Play Me, I'm Yours [Library Edition] (22 page)

Lucas inhaled sharply. He knew exactly which day Zach was talking about. Mrs. Davidson had asked him to come in after school to help her demonstrate some advanced techniques to her new Piano II students.

“Lucas has exceptional talent, but what makes him special is his passion,” she explained, placing emphasis on that last word.

The other kids snickered.

“Passion and perseverance,” she said. “You don’t play piano with your fingers; you play with your heart. You can train your fingers to go through the motions, but to what end? If you don’t play with your heart, no one will truly listen.”

Eyes rolled. Kids groaned.

She was right, of course, but how did she expect to get that message across to those kids? He’d witnessed the way most of them had stuttered through their performances the previous year. The ones who were the worst bragged about never practicing, about taking the class for an easy A. The ones who were actually good bragged about how quickly they memorized new pieces and then moved on to the next.

Beethoven’s
Sonata Pathétique
was a masterpiece and ought to be treated as such. It took Lucas six months before he was satisfied with the first movement. It was a deep piece that needed to sit under his fingers for quite some time, to grow and mature. It wasn’t meant to be rushed. If Mrs. Davidson wanted him to play it for them, he would. But he knew they wouldn’t appreciate it.

“As soon as you started playing, I was entranced,” Zach said. “It was so dramatic, so suspenseful. It made me feel… I don’t know… despair.”

Lucas ran through the piece in his mind as he recalled the performance. Opening with thunderous crashes, and then quickly gaining movement, the music was gloomy and powerful, beautiful and violent.

“Yeah, it always makes me feel sad when I play it,” Lucas said. “Almost more than I can bear sometimes. It’s tragic, but it’s beautiful.”

“You wanna hear something crazy, though?”

“Hmm?”

“When it was over, I felt better. I mean, I got choked up right at the very end. And then I just felt better. It was like musical therapy.”

Lucas smiled. “So you like me for my therapeutic ability?”

“No. It was what happened next that sealed the deal.”

Lucas sobered as he remembered what’d happened next. Had Zach been there that whole time? Once Lucas struck the final note of the movement, he was met with lukewarm applause. Mrs. Davidson was unexpectedly called down to the office and asked everyone to remain there until she returned.

“Did you guys recognize the piece?” Lucas said, trying to fill the silence, but he was met with blank stares. “It was Beethoven’s Sonata No. 8 in C minor. But most people are more familiar with the name
Sonata Pathétique
.”

“What does that mean in English?” one of the kids said.

“Pathétique means
pathetic
.”

“So you played a pathetic sonata?”

“Hey, that would make an awesome Internet meme,” another girl said. “Pathetic sonata is pathetic.”

Everyone laughed.

They were so immature.

“It was written over two hundred years ago,” Lucas said. “The word had a different connotation back then. The word pathetic was used to describe something that evoked sadness and compassion.”

“That does sound pathetic.”

Lucas sighed. So much for compassion, he’d thought.

“What I just played was the first movement. Most people consider it the most difficult of the three. The left-hand tremolos can be hard to learn. You have to work on keeping your hand relaxed.”

At that point, no one was even looking at him anymore. Talking to them was pointless.

“Do you want to hear the second movement while we wait? It’s a lot different from the first. It’s not as technically difficult either. You may find it easier to learn that one first.”

No one responded, but he decided to play it anyway. He knew they weren’t listening. He could hear their chatter, their laughter.

He was a third of the way into the piece when someone said, “Get over yourself. You can stop sucking up now. The teacher’s gone.”

Lucas stopped, stunned and hurt.

Another kid said, “It’s not like we’re gonna be tested on this.”

“I just thought you’d like to hear it,” Lucas said softly.

“Well, you thought wrong, Lulu.”

More than anything, he’d wanted to get up and leave. If there was one place in the entire school where Lucas should have been able to fit in, it was with the other music students. Weren’t people with common interests supposed to share some sense of fellowship? No. He was no more accepted here than he would have been on the football team.

“You saw all of that?” Lucas said to Zach.

“Yeah.”

“And watching me get picked on made you like me?”

“No. Not that. It’s hard to explain. It was the way you tried to teach them something during the downtime, not because they needed to know it, but because it was something you loved, and you thought they would love it too. You weren’t playing to show off. You were playing because you loved the music.”

Lucas nodded and took a deep breath, trying to keep his emotions in check.

“Don’t let them get to you,” Zach said. “They’re idiots.”

“What I didn’t tell them was Lady Gaga incorporated the first movement of the
Sonata Pathétique
into her music video for ‘Marry the Night’.”

“Really? That’s cool. They probably would have changed their minds if you had.”

“Yeah, that’s exactly why I didn’t. I mean, she’s amazing, and it’s great that she’s paying homage to the classics, but if the only reason they like the sonata is because Gaga played it, that’s the worst kind of insult.”

Lucas’s voice deepened. “First of all, it’s an incredible piece of music—a
masterpiece
. If they couldn’t appreciate it on its own, the way Beethoven wrote it, then how can they turn around and say it’s cool just because it’s in a Gaga video? And second, isn’t Lady Gaga’s message all about being an individual? Being true to yourself and not being ashamed of who you are? I’m pretty sure it’s not about being a
lemming
.”

Zach chuckled.

Lucas furrowed his brow. “What’s so funny?”

“I’ve never seen you get so worked up before. It’s obvious how much music means to you. That’s one of the things I like most about you.”

Lucas relaxed. “Thanks.”

“When did you know you liked
me
?” Zach said.

“No cheating. That’s not your last question.”

“No fun. Okay, I haven’t asked you my movie question. What movie has made you cry the most?”

“Oh God. As if I haven’t been emotional enough for one night.”

“Sorry. That’s my question, and I’m sticking to it.”

“Fine, let me think….”

“Too many to choose from?”

Lucas punched him playfully.

“It’s kind of embarrassing,” Lucas said.

“Tell me. I won’t laugh. I promise.”

“
A.I
.”

“You cry during
American Idol
?”

“No,” Lucas said, laughing. “
Artificial Intelligence
. It’s a Stephen Spielberg movie. Science fiction.”

“Oh. Haven’t seen it. What’s it about?”

“It’s about a little boy android named David who’s sent to live with a real family after they lose their son. David has an emotion chip that, when activated, enables him to love. But it can’t ever be deactivated, so once his mom triggers it, he loves her truly and deeply, forever and ever.”

Lucas teared up as he thought about it.

“What happens? Does she die?”

Lucas sniffled. “Worse. Their real son, who’s been cryogenically frozen, is brought back to life when they find a cure for him. And after he comes home, they don’t need David anymore.”

“That does sound sad.”

“That’s not even the saddest part,” Lucas said, his voice shaky. “David spends the rest of his life, which is basically eternity, trying to find a way to become a real boy so his mom will love him again.”

“Christ, Lucas. That’s about the saddest thing I’ve ever heard. Why would anyone want to watch that?”

“I’ve seen it five times.”

“Your mom loves you, you know.”

“I know.”

“And you are a real boy.”

Sure. But it doesn’t always feel that way.

“You know how I know?” Zach said.

“How?”

“’Cause I’m only attracted to boys.” Zach squeezed Lucas’s ass. “And I’m really fucking attracted to you.”

Lucas smiled, then lifted his head and kissed Zach.

“So no more watching that crazy sad movie.”

“Did I mention it has Jude Law in it? And he’s a gigolo.”

“Gigolo?”

“A sex bot.”

“’Nuff said. Carry on.”

They laughed, although the mood was heavy and Lucas felt emotionally drained. They lay snuggled together until it was time for him to go home. Zach was already the best friend he’d ever had and so much more.

“Smile,” Zach said as he walked Lucas to his car.

Lucas smiled up at him.

“You okay?”

Lucas nodded. “Yeah, I’m just nervous about school tomorrow. I mean, people are gonna find out about us. Maybe we should keep a low profile.”

He didn’t want to cause further trouble for Mason. And there was Donovan to worry about. How would he react to the news? And the guys on Zach’s team might not take it well either.

“You mean I can’t throw you down on the teacher’s desk and have my way with you?”

Lucas laughed. “Better not.”

“How about the custodial closet?”

“No, definitely not. That’s the first place people look.”

Zach smiled at him. “It’ll be fine.”

Lucas hoped he was right.

Chapter Eighteen
Sonata Pathétique

L
UCAS
stood frozen in place, one hand clutching his backpack and the other gripping the door of his locker. He watched helplessly as Donovan barreled toward him. Lucas had hoped to make it through the day without a confrontation. He wanted to bolt, but his body failed him. What ever happened to “fight or flight?” He seemed incapable of either.

As Donovan drew closer, Lucas braced himself for impact. He flinched when Donovan slammed his locker shut.

Donovan grabbed him by the arm, digging his fingers into his bicep while he dragged him down the hall. Lucas tried to pull free, but Donovan only tightened his grip and yanked all the harder.

He shoved Lucas into the bathroom, then snarled at the freshman standing at the urinal. “Get the fuck out!”

The kid quickly zipped up and left.

Donovan spun Lucas around until they were face-to-face. “What the fuck, Lucas? What. The. Fuck.”

What had Zach been thinking this morning, telling Lucas he’d found his underwear in the shower? He had to have known Donovan was within earshot. He had to have known he’d be listening. It was the first time Zach had ever walked over and talked to Lucas after class. It was a surefire way to get Donovan’s attention. And now Donovan was fuming.

Lucas stared up at him in shock.

“What’s the deal with you and Zach?”

“It’s none of your business.”

“No? You’re a fucking hypocrite. All that self-righteous bullshit about not checking out the guys at the pool. You fucking bitched me out for getting turned on when you had a hard-on for Zach the whole time.”

But it wasn’t like that. Or was it? Lucas felt suddenly confused, and a little guilty. Maybe he hadn’t been fair to Donovan.

“I’m sorry,” Lucas said.

Donovan released him with a jerk. “Whatever. Have your kicks. How long do you think it’s gonna be before he realizes you don’t measure up?” He eyed Lucas’s crotch. “Literally.”

Lucas winced.

“You better hope he’s only interested in your ass.” Donovan gave Lucas one last shove. “Cute and cuddly wears off pretty damn quickly. When he’s done wasting his time with you, I’ll be happy to show him what he’s been missing.”

Donovan turned and walked out.

His words stung, and the tears came quickly. Lucas rubbed his arm where Donovan had gripped him, trying to ease the hurt, but the real pain was in his heart.

L
UCAS
was used to his routine of spending lunchtime alone in the music room. It was the only point during the day when he felt free from scrutiny, free to relax and be himself. This day, however, was different. Zach had asked him to come to the cafeteria and eat lunch with him. Zach wanted the guys on the team to see them together, to see that they were a regular couple just like any other. Zach said he didn’t want to make a big announcement about being gay. He wanted to act naturally and let people figure things out for themselves. Lucas had been skeptical, afraid of initial reactions, afraid of putting himself in a place where he’d never been welcome before, but Zach assured him it would be okay.

“We’re together now,” he’d said. “You don’t have to deal with things on your own anymore.”

Lucas gathered his courage and entered the cafeteria. He scanned the noisy room looking for Zach as kids pushed past him on their way to their seats. It didn’t take long for Lucas to spot Zach. There was a gap on his left where he was saving Lucas a seat. He was otherwise surrounded by boys from the swim team. They looked like they’d been friends for a lifetime, talking and joking with ease. The guy to Zach’s right reached an arm around and clapped Zach on the back. The longer Lucas stood and watched, the farther away the table seemed, until he couldn’t imagine ever being able to reach it.

As Lucas contemplated making an escape, Zach caught sight of him and waved him over. Lucas stepped cautiously toward the table.

“Hey,” said Zach. He picked up the sweater that lay on the seat beside him. “I saved you a seat.”

Lucas sat hesitantly on the bench and tucked his hands under his thighs. He lowered his head when the boy beside him scooted away.

“Do you have a lunch?” Zach said.

Lucas shook his head.

“Here.” Zach slid his tray closer to Lucas. “Have some of my fries.”

As Lucas reached for a French fry, Zach squeezed his knee under the table. Lucas jumped, flipping the fry onto Mike Garnet’s pizza.