Playing for Keeps (Texas Scoundrels) (15 page)

Danielle Lily Hart had only been twenty-five years old when she’d passed. Had either of them ever been that young? He’d been twenty when Dani had come into his life. For so long he’d convinced himself he’d been a little more than a kid, but standing at her grave site, he admitted the truth—what he’d shared with Dani had been real.
 

A sharp pain twisted in his chest as he looked at the rose-colored marble. He read the inscription chiseled into the stone.
Beloved Daughter, Sister, Mother
.
 

He’d loved Dani, truly loved her with a man’s heart, not the boy’s fantasy he’d been telling himself all these years since she’d left him. They’d planned on marrying right after the draft, but then she’d disappeared from his life. And she’d taken his child with her, a child he’d never known existed.

He stepped over the stone border and approached the headstone where he took a knee. “You should have told me I had a son.” He touched the stone, wincing at the cold hardness, his fingers lightly grazing over the word mother.
 

“He was my son, too, Dani. You should have told me.”

Had she thought he wouldn’t have loved Austin? Had she believed he wasn’t capable of taking care of his own child? If she’d told him the truth, that she was sick, that she was pregnant with his child, if she’d given him half a chance, maybe his life would have turned out differently. He certainly wouldn’t have been so goddamn reckless if he’d had someone who depended on him.
 

He didn’t know how much time had passed when he finally stood. The sun was quickly disappearing from the sky as dusk settled around him. He didn’t know if he had what it took to take care of his son now, but for reasons he didn’t question, he’d been given a chance. He’d been given an opportunity, and what was he about to do? Run. At the first sign of emotional commitment, he was ready to turn tail and run as fast and as far away as he possibly could.
 

He made a sound, more like a grunt of pain than the self-deprecating laugh he’d intended. Perhaps Dani really had known him better than he knew himself.

But he
had
been given a chance to know his son, and something told him he’d never have another opportunity again. If he left now, not only would Griffen turn against him, so would his son. Dani’s son. Didn’t he owe it to her memory, and to Austin, to at least attempt to do the right thing? For once in his sorry-assed life, he couldn’t think about only himself.
 

He turned away from the headstone and returned to his vehicle. His hand shook as he reached for the handle. Never in his life had he ever been afraid of anything. Now, the thought of being a real father to his son scared the absolute living hell out him.

*

Griffen snapped off the television, unable to concentrate on the program. She could hear Austin moving around upstairs in his room. Regardless of the brave front he’d shown tonight, she knew her son was beyond disappointed. He was hurt. All through dinner, he’d been silent. Afterward, while she and Mattie had cleaned up, Austin had sat quietly in the living room in front of the television. In the two hours since they’d come home, he hadn’t left his bedroom.
 

“Screw you, Jed,” she whispered to the silent room.

To be perfectly honest, Austin wasn’t the only one feeling the letdown of Jed’s abrupt disappearance. She’d been wavering between disappointment and disillusionment all evening. It didn’t matter that she’d tried to convince herself she was merely worried about Austin. The truth wasn’t quite so neat and tidy. As many times as she’d replayed the previous day through her mind, she’d come to one solid conclusion. She couldn’t stop thinking about Jed Maitland in ways that had zilch to do with shared custody.

The discovery of a different side to him, one far removed from the public persona and bad boy image, didn’t really astonish her. Her reluctant admission that he wasn’t the scourge of the earth, did, however. She so desperately wanted to despise him, wanted to believe he was nothing more than a hot piece of man candy. But how could she when she’d encountered an intelligent and charming man who’d shown compassion and tenderness when dealing with his son? And her? She hadn’t been prepared, not for that side of him. Nor had she been prepared for those kisses—or that she’d
wanted
him to kiss her. When she peeled away her layers of defense, one simple fact remained. Despite her fears that Jed might replace her in Austin’s heart, she harbored a dangerous attraction for him that could only lead straight to disaster.

She pushed her hair off her forehead, then let out a long, slow breath and tried to rationalize the situation. Her curiosity had been piqued, nothing more.
 

Nothing more than a few moments of pleasure when he kissed you
.
 

Yeah, well. There was
that
.

A pair of headlights flashed through the huge picture window. She tugged on the long front ends of her plum-colored cardigan, then rubbed her palms on her plaid pajama bottoms before heading to the front door. She peered out the curtain on the side glass panel into the darkness. Parked in her driveway was a black Cadillac Escalade.
 

Jed.

God, she really didn’t want to deal with this crap. Austin had been hurt and his feelings had to be her first priority. She refused to allow Jed to keep pulling her son along on an emotional roller coaster.

With an angry yank, she opened the door and stalked across the lawn toward him. She refused to allow him to keep hurting hurt her son. As far as she was concerned, he was four hours too late.
 

He rolled the window down, but kept his gaze forward, staring at the doors to the three car garage. “Is Austin upset?” he asked, his tone reserved.

He looked miserable.
Good
. Annoyance with him and frustration with herself for caring, warred inside her. “Why should he be upset?” Her sarcasm boarded more on anger. “It’s not like he can depend on you.”

He faced her then. The moonlight cast an eerie shadow over his angular features, making him look hard and uncompromising, giving her the distinct impression that
he
was angry.
 

He was angry? She was a hissy fit waiting to happen.
 

“Come on, Griffen,” he said in a voice that matched that hard expression, “cut me a break. I really don’t need to hear a lecture right now.” He raked a hand through his hair and let out a rough breath. “Look, I’m sorry.”
 

A heavy layer of dew clung to the ground, adding a chill to the night air. She tugged the ends of her cardi tighter around her. “I’m not the one you should be apologizing to.”
 

He rolled up the window. For a single heartbeat she thought he might leave. Until he opened the door and stepped from the interior. She spied a duffle bag on the seat and couldn’t keep the wishful thought that he’d come to say good-bye from springing through her mind. She had enough to deal with, and he was just one more complication in her already complicated life.

He closed the door and pocketed the keys before turning to face her. The eerie cast disappeared and she saw him clearly. Something had happened, but what, she didn’t have a clue. There was a determination in his gaze and a tension in his body she didn’t think she wanted to face.

“I’m going to apologize to Austin,” he said, “then you and I need to talk.”

She didn’t want to hear anything he had to say. To be honest, she wasn’t even entirely certain she wanted him near Austin.
 

“I have an early day tomorrow.” She was grasping, but didn’t care. “Some other time.”

“This can’t wait,” he said and took off toward the house.

By the time Jed reached the top of the staircase, his resolve wavered. No, he had to see this through. He’d made up his mind, and no matter how much he wanted to skip out, he couldn’t do it. Not this time. He’d spent too many years of his life running from his past.

A light shone under the door to his left. He crossed the landing and knocked softly before he changed his mind and slipped into the familiar, habitual pattern of avoidance.
 

“Come in,” Austin called.

Jed opened the door and stepped inside. A brass lamp cast the room in a soft, buttery glow. His son sat at a wooden desk, his finger holding a space in an open book, while he scribbled notes in a spiral notebook. The room wasn’t much different than Jed’s own when he’d been a boy. Sitting on shelves above the desk were model cars and airplanes he assumed Austin had built. Pictures of race cars and football memorabilia, from pennants to posters, cluttered the walls.
 

Griffen had told him Austin had a serious case of hero worship where he was concerned, but he hadn’t really believed her. He spied a series of frames on the bookcase. Covers of various sports magazines featuring himself on the cover were carefully arranged. For an instant Jed considered autographing them for Austin, but squelched that thought. He was determined to have a real father-son connection with Austin, not one based on a hyped-up legend.

“Austin?” He closed the door and stepped more fully into the room, shoving his sweaty palms into the pockets of his pants. His brows rose when he spied a poster of the latest supermodel, wearing a Texas Wranglers’ jersey and a pouty-lipped smile, hanging on the backside of the closed door. Jed wondered if Griffen knew Austin had the poster. Somehow, he didn’t think so.

The boy sat up straight and slowly set his pencil on the notebook. He didn’t turn around, just sat looking forward to the low shelf cluttered with old copies of
Sports Illustrated
, as if he couldn’t bear to face him.
 

Jed didn’t blame him. What he’d done tonight was pretty low. “I’d like to apologize for not coming to your granddad’s tonight.”
 

Austin stiffened, then shrugged his shoulders, before picking up his pencil again. His dark head bent over the desk as he scribbled more notes.

Jed wasn’t about to be put off by the kid’s dismissal. He didn’t expect Austin to make this apology easy for him. While the kid might not be Griffen’s biological son, they shared the same stubborn streak.
 

“I don’t have an excuse to give you. Only the truth. And the truth is that I was afraid.”

Austin dropped his pencil and twisted in the chair to face him. His Maitland eyes held a spark of disbelief mingled with distrust. “What do you have to be scared about?”

Jed looked down at the carpet, then back at his son. The disbelief shifted, leaving behind only distrust that chipped another layer of stone away from his heart. “Of being your dad,” he said.
 

The thought of being a father to Austin, a real father, scared the hell of out him. In all the years with his grandfather, the one thing that stuck most in his mind were the lectures about the value of honesty. Maybe it was time he finally listened and started to practice what the old man had preached.

Austin’s eyes narrowed. “It’s real easy. You hang around for a while, then you split. I think you got that part figured out.”

Jed crossed the room and sat on the edge of the bed. “That’s not the kind of father I want to be.” He wasn’t certain what kind of father he planned on being, either, but it was time to stop running. The reality was that he had a son with Dani. A son she’d loved enough to make sure he’d been taken care of by her sister when she’d died. The fact that she hadn’t trusted him enough to raise his own kid hurt.

“Yeah, then. What kind?” The wariness in Austin’s eyes belied the insolent tone. Show a brave front and don’t let the bastards know you’re afraid. He and Austin had that much in common.

He was treading on some very thin ice. One wrong move, one misplaced step, and he’d sink faster than a lead weight. Split second strategy on the gridiron wasn’t shit compared to handling his son’s fragile trust.
 

“I don’t know.” He braced his elbows on his knees and leaned forward, keeping his gaze on Austin. “I was hoping we could find out together.”

“I haven’t had a real good selection of role models,” Austin admitted, his tone softening.

Jed didn’t think the boy wanted sympathy. If anything, Austin was proud. Like him.

“I know what you mean,” he said. “My old man died when I was ten.”
 

“You had your granddad,” Austin said, quoting common knowledge.
 

“I did. But it wasn’t the same.” He clasped his hands together and gave Austin a level look. “I’m going to make mistakes. I’ve never done this kind of thing before. So be patient, okay?”

The shy beginnings of a grin tugged at Austin’s lips. “I’ve never been Jed Maitland’s son before, either.”

He smiled. “I wish my job were as simple.”

Austin’s grin faded as quickly as it formed. “Does this mean we’ll spend time together? You know, do stuff once in a while.”

Jed stood, surprised when he wasn’t struck by a desire to slither from the room and out of the kid’s life. Austin wasn’t asking him for a commitment, nothing long term, just something once in a while. Standing by Dani’s grave, he’d sworn he’d do the right thing for once in his life. And if that meant keeping promises he made to his son, then by God he was willing to commit. “You bet.”