Point of No Return (12 page)

I tried not to let it bother me, because it was kind of obvious something wasn't right, but I figured he'd tell me when he was ready.

We showered together and gave mutual, soapy hand jobs. His orgasm beckoned my own, and with the water streaming over both us, Kira kept his forehead on mine. His eyes were deep and dark, and I wondered what he saw when he looked at me. Because he stared at me, his eyes drilled into mine and his mouth opened like he was trying to say something, but his eyes closed and he kissed me instead.

It was a different kind of kiss, deep and consuming.

His fingers threaded through my hair, around my neck, my jaw. He was devouring me with his lips, his tongue, and his holding-too-tight hands, and my just-spent cock throbbed and twitched against his.

He broke the kiss so he could smile. He looked down to my dick. "You
are
insatiable."

The seriousness of the moment was over and I

chuckled. "It's your fault."

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I turned the water off, and he handed me a towel, declaring it was time for food. After we were dressed, I stood next to him in the kitchen, and we talked while he made us an early lunch.

"I don't want to leave," I admitted. "I thought I would have some wilderness weekend in a tent somewhere.

But it wasn't like Grizzly Adams at all."

Kira laughed. "Grizzly Adams? Is that what you thought?" I nodded, and he shook his head at me. He handed me a plate with a sandwich and salad, and smiled kind of sadly. "I don't want to leave either."

"Can we come back?" I asked.

"Sure can," he nodded. "Next time we have time off together." And I felt better already, knowing it wouldn't be our last time here.

We ate our lunch, and he told me about how his parents came up here every chance they got. He told me his dad always joked about how peaceful it was here.

I nodded, agreeing completely, and Kira blinked.

"Uh, Matt?" he said flatly. "Dad's deaf. He can't hear how peaceful it is. It was a joke."

I laughed at myself for missing the joke completely, and Kira rolled his eyes. As we tidied up after lunch, I asked, "So you've always known sign language?"

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Kira nodded. "Since I could talk. I learned to talk and sign like it was normal."

"Would you teach me?" I asked, and Kira stopped and stared at me. So I quickly explained, "I'd just like to be able to do it, you know, so I can try and keep up with conversations with your parents."

For a few long seconds, Kira just stared at me. He blinked and nodded slowly and then looked at me in a way that made me nervous. Not nervous in a bad way, but nervous in a heart-thumping-funny kind of way.

He crossed the kitchen floor and pecked me on the lips. "Thank you." He said it so quietly, I almost didn't hear him.

He was thanking me? "What for?"

"For asking to learn. For wanting to know," he answered. "Some people just ignore my dad and exclude him, because he can't hear."

I shrugged. "Well, it's their loss. I like your dad.

He's funny." Then I smiled at him. "Plus, I'd like to know what you three say about me behind my back."

He laughed, grinning hugely as he showed me the basics, folding my fingers accordingly: hello, goodbye, please, sorry, thank you. I practiced, and he kissed me softly. "You don't have to do this, you know," he said quietly.

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"I know," I told him. "I want to."

He took my right hand, and he stared at it for a long moment. He swallowed thickly, and just as I was about to ask what was wrong, he folded my fingers down. He straightened out my thumb, forefinger, and little finger, but the other two were still folded against my palm.

He wouldn't look at me. He was just staring at my hand, but I could see his chest rise and fall as his breath quickened.

I looked down at my hand. He'd formed it that way deliberately. "Kira, what does this mean?"

He was still staring at my hand, but he whispered the words so quietly it took me a second to register what he said.

"I love you."

I love you…

My head jerked up to look at his face instead of my hand, but then he covered my hand with his, like he was trying to hide his words.

My heart was thumping against my ribs, my

stomach was knotted, and I couldn't seem to speak. He finally looked at me. His dark eyes were afraid and hopeful, and his voice was quiet. "Before we came here, I thought you were too good to be true." He shook his head, "I thought this weekend I would see some part of you that

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didn't make you so perfect, something that I didn't like, but there's nothing. You're just everything I could ask for." He was rambling. "Coming here with you only sealed what I already knew. I'm falling in love with you. I know we've only been together for six weeks, and it's too soon, but I…

I, I just wanted you to know, and I don't expect you to say it back."

I pulled my hand out from under his, and, keeping my fingers like he showed me, I held my hand up, palm facing him. Without saying a word, I told him I loved him too.

He looked at my hand, then into my eyes, and the smile he gave me was fucking beautiful.

His eyes were wide, almost disbelieving. So I gave him a nod, and he laughed with relief. Then his hands held my face, and he crushed his mouth to mine. He opened his mouth wide, twirling his tongue with mine as he held my face to his with his hands.

Right there in the kitchen, we kissed. It was so deep, slow and consuming, I think he was trying to crawl inside me. Although our desire grew—I could feel him harden against me—we didn't move to undress.

It was more than raw passion. So much more.

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It was emotion. And when we broke apart to

breathe, Kira kept my face against his, our mouths against each other, and as his eyes slowly opened, I could see it.

It was love.

I smiled, and he smiled. When I blushed, he

laughed. I put my finger to his lips, but he still smiled. "Do you mean it?" he asked. "Is that how you really feel about me?"

I nodded. "I'm new to the whole love thing," I admitted quietly.

Kira pressed his hand to my chest. "But I make your heart beat funny?"

I nodded.

Then he slid his hand to my stomach. "You get butterflies when you think of me?"

I chuckled and nodded.

He smiled, and his fingers traced my temple. "Do you think of me all the time?"

All the damn time. I nodded. Then he whispered,

"Do you dream of me?"

I smiled and nodded, embarrassed to admit that.

He lifted my chin with his fingers, and his eyes were so close to mine. "Does the thought of not seeing me make you feel sick? Is it confusing and disorienting and frightening and wonderful?"

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I looked into his eyes and nodded quickly.

Kira smiled and kissed me chastely. "I love you, too."

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Chapter 13

I got to work early on Monday, figuring with the weekend away, I'd have emails and messages to get through. I wasn't disappointed.

My mind kept wandering. I couldn't help but think of him—how we packed up the cabin, made out some more, then drove back to the city. We stopped in to see his parents and handed back the keys to the cabin. We stayed for a chat and a laugh before we went back to his place, and I swore his parents noticed the difference between us.

I felt like it was glaringly obvious. We were in love.

I loved him. He loved me. I felt like it was written in flashing neon signs, and I couldn't stop fucking smiling.

I was still grinning like an idiot when the others got to the office. They were full of snide remarks and knowing looks, and like always, I ignored them, not answering any of their questions about my weekend. Kurt and Tony were relentless, until Mitch sat down in his chair, across from me. "Leave him alone, guys. He's in love, remember?"

Just the mention of the word love gave me away. I smiled and blushed like a school girl.

"Holy shit," Mitch whispered. I looked at him as he leaned back in his chair, his eyes didn't leave my face. He

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shook his head and muttered, "Well, I'll be damned. You went and fell in love."

I looked at my partner, trying to control my grin and changed the topic completely. "Any developments over the weekend I should know about?"

He was still staring at me. "A lot, apparently."

I rolled my eyes at him. "I meant work related."

He grinned. "Nothing we couldn't handle." Then he added with a flicker of his eyebrows, "How about you?

Anything you couldn't handle?"

I cleared my throat and smiled. "I managed just fine, thank you."

Mitch nodded. "I bet you did."

Kurt and Tony both laughed, finding my new found love life amusing. But they soon got called away, and when it was just Mitch and me, I took a deep breath, and before I lost my nerve, I said, "I need to talk to you later. Just us, okay?'

Mitch blinked, surprised. "Sure." He looked around the office, and while there were others around, we were basically alone. "Don't want to talk about it now?"

I didn't want to have my coming out discussion at work. "Not here," I told him, suddenly very nervous about what it was I'd be telling him. "It's important."

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Mitch grinned. "You're not getting married, are you?"

I laughed. "No."

"That's a shame," he joked. "Because I'd make an awesome best man." I laughed at him, but then his eyes grew wide. "She's not pregnant, is she?"

I snorted at the likelihood of that. "Uh, no."

"Elliot! Seaton!" Our boss, Berkman, yelled across the office. "My office. Now!"

Whenever the boss hollered, we didn't waste time.

Both Mitch and I quickly followed him into his office, where an older woman was waiting. We were introduced to Doctor Helen Goldstein, and Berkman told us the profile on Tomic had been done.

I was a little confused as to why the profiler was here and not just a file of her findings.

"You're both wondering what I'm doing here."

Helen said, more of a statement than a question.

"Commander Berkman thought it best if you heard it from me directly."

She had our undivided attention. Mitch and I didn't say a word.

Doctor Goldstein took a deep breath and started. "I spent all last week reading files and reports, watching

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footage and interviews. I even met with Mr Tomic twice, under guarded supervision, of course."

She paused for effect, so I jumped in, asking, "What did you find?"

She didn't answer me directly. "Detective Elliott, you said you believe something doesn't add up, as though Tomic's character is contradictory."

I nodded. "Yes."

The doctor nodded slowly. "I agree." Then she looked between Mitch and me. I guessed Berkman had heard this already. "On paper, from the research I've done, Tomic is dominant and sadistic, cold and cruel. He has no conscience."

I nodded. We knew this.

She looked at our boss before turning back to us.

"The man sitting in that jail cell awaiting trial is not. He is unassuming and submissive by nature."

A cold shiver ran the length of my spine. Then she said what I both dreaded and expected to hear.

"I don't believe it's the same man."

"Could he just be psycho?" Mitch asked bluntly.

"If you mean does he have a Dissociative Identities Disorder," she said clinically, "I can't be sure without further observation, but I'm inclined to say no. He does not."

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"It's been two different people all along," I said out loud. "I knew the bastard didn't work alone."

Mitch sighed. "But there's only been one guy identified, partial fingerprints and one match of DNA." He looked at me. "Matt, I'm not disagreeing. I just don't understand."

"It's okay," I replied. "Neither do I."

Berkman clapped his hands together, making us

look at him. "Then pull the case apart. Once, twice, three times if you have to, until you do understand."

Doctor Goldstein left, Kurt and Tony were pulled off the new case, and the Tomic file was officially back to priority one. We were on a deadline. Court proceedings started in two weeks.

Needless to say, I was not exactly popular with the boys.

We spent the next week re-doing work we'd already done, and my request for a private conversation with Mitch—my coming out conversation—was long forgotten.

I saw Kira every night, though sometimes I didn't get to his house until well after midnight. Using the key he gave me, I'd crawl into bed with him, and even in his sleep, he wrapped himself around me.

With the hectic schedule, I still kept my boxing appointments with my favorite trainer before I showered

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and headed back to work. I changed my half-hour sessions to full-hour sessions just so I could spend more time with him. Yes, the physical outlet was good for stress, but it was also like an hour of foreplay. It was physical, close contact, and we were both sweating and panting. And hard.

On Friday after our session, Kira unstrapped my hands and eyed my cock. Leaning in, he whispered, "Don't you dare jerk off in the shower. That load is mine…"