Perilous Partnership (42 page)

“Then I guess I have some thinking to do,” Raymond said with a sigh.

“Don‟t overthink this,” Alain counseled. “Do you love him?”

“Very much so,” Raymond said. “I didn‟t think I would ever find someone who would want me with my checkered past, but he does.”

“Would it bother you if he fed from someone else?” Alain continued.

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“I‟d almost rather he slept with someone else than fed from someone else,”

Raymond admitted.

“Then what are you worried about?” Alain asked.

“That I‟ll lose myself to his influence, that he‟ll regret being tied to me, that I‟ll somehow let him down,” Raymond said in a rush.

“An Aveu de Sang won‟t give him any more influence over you than he already has,” Alain said slowly. “I can assure you of that much. As for letting him down, that‟s a part of any relationship. I know I‟ve let Orlando down at times. There have been times I‟ve been angry or disappointed with him. The Aveu de Sang isn‟t a cure-all. Sebastien told me something when Orlando and I were going through a rough spell. He told me the Aveu de Sang wasn‟t some exterior magical force picking two people who were right for each other. He said it was a promise. A magical one, to be sure, but still a covenant between two people, fallible, imperfect people who make mistakes, but who come back together and work through their problem because they can‟t walk away. You‟ve lived with Jean for a year now. Is there anything that makes you want to walk away? Not storm out of the room in frustration, but truly walk away and never come back.”

“No,” Raymond said softly. “Nothing like that.”

“Then all you‟re doing is promising in another way to stay with him,”

Alain said. “It‟s that simple.”

“Thanks, Alain,” Raymond said. “You won‟t tell anyone we talked about this, will you?”

“Not a word, although I suspect Orlando already knows,” Alain replied. “It would explain his insistence I come over here. Not that I know how he knew you hadn‟t jumped at the chance.”

“Even if I had, I might have had questions,” Raymond said. “He could have sent you in case I needed someone to talk to about my new bond instead of a potential bond.”

“He has always been incredibly intuitive,” Alain agreed. “And he seems to get more so as time passes. If he asks, I‟d rather not lie to him.”

“If he asks, tell him,” Raymond agreed. “I don‟t want you to have to lie for me, but I‟d rather you not tell anyone else.”

“Your secret is safe with us,” Alain promised. “And you can count on our support at any time. If you have questions, before or after you make your Aveu de Sang, don‟t hesitate to ask. We‟ll do our best to answer. Just remember this: a vampire is fundamentally incapable of hurting his Avoué. Orlando literally could not make himself do something that would injure me in any way. If either

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of you has to worry about losing yourself to the other, it would be Jean losing himself to you.”

“You‟ve given me a lot to think about,” Raymond said slowly. “I appreciate it. If I have more questions, I‟ll call or come see you.”

“You‟re welcome,” Alain said, finishing his coffee and setting the cup in the sink. “I‟ll leave you to finish whatever you were doing when I interrupted.

Will you be back at l‟ANS later today?”

“Yes,” Raymond said absently, “and then back at l‟Institut tonight. I don‟t want to leave it undefended again. The damage from the fire was bad enough. If they try something else, they could put us months behind schedule.”

“Just be careful,” Alain exhorted. “A building can be repaired or rebuilt. A life lost can‟t be.”

“I‟ll be careful,” Raymond promised. “During the war, before the alliance formed, I didn‟t care if I lived or died, except that if I died, I wanted my death to help bring down Serrier. I don‟t feel that way anymore.”

“You just answered all your own questions,” Alain said, pulling his coat on.

“See you later tonight.”

Raymond said goodbye automatically, his mind racing as he took in Alain‟s parting words on top of everything else he had learned from their conversation.

To listen to Alain, all his concerns were backward. He did not need to worry about losing himself but about “taking over” Jean. He was not sure that was any better except that, when he pushed aside his instinctual reaction and thought rationally about Alain and Orlando, he had never questioned whether Alain was acting under Orlando‟s influence or vice versa. So then the question was not whether it was possible to have an Aveu de Sang and maintain one‟s independence but whether he could do it. And if he could, did he want to?

A fluttering little piece of his heart he usually buried deep inside whispered
yes
. Instead of silencing that voice as he usually did, he let the thought bloom, exploring it carefully. He had always been a loner, never trusting anyone or anything that might hurt him. Then Jean had come along and changed everything. He could not keep the vampire at a distance, though he had tried at first. Little by little—bite by bite, if Raymond was honest—Jean had wormed his way into Raymond‟s life and into his heart. On the one hand, accepting an Aveu de Sang would not change anything. He would not love Jean more, would not be more committed to him simply because he wore his lover‟s mark. On the other hand, it was a tangible, binding promise, a commitment he could truly, finally make to something—someone—who would never hurt him. Even after Raymond had rejected Jean‟s offer, Jean had not left, though Raymond would not have blamed him. He had stayed and loved Raymond as thoroughly, as possessively, as ever.

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Raymond had never wanted a possessive lover. In the past he had ended relationships because his lover had gotten too demanding, yet he regularly— intentionally—provoked Jean‟s possessive side. As much as he loved sex with Jean in all its forms, nothing curled his toes like Jean losing control and turning wild on him. He knew Jean held back most of the time for fear of hurting Raymond, of taking too much blood, or for other reasons Raymond knew nothing about. An Aveu de Sang would protect him from that. Jean could not take too much blood, no matter how much he drank. He would no longer have to hold back for fear of weakening Raymond too much. Raymond‟s stomach tightened at the thought, his cock twitching in his pants at the idea of Jean ravishing him repeatedly, with no concern for how often or how deeply he bit.

He took a deep breath, steadying his nerves, and glanced at the clock, willing the hours to pass by more quickly. No matter what happened, Jean would not be home before morning. Raymond did not want to tell his lover over the phone that he had reconsidered. That decision needed to be conveyed face to face, where the ritual could be carried out as quickly as possible afterward. Now Jean just had to get back so Raymond could tell him.

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JEAN paced the aisle at the airport, waiting for his flight to be called. He had not been able to get on a flight the night before, even offering to downgrade to coach, and the extra day spent alone on La Réunion had been enough to leave him chomping at the bit with uncharacteristic impatience. He would have said he had banished that particular emotion soon after his turning, the reality of life as a vampire requiring a great deal of patience or at least the ability to bide one‟s time with grace. There had been nothing graceful about the way he had passed the two days of separation.

The airline employee called for Jean‟s flight to begin boarding. He pushed through the crowd to the ticket counter, handing over his ticket. “You‟re traveling alone, monsieur Bellaiche? Your ticket says for two.”

“My partner had to return home early for an emergency,” Jean said tightly.

“I couldn‟t get an earlier flight.”

The woman nodded and motioned for him to board. The reminder, as if he truly needed one, of Raymond‟s absence grated harshly on Jean‟s nerves. He took his seat, waving away the flight attendant who offered him a drink. With Raymond at his side, he often indulged for the pleasure of sharing the experience with his lover, but he had no interest in social niceties at the moment. He wanted the plane to take off so it could land and reunite him with his lover. He did not really expect Raymond to meet him at the airport, although a part of him hoped his lover had missed him enough to want to make a romantic gesture. He did hope, however, to find Raymond still at home. He had gone two days without feeding before, even since he and Raymond had become lovers as well as partners, but this was the first time since the war had ended that they had been separated for so long. That combined with the tension between them at their parting left Jean anxious to feed again, if only for the connection it would give him to Raymond‟s heart.

He could give his lover the space he needed to make up his mind about an Aveu de Sang as long as he could still taste the love in Raymond‟s blood. He chided himself silently for having rushed the discussion without sounding Raymond out about it first. He, who was known for his subtlety, had gone in with all the finesse of a bull in a china shop. With a sigh, he leaned his head

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back against the headrest, closing his eyes and pretending to sleep. He hoped no one would take Raymond‟s seat, leaving him in peace for the flight. He would never be able to make small talk in his current mood.

His thoughts circled repeatedly around to their flight to La Réunion and the teasing with Raymond about his meal. It had been so relaxed, so easy between them.
It will be again
, he promised himself.
I’ll get home and we’ll work this
out. Even if it means no Aveu de Sang. I’d rather have that than this maudite
tension.

The flight finished boarding and they pulled away from the gate, the seat next to Jean still blessedly empty. All around him, he could hear conversations as people introduced themselves or finished phone calls or settled in with their traveling companions. The comfortable sounds highlighted his isolation. He reminded himself that he was alone because an emergency had called Raymond home, not because of their argument, but it made no difference to how lonely he was feeling. Regardless of why, he was alone, and they were fighting.

Except it had not really been a fight. Jean had asked. Raymond had said no.

And neither of them had known what to do next. As beautiful as Cilaos had been, the day had been pretty much miserable, with none of the casual smiles and touches that were such a part of their usual coexistence.

The roar of the jet engines barely penetrated his musings as he played out scenario after scenario for how to fix the problems between them. At one extreme, he could force the issue, telling Raymond if he wanted them to continue as partners, he would have to accept the Aveu de Sang, but Orlando was right. An Aveu de Sang could never work if both partners were not committed to it. Besides, he had told Raymond the day they became partners that he did not want a slave. He wanted a partner. To force Raymond into an Aveu de Sang now would make a liar of him and a mockery of everything they had shared.

At the other extreme, he could drop the idea entirely and go back to the way things had been before. They had managed very well over the past year building a relationship and a partnership that most people—vampires, wizards, and non-magical folk alike—would envy. He could tell Raymond he had reconsidered, that he was wrong to have asked in the first place, and they could go back to being lovers in private and partners in public. Yet that would be a lie as well, and Jean suspected Raymond would recognize it as clearly as Jean did.

He might accept it because it would give him what he wanted, but he feared it would not be long before Raymond started wondering what else between them was a lie. The answer at the moment was nothing, and Jean wanted to keep it that way.

A year ago, when he had been uncertain of everything where Raymond was concerned, Jean had resolved to treat Raymond as if they had the relationship

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he desired in the hope of seducing Raymond into that relationship. It had worked beyond his wildest dreams. Raymond had been the lover and partner every vampire desired, smart enough to play le Jeu des Cours even without guidance most of the time, wiling to push back when Jean became too domineering, yet giving in so beautifully when Jean needed to be the one in control. He had stood confidently at Jean‟s side whenever Jean asked, fulfilling the role of Consort without realizing it, and the Cour had responded, welcoming him as Jean‟s partner, as a hero of the war, as president of l‟ANS. As one of them in every way except the one that would never be open to him anyway.

They had learned, to the great grief of one of the vampires, that a wizard‟s magic fought the magic that allowed a vampire to turn someone. That the wizard in question was dying anyway was no consolation to the vampire partner left behind. Jean still did not know how that reconciled with the fact that in every other case of a wizard being injured, the vampire feeding from his or her partner had sped up their recovery, but that was a question for l‟Institut, not for Jean‟s random musings.

Jean could do again as he had done before, treating Raymond as he would an Avoué, not that there was any appreciable difference, given how besotted with and committed to his lover he already was. Most importantly, he could cherish every day they had together, because as Orlando had so bluntly reminded him, even wizards, who lived twice as long as other men, would eventually die.