His orgasm burned through him, stealing his breath and his awareness momentarily, as he thrust mindlessly.
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“Harder,” Raymond begged.
Cursing under his breath, Jean flipped Raymond onto his back, his fingers replacing his cock as he went down on Raymond, drawing his lover deep into his throat. Raymond bucked and pleaded beneath him, needing just a little more. Lifting his head, Jean bit hard into Raymond‟s iliac crease, hoping the feeling of his fangs would be enough to push the wizard into release.
It worked. Within seconds, Raymond‟s cock twitched, disgorging creamy fluid across his belly. Jean tasted Raymond‟s release in his blood along with the bitterness of fear, a flavor he had thought long gone from their lives. It sobered him enough to reach for a towel so he could clean them both up tenderly. He tossed it toward the bathroom, intending to draw Raymond into his arms and convince him to tell Jean what had scared him so much, but Raymond had rolled to his side again, his back to his lover. With a sigh, Jean lay down next to him, not quite touching but not leaving either. Whatever damage he had done, he refused to give up on them.
Raymond lay motionless in bed, body tingling and heart aching. He had nearly screamed in protest when Jean started to leave, managing to smother it to a whimper, but even that had been enough to bring his lover back, all ferocious rage and passionate possessiveness. The rough coupling had reassured him on one level, but it only added to his fears on another. It would be so easy to give in and give Jean what he had asked for. The pain of the brand would be nothing compared to the pain of receiving the scar that still marred his back, but Jean was already so demanding, so possessive. A part of Raymond feared he would lose all sense of self if he accepted Jean‟s Aveu de Sang. He would never have another private thought or emotion, never have a moment without his lover‟s feelings influencing him.
He had always taken Jean and the needs of the vampires into his decisions as president of l‟ANS, but it had been one consideration among many. If he made the commitment Jean had asked for, he did not know if he would be able to balance the needs of the many with the needs of his lover. Even if he gave up the position at l‟ANS and became the director of l‟Institut, he would still have decisions to make, decisions that would not always coincide with Jean‟s views.
When that happened now, they discussed it rationally, Raymond explained his decision, and they moved on, even if Jean was not happy about it. If Raymond had to live with the pressure of Jean‟s displeasure in his mind, he feared he would soon start caving to the vampire‟s every whim simply to avoid that, and he had fought too hard to reclaim himself after leaving Serrier‟s forces to put himself under another‟s control, no matter how loving.
Then there was the issue of their public relationship. Jean spoke of a private bond, a brand in a place no one but them would ever see, but Jean was also a public figure, and already the two had clashed with Jean treating him as if
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Raymond were his Consort without any announcement to that effect. If they formed an even deeper bond, that would grow a hundred times worse. A day might come when Raymond was willing to consider taking on that role, but he did not want to be pressured into it, intentionally or unintentionally.
Most deeply buried of all was the fear that Jean would change his mind, that Raymond would do something to make him change his mind. He had an abysmal track record with relationships because his fascination with his research had always been greater than his fascination with his lovers. The war and his current role as president of l‟ANS had forced him away from that research and allowed his fascination with Jean to reign supreme in his life this past year, but if he took the job at l‟Institut, that could change again. He knew how self-absorbed he became when he got a question in his head that he could not solve. Jean would never stand for taking a back seat to Raymond‟s research, something he respected about his lover, but Raymond could envision the fights that would ensue. It would be bad enough with their current relationship, but if Raymond accepted Jean‟s brand, it would mean Jean could not go elsewhere to feed if Raymond got busy, and Raymond feared he would come to resent Jean and vice versa to the point that living together would be pure hell.
With a stifled sigh, Raymond shifted to get comfortable with Jean‟s arms around him and tried to sleep. Maybe things would look better in the morning.
THE bus ride from St. Louis to the Cirque de Cilaos the next morning passed in tense silence, neither Raymond nor Jean willing to cancel their plans because of their fight the night before and yet both unable to move past the silent strain between them. When they descended at the end of the ninety-minute trip, the sight that greeted them took their breaths away. In the remnants of a prehistoric volcano, the town of Cilaos sat nestled among the steep gorges of the surrounding peaks. They wandered down the picturesque main street, side by side but not holding hands as they had done the day before.
The église Notre Dame des Neiges rose brilliantly white against the green mountains with their cap of wispy clouds, bringing a sigh to Jean‟s lips.
“Do you want to go in?” Raymond asked.
“Do you mind?” Jean asked in reply.
“Of course not,” Raymond said quickly. Yesterday, Jean would not have asked. He would have simply said yes, a fact that hurt far worse than any of the unyielding tension between them did.
The interior was both predictable and surprising, laid out in the shape of a cross with the altar at the far end, but instead of the high-vaulted naves and gothic architecture Raymond was used to seeing in France, the church had a
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lower ceiling with far fewer arches, a testament to a simpler place and perhaps a simpler faith. The décor, too, was simple, with none of the frescos or elaborate statuary so common in French churches. By the time this church had been built, the faithful had not needed to “read” the Bible in the images on the walls.
Raymond did not know what Jean thought of the quiet effect because Jean had wandered to the front of the church, kneeling before the altar in prayer.
Raymond told himself this was no different than any other visit to any other church, but the distance seemed to grow with each passing second. Feeling suddenly out of place, Raymond stepped back outside to give Jean his privacy and the other tourists a chance to see the church without him in the way.
When Jean joined him a few minutes later, Raymond could not decide how to interpret the look on the vampire‟s face. With a sigh, he looked at the map.
“There‟s the Villa Soledad not too far away,” he suggested. “It‟s supposed to be a prime example of the créole architecture of the area.”
Jean did not say anything, falling in step beside Raymond with no further commentary. Raymond stifled a sigh and wondered what it would take to break the impasse between them. He could give Jean what he wanted, but that would cause as many problems as it solved. Surely there had to be another solution.
They wandered the town until lunchtime. Raymond was about to suggest trying one of the local cafés when Jean pointed to a small charcuterie with prepared sandwiches. “We could go sit by the lake,” Jean added.
It was the first somewhat romantic suggestion Jean had made all day, so Raymond agreed, purchasing a sandwich and a bottle of Volvic from the local woman behind the counter. “Where‟s the best view of the lake?” he asked as she handed him his purchases.
“They‟re all good views,” she said. “Nothing but good views in Cilaos.”
Raymond smiled. “That‟s good to hear. We‟ll just wander until we find a likely place then.”
They walked down to the lake and found a spot in the sun. It was warm, but not prohibitively so, and Raymond could feel some of his stress flowing away as they sat on the grassy embankment and listened to the breeze in the rushes.
“I‟m sorry we argued last night, but I‟m not sorry we came to La Réunion,”
Raymond said softly between bites of his sandwich. “You were right about that break. I needed it too.”
Jean nodded, not at all sure what to say.
They spent the rest of the afternoon much as they had the morning, wandering the outskirts of the town this time, even going up into the mountains a little before returning to catch the last bus back to St. Louis.
After a delicious dinner that Raymond barely tasted because he was so worried about what would happen when they returned to the hotel, they
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wandered the beaches again. Raymond‟s heart clenched at the difference from the night before. Then, they had lingered on the beach to let anticipation build so that when they finally reached their bed, they were both already on edge.
Tonight it was all about avoiding the source of their discomfort with each other.
Finally, though, sleep became a necessity for Raymond. “We should go back to the hotel. I‟m exhausted from all the walking we‟ve done today, and tomorrow is another busy day.”
“We could change our plans and stay in if you need to rest,” Jean offered.
Raymond smiled at the small olive branch. “I should be fine after a good night‟s sleep.”
Jean nodded, following Raymond back to the hotel. They went inside together, but Jean made no move to join Raymond when the wizard gathered his toiletries for a bath. He would not be able to look at Raymond wet and naked and keep from begging the wizard to forgive him, to forget about everything he had said, to let things go back to the way they had been before he opened his mouth last night and ruined everything between them. As much as the current estrangement hurt, he did not want to go back to the way things had been. He had asked for the Aveu de Sang because he felt deeply about it. He did not want to diminish his desire for that commitment by rescinding the offer.
When Raymond came back out of the bathroom, damp and disheveled, dressed only in his underwear, Jean rose and kissed him. “I love you,” he said.
“I‟m not ready for bed yet, so I‟m going to walk some more. Don‟t feel like you have to wait up for me.”
“Jean, wai—” Raymond began, but Jean was already gone. He sighed and sank onto the bed in frustration. He could not seem to do anything right where his lover was concerned. He could only hope tomorrow would be better. It took a long time before he fell asleep.
RAYMOND‟S phone rang the next morning as he was eating breakfast. “Payet.”
“Raymond, it‟s Thierry. I‟m sorry to disturb your vacation, but there was another incident at l‟Institut, and I thought you‟d want to know about it.”
“What happened?” Raymond asked.
“Someone got through the wards—Adèle is still trying to figure out how— and set fire to the Hostellerie,” Thierry reported. “No one was hurt, but there‟s some pretty substantial damage to the interior from the fire, plus the smoke and water damage once we realized and started trying to put it out.”
“Merde,” Raymond muttered. “Okay, give me a couple of hours to figure things out and I‟ll come home.”
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“I really am sorry.”
“It‟s not your fault,” Raymond said. “And you did the right thing calling me. This goes beyond a little bit of graffiti, especially since they got through the wards to do it.”
“Okay, see you when you get here then. I‟ll start evaluating the damage when the arson investigator lets me in,” Thierry said.
Raymond hung up with a sigh and stared down at his coffee and croissant.
“Did I hear the phone?” Jean asked, coming out of the bathroom.
“Yeah,” Raymond said. “It was Thierry. There‟s been a fire at l‟Institut.
Someone got past Adèle‟s wards and set a fire in the Hostellerie. I‟m sorry. I need to go back to Paris.”
Jean nodded. “Can we find a wizard here who can send me back with you?”
Raymond‟s lips pursed. “It‟s not that simple. It‟s too far for one displacement spell. We‟d have to find someone at each stop along the way, and I don‟t have time for that. We can call the airline and see if you can get on an earlier flight, or you could stay and take advantage of the rest of the vacation, since we already paid for it.”
“I can‟t stay here relaxing while you‟re in Paris dealing with the fallout from this,” Jean protested. “That‟s hardly fair to you.”
Raymond shrugged. “None of this is fair to either of us, but that‟s beside the point. Call the airline and see what they say. I‟m going to start packing. I told Thierry I‟d be there as soon as I could.”
Jean frowned, but he could hardly ask Raymond to stay, no matter how much he wanted to. He borrowed Raymond‟s phone and called Air Austral, explaining to the customer service agent that he had a family emergency and asking if it would be possible to change his reservation, or even purchase a new one-way ticket back to Paris for that night. The agent was very courteous and very thorough, but in the end, no seats were available. “The best I can do is put you on standby for tonight‟s flight. You can go to the airport and if anyone doesn‟t show up, you can get a seat, but I can‟t make any guarantees.”
“Let‟s do that,” Jean said. “I would hate to miss the chance if something does become available.” Hanging up the phone, he handed it back to Raymond.
“I guess I‟ll see you in two days then,” he said.
“Will you be okay until then?” Raymond asked. “We didn‟t check to make sure all the flight times would be at night because we were traveling together.”