Planted with Hope (41 page)

I was also hoping to walk through Pauline's garden one last time, but I'll have to depend on my memories to take me back there again. It wouldn't seem right to go without you. Your friendship is forever dear to me, and I've learned so much about community, and friendships.

Hope was going to write, “and about love, too,” but she stopped herself. Sometimes stories didn't end like Pauline and Henry's. Maybe hers would eventually, but only time would tell.

She finished the letter with
Forever your friend, Hope
and then the nurse let her peek into the room. Janet lay in a hospital bed. Her room was nearly bare except for one calendar with a garden scene. She looked so tiny in that bed, so thin. Tears filled Hope's eyes, and she backed up. She didn't want to see Janet like this. She wanted to remember her in the garden. Always the garden.

“Thank you,” she whispered to the nurse. “Thank you.”

She returned to the car, and as the driver took her home it seemed strange that she only had two things left to do. Since she
was no longer in charge of the garden, she needed to pack and she needed to read. Maybe reading about Pauline's love story would carry her through.

January 1, 1944

There are days I wake up certain that this war will never end. It's hard to remember back to just a few short years ago when we didn't have to worry about rationing and blackout curtains, to hearing about another telegraph being delivered to a mother or a father in our town telling them their boy wouldn't be coming home.

This morning I woke to the sound of rain, and by the time we'd finished breakfast the sun had come out, and with it a beautiful rainbow. It was just what I needed. It was as if God was promising me that there would be an end, and that I could trust in that. It may not be this year or the next, but God is there.

It also reminded me to be thankful for all that we do have. We have a warm home. Because of the garden, we have a pantry filled with jars of food. I have Janet. I have friends. In fact, Mother and I have more friends than we ever had before, and for once in my life I feel part of a community. I've also had two men who have loved me.

So even though I woke up hopeless, I'm going to bed tonight filled with hope. And I have a new determination to live each day loving those I could well. I wish I would have lived with such a desire when Richard was still alive. It makes me sad to think how I wasted so many days. He'd want to ride to the beach, and I'd insist on finishing my chores. I would do anything to see him again. To let him see the love in my eyes.

I've learned my lesson, and I've learned to give myself wholly to Henry, and I'm thankful I did. I can look at our relationship with no
regrets. I love him not because he always deserves it, but because I'm a better person when I pour out my love. I also realize a bit more God's unconditional love too.

Why would anyone choose to live alone rather than in love? Even worse, why would anyone hold back a part of one's heart instead of giving it away? Love is meant to be shared, and happy is the woman who's willing to risk all for that.

Jonas turned to his side. The splash of moonlight coming through the window turned the white blanket splayed over Emma into a soft shade of lavender. He'd always liked watching her sleep, even as a young baby. After Sarah's death he'd hired one of his nieces to tend to the house and care for Emma while he farmed and tended to the animals, but he'd always wanted to spend bedtimes with her—just the two of them. They'd read stories together and they'd pray, and then he'd sit in her room until her soft, even breaths told him she was asleep. He would do anything for his daughter, give her anything. And for the first time Ruth Ann's words gave him pause. Was he rushing things?

Hope had distanced herself over the last few days, and maybe it was for the better. It would be easier for things to cool off with Hope now than if she'd come to Kentucky.

Lord, is this Your way of protecting Emma's heart?

He leaned up on one arm and studied his daughter again. “Lord,” he whispered, “I give You my heart. You can have all my plans too. I care for Hope deeply, Lord, but I want You to direct our steps. As hard as it may be to walk away, I trust You. I trust You… ”

Chapter Thirty-Three

Too many people want to reach the Promised Land without going through the wilderness.

A
MISH
P
ROVERB

E
mma had been crying in her room for the last hour, and Jonas felt his heart breaking in two. His daughter hadn't cried this hard when Sarah died. Maybe because Sarah's death had been expected. Maybe because she'd been younger. Maybe because Sarah had left them, and just the opposite was happening here. They were leaving Hope.

“The—the carrots are not ready yet. The beans… ” A hiccupy sob interrupted her words.

“Sweetie. There is a garden back home. Our garden, remember? By the time we get back it'll be just the time to plant it.”

“I don't want to plant it without Hope.”

“Me either, sweetie. Me either. But Hope needs time. Hope needs space.” He didn't know what else to say. “Hope knows how we feel—both of us. I just hope that it's enough.”

Emma jutted out her chin. “How do you know that Hope knows how we feel?”

“You've told her. I've told her. I've done all I could.” But even
as he said the words Jonas knew it wasn't true. He hadn't gone to her again. He hadn't wanted to face that rejection.

“Can we go over to her house? I want to talk to her. I have something for her.”

“Emma, it's late now. Everyone is already in bed.”

“Not everyone! We're not sleeping. Maybe Hope's not sleeping too.”

“But her family probably is. If we go over there we'll disturb them.”

“But I have something for her!” Emma's voice rose.

Jonas balled his fist, trying to hide his frustration.

“What, Emma? What do you have?”

Emma moved to her shelf and pointed to an open box. Jonas looked inside and his heart nearly broke in two. His daughter loved Hope. He loved Hope. They couldn't force someone to love them in return… but they could do their best to win her heart.

Jonas turned back to Emma. He bent down on one knee and kneeled before her. “I'll tell you what. We have to leave in the morning. I've already paid for two seats on a van that's returning home.” He brushed a strand of hair back from his daughter's cheek. “And I know it's hard to understand now, but Hope needs time to think. Pushing isn't going to help, but we can remind her how much we care.”

Emma nodded and set her chin, looking older than her years.

“Do you want to know my idea?”

“
Ja.
” Emma sighed, and then she reached her arms to him. Jonas reached forward and pulled his daughter into his embrace. As much as she tried to be smart and strong and brave, she was just a little girl who needed to be reminded that he cared and would do his best to give her what she needed most. And in this case, it was what he needed most too.

Hope thought her heart would break as she stood by the curb in front of Ruth Ann's house watching Jonas packing the last of their things in the van.

She thought about going up to him. She considered saying goodbye, but she was afraid it would just make things harder for all of them. Instead she turned and walked to Elizabeth's shop, hoping the older woman would be able to give her some advice. But when she arrived Elizabeth wasn't there. Instead it was her sister Joy who sat behind the counter stitching.

“Have they left?” Joy asked, as soon as she entered.

“Almost.” Hope sighed and sat next to her sister.

Joy paused her stitching and looked into Hope's face. “What are you afraid of, Hope?”

“What am I not afraid of? Over the last few days I've had the same worries, but new ones have arisen. I'm afraid that if I move to Kentucky I'm going to break his heart. He's already been through so much. I'm afraid I can't be everything he needs. I'm afraid I'm going to get upset if I know he's thinking about Sarah. I'm afraid we're going to disagree over disciplining Emma.” Tears filled Hope's eyes. “I'm afraid I'll take his time away from her.”

Hope paused, wondering where all those words had come from. She looked into Joy's eyes. Joy blew out a breath containing a trace of a laugh.

Hope's jaw dropped. “You—you think this is funny?”

“I'm sorry, but I have to say that I do. Don't you hear yourself, Hope? All your concerns aren't about yourself. They're about him. And isn't that the definition of love? Unselfish loyalty and care for another person? The fact that you're worried about all these things shows your love for Jonas and for Emma.”

“I suppose I'd never really thought about it like that before.” A warmth filled Hope's chest and she knew her love was real. Would she be this worried about Jonas if she didn't love him? And would he have invited her to Kentucky—knowing he could hurt his daughter if she didn't stay—if he didn't love her?

“And another thing I noticed. You're filled with fear over things that
could
happen. Maybe those will happen, and maybe they won't. And even if they don't, don't you believe that God will be there with you, giving you strength and wisdom? He's the one who brought Jonas into your life, isn't He?”