Plastic Confidence (Good Bye Trilogy #1) (19 page)

THIRTY

Loves did not like to be kicked off the couch or my bed. It was actually unheard of since we were the only duo. When Brennan pulled me up on to the couch so that I could lay across his body, Loves got pissed when I kicked him in the face. He nearly growled at me when he
refused to move so I could straddle Brennan. It took a lot of coaxing to get him off the couch and when he finally did get down, he just laid at our feet on the floor.

“Loves
is the best dog. It makes me happy that he was here with you this whole time,” Brennan said as he started to rub my back.

“He really is the best dog,” I replied. I couldn’t move. I was glued to Brennan Curtis for always. I didn’t want to change this position forever.
And ever.

“Where were you tonight?” he asked as he started to play with the end of my ponytail.

“At Kelly and Joanie’s. I bought lobster. For us. I mean I bought lobster to eat with you but I didn’t know when you’d get here. I think they were on their last leg outside of a tank,” I said.

“I’m sorry I didn’t get here yesterday. I was all set to go and then my
mover flaked out so I had to hire someone else and pay out the ass for the short notice.”

“Was it very much? I can pay,” I said worriedly. This was all so bizarre. I felt like a totally different woman from when I saw him last. I was concerned that the guy that just ambushed my living space didn’t have to pay for his own moving costs. I let out a loud laugh and it startled both Brennan and Loves.

“Julia, you are not paying for one thing. I have money and I am here now. I feel absolutely complete.”

The left side of my mouth came up in a smile and he gazed at it for
a long moment. I could definitely get used to this.

“
Which room is mine? I was going to just start loading my stuff into the room all the way in the second back hallway but it looked like you have a project going on in there,” he asked, drawing me out of my love sick haze.

Uh
... huh? Was he serious? What room? He wanted his own room? Why?

“Um
... my bedroom is the second door in the first hallway. The one with the master suite bathroom?”

“Yes,” he said slowly. “But I thought we would take this whole abstinence thing to the next level
, maybe live together, and date for a while before I take your virginity all over again.” He was laughing underneath me but I wasn’t. I felt depraved and sad. I didn’t know where that was coming from. It felt like he was dismissing the fact that I had waited because I wanted to be in love. He already had that. My love could be written out in the sky at no embarrassment to me and he wanted to sleep in separate beds. I felt like a child.

I got up quickly and started towards the kitchen for a drink of water. He was here. The wait was o
ver and God, I was deflated. I was officially a fizzled out balloon.

“
Julia? Julia. What’s up? Did I say something? I wasn’t trying to make fun of you being abstinent. I think it is very honorable and very unlike the Julia I knew. Shit... that came out wrong, too. See? I don’t know who you are. I just upended my whole life to be with the woman I can’t get out of my soul and I am verbally vomiting all over her,” he said as he threaded his hands through his hair.

I looked at him over the top of my water glass and thought,
“D
amn you can verbally vomit on any body part of me you want to.”

“It’s okay,” I assured him with a small smile. “I am just tired. Sure, you can take whatever room you want. I have questions about the life you
...” I stopped when I noticed his other arm had something written on it. He had gotten another tattoo. It was inside his forearm so there was no way I could see it if he had it tucked in or under a long shirt.

I saw the letter J and my heart skipped. I walked over and grabbed his arm. My wh
ole chest caved in when I read the words, “My Julia” in beautiful scrolled ink. He had them work lace into the edges of my name. Some letters were bleeding, some had stiches added to it, and the others were hollowed out like it wasn’t finished. I knew it was. He was describing me. How he saw me. Nonetheless, the word “my” was so strong and fierce. He would take ownership of the whole girl, bruised, bleeding, hollowed out, and sewn up to heal.

I didn’t realize I was full out crying until he reached under my arms and lifted me onto the breakfast nook.
“It’s okay, love. It’s okay. I needed to get this. I needed you so badly after you left and as I went through the divorce and selling off my share of the business to my ex, I felt so alone. This was something I did to keep my mind off of everything I lost.”

“But I am the one broken and bleeding on your arm,” I retorted trying to stop crying.

“No. I couldn’t even say your fucking name. It hurt that much. I had them portray what I felt about you. Seeing your name there, it helped me to move on, I guess. Shit, I don’t know. We were always so fucked up. Our timing. Everything. I thought that if I read your name enough, the pain of saying it wouldn’t hurt as bad.”

“Did it work?” I looked up at him.

“It didn’t work until three days ago, when I said it in this kitchen. It was a beautiful sound. Julia.
My Julia
,” he said with a sheepish smile.

“You left that in your letter. You ended it with ‘Your Julia’.”

I remembered that I wrote that because I knew he was the one, but not the one I could have. I would always be his but I didn’t know if he would always be mine.

“So no more wife?
No more business?” I asked, trying to seriously tamp down the tears. Moving on to the facts.

I watched the tattoo with rapt attention as he told me that Amelia got most of everything in the divorce but he didn’t care. He had started a new graphics company and was using his studio apartment as a work office.

“Can you work from here?” I asked.

He nodded. “Hopefully in a room separate from where my bed is so I can actually separate the two. Work is all I do. I met Sasha when she had me
create a logo for her salon,” he laughed. “She is a trip.”

“Yeah?
She is beautiful.” I couldn’t be jealous. I couldn’t be unfair.

“Yes. She is
, but not as stunningly, sexy, and gorgeous as you,” he said, as he watched my eyes flick his down to his lips. He wrapped his arms around my waist more and tilted his head in to kiss my neck. He suckled and licked. He teased my earlobe the way I loved. He remembered how to hold my thighs and rub his thumbs up and down. I always went a little crazy at that small gesture.

When his lips finally found mine, I moved with force. I wrapped my arms, legs,
and being all around Brennan. I pulled him closer. I needed him as close as possible. I felt his response to me as he rubbed up and down my body with his. Our tongues were so entangled I wasn’t sure how they would ever come apart.

But they did.

And our heaving bodies separated, too. It was too fast, he said with his eyes. I told him that is was okay back with mine. We smiled at our nonverbal communication and he reached out his hand to grab mine.

“Show us to our bedroom,
Baby. I want to cuddle,” he said.

I stopped short of his use of the word
baby, remembering the hotel hall and how he had called
her
baby.

“What is it?” he asked, looking alarmed.

“You called me baby,” I said. “If you call me baby, you never ever call another woman baby ever again. Do you understand me?”

He closed his eyes and I saw the moment he remembered that night. He looked at me wide eyed.

“Julia.
Baby
. You were the
only
one.
All along.
I was too stupid and I kick myself every day. I kick myself for falling asleep on you that night. If I had stayed awake, you wouldn’t have disappeared. You will always be the only one. The next time I call anyone else baby, it will be because an actual baby will be growing in that beautiful stomach of yours.”

“Uh
... what?” I asked, totally mind fucked.

He laughed so hard that he doubled over and I smiled at his lightheartedness. He was so endearing and so fucking sexy. And he wanted to have babies with me? It sent a warm flush through my face. Instead of reacting outwardly, I just pretended he didn’t say
anything about babies because, yeah, that was taking things way too fast for night one.

THIRTY
-ONE

BRENNAN

I never thought I would see
Julia again. When I saw her on the ferry landing, I couldn’t believe my eyes. She looked ten years younger than she did the last time I saw her–the night that I made sweet love to her and mentally begged her to be with me forever. She wasn’t wearing her signature eyeliner. She didn’t have that permanent scowl on her face. God knows I loved that scowl but the serene look on her was so much more... it was just so much more. I was star struck and it wasn’t because she was a rock star legend. Yes, the music community has paid special homage to her since she disappeared.

No, I was star struck because she was the famous person in
my
life. She was the woman I looked for in every crowd, every magazine, and any time I was on the internet. I tried typing in any name possible that she could have used as an alias. All that time I was looking diligently and she was within a fucking car and ferry ride away. I wanted to kneel at her feet. I wanted to ask to kiss her. It wasn’t until Sasha brought me out of my reverie that I realized that I also had anger. I was so terribly pissed at her. And who the hell was the guy? Sure I had moved on to a point but I never thought she would trust another man...
ever
.

We were
lying in bed with Loves at our feet and I kissed her hair. I sent up a grateful prayer to the universe. I had my girl back and I was never letting her go.

“Can I ask you some questions?” I asked into her hair.

She was so damn warm. Even though we did nothing but kiss last night, I knew that I was going to marry this girl and fill her tummy with babies. She was mine. I heard a muffled agreement into my bare chest. I knew she was just as overwhelmed as I was. We were soaking in each other.

“What happened with Johnny and the band?”

“Hmm... well, I hired that lawyer and told my family if anyone ever said where I was, I would disown them. They took that threat pretty seriously. I really haven’t watched what happened. I know they have a new lead singer and he is amazing. I never talked to Johnny after that night,” she said. I could hear a tint of sadness in her words. She missed it.

“Do you miss the stage?” I asked as I rubbed my hand along her bare back.

“I do, sometimes. But Bren, I love island life. It is so simple. I feel alive again. I am having so much fun. I don’t have to work but when I get the need to be productive, I will either work on the house, or go help the girls, or hang out with Pierre.” She started to get up off my chest and I pulled her back down.

“Don’t you dare separate your amazing body from mine right now,” I scolded.

“Do you miss open marriages and Anne?” Her tone was serious–her body stiff as a board. Oh hell. I knew she would say something about Anne. I did have it coming to me.

“No. That life style is not for me and Anne never, ever crosses my mind unless my girl brings her up to taunt me.” I smiled wide at Julia and pinched her unbelievably, sexy ass.

She laughed as she put her lips on to mine. We were instantly in a teenage make out session. I felt her beautiful breasts and loved that she was squirming for me to get closer. She was ready but I knew her bucket list got her to where she was today and I wasn’t going to be the one fucking with that.

Three hours later, we headed to the kitchen.
Although it was three in the afternoon, Julia made us a big breakfast with the best coffee ever. A loud knock came to the side door and I inched my eyebrows over my coffee mug to her.

Julia
shrugged and yelled, “Come in!”

Pierre walked into the kitchen with a bright smile until he took in our half naked selves.
Julia was wearing my tee shirt from last night and maybe panties? I was bare-chested.

“
Jules. I am so sorry. I didn’t know you had company. I can come back later?” Pierre said in a Parisian accent.
Poor guy. I got her, dude. She is all mine.

“Don’t be silly, Pierre. Brennan is living with me, well I guess we live together,” she looked over to me perplexed.

“Yes, this is our place,” I concurred. I got up and handed out my hand. “Hey, I am Brennan. I hear you have been giving my girl some French lessons.” That sounded really bad but whatever.

Julia
laughed. “Sit down, Pierre. We have more waffles and coffee.”

Dammit, no. I wanted her all by myself today.

“Okay. I can stay for a little bit. It smells so good, as usual.” Pierre’s dig did not go unnoticed by me.

Julia
simply smiled at him with a knowing look. “You working on the docks today?” she asked as she started his plate.

“Yes. I wanted you to come down and help. I know how much you love to scrub boats.”
Another dig. Good one dude but I have licked every inch of her body. No one has shit on that.

“Oh that does sound like fun. Brennan, do you want to set up your office while I go work down on the
boats?” She looked so fucking adorable. I just wanted to take her back to bed and... what was she asking me?

No. Fuck no
! I didn’t want her to leave. That was a craptastic idea. Stupid. I barely made out a forced smile before she noticed I had stiffened. She understood.

“Pierre, Brennan and I have a lot of house shit to do today.
Désolé, Pierre,” she said with a sad smile.

“
Julia, don’t be silly. Go. Have fun.” I was not going to keep her from friends. This was her world and I was not going to interrupt it. I would just find a way in to be a part of all. “Leave Loves with me. We will go explore the beach when I am done setting up the desk.”

She came over and kissed me soundly on the lips. As she pulled away I heard her say thank you. I shook my head and gave her an adoring smile.

“Is there an extra desk around?” I asked.

“Yes,” she replied enthusiastically. “It’s a good one for your business. I will leave a list of all of our information so you can update everything. And you can explore the rooms to find it and your new office,”
she said with a smirk. “Be right back. I am going to put on some clothes.” She squeezed my shoulder on her way out. We couldn’t keep our hands off of each other.

Pierre and I stared at each other
like two little kids that were set up on a playdate without our permission. It was like a visual swordfight at dawn. Thankfully, he broke the silence first.

“I haven’t known
Jules for very long. I suppose I have a bit of a crush on her but she has never wanted anything from me. I see now that it was because of you? I didn’t even know a man existed in her life?” He inquired. The guy seemed sincere and damn, he was honest about his feelings towards her. I imagined French people were just straight shooters. Nothing was getting past this guy.

I nodded firmly.
What else could I do? I was her man. I was in her life. She was mine.

“Well, I know that she is a very talented and beautiful woman. If you break her heart, I
can’t beat the shit out of you because of this... that is not in my nature. But I assure you, Mr. Curtis that I will be there to pick up the pieces.” His words were not delivered with a threatening tone but a promising one. He was telling me that he was remaining in Julia’s life and that he would even wait for me to fuck up. Poor guy didn’t even know that I had fucked up in all definitions of the words.

What I wanted to say was that he had no clue
, that we had a long and seriously heart gripping past that had us both doubt ourselves, other people, and essentially the meaning of life itself. I wished to admit to this shithead that I saw a therapist for weeks just to figure out how I had gone wrong with Julia. I went to Mr. Grimes every single day for an hour to yell, cry, fight, and some days just numb out. I came out of those sessions admitting that Julia hadn’t left me per se but that Julia left to take care of Julia.

I respected
her choice and that outcome until I saw her again. In that moment, I respected nothing. All those sessions were for nothing. I would not let her go ever again.
Never
. I was in her home now. I was taking care of Julia in life, in her heart, and her bed. I wanted to tell him I prayed to see her gorgeous face in real life every night for nearly two years. I wanted to say that I was mind fucked numb for days after I finally saw her again.

“Thank you for being such a good friend, Pierre. I hope I have the chance to know you, as well. You are
obviously very special to Julia,” I admitted instead.

He
curtly nodded his head and his smile widened as he looked behind me. I turned to find Julia in pig tails, a tank top with Vineyard written across it, and the shortest jean shorts in the history of short jean shorts. I could probably see her vagina if I looked close enough.

I cleared my throat.
“A bit short on the shorts?” I probed before I could stop myself. The girl had to know that they were highly inappropriate for a friend outing. Julia giggled at me good naturedly. Yes, she was definitely a new girl. Before she would have scowled and told me to shut the fuck up. Instead, she came and wrapped her arms around me.

“Yes and when I get back, they are coming off, too,” she whispered in my ear.
I went instantly hard. Damn. I mentally told her that what she just did was so not cool, as I flicked my eyes over to the list on the refrigerator.

Abstinence
. Julia understood and sighed as she warmly placed her lips onto mine for a quick smooch. Smooching with Julia was like catching a falling star. It still felt surreal and I rejoiced in each and every one.

When
Pierre and Julia left, I took a hot shower and thought about that what she had whispered in my ear until I was relieved of the tension she had left me with.

I spent a solid
hour in my new spacious office. Julia wasn’t kidding when she said the desk would be perfect. It was a designer’s dream desk. I laid out all of my work stuff and hung a calendar with my upcoming projects. I set up my computer and my laptop. I took out a picture of me and my parents and thought about when I would be able to place a framed photo of Julia and me on my desk. I remembered her laughing face as she goaded me and I missed her already.
Damn Pierre. Cock blocker.

To excuse myself from those thoughts,
I sent a mass email out to everyone with my change of address and new phone number. Once I felt like all the emails and current office was in good shape, I nudged Loves, who had propped himself under my desk.

“Let’s go the beach, buddy,” I said.

Loves was in the kitchen, waiting with a stick and a tennis ball in his mouth when I made it out there five minutes later. Julia and Loves. They knew what they wanted and they weren’t afraid to ask for it.

I laughed as I opened the door to the glorious island day.