Personal Experiences (6 page)

I laughed softly thinking back to this morning's conversation and how she must've went straight into her study right after she hung up with me and sent me this card. Which reminded me, Lilly would be getting a call from me tonight to let her know about our lunch date on Thursday.

As I realized I needed to get back to work, I pulled out the packet folders with the partner's initials imprinted in gold calligraphy on the front and filled them with forms, information sheets and the final contract that would be signed by the CEO's and or owners that would be attending.

Finishing up, I called out to the main receptionist Laurie and informed her that we would be conducting a contract signing in Conference Room B at ten forty-five and asked if she would attend to the refreshments. She gladly obliged so I hung up the phone and looked to the clock, ten fifteen, perfect timing.

I headed to the conference room so I could start setting up. The enormous room could seat twenty-five to thirty people. It's thick rich burnt red painted walls lined with a dark chair rail put off the old southern country feel. It was decorated by the most prominent interior designer in Marietta. All done in dark mahogany wood with a hint of gold adornments. The partners of Richards, Klein and Daugherty always wanted to exude the "Old Money" feel. God knows they will be taking enough "New Money" from these companies. I walked to the enormous wooden table that had been polished so that it reflected the sun coming in from the large windows overlooking the city. Around the table were the very masculine chairs, which were all dark leather and tufted with large gold buttons. I thought that maybe one day I'd walk in here and see Hugh Hefner sitting in one wearing a red velvet smoking jacket, a cigar in one hand, a glass of whisky in the other.

I released the folders that almost plummeted to the floor…twice. Looking around, I realized, this was it…this was my life. No hospital, no doctor's office. I didn't do the college thing. I gave it up, for one weekend that was life changing. "Was it worth it, Elleny?" I asked myself out loud "Was it worth what you have become, a secretary?"

"Who are you talking to, Elle?" Laurie whispered in her already quiet voice, afraid that she was disrupting a conversation. She looked around for who I was carrying on with.

"Ah, Laurie… I'm sorry; just talking to myself; you know, just having a moment." I admitted as I felt my cheeks turn red from realizing she was listening to me drown in my own self-pity.

"Well, just so you know, Mr. Stevens' clients were stepping off the elevator as I was coming in here, so you better wrap up the pep talk."

Smiling at her with a smile that broke through my still red cheeks, I graciously thanked her for helping with the set up as I left the room to go finish getting everything we needed for this meeting.

Heading down the hallway, I heard Mr. Stevens welcoming the clients out in the reception area. The older gentleman was introducing himself to Mr. Stevens, but I wasn't really paying attention, since I had about two hundred things on my mind. I did catch him asking about the direction of the restroom though. I grabbed my memory stick with the power-point presentation on it and headed back to the conference room.

I walked the hallway thinking that the clients had gone to the restroom so I needed to double check with Loren if he needed the packets passed out now or if he wanted me to wait until after the presentation "Loren, do you want the-"

I stopped right in my tracks, like I had just walked into fast setting concrete. Looking at me sitting down in the head chair was not Hugh Hefner in a red velvet smoking jacket, holding a cigar in one hand and a glass of whiskey in the other, it was the man whose name I vowed never to speak again. And told to his face, I never wanted to see again.

Trevor McHale!

Fuck… oh please, God no… oh fuck … no, no, no, no…!!

Sitting there, not even ten feet away from me in his fifteen hundred dollar suit, his hair was cut short, all the blonde curls were gone but his hair was the same brown. Hazel eyes that still had more green then brown. Shit! Have I missed staring into those eyes. The small little dimple right below his left eye was still there, although, his nose was different. He had it fixed. It was straight and the bump on top of it is gone. Nevertheless, you could tell it was him. TJ, here in the flesh, and he's still so gorgeous!! Of course, he's older but he still had that beautiful face, the one I held in my hands time and time again to look deep into eyes that held my future. Everything that was my happiness since second grade was sitting right across the room from me and I couldn't do anything about it.

In what seemed like hours but actually turns out to be seconds, I saw every memory that was filed in my mind containing TJ McHale. All the dreams, that for the past months I've been having, come back to me in a flood. Every touch, I have felt on my body, every space of skin I've touched on his…places I've kissed. The way his muscles would tense as I would gently run my fingers down and over them.

I didn't know whether to run out in a panic, stay where I was, or scream and cry like a two year old. I mentally grabbed ahold of my shoulders, shook them and assured myself; he won't say a thing, just keep calm and walk. Damn it Elleny, cowgirl the fuck up!

"Elleny, I would like to introduce you to Mr. Trevor McHale of the Mac-Gentry Firm, Mr. McHale, this is Elleny Harper-Jackson; my assistant."

I told myself to smile. "It's a pleasure to meet you, Mr. McHale. Please, call me Elle." I articulated, how…I had no clue. I don't even remember moving my mouth to say those words. I realized my hand was sticking straight out in front of me. Once again, my body had done this on its own accord because I have no memory of giving it permission.

As his eyes hit mine, he clasped a gentle but very firm hand over mine. Right at that moment, a stillness I haven't felt in a long time washed over me and I found serenity. Nothing mattered, no kids fighting, no asshole husband. No bill collectors breathing down my back, everything was…gone. I was in my place. In the cab of that truck, wind blowing my hair around, the smell of this man filling my nostrils and the taste of him on my tongue. The baffling thought of how I had let him go long enough to drive us somewhere was filling my mind. I wanted him desperately… madly. This was my place, in my mind…no wait…he was here, right in front of me, holding onto my hand. The man who was and is supposed to be mine. My world… my one and only… the man who I told I would be anchored to throughout this life but yet, told to fuck off and that I never wanted to see again. MINE!! I quickly pulled my hand back and turned to leave when I heard Loren's concerned voice.

"Elle, you alright? You look pale…like you've seen a ghost."

You have no idea…but you're pretty damn close, Loren.

"Actually Lor…ummm, Mr., Stevens, I'm not feeling well. I think I'm going to take a minute in the powder room. If you gentlemen will excuse me. Mr. Stevens, everything you need is right there. I will send Ginger in to help you with the presentation."

I quickly, but yet professionally dashed out of Conference Room B. On my way to the restroom, I grabbed my purse and surged toward Ginger's desk to beg her to please take my place in the meeting. She had no issues with that and sauntered in there as though the world was peachy-perfect.

I made it to the women's restroom and opened my bag with shaky hands, grabbed my phone and pushed the number five because if I had to dial Rachel's number, I didn't think I could do it.

I heard "what's up bia…"

"I know what my subconscious was trying to tell me."

"You do…what…and why are you calling me on your cell, aren't you at work?"

"I'm in the bathroom Rach, it's trying to tell me to get ready and to put up my guard."

Giggling, "Get ready for what and why would you need to guard yourself, Jesus Elle, did you smoke something there in that bathroom? "

"Rachel, would you fucking listen to me, it's trying to warn me."

"Ok Elle, I'll bite. Warn you about what, what do you need to get ready for?"

"My run in…with TJ."

The line got quiet for a moment, like Rachel's mind was churning; either that or she was struggling not to panic.

"Your what? What the fuck are you talking about, Elle?"

"He's here Rachel…here in my office…in Conference Room B, sitting down with my boss signing a contract to purchase Richland Manufacturing. He's coming back to Richland."

I heard Rachel gasp, "SHUT THE FUCK UP!!"

Chapter Three

August 1992

Looking at the mess I called a bedroom, not only did I feel sick to my stomach, I felt overwhelmed. Packing up everything that you have lived with for the last eighteen years was not an easy chore. I had collected a lot of shit. All these items I had, belonged in one of four boxes; decorations for my new apartment, a deterrent of home sickness, daddy's storage unit ,where everything of worth was kept or in the trash.

I could not believe that by this time the following week Rachel and I would be in our new apartment and getting ready to begin our first day of college. Sitting on the edge of my bed I was waiting for my stomach to calm down and talking myself out of getting the stomach flu by convincing myself I was stressed out and needed to eat something lite.

That night was the four of us' going away party. We all pitched in and since Rachel's parents were cruising around Mexico or the Bahamas at the time, we decided to use their house. It wasn't like they didn't have the space to hold two hundred of our closest friends. Their house could've been used as the main house in the remake of "Gone with the Wind". Set on, what looked like a plantation of 25 acres, it was an eighty-five hundred square foot home; nine bedrooms, 12 bathrooms, an indoor-outdoor pool and a theater room that sat fifteen people. But that wasn't the point…we really didn't have two hundred close friends Rachel, me and Lilly told someone who told someone and on and on.

I finally called it quits on the packing thing around four and since I was still feeling nauseous, I decided I'd go downstairs and make a sandwich. Besides, I had to have a little something on my stomach so I could last more than an hour without passing out.

Standing on a dining room chair, that was distinctly shaped like a small throne, in the middle of the large living area, I slurred, holding a shot of tequila above my head.

"Come on my bitches…just one more shot. To college! May we become more experienced, life wise that is, baby…" I said, quickly looking at TJ and winking. "…and may we become wiser, since this is costing our parents a shitload of money!" I screamed as I heard two hundred voices simultaneously chiming together "Here, Here!!!" I cheered the air and tossed the shot back.

TJ grabbed my hips and gently lowered me down as I laughed hysterically at nothing. Shouting over Def Leopard's "Pour Some Sugar on Me", I asked Lilly to go and grab a bottle of tequila so that we could refill our shot glasses for another fucked up toast. TJ, with beer in hand, yelled for her to grab another beer for him as well.

"Baby, this is the best night of my life!!!" I screamed as I wrapped my arms around his neck, listening to the pandemonium around me. I wasn't really paying attention but I could hear people singing along with Def Leopard with strange voices.

"Yeah, you said that last weekend too" TJ said as he laughed.

"God baby, do you hear that? The lead singer of Def Leopard sounds like he got kicked in the balls!"

TJ exploded into laughter "Darlin, I am just about ready to cut you off! Those are those dumb fucks behind you sucking on helium and singing with the music."

I looked behind me and exhaled "Oh shit… that scared me!! I thought damn, that poor man" I exclaimed into riotous laughing as I swayed back and forth while grasping onto TJ's neck.

I stopped swaying, looking TJ in the eyes and whispered right up next to his ear "Kiss me baby and then take me in your Auntie's room and ravage me."

"Seriously? Elle-bean, I think that the moment you hit that bed you are gonna pass the fuck out."

"No I won't" I argued.

"Yes you will Elle, you're pretty drunk."

"Trevor McHale, Are you gonna take me into your Auntie's bedroom and have your way with me or what?"

"You think you can handle that?"

"Hell yeah I can, I can handle anything you throw at me."

"Ok then…you're on!"

As the music changed to Garth Brooks "If Tomorrow Never Comes" people jumped up around us and started slow dancing. TJ grabbed my hand "Wait up a minute Darlin', I wanna dance with you."

As I clasped my hands together around his neck, I laid my head against his chest and felt the vibration that was booming in his chest as he hummed along with the song. He began singing along, so I raised my head and looked up into his eyes and listened to him singing to me in his beautiful voice. I lifted my hand to his cheek, he turned so that his mouth was against my palm as he gently kissed it. I softly touched his face.

Sobering up, I could feel the words to this song, the love that TJ carried for me, I felt it all. I would never have to question how much this man loved me, his love for me ran deep and whole heartily as mine ran for him. Never would another have our hearts because they belonged to the other.

I felt like at this moment, I couldn't physically get close enough to him. He permeated me, every inch of me. My stomach was nauseous again and my emotions overwhelmed me. I was in need of leaving this room that seemed to be closing in all around me, so I quickly and harshly pulled away from him.

"Ellie-bean?"

"I have to go to the bathroom."

"What's the matter, are you feeling alright?"

"No, I've just got to…I just need some air."

"Ok, you wanna step outside?"

"Sure" already on my way to find the door. Looking around I saw Bear and Rachel sitting at the dining room table involved in a game of Quarters. Seeing Lilly and Curt sitting on the couch laughing at a game of Asshole I relaxed a bit. As I opened the front door the cold, autumn Georgia night air hit me like a slap to the face. I closed my eyes and took a deep cleansing breath "oh…much better."