Poison Me Sweetly (17 page)

The following morning, I am up and out of the
apartment before Jeremy and Ace would ever consider dragging themselves out of
bed. I use the extra time to drop by a restaurant to eat breakfast. By the time
I'm finished eating, I have to get to campus for my first class of the day.

When I exit the Design Building later that morning,
I'm not surprised to see that Ace is waiting for me. I take one look at him and
fight the urge to go to him so I can wrap my arms around him, assuring myself
that he's solid and alive. That he's not dead...like Micah.

Instead, I falter where I stand.

Ace walks over, his dark gray eyes watchful. “Talk to
me, Zoey,” he says softly.

My eyes drop as he stands before me. This is going to
be harder than I ever imagined.

“Stop shutting everyone out when you're hurting,” he
says as he reaches out and touches my chin, trying to tilt my face up to meet
his gaze.

I yank my chin from his touch, and I feel my inner
bitch surfacing. “You knew the deal when we first met.”

His body tenses, his eyes darkening. “You want to cut
us loose for good. Saturday was too much, now you're running as fast as you can
away from us. Damn it, Zoey. It's not going to happen again. I'm here, I'm
fine.”

“But you can't promise to always be here,” I point
out.

His eyes soften. “No one can.”

I look away.

“I am not your brother. I'm not going to die simply
because you care. There isn't some sort of evil force that's out to torture
you. The only one torturing yourself is you.”

“Don't you dare belittle how I'm
feeling!
”

Frustration flickers across his features. “I'm not!
But damn it, your thought process is so jaded and cynical. You fight us when
there's no reason to fight.” He moves closer, and his hands frame my face. I
find myself going completely still at his closeness. “Stop. Running. You have
issues, we all do. But yours are beginning to destroy you. Zoey, you need
help.”

It's like he's doused me with cold water. I smack his
hands away from my face, and I step back, eyes flashing angrily. “You don't
know a damn thing! Have I ever talked to you about what's inside my head? Well,
have I?” I demand.

A muscle works in his jaw. “No.”

“Who the fuck are you to tell me I need help then? You
know
nothing
, and there's a reason for that. It's because you don't need
to know. I don't need you, and I don't want you in my life. I'm done,” I say
tightly as I step around him.

He catches my arm and gets in my face, his gray eyes
churning with barely contained anger. “I don't need to get in your mind to know
you're scared. I saw it in you when we first met. And if you think for one
minute I'm going to let you just ride off on your damn corrosive high horse,
you got another thing coming. I'll give you space, for now. I get it. I scared
the ever
livin
' shit out of you Friday night. If it
were the other way around, I'd still be piecing together the parts of me that
went through that kind of hell as well. But I'm not giving up on you. Never,”
he says deliberately. His eyes contain a threat in their depths that warns me
we aren't even close to being done. He lets my arm go and waits for my next
move.

I stand there for a long moment, feeling stunned by
his admission. Ace didn't do conversations like this. For a brief second, I am
so close to stepping into him, to beg his forgiveness for once again being such
a bitch. His eyes are watchful and he sees it, too. He knows he's taken me by
surprise and cracked the impenetrable armor I'd donned around my heart today.
His unconscious body flickers briefly in my mind, and much to my horror, tears
well up in my eyes. “I can't, Ace. I just can't,” I mutter before I duck my
head and rush away.

Somehow, I manage to get through my other classes, and
then I go straight to work. I'm on autopilot at the restaurant, and I smile
pleasantly at the patrons. But inside, I feel empty. Empty and confused.
There's parts of me that are screaming at me to stop this nonsense where the
guys are concerned. I need them in my life. They are the only thing that has
kept me from breaking since I started college.

The fear though...

It's overwhelming. It's always there, and it reminds
me of that night I'd lost my brother. I know if I ever experience that kind of
grief again, I'll shatter into pieces. The worst part is, I'm aware of all of
these irrational fears in my mind. They aren't normal. Normal people don't go
around blanketing themselves in self-exiled solitude.

I do need help.

How do you ask for help when you fear that just as
much?

Ace has backed off. I received only one text each from
AJ and Jeremy. They told me they know I need space, but not to expect it to
last long. Lovely veiled threat there. For two days I go about my life without
the guys. It's lonely. Too lonely.

I jog more than I have in the past month.

I'm jogging several blocks away from the complex on
Thursday when it begins to rain. Considering it matches my mood, I embrace it.
I don't care that I'm dripping wet. It feels oddly comforting. I'm lost in my
own little world when a familiar blue Ford Focus pulls up next to me.

I glance at it with surprise, and the passenger window
slides down. My steps halt when I recognize the young girl that Caleb had with
him a few weeks back at Grendel's. She gives me an awkward wave, and I spot
Caleb leaning over from the driver's seat so he can peer out the window at me.
“Get in!”

The rain has shifted to a downpour, and I shake my
head. “I'll get your seats wet!” I call over the sound of the rain.

I watch as he leans close to the girl and says
something to her. She nods and looks at me tentatively. “My names Micaela. I'll
be disappointed if you say no.”

The dirty rotten bastard. He'd seen how I'd reacted to
Micaela at Grendel's and knows I wouldn't have the heart to disappoint her. I
can't help but give her a wry smile. “Well, since you are much sweeter than
your other half over there, I'll accept the ride.” The girl's lips twitch
slightly, but I can still see the ever present sadness in her gaze.

Once I'm safely seated in the back, Caleb pulls away
from the curb. He glances at me in the rearview mirror. “We're going to the
Aquarium of the Pacific, want to join us?”

I pluck at my wet tank that sticks to my sports bra. “
Kinda
wet here.”

“Yeah, so is half of Long Beach, I'm sure. And think
about it, Zoey. It's an aquarium. Lots of water there. You'll fit right in.”

I want to roll my eyes at him but refrain from it as I
catch sight of Micaela watching us with interest. I'm curious about her. I feel
this intense need to get to know her, to make her smile. I lean forward and
give her a conspirator wink. “Two girls against one silly boy. What kind of
trouble you think we can get into?” I tease. Her eyes widen, but I see
amusement flickering in the depths of her brown gaze.

Caleb snorts. “Silly boy, eh? I can handle you two
ladies just fine.”

I settle back in the seat and see his eyes flicker
back to me in the mirror. I smirk. “You can't even handle one of me. Toss in
Micaela here, and you're a goner.”

“I'm pretty sure there's been moments where I've
handled you just fine,” he says casually as his eyes hold mine for a brief
second before focusing back on traffic.

My body warms, and I know he's referring to the sex
we'd had. Dang him. How had I gone from avoiding the guys like the plague to
sitting in his back seat?

Caleb turns on the radio to a local station and music
fills the car. Not loud, but loud enough to fill the silence of the vehicle. My
attention shifts to Micaela, and I peer to the side so I can see her reflection
in the side mirror. Her eyes are focused on the rain outside, but her lips are
silently moving as she mouths the words of the song playing.

Suddenly I have an idea. A bit childish really, but
that's exactly what Micaela needs. She can't be more than eleven. She should be
dancing and singing and playing, not staring out her window like she has the
weight of the world on her little shoulders.

“Change of plans. How long have you got Micaela here?”
I ask Caleb as I lean forward to peer at him.

He turns his head and looks at me briefly, his
expression searching mine as he wonders what I'm up to. He glances at the clock
on the radio. “Uh, probably four hours at the most.”

I move closer to the passenger seat and peer around it
to look at Micaela, who's looking at me curiously. “I have a really, really fun
idea. But we have to go to Pasadena to get what I'd like to do with you. Are
you game?”

Her eyes skitter to Caleb questioningly, and even I
can see the hopefulness on her young face.

“Consider my arm twisted. We're off to Pasadena,” he
agrees.

I settle back in the seat and try to hide my sudden
unease. I'm not sure how this is going to play out. Hopefully my parents aren't
home. And if they are, I can use Caleb and Micaela as a shield of sorts. “Turn
up the radio, Cowboy,” I call up to him. If I'm stuck with him for the next
four hours, I'm going to make it worthwhile. He's gotten under my skin, time to
get under his.

His shoulders tense slightly at the nickname before
his hand reaches out and he turns up the music.

The drive to my parents’ house goes by quickly, and
before I know it, Caleb's pulling up in the driveway. He parks the car and
glances at me questioningly. “Where exactly are we?” It's the first question
he's bothered to ask. For the last forty-five minutes, he's dutifully driven to
Pasadena without prying as to what I'm up to.

“My parents, but we won't be staying. I just have to
run in and get something. You guys can come with,” I invite.

It's not raining in Pasadena, and we take our time
walking to the door. We step inside, and as soon as I smell the mouthwatering
scent of cooking meat, I know my mom's home. My heart sinks with the
realization that I’ll be coming face to face with her. I can count on one hand
how often I’ve seen my parents since I started college. My absence from their
life is the only way I know how to hurt them. And damned if I don’t want to
hurt them badly after what they did to me.

We're wiping our feet on the rug in the foyer when my
mom walks up. When she spots me, her brown eyes widen with surprise. “Zoey.
What a wonderful surprise,” she says with a hopeful smile. Her eyes beneath her
brown bangs slowly begin to turn tentative. I know exactly what she's thinking.
She's wondering what is important enough that I would risk seeing her face to
face.

“Mom, this is Micaela, and my friend Caleb. Guys, my
mom,
Lisabeth
,” I introduce as I shut down my
emotions.

Caleb shakes her hand, and my mother smiles at him,
then she gazes warmly at Micaela. “I'm just making dinner, it'll be ready in
fifteen minutes. There's plenty if you'd like to stay,” she offers hopefully as
she turns her attention back to me.

I feel Caleb's eyes flicker to me, and I ignore him as
I give my mother a cool look. “We're not staying. I just need to grab something
from my room since we're on a time crunch,” I say, moving around her and
motioning for Caleb and Micaela to follow me.

“Oh. Is there anything you need help with, Zoey?”

My lips tighten. I glance at her, and my eyes tell her
it's a little too late to be asking if I want help with anything, even if it's
as trivial as finding something in my room. “No thanks,” I say as pleasantly as
I can since I have an audience.

“Thank you for the offer, Mrs.
Monohan
,”
Caleb says warmly, the ever polite country boy.

Thankfully she backs off, and we take the stairs up to
my old room. Both Caleb and Micaela look around curiously. Not much to see, so
I don't really care. I walk to my closet and pull open the doors. I duck inside
and start digging for the large tote that I know is in here. I hadn't been able
to part with what's inside when we moved, so I'd shoved it in my closet and
tried to forget about it. I drag it out since it's a little heavy.

“That's what we're here for?” Caleb asks. I look up to
see that he's looking at the tote skeptically.

I pat the top affectionately. “Micaela's going to love
what's in here.”

Micaela looks at it with great interest before looking
at me with eager eyes. “What is it, Zoey?”

“When we get back to my place, I'll show you.” I get
another idea as I take in her well-worn clothes. I've always been a pack rat.
I'm betting I have a ton of old clothes that would fit her slim frame. I'd been
a bit self-absorbed back in the day, so my old clothes were the good kind.
Micaela could get away with them, and no one would be none-the-wiser. “Hey,
Micaela. There's a bunch of clothes in those totes along the wall. Start
digging, and take everything you want.”

She blinks with confusion. “Um...” Her young eyes
shift to Caleb uncertainly. He's moved to sit on my bed and he shrugs at her.
“Go for it, kiddo.”

Her eyes flicker back to me.

“Honey, I grew boobs and a butt. I can't fit into them
anymore, so you either take them or they go to Goodwill.” Caleb covers his
snicker with a cough, and I know he's just
itchin
' to
say something naughty. I shoot him a reproachful look.

By the time we leave the house, Micaela has a tote
full of clothes, and there's a new sparkle in her eyes that can't be missed.
Much to my relief, my mom doesn't approach us as we walk out of the house.
Caleb hauls the heavier tote and carefully eases it into the trunk of the car.
Then we're on our way.

We've been on the road for maybe ten minutes when
Micaela turns in the passenger seat to peer at me, her expression shy. “Thanks,
Zoey. Your clothes are really pretty.”

I smile warmly at her. “You're welcome, sweetie. I'm
glad someone's getting some use out of them. I was pretty disappointed when I
grew out of them.”

“I bet. I've never,” she bites her lip and looks at
me, “had clothes that are that nice. I wish...I could give you something in
return.”

I lean forward and look her in the eye. “There's one
thing you can do for me.”

She nods immediately. “Okay. What can I do?”

“Enjoy what's in the tote. You and me, we're going to
have some fun. I could use some fun right about now, and I think you're just
the person to share it with me.”

She actually beams at me before she glances at Caleb,
who's driving. “What about Caleb? Does he get to do what we're doing?”

I grin widely. “Of course. I'll leave that part up to
you. Deal?”

“Deal!”

Caleb grimaces slightly. “What did you just rope me
into?” he asks me dryly.

“It's all in good fun, Cowboy. You'll like being
roped. I'll even tighten the knot.”

He turns his head and looks at me deliberately.
“Didn't we just have this conversation at the beach? You've set boundaries that
we're not to cross. Quit teasing me,” he says lightly since we have young ears
listening.

I shrug. “You're reading more into my comments than
what's necessary. Guess I know where your mind is at today,” I say innocently.
Truthfully, I want a little payback for having to watch him grind with that
blonde. It's completely not fair, I know that. We never had anything real, so
if I'm jealous it's my own fault. Yet, I still can't help but remind him what
we'd had, even if it was for just one night. I hope the other women have a hard
time living up to my memory.

His eyes narrow on me. “Zoey.”

My hands fly up in the air. “Alright, fine.”

The rest of the drive is filled with music as Micaela
bobs her head to it.

Thirty minutes later, we are in my apartment, and I
open the lid to the tote so Micaela can see what's inside. She looks at it
blankly. “What is it?”

I grin widely. “This here, is a karaoke machine that
Caleb's going to set up while we work on downloading all the songs that we
like.”

Her eyes widen. “A karaoke machine? A real one?”

“Yes.”

“And we're going to play with it?” she asks slowly.

“Yep.”

“You're going to sing with me?”

“Yes.”

Her eyes light up and she bounces on her feet. “Zoey,
you're the best!”

“Of course I am,” I say, affectionately ruffling her
dark brown hair. “We'll have a little singing and dancing party, and then we'll
order pizza. I get hungry after doing stuff like this.”

“Pizza sounds great!”

I glance to Caleb to make sure this is all okay with
him, and he's watching Micaela with a soft smile. The other girl is studying
the karaoke machine in the tote, and Caleb silently mouths, “thank you.” I nod
to him, because I understand what he's thanking me for. For a while, Micaela
gets to be a regular little girl with nothing on her mind but singing lyrics
and having fun. And for a while, I get to be the little girl that is forever
lost to me.

I quickly change into a fresh pair of jean shorts and
a tank before I put Caleb to work. While he puts together the karaoke system,
Micaela and I sit on the couch and download songs onto my iPod, which will
attach to the iPod dock. There's two microphones and two tower speakers along
with a seven inch LCD display screen on the main deck.

We're going to rock this place.

“This one,” Micaela murmurs as she points out the song
she's picked for Caleb.

I practically choke. “Seriously?”

She looks at me and nods. “I love that song.”