Positively Yours (28 page)

At 3 a.m. Grace heard the sound of keys in the front door. She heard Ethan walk up the stairs. She held her breath. But he never came into their bedroom. She heard him walk across the landing, and the door to their spare room creak open. She stayed awake for hours waiting and hoping he might come to her. But he never did. Eventually she fell into a deep sleep.

By the time she woke up it was 10 a.m. and Ethan was long gone to work. Grace tried his mobile, but it was turned off. She left some messages, the last saying she would be in her mum's house later if he was looking for her. Grace had promised her mum she would call over later as it was Patsy's last afternoon of minding the children from across the road.

‘I had to tell Brona and Angie that as much as I love those children, I just can't commit to minding other people's little angels when soon we will have our own to look after.'

‘Mum, it's not like I will be asking you to mind our baby the whole time!'

‘No, I just can't do it. I'll be up to my eyeballs helping you, and sure there's a lovely new lady who has just moved in down the road, and is looking for work. She's only too happy to help out with the kids. No, Grace, I have my priorities. And as much as I love those children, my own grandchild will come first.'

Grace was secretly delighted that Patsy was so eager to lend a helping hand with the new baby.

Grace spent the afternoon helping the children paint, giving them their lunch and watching them play in the garden. She was just showing Tara how to make daisy chains when she heard the front gate creak open.

‘So this is where you want to live?'

It was Ethan. He looked tired and washed-out. He didn't look himself at all. He held his hand out and helped Grace up from where she was sitting on the grass. Standing up was getting harder and harder nowadays.

‘Well, not exactly this house,' she replied. ‘But yes, somewhere full of kids and gardens and near good schools. Of course I'd like a bigger place, a little bit like our own place back home. Without the pool, though!'

Ethan said nothing. Grace couldn't read him. She didn't know what he was thinking or going to say.

‘I don't know if I want to live my whole life in Ireland. I'd always be the outsider, the foreigner, but if you think it would be best for our baby, and it will make you feel happy, then I'm willing to give it a go. I'll try it.'

Grace flung her arms around him. She knew how difficult this was for him, but she knew how kind and caring he was, too.

‘I promise you'll like it. We just need to find the right house, a proper family home.'

‘Well, I need to talk to Alex and the others at work first. I may have to take a pay cut. I probably won't be on the salary I was back home, you know.'

‘That's OK,' she said, realizing that she couldn't expect to have the lavish lifestyle they had had before.

‘And I'll want to go home as much as I can, to see my mum and dad. They will need time with the baby, too, to build up a relationship with him or her.'

‘Of course,' she replied. ‘I'm game to go back for holidays any time. It was my home, too, and of course I'll miss it. But
I just feel that at this moment in our lives it's better for us to live here.'

‘OK,' he replied. He looked exhausted. Grace knew how much he was sacrificing for her.

‘You know I love you. You're going to make a great father.'

‘I hope so,' he said.

‘You will,' she said, as she wrapped her arms around him. A few months ago she couldn't have guessed how much her life would change. Or that being in her old front garden with Ethan, after deciding they were going to live here for ever, would be one of the happiest days of her life.

ERIN DELANY COULD
feel her heart beat wildly in her chest. Her palms were sweaty and her throat was dry.

‘Are you OK?' asked John, as they drove to Dublin's National Maternity Hospital.

Today they were going to meet their consultant, Dr Kennedy, and have their first baby scan. Erin was a nervous wreck.

‘I just keep worrying that he'll say there is nothing there, that it's all in my head.'

‘That's ridiculous,' replied John, slowing down and trying to find a place to park on Merrion Square.

‘It's not. All my life I've wanted a baby, wanted to be pregnant, but it's taken so long that now I'm worried I've dreamt it all up. That I've imagined the positive test result, morning sickness and pregnancy cravings. Until I see that scan with a little baby in it I just won't believe it's true. And that's why I haven't told anyone else. I know you're bursting to let your family know, but until we have that scan in our hands I won't believe the baby exists myself.'

John parked the car, turned off the engine and looked at his wife.

‘I don't need a scan to tell me you're pregnant. Our baby is coming, I just know it.'

Erin liked the way he was so positive, but as they walked
through the doors of the busy hospital she still felt sick with nerves. She watched expectant women rushing to doctor appointments, she smiled as mothers and their newborns passed her by, she noticed grandparents eagerly greeting their new grandchildren. The hospital was full of excitement, hope and happiness, but Erin couldn't relax until she knew she was really pregnant.

‘Twins?' Erin Delany said with disbelief. ‘Are you sure?' she asked.

‘Yes, I'm sure,' replied Dr Kennedy, smiling. ‘There are two heartbeats,' he added, looking at the blurry images on the screen. ‘Congratulations,' he said.

John Delany suddenly felt light-headed. He sat down on the edge of the bed.

‘Are you OK?' Erin asked her husband, who was looking very pale.

‘Twins?' was all he said.

‘I know it's a bit of a surprise,' said Dr Kennedy, who had clearly seen other overwhelmed fathers react badly to the news that more than one child was on the way. ‘But we have some great support groups attached to the hospital who can give you advice, and I will write down the name of books and websites that will answer some of your questions.'

Erin was in shock herself. For the last few weeks all she had done was debate whether she was carrying a girl or a boy, and spend hours discussing baby names, but it had never crossed her mind that there could be two babies in there. She now had two babies' names to pick, two babies to care, love and look after. It was a lot to take in.

Erin and John asked the doctor as many questions as they could think of. Finally he managed to get them out of the door with the promise that they would be fine, adding that people gave birth to twins every day without any problems.

‘Yeah, until you get them home,' said John under his breath. Erin gave him a dagger look, she didn't want the doctor thinking they didn't want the babies.

John was over the moon that Erin was finally pregnant, but his cousin had had twins and John knew how much hard work, chaos and lack of sleep they entailed.

‘God, it will be tough,' he said, as they walked out of the Holles Street hospital and across the road into the park. Erin sat down on the first bench they passed. As people walked by, it occurred to her that they didn't know she was really three people. Suddenly she began laughing. John frowned at her.

‘It's not funny,' he said. ‘Of course we want kids, but not all at the same time.'

Erin took his hand and pulled him on to the bench. She wrapped her hand around his. Ever since they had been reconciled she had enjoyed the little things even more; holding hands, a kiss, or even a small hug were all pleasures she didn't want to lose again.

‘Can't you see what good news this is? All we've ever wanted is children, and for some reason it has taken us a lot longer to get pregnant than we thought, and maybe we won't be so lucky next time. So this could be our only chance.'

John said nothing.

‘I know it's going to be a lot more work, and we'll have to forgo that spare room as an extra playroom now! But maybe God is helping us make up for lost time by giving us two children instead of one. We're lucky.'

John gazed at his wife. She was glowing.

‘I don't mean to sound ungrateful,' he said. ‘It's just that twins will be a lot of work.'

‘It will be fun,' Erin said automatically. ‘Think of how cute it will be dressing them up in matching outfits! And they will be such good company for each other. They will have an instant best friend!'

‘I suppose you're right. And it will be great for boys to have another guy to kick a ball around with!'

‘They might be girls,' added Erin, smiling.

‘You mean I'd have three girls in the house?'

‘Yes,' laughed Erin. ‘It will be pink city! And we'll be in charge of the TV, no more sports and blow-'em-up movies!'

John raised his eyes to heaven, but she could tell he was getting excited. Being pregnant had helped bring John and Erin back together, and she only hoped that their new deeper understanding of one another would be a sign that they could withstand anything, even twins!

‘Well, can we finally tell everyone tonight?' asked John excitedly.

Erin and John might have being getting on well recently, but the only thing that they couldn't agree on was when to tell their families and friends. Of course, Erin was bursting to tell everyone that she was pregnant, but she was nervous. She had read up on the statistics of miscarriage in the first trimester, and, having watched her eldest sister experience one years before, she just didn't think it was fair to tell their families in case anything happened. John thought it was madness, but she had made him promise to keep quiet until she was twelve weeks.

‘I'm only eleven weeks,' said Erin, pleading with him not to spill the beans.

‘But tonight is the perfect opportunity,' said John. ‘Both our parents will be there, and my brother. Come on, they'll be so excited and happy.'

Tonight was his thirty-fifth birthday, and months ago his parents had booked to bring Erin, John, John's brother Paul, and Erin's parents for dinner to Bentley's. John also had plans to celebrate his mid-thirties milestone with his friends, but that would be at the weekend, and would involve less food and more solid drinking.

John made a good case for telling their parents tonight, but Erin was trying to stick to her plan.

‘No, John, I want to wait one more week. Please.'

He reluctantly agreed.

‘He's an absolute disgrace,' said Maurice Delany. ‘I know it's his birthday, but it's only half past nine and already he's so drunk.'

John's mum, Breda, had to agree. ‘Paddy and Mary, we must apologize. We brought you here to help us celebrate John's birthday, not to watch him slur his words and spill his pint before we've even had our main meal.'

Erin watched and listened as John's parents ripped into her husband. John's birthday dinner in Bentley's Oyster Bar and Grill on St Stephen's Green was not going according to plan.

‘He's become a lightweight when it comes to drinking,' added John's younger brother Paul, smiling. ‘We've both had the same amount of beer, yet he's off his head. I suppose being middle-aged does that to you!'

‘We're not middle-aged,' replied Erin, but she had more important things to clear up.

John was drunk because of her. Unfortunately in Ireland, if you are of childbearing years and are known to want kids, the minute you go out and don't drink people assume you are pregnant. Erin didn't want her family guessing why she wasn't drinking, and so at the start of the night she had sat opposite John, and every time a glass of wine was poured for her, John would quickly down his drink and then swap the empty glass for hers, giving the illusion that she was drinking. But the consequence was that John was now drinking for two, and so while everyone else was still sober, he was completely hammered. The bottle of champagne sent to the table by an old friend John had bumped into on the
way in had finished him off. John had had to knock back two glasses of champagne, along with Erin's white wine and his beer. It was at this point that he had excused himself to get some fresh air. While he wasn't at the table his parents voiced their disgust.

‘I thought he'd enjoy a fancy meal out with us all,' said his mum. ‘I know he's entitled to a few birthday drinks, but surely he can wait until the weekend and his night out with the lads to become so drunk? He just ate my starter instead of the one he'd ordered. I don't even like pâté, but I suppose I'll have to eat it now.'

Erin felt so guilty. John was getting this ear-bashing all because of her. Suddenly she saw him walking across the restaurant. He looked slightly unbalanced, and as he bumped into a waiter she could see he was lucky not to have knocked a whole tray of food over. John returned to his seat, but the look on his face as he saw the two full drinks in front of him made Erin sit up and realize enough was enough.

‘Breda, Maurice, Mum, Dad and Paul. It's not John's fault he's so drunk, it's mine.'

They all looked at her strangely.

‘He's just trying to cover up for me. I'm actually not drinking tonight. I haven't in weeks. You see, I'm pregnant.'

Erin just had time to see the look of relief and happiness spread over John's face, before she was swamped with hugs and kisses.

‘I'm so happy for you.'

‘Oh, pet, we're so proud.'

‘It's wonderful news.'

‘When are you due?'

‘I'm locked,' added John. Erin laughed, it was great to finally share their big news with their parents. Erin's mum moved places to sit beside her. She couldn't stop hugging and kissing her daughter.

‘I should have told you weeks ago,' said Erin, realizing how much she loved having her mum here to ask for advice and information. She knew that over the past year she had pushed her parents away – she had felt that by not getting pregnant and producing grandchildren she was a failure. But now, as her mum kept saying how proud she was of her, she saw that all Paddy and Mary had wanted was for her to be happy and well. They loved her no matter how many or few kids she had.