Pictures of Lily (29 page)

My dad looks across at us and smiles warmly.

Holy shit! I haven’t told him I’m engaged! I cannot
believe
I forgot to tell my dad – my DAD! – that I’m supposed to be getting married. I’ve been waiting to tell him in person, but then it didn’t even occur to me with everything else that was going on. How can I get out of this without Richard killing me?

I glance at Richard and smile serenely. ‘I haven’t told them yet,’ I murmur.

He looks at me, dumbstruck. ‘You haven’t?’

‘I wanted us to tell them together.’

‘Oh.’ The relief on his face is palpable.

‘Go on,’ I urge, plastering the smile even tighter to my face.

Richard looks momentarily panicked and then gazes across at my dad’s expectant face. ‘Er, I probably should have spoken to you first, sir, so sorry about that, but I’ve asked Lily to marry me.’

Squeal from Lorraine.

‘And she said yes.’

‘Aah, congratulations!’ Dad gets up and comes around to shake Richard’s hand while Lorraine leaps to her feet to give me a kiss and a hug.

‘I can’t believe you kept that quiet all weekend!’

‘Neither can I,’ I cry, aware of the irony that it’s the absolute truth.

Kay, Olivia and Isabel, bless them, stay seated, as children usually do when adults are jumping around with excitement.

I sit down again and try to keep smiling.

‘So when’s the big day?’ Lorraine asks with obvious delight.

‘Probably the year after next,’ I reply.

‘That’s good,’ Dad says. ‘That will give us plenty of time to save up again.’

‘Great. We’re thinking a summer wedding, too, so you’ll be able to come over when it’s nice and hot,’ Richard tells him.

‘That’d be great,’ Kay pipes up.

‘And is your dad going to give you away?’ Lorraine pries happily.

‘Of course,’ I say.

Dad beams, Lorraine rubs him on his arm and underneath the table, Richard squeezes my hand – and I feel like the biggest bitch in the world.

I’m dragging my heels, telling her the wedding is so far away that I don’t want to make a decision yet, but she persists with the endless shopping trips. She’s met me for two lunches alone this week so we can exhaust more bridal shops. It’s killing me.

Of course, at work, Nicola thinks it’s marvellous. She’s delighted I’m getting into the ‘swing of things’, as she puts it. And when Lorraine is off the scene, I know I’m in for even more torture.

I haven’t seen Ben since the fishing trip. I texted him a few days ago to say things were manic with my family. When I’m at work the urge to be with him is overwhelming. But somehow, when I’m at home with Richard, I manage to put him out of my mind.

Mostly.

Yesterday I got my photos developed. I couldn’t concentrate on the shots I’d taken over the last couple of weeks because I was so jittery about seeing the one of Ben on the boat. My heart stopped when I finally came to it in the pack. He looked so gorgeous. He had only a slight smile on his face because I hadn’t given him time to pose, but his blue eyes stood out against the grey sea behind him. It was perfect.

In a half-wakeful state this morning, I dreamt that we were in the cabin of his boat together . . . Then Richard rolled up against me with a morning stiffie and I could
not
help it. I couldn’t.

After I’d come down from a mindblowing orgasm, Richard chuckled. ‘Is it your randy time of the month or something?’ he asked.

‘Must be,’ I replied, getting out of bed and going to the bathroom with a red face. I sat on the toilet with my chin in my hands. I’d imagined it was Ben the entire time. I hated myself.

And now here I am at work, sitting alongside Mel and trying to concentrate.

‘She’s got that far-off look in her eyes again,’ Mel says, grinning.

‘More wedding-dress shopping this week?’ Nicola enquires.

‘Not if I can help it,’ I shudder.

My family are going to the Snowy Mountains, which are about a five-hour drive from Sydney. They’re staying there for a couple of days so I’m not seeing them again until Thursday. Which means that for the next couple of days, I have free lunchbreaks.

I need to see him.

I push my stool out from under the desk, saying, ‘Anyone for tea?’

‘Are you making it?’ Mel asks dryly.

‘I
do
make tea occasionally, you know.’

‘No, thanks. I’m going to pop out for a coffee in a minute,’ Nicola tells me.

‘I’m alright, too,’ Mel says. ‘I’ve only just finished the last cup. What’s up with you? Not pregnant, are you?’

‘No!’ I exclaim. ‘Why would you say that?’

‘Cravings?’

‘Please, stop. There is no way I’m having a kid anytime soon.’

‘Give it two years.’ Nicola nudges Mel. ‘Honeymoon baby, that’s what I reckon.’

I roll my eyes and walk away, my fingers clutching the phone I surreptitiously pulled out of my bag. In the kitchen I start to text Ben, then I give up and call him instead. I don’t want to wait for a text to come back. My stomach flutters with nerves as the phone rings and rings. I’m about to hang up because I don’t want to leave a message and then he answers. He sounds breathless.

‘What have you been doing?’ I ask, smiling.

‘I was wrestling with a joey.’

‘Joey koala or joey kangaroo?’

‘Kangaroo.’

‘What are you doing with the kangaroos?’

‘Just the usual check-ups. This one didn’t want to co-operate.’

‘Oh dear,’ I sympathise. ‘So you’re at work today?’

‘Yes, why?’

My heart sinks. ‘I hoped you might have the day off. I wondered if you’d like to meet me for lunch.’

‘That would have been great. Tomorrow?’

‘Okay.’ It’ll have to do.

‘Have you had your photos developed yet?’ he asks.

‘Yesterday.’ They’re still in my bag because I didn’t want Richard to see the one of Ben.

‘Can you bring them?’

‘Sure.’

‘Also, there’s a camera shop around the corner from your work. We could pop in?’

I smile. ‘That’s a good idea.’ We end the call and my mood slumps.

Tomorrow, Lily! You’ll see him tomorrow! It’s not long to wait.

But it feels like forever. And by the time I’ve got through another night full of the guilts with Richard, plus a morning of constantly checking my phone and willing the time to pass, Nicola has grown suspicious.

‘What’s up with you today?’ she asks eventually. ‘Who are you expecting to call?’

‘No one – I’m just checking the time,’ I reply defensively. Usually it’s Mel who cottons onto anything out of the ordinary, but luckily she’s busy making sure a conference this morning runs smoothly. I must really be overdoing it for Nicola to pick up on anything.

‘Why are you checking the time so much, then?’ she perseveres.

‘I’m hungry. Waiting for lunch.’

‘Soup today?’ she enquires, and I’m not convinced I’ve got away with it.

‘I might even go all out and get a sandwich.’

‘Good for you.’

Nicola takes an early lunch at twelve and in the meantime, Mel returns. Finally it’s one o’clock and I can hi-tail it out of there. I told Ben to meet me out the front because I didn’t want him waltzing up to reception and piquing my colleagues’ curiosity. After a quick dash to the ladies to top up my lippy, I hurry outside. I’m five minutes late so he’s already standing there when I arrive, wearing the same grey trousers I’ve seen before and a black jacket. When his dark-blue eyes smile down at me, a memory slams into me of the sex I had yesterday morning. I inadvertently blush.

‘Hi,’ he says, looking at me with amusement.

‘Hello. Sorry I’m late.’

‘I’m early. Nice building.’

‘Thanks. It’s alright.’

‘Pretty good place to work,’ he comments.

‘It’s cool that it’s central.’

‘But you still want more from your job.’

‘Shhh!’ I look around. ‘My boss might hear me and give me the sack.’

‘Aw, sorry.’ He wraps his arm around my neck and presses his lips to the top of my head. Then he lets me go again. It happens so quickly that I don’t have time to react.

‘The camera shop isn’t far from here,’ he says. ‘I’ve been surfing the net, but it’ll be good to pick the salesperson’s brains, too.’

I fall silent. Suddenly I feel silly. What the hell am I thinking, going to buy a camera? Do I really believe I can become a professional photographer? I don’t know anything about cameras! I haven’t even attempted to research them. I come to a slow stop on the street.

‘What’s wrong?’ Ben asks.

‘I don’t know.’ I avert my eyes.

‘Hey.’ He reaches down and takes my hand. ‘You can tell me.’

I look up at him, at the concern on his face. His hand is warm in mine. Yes, it makes me feel jittery, but it’s also reassuring.

‘I don’t know what I’m doing,’ I admit.

‘What do you mean?’

‘I know nothing about taking pictures.’

‘But that’s the point of getting a camera, so you can learn.’

I stare at him warily. ‘I think I might be deluding myself.’

‘No, you’re not.’ He shakes his head adamantly. ‘Lily, you have something. It may be raw talent, but everyone has to start somewhere. Why don’t you do a photography course?’

A spark of hope fills up my insides. Yes, I could do a course! But the spark just as quickly dims again.

‘I still think I’m deluding myself.’

‘You’re
not
,’ he insists, squeezing my hand. ‘Trust me.’

I stare right back at him and take a large breath. ‘Okay.’

‘Good,’ he says. ‘Let’s go.’

He drops my hand and I follow him, fighting the urge to grasp hold of it again.

I buy a camera on my credit card, and I’m practically bursting with excitement and delight as Ben walks me back to the office.

‘I’m going to look into courses this afternoon,’ I promise him. ‘I can’t wait to play with this tonight.’ There’s such a spring in my step, you’d think I’m wearing trainers, not high heels.

‘I don’t think I’ve ever seen you this happy.’

It’s true. I haven’t felt this happy for a long time. We reach the side of my building and I stop and beam up at him.

‘Hey, I haven’t seen your photos,’ Ben remembers. ‘Do you have time?’

‘I can go back five minutes late,’ I reply, getting the pack out of my bag and handing them over. He leans up against the building and comments on various shots as he goes. He agrees with me that I missed a trick with the sailboat photo.

‘Josh distracted me,’ I say, peering over his shoulder.

‘Ah, was this the weekend he was here?’

‘Yeah. Look, there he is.’ I point at the next shot of Josh having a pint at a bar near the Opera House. ‘He didn’t bring his camera so you’ll have to excuse the next few tourist shots. I promised I’d send them to him.’

Ben studies the photo of Josh. ‘Still looks the same,’ he murmurs, then he glances at me. ‘Did anything ever happen between you?’

‘Nope,’ I reply, then before I can stop myself: ‘Would it have bothered you if it had?’

He turns his attention back to the pack. ‘You know it would have.’

There are photos of my family in there, but none, thankfully, of Richard. It hasn’t occurred to me to take any of him, bizarrely.

Eventually Ben comes to the one of him on the boat. He gives me a playful look.

‘You don’t want this one, do you?’

‘Give it here.’ I reach for it, but he holds it away at arm’s length.

‘I might send it to my mum.’

‘Oi. Give it back –
now
.’

‘She’d really like it,’ he teases.

I grab his arm and wrestle the photo from his grasp as he laughs. ‘How rude.’ I put on a prim and proper English accent. I meet his eyes and am greeted with a naughty look. For once, I don’t go red.

‘What are you doing tonight?’ he asks.

I falter for a second before pulling a lie out of my cap. ‘I . . . It’s a friend’s birthday. I’m having dinner in Manly.’

He nods and I swear he can see right through me. ‘When’s your next day off?’ I ask shiftily.

‘Monday,’ he says.

‘Do you . . . Would you fancy coming in to have lunch with me again?’

He smiles slightly. ‘Yeah, sure. Same time and place?’

‘Is that okay?’

‘Of course.’

I force a smile and indicate the plastic bag holding my new purchase. ‘Thanks,’ I say. ‘Thanks for persuading me.’

‘Now you have to get onto that course,’ he replies, backing away.

‘Absolutely!’ I practically shout, totally overcompensating for wavering a moment ago. He grins and turns away and I experience the usual horrible comedown. I walk around the corner of the building, feeling downhearted, and then I remember my new camera and the smile is back on my face in a flash.

I push through the doors to my building, all excited about showing Nicola and Mel what I’ve got, but as soon as I see them, I know something’s not quite right.

‘Who is he?’ Nicola asks immediately as I approach the reception desk.

‘Who’s who?’ I reply, but it’s too late. She’s seen my expression.

‘I saw you on my way back in from lunch,’ she reveals, smirking, as I walk around the desk to my seat.

My pulse races as I try to think what she could have seen. On her way back in from lunch . . . That was an hour ago. What? What did she see?

‘What are you going on about?’ I try to seem indifferent as I perch myself on my stool.

‘That hot, sexy man?’ Nicola persists. I can feel her and Mel watching me like a hawk for any sense of weakness.

‘Who –
Ben
?’ I pull a face.

‘Is that his name? He’s a bit of alright.’

‘He’s an old friend,’ I say dismissively. ‘He came camera shopping with me today.’ I pull the camera box out of the plastic bag. ‘Check it out.’

‘Wow, that’s a bit specky,’ Mel says, leaning in for a look as I get out the camera from its box. ‘How much was it?’

‘Put it this way, it maxed out my credit card. Do you mind if I stick it on here to charge?’ I indicate the power point underneath the reception desk.

‘Sure.’ Mel shrugs.

Nicola rests her elbow against the desk and grins across at me. I look away. ‘So,’ she says. ‘Who’s Ben?’

‘I told you, an old friend.’

‘I haven’t heard you mention him before.’

‘I only bumped into him again recently,’ I explain. ‘I used to know him in Adelaide.’

‘Another sexy Adelaide boy.’ She sighs.

‘He’s not exactly a boy.’ I can’t help but laugh. ‘He used to work at the conservation park where I had a summer job.’

‘What did he do there?’ Mel’s interested now.

‘He was a keeper. He looked after the koalas,’ I tell them.