Planted with Hope (43 page)

“The woman was heartbroken. She got on her hands and knees
and searched every crevice in her home, hoping the broom had somehow missed a few of the tiny seeds. To her delight it had, and three tiny seeds were discovered. The woman rejoiced, but fear once again sidled up to her and became her companion. She could plant the three seeds, but she needed to make sure the conditions were perfect.

“So she hid the seeds in a very special place. She waited one year, and then two. On the third year she awoke to a beautiful spring morning and decided that it was the perfect time to plant. She grasped them in her hands, but before she could make it to the garden the old woman collapsed from a heart attack. The last three seeds were never planted, and before that the seeds were never shared. Fear had caused the woman to try to protect the seeds, but in the end, keeping them to herself made them all become lost.

“Now I am certain that there were never really any seeds that grew flowers in every color of the rainbow, but even as a young child I understood my grandmother's point. Love that is kept hidden because of fear is love that dies. Only when we give love away can it grow and spread. Love requires releasing our grasp. When God's Word tells us to love our neighbor it doesn't say, ‘under the right conditions' or ‘only if you are certain your love will be returned.'

“Just like we have no part in making flower or garden seeds grow, we can't force love to grow either. Instead, we have to trust that both life and love are in God's hands. We have to trust that if we have faith and hope there will be a harvest.”

Beside Hope Lovina's fan began to move in a slow arcing motion, and it was only then that Hope remembered where she was. She'd been so wrapped up in the speaker's words that her mind had taken her to another place. It had taken her to her
garden, but in her mind's eye it wasn't the plants or the peace or the quiet that she sought out, but rather a memory of Jonas and Emma the last time she'd seen them there.

Even last night she prayed for an answer. She prayed that God would make His way known to her. It would take faith to give her heart completely to Jonas. But if she didn't she'd end up an old woman with a hard heart after putting up so many walls of protection.

It was safer hiding. It was safer keeping to herself. But it seemed this year God was prying that shell of protection away. Her goal for the year had been to find a simple job up north, but it seemed like God had different plans… better plans?

The tears came then, and her shoulders trembled. From the corner of her eye she saw Mem's head turn, but Hope continued looking straight ahead.

She'd never been one to cry easily, and she didn't understand why she'd been doing so much of it over the past week. Actually, she did know. Whether she wanted to admit it or not Jonas and Emma had wormed their ways into her heart. They'd found the cracks in her defenses, and they'd broken through. And God… He'd done the same. He hadn't given her what she wanted. God had given her what she
needed
. She didn't need a quiet garden. She didn't need to maintain those walls that she'd so carefully built around her heart. She needed Jonas and Emma. And she needed God.

The speaker shared more about how his grandmother influenced him, and he urged the older generation to spend time investing in the lives of their grandchildren. But as the minister scanned the crowd and paused thoughtfully, dramatically, Hope knew the words to come next would have special meaning.

“When we hide love inside us, protecting ourselves from other
people, then we're no doubt hiding it from God too. Why are you holding back the love that was first given to you by God? Your heart is safe with Him. He will not abuse it. He has a better way. He is the Lord of the soil, water, wind, rain, and storms. And even if the hardship does come, He will see you through to the other side.

“A scripture I was reading this morning pricked my heart as I prepared in the back. And while I listened to this congregation lifting their voices in song I knew the words God was asking me to speak. They are words of faith, words of hope, and words of trust. The scripture is from Psalm 62: “Trust in him at all times; ye people, pour out your heart before him: God is a refuge for us.”

Listening to the speaker's words, a new reality hit Hope.
I haven't just been keeping others out. I've been keeping God out too.

She'd spent all that time in her parents' garden growing up, enjoying God's creation and the world He created, but she had never let Him in—not really. And so He'd pushed Himself into the equation.

God had given her the opposite of what she asked for. She'd wanted quiet, and He'd given community. She'd wanted solitude, and He'd given her a chance to love and be loved. And even though community, and love of a man and a girl were things she needed, God knew that she needed Him even more.

God knew that she could not manage the responsibility of community, of a husband, and of a daughter without Him. God was there and she didn't have to try to face it all alone. Never alone.

The service ended, and Hope didn't turn to make eye contact with Lovina. She had no doubt there would be an “I hope you were listening to that” look in her sister's eyes.

Instead, she turned to Mem. “I'm going to help in the kitchen.” Mem's eyebrows lifted slightly but she said nothing. The kitchen was usually the last place Hope liked to spend time, but today she needed the chatter to get her mind off her aching heart.

She rose and hurried back. She couldn't think of Jonas now. She couldn't think of Emma. Not yet. Hope was certain that if she did—if she really thought about how she'd hidden her seeds of love and refused to plant them—then she'd turn into a blubbering mess.

After washing her hands, Hope moved to the counter where fresh, homemade bread had been laid out, ready to be sliced. Hope took the knife and began to cut—maybe a little too hard and too uneven—for before she even got through a half a loaf an older woman placed a hand on her arm.

“Why don't you let me do that?” She offered a half-smile. “If you could open those jars of beets and pickles I'd be so grateful.” She lifted her age-spotted hand and flexed her fingers. “I just don't have the grip I used to.”

“
Ja
, of course.”

Hope moved to the jars and quickly opened them. Then she set the lids to the side and placed a fork in each.

“Hope?”

The soft voice surprised her, and Hope turned. Ruth Ann stood there. Her face was blotchy and her eyes were red.

Hope hurried to her. “Ruth Ann, are you all right?”

“I—I'm fine, but what I've done isn't. Can I talk to you? Do you have a minute?”

“
Ja
, of course.” Hope rinsed off her hands in the sink and then dried them on a dishtowel. She turned and followed Ruth Ann out.

Ruth Ann walked to the side of the church's shed, paused,
and then turned to face Hope. Hope swallowed hard. She'd been in that shed buying eggs long enough to know what was inside. Those who had chickens brought eggs for sale. Those who needed eggs opened the shed, took what they needed, and left their money in an ice cream bucket left solely for that purpose. Also kept in there were plain pine coffins. They were brought down from the north in case they were needed, and knowing that brought the story the minister just told to mind.
Don't die without risking love, without being willing to share your heart.

“Hope, I've done you a disservice. I don't know if you know this, but I'm the one who first gave Jonas the idea about asking you to let the schoolchildren take part in the garden. I got the idea after seeing you with Emma. I could tell right away that the girl had taken a liking to you.”

“Thank you for telling me.” Hope crossed her arms over her chest. From the look on Ruth Ann's face the woman wanted to say more. Hope couldn't guess what that could be. So she just waited.

“At first I was pleased that you and Jonas seemed to get along so well. But then I started to get worried.”

“Worried?”

“He seemed so smitten with you, so quickly. And then I saw how Emma started viewing you as her mother figure. I suppose there was a twinge of jealousy the first time she stopped sitting by me in the church service, instead going to sit with you. But what bothered me the most was how much Jonas was drawn to you. You're so different from Sarah, and I worried that he was moving too fast. I tried to talk to him, but he didn't listen.”

“
Ja
, I know. I heard.”

“You heard?”

“I was bringing Jonas pie, and I heard.”

Ruth Ann reached out and touched her arm again. “You heard?”

Hope lowered her gaze. She didn't need to answer. The tears that filled her eyes answered for her.

“
Ach
, I'm so sorry, Hope. Do you forgive me?”

“Yes. I understood, and I started asking myself the same questions. Would I be the right mother for Emma. Would I be the right wife for Jonas—”

“Oh, I'm ashamed of myself for even putting those thoughts in your head. Is that why you decided not to go live with my sister? Why you decided to stay here instead of being close to Jonas?” She softly slapped her forehead with her palm. “It is, isn't it?”

Hope shrugged. “I told him we could write letters. I thought maybe we
should
take things slower, and… ”

“But don't you think that message was for you, Hope?” Ruth Ann turned and pointed to the church house. “I mean, the whole time it was as if the minister was speaking to you and asking you to open your heart… and speaking to me, chiding me for having doubts.”

“I had that feeling too. I've prayed for an answer… ”

Ruth Ann's eyebrows lifted. “You can't get an answer clearer than that.”

“But Jonas is gone. And Emma too. I told my cousin that I could come and help with her garden.”

“Hope, this is love. Your cousin will understand. And what's the point of writing letters when you know you have to be together?” Ruth Ann grabbed both of Hope's arms.

Ruth Ann looked to the side, and Hope could tell she was thinking.

“It'll be fine, Ruth Ann. Maybe I will write my cousin and tell her that I can't come. Then I can save some money… ”

Ruth Ann's head popped up. She jutted out her chin. “Tomorrow. We can leave tomorrow. I'll make space for you. It's just a short trip for me so I can come back for Hannah… but Hope, you can stay.”

“Can you give me an hour to think about it?”

Ruth Ann tilted her head. “Thirty minutes. No more.”

Hope nodded, and she headed to the one place she knew she could think well… to her garden.

Chapter Thirty-Five

It takes both rain and sunshine to make the garden grow.

A
MISH
P
ROVERB

H
ope walked between the long, raised beds. She smiled seeing the lettuce and the peas almost ready for the harvest to come. She'd nearly gotten to the end of the aisle when she stopped short. There, at the corner where two boards met, sat a little box. Hope's mouth opened and then a hand covered it. She recognized it immediately. It was Emma's keepsake box. Had it been sitting there all through the night? She knew it had. She also knew that it wasn't there by accident. Emma had left it for her. Emotion swelled in her chest.