Playing Well With Others (43 page)

Impact Play -
Any practice that involves physically striking the body. Tools may include bare hands, fists, belts, birches, canes, paddles, whips and more.

Infantilism -
(See also
Ageplay)
A consenting adult taking on the role of an adult baby or small child. This type of play may involve parent/child or babysitter/child dynamics.

Invasion -
An orchestrated gathering of a kinky special interest group at a larger event. (aka
takeover)

Joyword -
(See also
Safeword)
A communication tool used to manage the flow of the scene. Often used as a means to indicate that now would be the best time to wind down.

Kajira -
(See also
Gorean)
A woman who identifies as a slave in Gorean roles. A male kajira is known as a
kajirus.

Kink -
The great big world of sexual adventure including but not limited to voyeurism, exhibitionism, fetishism, fantasy role-playing, cross-dressing, power exchange, swinging, leather identity, erotic restraint, consensual non-monogamy, “naughty sex” and BDSM between consenting adults. In short, the realm of sexuality perceived to be outside the mainstream.

Kinkster -
An individual who engages in voyeurism, exhibitionism, fetishism, fantasy role-playing, cross-dressing, power exchange, swinging, leather identity, erotic restraint, consensual non-monogamy, “naughty sex” and/or BDSM between consenting adults.

Kinky -
An identity or description of societally non-normative sexual expression.

Knife Play -
Activities involving the deliberate use of a blade. This may include sensation play, temperature play, cutting, or scarification. Often considered edge play. Please note that persons engaging in knife play should be aware of the health risks involved and take appropriate precautions.

KOBRAS -
An acronym for Kinky Old Bastards (or Broads) Really Are Sexy. A group which caters to older people involved in BDSM, typically ages 50+.

Land Mine -
(See also
Squick, Trigger)
A negative or unwanted trigger.

LDR -
An acronym used to stand for Long Distance Relationship.

Leather -
(i) A material made from the tanned hides of animals. (2) (See also
Old Guard)
A subculture that traces its origin back to gay male leather and kink of the mid-20th century. (3) A personal identity based on the constructs of the leather sub-culture.

Limit -
(See also
Boundaries, Hard Limit, Soft Limit)
Personal guidelines that outline what is outside an individual’s comfort zone.

LTR -
An acronym used to stand for Long Term Relationship.

Masochism -
The act of receiving intense sensation, pain or suffering for sexual, sensual, or emotional gratification.

Masochist -
An individual who experiences sexual, sensual, or emotional gratification from the act of receiving intense sensation, pain or suffering.

Master -
(i) An individual who practices consensual ownership or possession of another human within the structure of a power exchange dynamic. An individual may identify as a master regardless of relationship status. (2) An individual who demonstrates proficiency and skill in a particular play style, tool or form of kink expression.

Mental Bondage -
(See also
Bondage)
Any practice that involves psychological or emotional control of the body. This may include verbal commands, self-restraint, or mental conditioning.

Mentor -
(See also
Protector)
An individual who is more experienced or more knowledgeable in a field, who is helping a less experienced or less knowledgeable person.

Metamour -
Slang for the partner of a partner, or lover of a lover, popularized in the polyamory community.

Military Role-playing -
A style of play where individuals dress and/or role-play using uniforms, hierarchy, protocol or military-style settings. Common types of military play include interrogation, boot camp, prisoner of war, and take-downs.

Mindfuck -
A technique for psychological play that utilizes misdirection to intensify or enhance a perceived experience.

Mistress -
An individual who practices consensual ownership or possession of another human within the structure of a power exchange dynamic. An individual may identify as a mistress regardless of relationship status.

Monoamory -
The desire, practice or acceptance of having one emotionally intimate relationship at a time. Monoamory does not necessarily preclude the possibility of outside connections.

Monogamy -
The practice of knowingly and voluntarily engaging in one relationship.

Mommy/Mom -
A term used within the LGBT and kink communities to refer to a sexual and/or gender identity.

M/S -
(See also
Power Exchange)
An erotic play or relationship style that focuses on ownership or possession within a power exchange dynamic. (aka
m/s, M/s, mastery/slavery, ownership/slavery)

Munch -
An informal gathering for people involved with or interested in kink, usually in a public venue. Originally referred to as a Burger Munch.
(birds of afeather, coffee, happy hour, liquid munch, meet-up, round-up, salon, wet munch)

Negotiation -
(i) The act or process of negotiating. (2) Mutual discussion of and arrangement for the terms of an interaction or relationship.

Non-monogamy -
The practice of knowingly and voluntarily engaging in multiple relationships. (aka
consensual non-monogamy, open relationship, polyamory, swinging —
see
Appendix 4)

NRE -
An acronym used to stand for New Relationship Energy. NRE is a state of mind experienced at the beginning of a relationship, often involving heightened emotional and sexual receptivity and excitement.

Old Guard -
(See also
Leather)
A term used to refer to a previous generation of leather folk. Sometimes used to refer to codified identity, ideas or principals associated with mid 20th century gay men’s leather groups.

Orgy -
A sexual encounter involving four or more people. May also refer to a gathering of swingers.

Orientation Violation -
A
form of consensual non-consent in which an individual is “forced” to engage sensually or sexually with someone outside their stated sexual orientation. (aka
cross-orientation play, forced bisexuality, forced heterosexu-ality, forced homosexuality)

Outing -
The non-consensual disclosure of someone’s sexual or cultural affiliations, status, identity, or activities.

PanseXUal -
(See also
Bisexual, Queer)
A sexual orientation categorized by an interest or attraction to individuals of any sex or gender.

Paraphilia -
(See also
Fetish)
A biomedical term used to describe sexual arousal resulting from specific objects, situations, or individuals that may cause distress or serious problems for the paraphiliac or persons associated with them.

Pegging -
Slang for sexual play where a female wears a strap-on and fucks a male.

Pervert -
A reclaimed term used by many individuals in the kink community to identify themselves.

Pick—Up Play -
Scenes or play of a spontaneous or casual nature.

Play -
(i) (See also
Work)
The actions and interactions within a scene. This term is often used in the kink communities. (2) Sexual interaction between two or more individuals. This term has been adopted by some in the swinger or anonymous sex communities.

Play Date -
A pre-agreed time to connect with another individual, usually for the purpose of exploring kink together or having a scene.

Play Party -
(See also
House Party)
A kink, leather or BDSM event where space is created so that participants have the opportunity to engage in scenes. (aka
dungeon party, dungeon event, house party, private party)

Polyamory -
The desire, practice or acceptance of having more than one intimate relationship at a time, with the consent of all parties involved.

Psychological Play -
Activities that foc us on mental or emotional techniques or interaction. This may include playing with fear, terror, intimacy, vulnerability, taboos, humiliation, objectification and mindfucks. Often considered edge play. Please note that persons engaging in psychological play should be aware of the risks involved and take appropriate precautions.

Power Exchange -
(See also
D/S, M/S)
An interpersonal association in which the participants mutually consent to assume or yield authority.

Professional Dominant -
An individual who earns money by dominating or topping their clients (aka
dominatrix, pro dom, pro domme, professional master)

Professional Submissive -
An individual who earns money by bottoming or submitting to their clients. (aka
pro sub)

Protector -
(See also
Mentor)
An individual who is more experienced or more knowledgeable in the scene, who acts as a buffer for less experienced or knowledgeable individual as that person develops their confidence or experience level. Protectors are often aligned within the identity of an individual seeking protection (e.g. an experienced submissive “protecting” a less experienced submissive, or a house “protecting” a novice member of the community).

Protocol -
A code of behavior that delineates expectations. Protocols may be used within a community or power exchange dynamic to standardize etiquette.

Queer -
(i) An umbrella term for individuals operating outside of or beyond social/societal constructs of behavior, gender, identity or sexuality. (2) (See also
Pansexual)
A sexual orientation categorized by an interest or attraction to individuals, unfettered by gender identities or labels.

RACK -
An acronym for Risk Aware Consensual Kink.

Rape Fantasy -
(See also
Consensual Nonconsent)
A form of consensual non-consent that explores rape and ravishment role-playing.

Rocky Road -
Slang for an individual who has both “vanilla” sexual desires and kink predilections.

Sacred Kink -
Kink activities or expression which explore the connection between kink and spirit, energy, and/or a higher power (aka
erotomancy, sado-shamanism)

Sacred SeX -
Sexual activities or expression which explore the connection between sex and spirit, energy, and/or a higher power.

Sadism -
The act of providing intense sensation, pain or suffering for sexual, sensual, or emotional gratification.

Sadist -
An individual who experiences sexual, sensual, or emotional gratification from the act of providing intense sensation, pain or suffering.

Safe Call -
A safety technique used with a scene partner where an individual shares information about the scene (location, planned activities, general information about the people involved) with an unbiased outside individual and specifies a check-in time. If there is no check-in at the agreed upon time, permission is given to release information to a predetermined authority. (aka
silent alarm)

Safer SeX -
Tools and techniques for reducing the potential transmission of sexually transmitted diseases and infections. (See
Appendix 4
)

Safeword -
A communication tool used for managing the flow of a scene. Often used as a means to indicate that there is a problem or may soon be a problem. Common versions include the stoplight system (red meaning stop, yellow meaning pause, and green meaning go) or simply saying “safeword” to end. (aka
safe signal)

Scat -
Activities involving fecal material. This may include enema release, “messy” anal sex, rimming, ass to mouth, feces on the body, or fecal consumption. Considered edge play. Please note that persons engaging in scat play should be aware of the health risks involved and take appropriate precautions. (aka
coprophilia, brown shower)

Scene -
(i) An umbrella term for the kink community as a whole. (e.g. “We are part of the scene.”) (2) (aka
scenario, session).
A kink encounter that has a delineated beginning, middle, and end. (e.g. “They had a scene.”)

Scene Name -
A pseudonym used to maintain the anonymity of an individual, or to delineate between one’s kink and default world experiences.

Sensation Play -
Activities that focus on a wide range of physical or sensory techniques or interactions. This includes exploring touch, sight, scent, taste, sound, or the deprivation of input to those senses.

Service -
The process of providing assistance, engaging in helpful activities, or facilitating experiences.

Session -
See
Scene.

Shibari -
(See also
Bondage)
A westernized version of Japanese rope bondage, also known as
kinbaku.

Sissy -
An individual (often male-bodied) who engages in stereotypical “feminine” activities or behaviors (e.g. doing household chores, putting on makeup). Sissy Maids fetishize the uniforms and mannerisms of female household servants.

Slave -
An individual who practices consensual servitude to another human within the structure of a power exchange dynamic. An individual may identify as a Slave regardless of relationship status.