Plain Answers About the Amish Life (14 page)
Read Plain Answers About the Amish Life Online
Authors: Mindy Starns Clark
Do they exchange wedding rings?
No.
Do they take vows?
During the main sermon, the bishop asks the couple a series of questions, the affirmation of which will serve as their vows. This is followed by the reading of a prayer and the pronouncing of the couple as man and wife.
Does the groom “kiss the bride”?
No. The Amish rarely indulge in public displays of affection, even between married couples. Thus, the bride and groom do not kiss but instead return to their seats for the rest of the service. Additional sermons and commentary are given by other church leaders, followed by final prayers and songs.
Is there a reception after the wedding?
Yes. The type of post-wedding celebration varies from district to district but always focuses on the newly married couple and includes a feast. Eating may also be done in shifts as various volunteers serve.
The celebration may also include other festivities, such as:
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the opening of gifts
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an afternoon singing
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pranks played on the bride and groom, such as hiding their washing machine or dismantling their bed
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a game of walk-a-mile among the
Youngie
(young people)
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pairing off of the unmarried young people for an evening of dining and fellowship
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a wedding supper
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cake and ice cream
In some settlements, the celebration can continue late into the night.
Does the couple go on a honeymoon?
Sometimes, though honeymoon travel is not common. Typically, the new husband and wife will spend their wedding night at the home of the bride's parents. The very next morning, they are expected to rise with everyone else at four or five to pitch in with the massive cleanup effort. Other close friends or relatives may join in to help as well.
It is not unusual for the bride and groom to continue living in his or her parents' home for several weeks or months following the wedding. For some, this period of time may be considered their “honeymoon.” On the weekends, the couple pays visits to the numerous relatives and friends who came to their wedding. In each home, they will be greeted warmly, share a meal, enjoy conversation, and in many cases be given their wedding presents.
When the visits have all been made, the couple might move into a small home of their own, preferably one located near other family members. They will set up housekeeping there and finally begin their life together in their own home as husband and wife.
What is the connection between celery and Amish weddings?
In some regions, despite all of the secrecy regarding courtships, nosy community members can usually figure out which families will be having a fall wedding by the amount of celery they planted in their garden that year. Celery is a late-growing vegetable, so it's a common fixture at weddings both as a main food and in table decorations. If the guest list will be large, as it usually is, the celery must be grown in great quantities, far more than a family would otherwise need.
Do the Amish allow divorce?
No. The church does not sanction divorce, though separation is not unheard of.
Do the Amish have funeral homes? If not, who handles the details when someone dies?
There are no Amish funeral homes. When an Amish person dies, volunteers from the community step in and handle funeral preparations, housework, and farmwork. This leaves the family free to focus on the relatives and friends who come to pay their respects.
For the Amish, funerals are very uniform by design. Tradition dictates everything from casket style to burial clothing to the post-funeral meal.
Medically, is there anything different in the way Amish deaths are handled?
The Amish prefer to die at home whenever possible. Whether death comes there or in a hospital, the body of the deceased is handled in the same manner: A non-Amish mortician retrieves it and embalms it.
After that, the body is returned to the home. There, family members of the same sex dress the embalmed body in burial clothes and place the deceased in a simple wooden casket. Cosmetics are not used when preparing the body.
Do the Amish have wakes or visitations and if so, where are they held?
Yes, the Amish have visitations for family and friends, usually in the home of the deceased. Once the body has been prepared, it goes on display in the casket in a main room of the first floor, where it will remain until the funeral.
What is an Amish funeral like?
Funerals are usually held on the third day after death, unless that happens to fall on a Sunday. Services take place in the home and are about an hour and a half long, consisting of various ministers giving sermons and reading hymns, Scriptures, and prayers. There are no songs, eulogies, or flowers.
After the funeral, everyone proceeds to an Amish cemetery where a grave has been dug by hand by family or friends. A brief word is offered graveside, and then the casket, which typically has no handles, is lowered into the ground with ropes and covered with dirt.
Following the ceremony, close family and friends return to the home where they share a meal that has been prepared by the community.
How are friends and relatives notified when an Amish person dies?
When an Amish person dies, news spreads throughout the community by word of mouth. Distant relatives and friends may have to be contacted more directly.
Where do the Amish bury their dead?
In Amish cemeteries, which are very simple and uniform. In a final display of humility, the headstones are almost always of equal size and contain no extra information or fancy embellishments.
The matching clothes, immaculate farms, and whitewashed houses and barns had a stylized appearance. I liked things uniform. It appealed to my sterile sense of decor. But none of this was sterile. It was all very much alive. The people. The scents wafting through my open window. The vibrant colors snapping on the lines. It was orderly and patterned and obviously it all had a purpose
.
âExcerpted from T
he Amish Midwife
by Mindy Starns Clark and Leslie Gould
Are outsiders allowed to join the Amish church, or do you have to be born into it?
The Amish allow converts to their faith, though successful, permanent conversions of outsiders into the Amish church are rare.
What obstacles would a potential convert face?
For starters, they would need to learn Pennsylvania Dutch, which is the language of the Amish home and community. Beyond that, they would have to deal with the lack of technology (no computers, telephones, electricity, etc.), the need for frugality, and more than likely the hard work of farming. Essentially, they would have to change their ways of doing almost everything from heating a home to educating children to cooking dinner.
These would all be incredibly difficult adjustments, especially for one who has grown up in a world of relative luxury and modern conveniences.
How does the Amish mentality differ from the modern American mind-set?
From a very young age, the Amish are taught that one must continually die to self, resist pride at all costs, and often place the greater good of others over personal desires. Their goal is to live in constant obedience and submissionâto God, to church leaders, and to one another. For the average person living in a postmodern world, the thought of sacrificing personal identity for the greater good of the community is foreign indeed. Encouraged from a young age to stand out from the crowd and be proud of our accomplishments, the non-Amish learn
to celebrate individuality, creativity, and personal freedom. Eschewing these things for the Amish frame of mind would be difficult, if not nearly impossible, for anyone who was not raised in that culture.
How can I meet an Amish person face-to-face?
Several ways might be to visit an Amish area and patronize Amish businesses, stay in an Amish bed-and-breakfast, or have dinner in an Amish home that regularly hosts visitors.
To do any of the above, you might start with a simple Google search for such phrases as “dine in an Amish home” or “spend the night on an Amish farm.” If that doesn't work, try contacting the tourist information center in the area you'll be visiting, as they will often be able to point you in the right direction.
Why do the Amish call the non-Amish “English” or “Englishers”?
Because we speak English as our primary language instead of the German dialect they use.
What is the draw for Amish tourism?
In their book
The Amish and the Media
, authors Diane Zimmerman Umble and David Weaver-Zercher address our collective obsession with all things Amish. They state that for those who operate from different assumptions about dress, travel, education, technology, and success, the religiously informed decisions that the Amish have made over the past 150 years have produced not only a visibly distinct culture but also a viscerally fascinating one.
What is it that is so appealing about the Amish way of life?
Tourists often come to Amish settlements to participate in what Umble and Weaver-Zercher call “the myth of the pastoral.” This myth implies that Amish life is wholesome, old fashioned, simple, perfect, and good; dining on a bounty of farm-fresh delights every day, the Amish have no cares or problems, are free from all technology, and are in fact uniquely pure and special.
No wonder we come to gawk. The Amish-based tourism industry tends to focus on the more iconic, picturesque parts of their culture: their charming manner of dress and speech, their patchwork farms, their homemade food, and their beautiful quilts and furniture.
Is this unrealistic?
Of course. The Amish are human beings with normal human problems, conflicts, and frustrations. Their history has its unattractive parts, as does their society. Much about the Amish people is good, but they are not, in fact, perfect. They are simply people.
Does tourism exploit the Amish?
In many cases, yes. The word “Amish” draws tourists and customers, which results in the good, the bad, and the ugly. For example, in Lancaster County, Pennsylvania, it feels as though for every helpful information center there's a neon-signed tourist trap; for every tasteful furniture store offering Amish-made goods, there's a cartoon rendering of a bearded men in a black hat advertising “authentic” Amish fast food.
Why is that bad?
Because these are blatant attempts to milk the Amish cash cow by those who have no claim to the moniker. From “Amish goods” that were actually made in China to “Amish buggy rides” given by non-Amish wearing costumes to tacky tourist shops overflowing with horse and buggy pencil sharpeners, these are all “Amish” things that no real Amish person would have any use for.
