Princess Lessons (2 page)

Why this last rule?
Because unless you have me, Paolo, to style your hair for you every morning,
principessas have better things to do than mess around with their hair. If your
hair is straight and you spend half an hour every morning curling it, then you
waste your time! Straight hair can be very pretty. Same with curly hair. If you
spend hours with a blow dryer trying to brush your hair straight, you waste
more time!

Is it possible to be a principessa with green hair?
Yes, so long as it is clean green hair, it is not hanging in the principessa's
eyes, and it doesn't take longer than fifteen minutes for the principessa to
style it.

Whatever look you come up with, make sure it is neat,
bella, and low maintenance. The last thing a principessa
should ever be thinking about is her hair! Leave the worrying to me, Paolo!
Because I, Paolo, am an artist. And my canvas is hair.

The eyes, they are the
windows to the soul. If that is true, then the eyebrow is the curtain to the
window of the soul. And who wants ugly curtains that look like you bought them
at J.C. of Penney? Do you? No! That is why eyebrow maintenance is
molto
importante
! We at Chez Paolo recommend plucking. Here is a quick guide
to proper eyebrow-plucking technique:

Purchase a pair of
tweezers, available in any drugstore, no?

Stand a little back from
mirror, so you can see your whole face in a well-lighted room.

This is one case where less is NOT more. Do not over-pluck! Remove only
those hairs that extend past the inner corner of your eye, or which lie below
the natural curve of the brow!

Tweeze unwanted hairs by pulling
toward the ears (direction eyebrow hairs grow), so hair comes out more easily.
What? You are crying? GOOD! The pain means it is working!

Brush
brows upward and outward in the direction hairs grow. Fill in mistakes (and you
will all make mistakes, as you are not Paolo) with eyebrow pencil in color that
matches your hair.

Voilà!
The perfect brow,
courtesy of me, Paolo.

Why not? Sometimes even
princesses have imperfect teeth. While I myself do not have braces, I do have a
retainer that I wear at night on account of the fact that I grind my teeth due
to stress-related issues concerning my grades in a certain class. But that's
another story.

Anyway, Paolo says the key to a beautiful
smile while wearing braces is:

Put it all together, and you've got: The
perfect smile (with braces)!

Being a princess isn't just about how you look. A lot of it has to do with how you act. While knowing which fork to use may not
seem
very important, many an international incident has been prevented by good manners. At least according to Grandmère. Hopefully, by her spelling it all out here, you'll be able to avoid any social embarrassments or gaffes the next time YOU are dining with an ambassador or head of state.

Having spent some
time in America, I can only say that there appears to be an appalling lack of
good manners in this country. Cab drivers honk without the least provocation,
waiters can be so rude the fourth or fifth time you send back your Sidecar for
refreshing…even so-called socialites exhibit a shocking unawareness of proper
decorum, sometimes calling supper “dinner,” and vice versa!

Etiquette is not, after all, only for royalty. It is for all of us! For
only if we learn to treat one another with civility can we begin to hope for
fuller global understanding and better treatment by wait staff.

If you wish to be treated
like a princess, it is important that you look like one. Princesses never
slouch. A princess stands tall at all times. Picture a string coming out from
the top of your head and going to the ceiling. Imagine that someone is pulling
that string, keeping your neck erect, your chin up.
Shoulders should not be thrown back, however—you are a princess, not
a fighter jet pilot!

When being photographed from the feet
up, assume the “model stance”—or third position in ballet (though without the
extreme turnout). Your right foot should be forward, your left back and placed
slightly behind the right. This will give your legs a slimmer appearance.
Unless of course you are wearing slacks.

But really, a princess
should never wear slacks to a photo shoot, unless she has thick ankles.

Princesses always keep their knees close together when sitting.
This is so that the populace gathered before you in the throne room does not
catch a glimpse of your unmentionables! Imagine that you are holding something
very small between your knees—like a ten-carat sapphire ring from Tiffany, for
instance. That is how closely they should be kept together. Your feet should be
neatly crossed at the ankle, generally to one side, though directly beneath
your chair is also correct.

In public, despite what my
granddaughter might think, princesses never cross their legs; sit Indian style;
rest their knees or feet on the chair in front of them; sit on one foot; sit
with their knees spread apart (except when directed to do so in an emergency
landing of the palace jet, of course); or sling their legs over an arm of their
chair.

Hands should be folded demurely in the lap, unless you are
doing needlepoint, signing documents of state, or unwrapping a well-deserved
cadeau
from an admirer.

A princess does not
shuffle, skip, or saunter. She strides confidently, with her head held high,
her gaze straight ahead, and her arms relaxed at her sides (except of course
when she is holding a purse or small
chien
). Again, imagine
that there is a string coming out from the center of your head, pulling you
toward the sky. This is how a princess walks.

A princess's
escort, be he consort or bodyguard, should always walk on the side of the
princess that is closest to the street, to protect her from mud splashed by
passing motorists, or a possible assassin's bullet.

In Direct Conversation:

 

 

 

[Except that you wouldn't call Jennifer Aniston “Mrs. Pitt,” so I don't think this stuff works in real life. Maybe just call everyone “Ms.”?]

[These comments you see in pink are from me, Princess Mia. Just so you know.]

It is all really very simple: When meeting royalty for the first time, commoners must bow or curtsy as they are introduced—particularly if they are residents of the country over which the person they are meeting is regent.

Everyone
must bow or curtsy to a king or queen, but
kings and queens do not have to bow or curtsy to people ranking below them,
such as princes and princesses. Princes and princesses do not have to bow or
curtsy to dukes and duchesses, dukes and duchesses do not have to bow or curtsy
to earls and countesses, and so on. Americans do not have to bow or curtsy to
anyone, because two hundred years or so ago they went to great trouble to
disassociate themselves from the monarch who actually made their country
possible…but Amelia asked me not to “get into that,” so I will desist.

Still, it is polite to bow or curtsy to emperors, kings and queens, and
princes and princesses, whether they rule over you or not.

Place your left foot behind your
right foot, and bend slightly at the knees, then stand up straight again. It is
not necessary to fling one's upper torso onto the floor, as I understand some
American debutantes like to do when they are introduced into society. A simple
knee bend will do nicely, and you will have less of a chance of falling on your
face.

Keeping your shoulder and neck
straight, bend forward at the waist, very briefly, then straighten
up.