” I cut in, my voice now distant and flat. I lowered my gaze, unable to bear the pain of looking into his eyes—of seeing the one person I wanted but couldn’t have.

“You didn’t? But I had followed right behind you for at least two or three blocks and I was honking almost the entire time.” He wasn’t trying to be argumentative, but I could sense the disbelief in his voice.

“I…I think I had the radio on blast, so I didn’t hear you.”

There was a pause before he gave a slight nod. “That makes sense.” He didn’t sound convinced. Then he paused again before continuing. “Clo?”

“Yeah?” I answered reluctantly as I tried to work through my own thoughts about how I was going to tell Jackson about the letters I found. 

“D—do you remember if you lost control of your car when you crashed through the bridge railing?”

“I think so.” Those last few seconds before I crashed into the water seemed like a distant dream. “It all happened so fast.”

“I’m so glad you’re safe now.” From the corner of my eyes, I saw his chest fall as he let out a deep, silent sigh.

Did he think I drove off the bridge on purpose?
The question crossed my mind as I noticed Jackson’s body start to relax.

It was then that my mind focused in on the warmth of his hands that had been clasped around mine. My heart broke. I wanted more than anything to be able to enjoy the simple pleasure of his touch. But I knew it was wrong. I knew I couldn’t allow myself to enjoy it. I knew I couldn’t allow him to touch me this way. As innocent as this gesture was on its own, there was nothing innocent about it when it came to what Jackson and I were to each other and how his touch made me feel—and made me desire.

I pulled my hand out from between his and pretended to brush a loose strand of hair from my face. But when my hand brushed through my hair, I realized it had been braided. I looked down and saw two braids on either side of my shoulders.

“Oh yeah,” Jackson said as he followed my gaze, “I should probably warn you…” He trailed off and I could detect a hint of amusement in his voice, which caused me to look up at him. At that moment, my curiosity outweighed my need to distance myself.

Sure enough, there was that devious, boyish grin on his face.

“Warn me about what?” I eyed him suspiciously.

He avoided my gaze and cleared his throat. “Well, while you were asleep, I…umm…I took a few liberties.”

“Liberties?” I stared at him in confusion. “What are you talking about?”

“Well…maybe it’s better to
show
you than tell you.” The smirk on his face said it all: he was getting a kick out of this. He reached for a mirror from the side table next to my bed and handed it to me. 

It was then that I saw myself for the first time. And as impossible as I had thought just moments before that I’d ever be able to laugh again when Jackson was around, I erupted into a burst of giggles.

Staring back at me through the reflection was me, but with one, big difference: my hair looked like a hot mess.

“What happened? Why do I look like I have a bird’s nest on my head?” The sad attempt of two pigtails down my shoulders wasn’t hard to miss. It looked like someone had braided my hair with their eyes closed, and with just one hand. Instead of two braids falling down each side in two straight lines, the braids were crooked with lumps and loose strands protruding from them. What added to the mess were all the knots and tangles in the hair—it looked like my hair had been only partially brushed before it was braided.

“Hmm, really? A bird’s nest?” He twisted his face into a serious frown and studied my hair as if he couldn’t see the issue. “But I was going for more of a homeless person look.”

Then—like second nature—I lifted my hand up and smacked Jackson in the arm. “You’re such an asshole.”

“Ouch!” He cried out and rubbed his hand up and down his arm. “Sheesh, looks like some things never change.”

“This isn’t funny,” I pouted as I tried to brush out some of the mess with my fingers.

“Well actually, I think it’s pretty damn funny.” He chuckled and playfully reached for the end of one of the braids.

I swatted at his outstretched hand and made a face at him. “You would.”

He laughed. “You would think it’s funny too if the situation were reversed.”

“I can’t believe you,” I moaned as my fingers pulled against a large knot of hair. 

“Oh come on, Clo. You know if you were me and I had long hair like yours, you wouldn’t be able to resist either.”

I rolled my eyes. “Jerk.” I glared at him, but his smile only grew wider as he watched me with amusement.

“Long live Pippi Longstocking,” he responded with glee. Then he scooted onto the edge of the bed, leaned his face next to mine and looked into the mirror that I still held up in front of me.

I watched him studying my reflection from the corner of my eyes and couldn’t read the meaning behind the small smile on his face. There were a few moments of silence between us as he continued to look at the mirror and I wondered what he was thinking.

“You know, Pippi,” he said thoughtfully and with a straight face. “I really think your hairstyle’s making a comeback.” Then he exploded into laughter as the warmth of his body pressed against mine.

“Ha ha,” I replied sarcastically. “Not funny.” I tried to push him off the bed. “You’re so mean. You always find so much pleasure in making fun of me.”

“Oh come on, Clo.” He wrapped his arm around my shoulder and pulled me closer to him. “Don’t be mad at me. I’m just playing with you.” He looked down at me and grinned. “You know no matter how, umm,
unique
you or your hair looks, I’ll still think you’re the cutest thing I’ve ever laid eyes on.”

As he beamed down at me with that smile that caused my insides to melt, my body stiffened. Like a cruel joke fate was playing on us, images of the letters in the attic flashed through my mind at that moment, and I was instantly brought back down to reality.

I can’t do this. This is wrong. I can’t sit here and smile with him, laugh with him, and hit him flirtatiously and pretend to be upset like before.

“What’s wrong, Clo?” His face fell when he noticed my changed expression. “Are you okay?”

I drew in a steady breath and forced myself to smile over at him. “Yeah. Nothing’s wrong.” But I quickly looked away when our eyes met because it was more than I thought I could handle. “I’m…”

Just then, a woman in a white coat knocked on the open door.

I looked over at her eagerly, relieved by the interruption.

“Ms. Sinclair, I’m Doctor Morgan. It’s great to see you awake. You really had everyone worried for the last two days. How are you feeling?”

“Hi.” I gave her a small smile. “I’m feeling okay. Has it really been two days?” I didn’t realize I’d been unconscious for that long.

“Yeah. You were very lucky though. Other than some minor flesh wounds from the car’s impact with the water, you didn’t sustain any injuries. And thanks to this young man, you were pulled out of the water pretty quickly, so it doesn’t look like there was any permanent damage from oxygen deprivation.”

I nodded. I knew I should feel lucky and thankful that I was okay. But with Jackson’s arm still over my shoulder, that wasn’t how I felt—that was the last thing I felt.

“Doctor Morgan, does this mean she can go home soon?” Jackson asked.

“I want to check her vitals and run a few tests, and if everything looks good, she can be discharged as early as tomorrow morning.”

“That’s great news.” Jackson smiled over at me and I saw the relief on his face.

Within a few minutes, Doctor Morgan had checked my vitals and left my room, leaving me alone with Jackson again.

“Alone at last,” Jackson said in a playful tone as he reached for my hands. “You know what we need to do when we leave here?”

“What?” I moved my hand away just in time to avoid his touch.

He didn’t seem to notice my recoil. “We need to go on our first date.”

The clear excitement in his voice broke my heart.

There was a moment of silence before he asked, “Is everything okay, Clo?”

“Yeah. Why?”

“You just seem a little quiet.” Jackson watched me carefully.

“Sorry.” I faked a yawn. “I just suddenly feel really tired.” I slid down the bed and pulled the blanket over my chest.

“Oh okay.” He sounded disappointed. “I hope I didn’t upset you earlier with your hair. I was just so happy that you woke up that I think I just got carried away with my teasing.”

“You didn’t upset me, Jax.” I fought back the tears as I felt his eyes glued on me. “I’m just tired.”

“Okay. I’ll let you rest, Clo. But if you need me, I’ll be right here, okay?”

I nodded and turned my face away from him, just before tears started rolling down my face. I knew then that there would be no way for me to be with him without wanting more than I could have. As I closed my eyes and pretended to sleep, the ache in my chest had become unbearable to take.

Will this pain I currently feel ever go away? How can I tell Jackson the truth if it means I would be inflicting this kind of pain on him?

I was just about to drift off to sleep when I heard Aunt Betty’s hushed voice from the doorway.

“Is she…?” she question trailed off and I heard the fear in her voice.

“She’s just resting,” Jackson reassured her.

There was a sigh of relief. “Sorry it took us so long to get here, Jackson. We got stuck in rush hour traffic.”

“Did the doctor say anything?” Uncle Tom asked.

“Yeah, she said her vitals are strong and the tests all look good. She wants to keep her here overnight for observations but said we can take her home tomorrow.”

“That’s such a relief, Jackson,” Aunt Betty said.

“Aunt Betty?” I shifted in the bed and turned to face them standing at the doorway.

“Oh, honey.” She rushed to my side.

I smiled up at her and Uncle Tom, who was leaning over her shoulder.

“How are you feeling, dear?” She leaned over and gave me a hug. Before she pulled away, she whispered in my ear, “Did you let Jackson braid your hair?”

“I feel okay,” I answered, choosing to ignore her question about my hair. “It’s so good to see you guys.”

“We’re so glad you’re okay,” Uncle Tom said as he hugged me. “I don’t know what we would have done if…”

“Don’t worry.” I flashed them a reassuring smile. “I’m okay now.” But as my words echoed in my mind, I wondered if I actually meant it.
Was I really okay?

CHAPTE
R FIVE

Chloe

Since I’d gotten back home from the hospital yesterday morning, I’d spent most of my time in my bed, trying to shut the rest of the world out. It felt safe there, free from Jackson, free from facing the truth and the pain.

Jackson had called and texted a few times. I never answered the calls or returned them. I’d texted him back once and simply told him that I was tired and wanted some time to myself. I knew he was worried and didn’t want to leave me alone. He’d stopped by a few times to check up on me when I stopped responding to his follow-up text messages. But each time he asked to see me, either Aunt Betty or Uncle Tom would turn him away because I wasn’t willing to see him. I told Aunt Betty and Uncle Tom that I was too tired and didn’t want to see anyone. To my relief, they accepted my request without asking too many questions.

But I knew they were worried. I knew that there was an expiration date on how long they’d let me go on avoiding everything. And the harder I’d tried to not think about him, the stronger Jackson seemed to consume my mind. I knew I had to face reality, and soon.

It was early afternoon when I finally made up my mind on what I was going to do. I wasn’t going to tell anyone about what I’d discovered. I was too ashamed and disgusted with myself to say it aloud—to make it feel more real than it was inside. This was going to be a secret I was going to take to my grave.

I also made up my mind that I was going to face Jackson today. I was going to make him forget about me and move on with his life.

So when Jackson stopped by the house and asked about me, I agreed to see him.

I had been preparing myself for this conversation all morning, rehearsing what I’d say to him and mentally preparing myself for his responses. But as soon as he walked into my room and closed the door behind him, I felt a heavy knot twist in the pit of my stomach. It was then when I realized that there was nothing that could have prepared me for this moment. Because no matter what was about to happen, I knew I was going to hurt him, and there was nothing I could do to avoid that outcome.

“Are you okay, Clo?”

I was sitting on top of my bed when he rushed over and gave me a hug. I didn’t hug him back.

“I’m fine, Jax.” I looked down at my feet, finding it hard to turn and face him. “I’m sorry I haven’t been really responsive lately. I’ve just been really tired since the accident.”

From the corner of my eyes, I saw him open his mouth to say something, but stopped. He watched me intently before sitting down next to me on the bed. “Can you look at me?”

I froze, surprised by the bluntness of his question. “Why?” I ended up blurting out.

“Because…” He drew in a sharp intake of breath. “Because you haven’t really looked at me for longer than a minute since your accident.” His voice was low and uneven.

Guilty wrenched against my insides, knowing that he was already in pain and I was the cause. Fighting back the tears that threatened to break my composure, I clenched my jaw tightly, dug my nails deep against the side of my thigh, and tried to focus on the pain.

“I’m sorry, Jax,” I finally said. “I’ve just been thinking a lot about us since the accident.” I tried to focus on the explanation I had thought up and rehearsed before he’d arrived.

“Thinking about what?” There was uneasiness in his question.

“I just think we should put the past behind us, you know? So much as happened between us, I think it’s foolish for us to think we have a future together. We’re not the same people we were when we were kids. We’ve both changed in the last nine years apart. We don’t owe each other anything. We shouldn’t feel obligated to get married just because we made a silly pact when we were kids.”

There was a moment of silence as he took in my words. “You’re not making sense, Clo,” he said softly. “I don’t feel obligated to do anything. That’s not how I feel about you or what we have. This has nothing to do with the pact.” He grabbed ahold of my hands and squeezed them tightly between his. “This has
everything
to do with how I feel about you. There’s something special between us and I’ve known that for a very long time. I know you have, too. That kiss we shared the other night by the lake?
That
was real.”

Unable to respond with words, I shook my head violently.

Suddenly, before I could stop him, he grabbed my face and pulled me toward him. His mouth greeted mine with hunger as his tongue forced my lips apart. For a split second, I kissed him back, unable to control my own desire as my lips and tongue moved with his.

“No! We can’t,” I cried out as I pushed him away violently when I realized what we were doing. “I can’t,” I said as I wiped my lips with the back of my hand and gasped for breath.

“Why?” he demanded as he grabbed my arms and started to shake me. “Give me one reason why!”

“Because…” I caught a glimpse of the pain and confusion in his eyes and immediately looked down to the floor. “Because I’m in love with someone else.”

He froze as soon as he heard my words. I was riddled with guilt that I had to hurt him with this lie, but I tried to remind myself that I was saving him from the pain of knowing the truth.

“No, you’re lying.” He took a step back and shook his head in disbelief.

“It’s the truth,” I tried to convince him. “It’s my ex-boyfriend in Los Angeles. He’s been trying to get me back and it wasn’t until the accident, when I almost died, that I realized that I still want to be with him.” I closed my eyes, feeling a wave a shame wash over me, knowing that my lie was hurting the one and only man I loved.
But you can’t love him
, a voice reminded me.

Silence fell between us. I could feel his eyes locked on me as I continued to look at the ground. I expected him to accept my lie, give up, and walk away. But I was wrong.

“This doesn’t make any sense. At Clara and Sam’s wedding last week, you were telling me how much you loved me and asking me to forgive you. And we spent the entire day and night at our spot at the lake. You agreed to go on a date with me. We kissed. You fell asleep in my arms. I know that meant something to you. I just know it.”

“Please don’t read into all that, Jax. It’ll only hurt you more,” I said flatly.

“What are you not telling me, Clo? What exactly happened the other day before the accident? What’s changed?”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” I managed to say, trying to keep my composure. “Nothing happened. Please just drop it, Jax.”

“Damn it, Clo. I’ve known you since we were seven. I know when something’s wrong. Just tell me what it is.” His voice grew louder, but he sounded more hurt than angry.

“You don’t want to know,” I finally said, unable to help myself. I knew he wasn’t buying my story.

“You don’t know that. I have a right to make that judgment for myself.”

“I do know.”

“I can deal with it. I don’t know what happened or what’s wrong, but I know we can face any problem together, Clo. Please let me in and tell me what’s going on.”

I could hear the turmoil and desperation in his voice, and I felt a crack in my resolve.

“There’s nothing you can do, Jax. There’s nothing that we can fix or change. I just don’t think this will work out. I think we made a mistake in being friends again. Please just accept my decision.” I was pleading with him now, willing him to not push me any further before it was too late.

“I don’t believe anything you’re saying right now. I don’t believe this has anything to do with an ex-boyfriend. What are you hiding from me? If you’re going to fucking break up with me before you even give us a fighting chance, then at least give me a reason why. You owe me at least that. I won’t let this go without knowing why. Please just—”

“I’m your sister, Jax—your
real
half sister, that’s why!” The words came out before I could stop it, and as soon as I realized what I’d said, I felt paralyzed with fear.

He fell silent and remained motionless.

When I finally pulled my gaze from the floor and met his gaze, the bewildered look across his face shattered my heart.