Phoenix (15 page)

Keep it together.
He couldn’t very well help her if he couldn’t maintain his composure. Jack tipped her chin up. “Did you do that? Did you assault another soldier?”

“I’m not telling you shit,” she said.

Robotic. Dull. Rehearsed. Something was wrong. Something was very, very wrong.

“Commander,” Gig said. “May I have a word?”

Perhaps he’d be granted some enlightenment. “Yes, Sergeant.”

Gig had the grace to lean in so he wouldn’t be overheard. “She only resisted when he tried to cuff her, sir. She doesn’t react well to being placed in restraints. I’m not entirely sure she knows where she is.”

Fuck.
He desperately wanted answers but every time he was given another piece of the puzzle it sickened him further. Jack examined Caroline again. Her eyes were dead. Expressionless. He had to do something to get her attention. To focus on him and nothing else. Surely he could manage that. “Major Gerard,” he said firmly. “Did you attack Corporal Buchanan?”

She dived toward him, trying to ram his head with hers. Jack instinctively took a step backward and she stumbled to her knees. The MP yanked her back and she yelped.

“Fuck you,” she finally said. “I’m not telling you shit.”

Jack turned to the MP. “Remove those,” he said, indicating the handcuffs. “Do that to her again and deal with your own disciplinary action.”

“But sir-”

This soldier dared argue with the commander? Jack didn’t care if he sounded pretentious or overbearing. Standards had to be set. “Do it. Major Gerard is no threat to me.”

“But she-”

“Must I repeat myself? Do it.” Jack turned to the second MP. “Get Jones and Buchanan out of here. I’ll deal with them later. Return them to their quarters.”

The first MP removed her cuffs and Caroline groaned and fell to the floor. Jack yanked the handcuffs out of his hand. They were streaked with red. Blood.
Her
blood. Oh, fuck this guy.

“Do you think this is an appropriate way to treat another soldier?” he asked.

The MP gave Jack a rigid look. “She was resisting arrest.”

“And you responded by making her cuffs too tight?”

“She was being violent, sir. She was out of control.”

“She was not,” Crunch broke in, dropping to his knees and rubbing Caroline’s back.

“Quiet, Mr. Rodriguez.” Jack pulled a handkerchief out of his pocket and handed it to Crunch. He turned to the MP. “Perhaps you misunderstood my question. Do you think you followed proper protocol in arresting Major Gerard? In purposely injuring her?”

The MP lowered his head ever so slightly. “Yes, sir. Absolutely.”

There were times when Jack wondered whether he had any control over these men at all. “You are sadly misguided,” he said. “You are relieved of duty. Return to your housing and await further instruction from Captain Schroeder.”

“Sir-”

Jack tried not to think about Crunch tending to those open wounds. About that unsettling blank expression on his wife’s face. He could see the stains seeping through his handkerchief out of the corner of his eye. This fucking joke of a police officer needed to get out of his sight
now
, before he spilled the man’s blood all over the carpet in front of Schroeder’s desk. Fuck keeping it together. Fuck everything.

“She doesn’t need any more scars!” he bellowed. “She has enough already!”

The MP lowered his head further. “Understood, sir.”

Jack doubted this soldier understood a damn thing. “Get out of here. Now.”

Gig and Crunch pulled Caroline to her feet. Crunch came around to face her, as Gig massaged her arms and Crunch wrapped Jack’s bloodstained handkerchief around her wrists.

“You’re okay, Princess,” Crunch said. “All right?”

Her eyelids drooped. “I’m not talking.”

So stoic and impassive. He had to get through to her. Surely she wasn’t too far gone. Surely the barrier could be broken. Jack stepped in between the two men and cupped her face in his hands. “Caroline, it’s Jack. Can you hear me?”

“Leave me alone,” she said.

He pulled her chin up so they were facing each other. She needed to look at him.
See
him. Recognize that she was safe. “Sweetheart,” he said softly. “Snap out of it. Come on, now.”

“Leave me alone,” she mumbled. “I don’t know anything.”

Jack gazed into her eyes, hoping for a response but seeing vacant nothingness in return. Those wide, red rimmed eyes. That trembling lip. All part of a goddamn desperate attempt to hold her shit together while slipping away from reality.

He could take her and run. Grab a Jeep and drive until they ran out of gas. He could provide for her. For them. He could take care of her. Then she’d see reason. She’d get better. She just needed time, and love, and privacy. Away from this damn base and this fucking ineffectual rebellion. Staying here was doing both of them more harm than good.

Look at me. See me. I know you can.

His presence wasn’t enough. His words weren’t enough. He said them anyway. “Caroline,” he whispered. “Please.”

A fat tear gathered on her eyelash and slid down her face. He brushed it away, leaning in closer and kissing her cheek. He could get through to her. He had to. He just had to keep talking. “Don’t cry, baby. No one can hurt you. Not while I’m here.”

No response. He thought maybe she’d come to her senses, at least so she could yell at him for using that pet name in front of other people. Dammit, she was beginning to frighten him. Clearly he’d misjudged the extent of her trauma. How deep those mental wounds ran. He wiped the remaining wetness from her face and cleared his throat, aware that the other men were all purposely avoiding eye contact with him. No, he was definitely not keeping it together. At all. Jack straightened his shoulders. “Mr. Gigowski, Mr. Rodriguez, would you escort the major back to her room?”

“Yes, sir,” Gig said, putting his arm around her.

Thank God she had people who gave a shit about her. Maybe it would make his job easier. “This isn’t over, Caroline,” Jack told her quietly. “There have to be consequences for your behavior.”

“I’m not talking,” she said.

He needed to figure this out. Because he was at a total fucking loss. And he needed some goddamn privacy to process everything.
Complete
privacy. “Take her home, gentlemen. Do not leave her by herself.” Jack turned to Schroeder. “I’m going to want witness reports on this as soon as possible. Do not disturb me until you have them in hand. Please escort Caroline and her team back to her apartment. You can take the rest of the afternoon off.”

“Yes, sir,” Schroeder grumbled, grabbing the keys to his Jeep.

Jack shoved his way into his inner office, shutting the door hard. Screw professionalism. And forget keeping all of his demons at bay. They’d stormed the castle and were charging inside, seeking treasures he was determined not to let them keep. Caroline was in far, far more trouble than he thought. What on earth was he going to do?

Gig liked Captain Schroeder about as much as he liked chewing on glass, but vowed to keep his cool. He and Crunch guided Caroline down the hall and out the building. Schroeder jumped ahead of them, leading them to his Jeep. It was a short drive back to the residences but it was still raining. None of them spoke until Schroeder pulled up to the front of the building.

“Thanks for the lift,” Gig said, as he and Crunch helped Caroline out of the back seat.

“It wasn’t voluntary,” Schroeder said.

Gig scowled. What a crusty excuse for a man. Maybe he was good at paperwork. “You’re a little ball of sunshine, you know that?”

Schroeder leapt forward to hold the main door for them. “Just make sure she’s safe, all right?”

Gig told himself to behave but was in no mood to exercise his common sense. Even if this guy did outrank him. “Aw, I didn’t know you cared.”

“I don’t. But my boss clearly does.”

Crunch kept his arm wrapped around Caroline, turning to Gig. “Come on, man. Let’s get her inside before you start throwing punches too.”

It was a little unnerving taking Caroline back to her apartment. She didn’t say a word. Gig hadn’t been present for any of her other blackouts and he’d seen some shitty stuff in his day but her behavior was creeping him out. Even her husband hadn’t gotten through to her. They took her inside her bedroom and laid her down on the bed.

Crunch went into the bathroom and returned with some gauze and tape, cleaning her wounds and wrapping her wrists. “You’re safe, Princess. Just rest a little.” He rubbed her arms. “You think she’ll be okay in those wet clothes?”

The A/C was for shit. Gig was sweating just standing there. “It’s warm in here. It’ll be fine.” He bent down by the bed, waving Crunch toward the living room. “We’ll check on you later,” he whispered.

Caroline started crying into her pillow. “Get away from me.”

Well, she’d said
something
real, even if it wasn’t particularly encouraging
.
Gig placed a reassuring hand on her back. “You’re not alone, Gerard. We’re going to hang out in your living room for a while.”

He stood up and left the room, closing the door behind him.

*              *              *              *              *

A long night. Lunch and dinner skipped. Instead of taking the afternoon off as ordered Schroeder had returned, leaving his boss to stew in his office alone. Jack stuck around until his assistant left, long after the sun set. He wasn’t ready to go back to his cold, lonely bedroom. No, there were other tasks that were far more important. He knocked on the door to Caroline’s apartment, hoping she would answer. But Gig opened the door instead.

“Mr. Gigowski,” he said. “Where’s Major Gerard?”

“She’s asleep, sir. Has been for some time. Neither one of us wanted to wake her.”

That seemed fair enough. She always looked so tired. And he was glad the men had obeyed his orders not to leave her alone. “May I come in?”

Gig stepped back. “Of course.”

Crunch was sitting on the couch watching TV but stood up when Jack walked in. “Sir.”

Jack had to give Caroline’s friends credit. They were more than capable of observing protocol, even though he didn’t deserve that deference from them. Not when they’d done more for the movement than he ever could. “Sit down, Mr. Rodriguez. You too, Mr. Gigowski. You’ll need to make official statements about what happened today but I wanted to talk to you first.” He took the chair across from them. Best to start at the beginning. “How is she?”

“It’s hard to tell,” Gig said. “I’m not sure she knew where she was when we got her back here.”

“You gave me the impression this is not the first time something like this has occurred. When did it happen before?” Jack asked.

Crunch frowned. “When we were training together. That’s how we figured out what happens when she has her hands placed behind her back.” He paused. “I don’t know the details but – you get the picture.”

It seemed like a pretty disturbing picture to him, but Jack just nodded.

Gig leaned forward on the couch. “Commander McIntyre, may I be blunt?”

“Yes.”

“She needs help.”

He’d known that for months, but the afternoon’s events had forced his hand. Jack had spent the last few hours in his office pondering that very issue. “I’ve figured that out.”

“I know, sir. I just don’t know if this place is equipped to provide it to her.”

It wasn’t, which was why his day had been so terrible. “I’m not sure where else she can go. She has no idea how vulnerable she is. What happened in the cafeteria?”

“Have you talked to Jonesie?” Crunch asked.

“I came to see Caroline first.”

Gig pinched the bridge of his nose. “We were getting up to leave after lunch,” he said. “Buchanan was giving her the evil eye. Jonesie told her to ignore it but she didn’t listen. She confronted him. I don’t know what was said, but it couldn’t have been cordial. Buchanan whispered something to her and she went nuts. I’ve never seen her react like that to a verbal cue. Ever. We tried to pull her back but she was too strong. Crunch and I were behind her, Jonesie was in front of her. Buchanan slapped her and Jones punched him in the face. The MPs showed up and dragged the three of them out of the room. That’s when they cuffed Gerard, even though I warned them not to. She flipped after they started hitting her with a baton to get her to stop resisting. And she freaked out even more after that and – well, you saw it yourself. She withdraws. It’s frightening.”

Jack rubbed his forehead. “Is that what you saw, Mr. Rodriguez?”

“Yes,” Crunch said. “Although I did hear some of what Buchanan said. He might have thrown down some derogatory words for female anatomy a couple of times.”

“She hates when people do that,” Jack said.

“Yeah,” Gig said. “No kidding. But I don’t think that’s what elicited that response from her. It was something else.”

Jack let his eyes drift toward the bedroom door. “I know I said this when you arrived here, but thank you for helping her. Both before, and today. I don’t want to think about what condition she’d be in if you hadn’t been there for her.”

Neither one of the men said anything. They didn’t want to talk about it either. Jesus, how bad had things been if no one could fucking mention it?

“I don’t know what to do for her,” Jack said quietly. “She won’t let anyone in. Especially me. Does she talk to you about anything?”

“Nope,” Gig said.

“Not really,” said Crunch. “I don’t think she says much to Jonesie either. And there were limits to what she told Gabe.”

Crunch couldn’t look at him when he spoke. Jack wasn’t sure if that was a positive or not. If Caroline hadn’t opened up to loverboy, how much had she bottled up inside of her? “Has either one of you checked on her lately?”

They shook their heads. Damn it, he didn’t care what they thought. He was going in. “I’m going to make sure she’s okay,” he said, hoping he didn’t sound as lame as he felt.

“Go ahead,” Gig said.

It was cold in her room. Strange since the air conditioning never worked. Her blanket was on the floor. She was curled up in a ball, her pillow in her hands. He saw her shiver. Jack sat on the bed next to her, placing a hand on her back. Had the men left her there in damp clothes?

No. He couldn’t take them to task for that. It wasn’t their fault. He’d be more upset if she were in there half naked. But she was cold and uncomfortable. He couldn’t do much but rectify the chill.

He unlaced her boots, pulling them off slowly, trying not to wake her. The blanket she had wasn’t the greatest but he threw it over her anyway. He ran his hand across her forehead to soothe her. Not to get closer. No, it was a purely sterile gesture. He thought he heard her mumble something and leaned in.

“Don’t leave me,” she whispered.

Jack had to have misheard her but if that window opened a crack, he was going to squeeze his way through. He shut the bedroom door and laid down behind her, putting his arm around her waist.

“I’m right here,” he said softly. “You’re going to be okay, sweetheart. I promise.”

She was trembling. Was she dreaming? He wondered how long he could stay there. Before she’d wake up, yell at him, kick him out. This might be the only opportunity for him to be close to her, to be in her presence while she was serene and silent instead of brash and argumentative. He would take what he could fucking get.

“I love you,” she whispered.

Jack closed his eyes, pressing his nose into her hair. Had he heard her correctly? It didn’t matter. Those words weren’t meant for him. They were for another man. The man she hadn’t wanted to leave her. The man who failed to return from the fool’s errand his commander had sent him on. But for a moment, just a moment, he imagined she was speaking to him.

Say it again, baby. Please. Say my name.

He waited but she didn’t speak again. That didn’t stop him from hoping for a tiny bit of light to come trickling through that window. Hoping she’d roll over, open her eyes, see it was him. Maybe she’d give him that precious smile he missed so much. She’d bring her fingers to his lips, tell him all his transgressions were forgiven…tell him that her declaration of love was meant for his ears alone.

She only talked in her sleep when she was restless, so he stayed there until she started to snore. He tried not to laugh. That was his cue to leave.

To their everlasting credit, Gig and Crunch made no comment when he emerged from the bedroom. He had to have been in there for at least thirty minutes. Jack cleared his throat.

“Will you two stay with her tonight? Tell her she’s expected in the commander’s office tomorrow morning at nine.”

“Yes, sir,” Gig said.

Gigowski was a tough one to figure out. Jack was still trying to get a read on him. “Sergeant, why did you quit Chicago Police?”

Gig shrugged his shoulders. “Got tired of the gang war. Telling mommas their babies were dead.”

There had to be more to it than that but Jack was in no mood to pursue the subject. “I see. Would you be interested in becoming an MP? I promise it’s not quite the same stress level.”

Gig gave him a half smile. “While I appreciate you thinking of me, I would much prefer to stay on Major Gerard’s team. However, if you insist, I would be happy to help. And I wouldn’t mistreat arrestees.”

Just the kind of satisfying answer Jack had sought. “No, that won’t be necessary. I think it’s best you stay where your skills are most likely to be utilized. Caroline may be out of action for a while. In the meantime, you’ll be in charge of the team. It’s a bit unorthodox but I’m promoting you to lieutenant.”

His half smile grew bigger. “Thank you, sir.”

Jack shook his hand. “You deserve it. You should have been on an officer track from the beginning. My apologies for not noticing it sooner.” He headed toward the door.

Crunch followed him. “Commander McIntyre?”

He turned around. “Yes, Corporal. Before you ask, you don’t get a promotion. Mr. Gigowski caught me in a rare good mood.”

Crunch chuckled. “That isn’t an issue. Quite happy in my role.”

“Good.”

He gave Jack a sheepish look. “It may not be my place to say this but…she said your name a lot as she was recovering. Mostly in her sleep.” His face reddened. “I – that’s all, sir.”

Jack rubbed his forehead again. He doubted his wife uttered his name now as anything other than an obscenity. But he appreciated the point the young man was trying to make. “Thank you, Mr. Rodriguez. Have a good night.”

*              *              *              *              *

Caroline had not slept well. At one point she could have sworn she felt her husband’s arms around her, his voice whispering in her ear, telling her it was going to be all right. But that couldn’t have been real. Just one of many dreams, many memories that were trapped inside her mind. The rough night led to a rougher morning but she showed up at Jack’s office twenty minutes early.

Schroeder glared at her as soon as she walked in the door. “Yes?”

“I’m here to see the commander.”

“Is he expecting you?”

He had a giant stick up his ass, no doubt. Caroline could see Jack’s calendar on his computer screen. She vowed not to respond in kind. “Yes.”

“Have a seat, Major,” he said. “Can I trust you not to assault me?”

“It’s pretty early in the day. I can’t promise anything.”

“I’m wearing my sidearm.”

Caroline smirked. Schroeder was definitely better suited for desk duty than anything heavier. “Are you mad that I outrank you, Captain?”

“Seems to me that someone of your stature should be able to get through the day without beating the shit out of enlisted personnel. Maybe that’s a sign you can’t handle a leadership position.”

Ooh, he was saucy. She liked that. “That wasn’t your call. Jack made that decision.”

“It’s not my fault that you’re the commander’s Achilles heel.”

“I don’t think Commander McIntyre’s personality quirks are your concern. Are you going to announce me or not?”