Perfectly Toxic (The Sterling Shore Series Book 9) (33 page)

BELLA: Yes.

I leave it at that, and I buy a bunch of weird shit for nursing. Basically, if it says nursing on it, it gets tossed in the cart. Then I move on to bibs. Bibs? “Do newborn babies need bibs?” I ask a guy who is grabbing a few things across from me.

“I have no clue. If you find out, let me know.”

Where the hell are all the women? I see numerous guys shopping, but no women.

Annoyed, I grab my phone and text Tag.

ME: Where the fuck are you?

BELLA: At home.

Ah fuck. Wrong person. I forgot I just sent her a text.

ME: That was meant for Tag. Not you. Sorry.

BELLA: Ok.

Well, at least I know she’s back at her house now, since she said she was home. I wish I didn’t know that, because now the temptation is killing me.

ME: Where the fuck are you?

This time I double check to make sure I’ve sent it to the right person.

TAG: Upstairs getting shit you’re going to need.

ME: Do I need bibs?

TAG: Lots of them. And those little towels that you need over your shoulder to burp the baby. They spit up, and it’s not fun. Trust me.

The fucking hell? There’s a special towel for special things? And you have to burp them?

Tag thought it would be quicker to divide and conquer, but I can’t figure out any damn thing. How can something so small have a massive store devoted to just their tiny little needs?

I’m in way over my head here.

I grab a damn book. Then another. Then another.

All of them are essentially how-to guides, and I’ll be reading up. I still have months before the baby gets here.

My baby.

I keep saying it over and over, and each time, it’s scarier. But it’s also just as… exciting? I’m not sure if
exciting
is the most accurate word.

No!! Oh shit. Why am I shopping with Tag when I know the perfect person for this?

ME: Get what you’ve got and check out. I’ll meet you at the car.

TAG: Good. I have no idea what I’m doing. Ash’s parents and Melanie did all the shopping.

ME: Just get the essentials. Crib and shit.

TAG: Got it covered.

***

Mom walks into my house, and she forces a smile at me as I lean against a wall with my hands in my pockets.

“Are you and Bella back together?” she asks me.

How does she even know we’re apart?

“Not yet,” I tell her instead of asking how she knows. “I need your help with something that might aide in me getting her back though.”

“Of course,” she says without hesitation.

I push off from the wall, and I gesture with my head for her to follow me into the empty room I spent the night before clearing out. It was a guestroom, since it’s the second largest room in the house.

“What’s this?” Mom asks, confused.

“It’s going to be a nursery.”

Her eyebrows shoot up, and I keep my expression stoic.

“Bella’s pregnant,” I explain.

Her breath catches in her throat as she fans herself.

“Not planned, I assume, since you two broke up. How is she taking it?”

She’s not having the reaction I expected. She looks more worried than excited right now.

“She’s… I honestly don’t know. In order to get her back, I need to prove how serious I am about her and our baby. She’ll never believe I love her if I just say it, especially now. I mean, you have no idea how badly I fucked up.”

Her eyes immediately water, and she swallows hard.

“You love her?”

Not sure why that’s so hard for people to believe. I’ve been obsessed with her since I met her, and I’ve gradually gotten in over my head without realizing it. Took me a while to realize that drowning sensation and need to see her all the time was love.

It’s not the flowers and unicorns the greeting cards paint it to be.

No. Love is a consuming, unrelenting beast that bitch slaps you in the middle of the night like a rude awakening during a dream. It devours you whole, and it leaves you wrecked when it starts to slip through your fingers.

“Yeah. I love her,” I say, trying not to let her focus on that part and break out that damn wedding book again. “But if I want her back, I need your help. Can you turn this room into a perfect nursery and help me baby-proof my house?”

She holds up a hand, more tears in her eyes. Then she walks away. I listen and start counting down when the door to the backyard shuts.

Five.

Four.

Three.

Two.

On—

Loud, celebratory squeals cut off the final number in my head, and my lips twitch as I poke my head around the side to see my mother in my backyard through the window. She’s dancing. She’s really fucking dancing right now.

Oh for fuck’s sake. Is that the electric slide?

She fist pumps the air and jumps up and down after that, then does some weird chest shaking thing toward the sky that will forever give me nightmares.

After doing the running man and a few robot dances, she moonwalks back to the house, brushes her clothes back into place, and smooths her hair down before opening the door. I move back into the room, acting like I didn’t just see her suffer temporary insanity.

When she walks back into the room, she’s a picture of composure.

“Yes,” she says calmly. “This will be the best nursery there’s ever been, and I’ll do it in neutral colors. We can always add a different color into the scheme after we figure out the sex.”

It’s all getting more real by the second.

“Thanks, Mom. Really. You have no idea how much—”

My phone buzzes in my pocket, and I juggle it out, seeing Corbin’s name flash across my screen. He rarely ever calls me, so I’m confused when I answer.

That’s when my world comes crashing down for the second time in a week. Only this time, it’s all I can do not to fall apart.

Chapter 67

BELLA

My phone buzzes with a text, and my stomach tilts.

ETHAN: Will you breastfeed?

I’ve been on edge just waiting for him to call me or text me or something, and this is what he sends? I’ve anticipated a lot of swearing and resentment. I’ve braced myself for the inevitable blame game. After all, I’m the one who forgot to get my shot, and I let him know that. This is on me, and then I hid like a coward when I needed time to process what this meant.

ME: Yes.

I decide to stick with a simplistic answer, since it’s such a random question.

I stare at my phone, waiting on him to explain. Instead, I get another random text.

ETHAN: Where the fuck are you?

Is he drunk right now? I hate texting. It hides the emotion behind the words, and I don’t know if he’s exasperated or pissed.

ME: At home.

Is he coming here?

One glance in the mirror has me cringing. I look like death warmed up on a cold plate of hell. Today, I got the first taste of morning sickness. And it sucks big hairy donkey balls.

ETHAN: That was meant for Tag. Not you. Sorry.

Apparently he’s not coming.

My mind, being the obsessive maniac it is, starts wondering why he’s looking for Tag, or if it’s really Tag he was sending that message to. What if it was meant for Star? I got those messages when he was ready for me to be with him and I was running behind.

What if she’s getting them now?

No. No. I can’t do that.

ME: Ok.

I don’t even know why I bother answering. He’s driving me crazy, and I don’t know if it’s intentional or accidental.

Tossing my phone aside, I run a hand through my hair. I have a doctor’s appointment in two weeks. My appointment last night led into another appointment, because my blood pressure was a little high.

Nothing to worry about, they said, but to come back in a couple of weeks just to be sure.

As if that doesn’t have me worried more. My blood pressure is probably higher because of that damn visit.

I’m glad I have the day off, because I can’t handle this queasy feeling at work right now. There’s no way I’d be able to inhale all the scents of the hospital without losing my stomach on someone’s lap.

I need fresh air. And I need a distraction.

After showering quickly, I toss on some clothes and check my phone again. Ethan hasn’t called or sent another text. Not that I expect him to.

The suspense sucks, but I understand his need for space right now. It’d be wrong to deny him something I once chased.

Allie’s phone goes to voicemail, but then she’s suddenly beeping in on me.

“Hey, where are you?” I ask her.

“Actually, Wren’s taking me out of town. I was just calling to tell you that.”

“Oh,” I say surprised. She doesn’t sound happy about it. “Everything okay?”

She sighs harshly. “Yeah. He’s sweet, but I don’t need to get away, and he thinks we do. Anyway, Angel is in the back, and we’re buying clothes when we get to where we’re going, wherever that may be. He’s filling up the tank right now.”

“You don’t know where you’re going?” I ask, confused.

“No. We left Tag’s about two hours ago, and we’re heading north now. Wren said we’d stop when we felt like we were in the right place to unwind and enjoy. It’s uncharacteristic for him, so I think he must need it and is saying I’m the one who needs it.”

“Okay then. I’ll… Well, just call me when you get home.”

“Are you okay? Because I can totally have him bring me back if you’re not.”

“I’m fine, Allie. Really.”

She sighs before saying, “Alright. But call if you need me.”

“I will. Be careful and have fun.”

I hang up with her and call Ruby. Ruby answers on the third ring. “Hey, little momma. Just had a heart to heart with Ethan a few hours ago. Is that why you’re calling?”

Heart to heart with Ethan?

“Actually, I don’t want to think about Ethan right now,” I say to her, swallowing the knot in my throat.

“Sorry. Right. I didn’t mean to upset you or anything.”

“I’m fine, but I was wondering if you wanted to get out and go with me. I can’t stay in this house, and if you aren’t doing anything, I thought maybe we could just… Go somewhere. Maybe to some thrift stores or something?”

“Oh! There’s a new thrift store up the road from me, actually. If you’ll give me fifteen minutes, I’ll swing by and collect you myself.”

“Sounds perfect.”

“Brin’s with me. Care if she comes too?”

“Yeah. Bring her. Ask her if she knows of any shops.”

I hear muffled conversation, and suddenly Brin is on the phone.

“I know of a lot of really good ones. I still shop on a budget, because I won’t use Rye’s money.”

“Then I’ll see you two soon.”

I hurry through the motions of getting dressed, discreetly side-eyeing my phone a few times, even though I say it’s because I’m expecting a call from Brin or Ruby. Honestly, I know exactly why I’m eyeing it. But I’m trying really hard not to admit why.

When they show up, I dart out to the car, ready for the distraction, and grateful they seem happy to thrift shop with me.

We hit a couple of places, and after three hours, I’m exhausted.

“Should you be getting so much exercise?” Ruby asks me, worried.

“Of course,” I tell her. “But I’m tired. What about you two?”

Brin acts a little spaced out, and she doesn’t seem to hear me as she checks the nooks and crannies of this huge, overly stuffed, three-story shop.

“Is she okay?” I ask when Ruby stares at her with me.

“I think so. She and Rye had a little bit of an argument earlier. She came home with me, since Corbin had to go help Maverick with something.”

I nod, even though now I’m worried. Rye and Brin bicker, prank each other, and then they make out. They never actually argue.

“Will they be okay?” I ask.

Ruby puts her hand on my shoulder, and she starts guiding me toward the stairs.

“Yeah. They love each other, and believe it or not, that trumps most anything.”

My heart squeezes, but I stuff down the emotion as I start walking down the stairs, thinking of what life would be like right now if Ethan had just fallen in love with me. It might not have changed anything at all. I’m not so sure that love really does trump all else.

My head is swimming with a thousand scenarios, and it takes a second to register the fact my feet are treading on air and no longer on the stairs… I’m falling? How am I falling?

Ruby is screaming my name as a sick, airborne sensation steals my stomach and shoves it up to my chest. My hands reflexively grab my middle protectively.

Someone is screaming as pain shoots up my leg and back, searing through me like a hot’s knife blade from the impact. It’s me... I’m screaming!

What happened?

I can’t breathe! Why can’t I breathe?

I suck in for air, but it won’t enter my lungs. All of the sights around me are a dim blur.

Suddenly, all the air hits me at once, and the pain is almost unbearable as my lungs expand with the multiple breaths I’ve been gasping for. I feel as though I’m being sliced in two as the painful breaths cut into me.

The world above me is spinning, and something wet is all over my legs. Ruby is over me, saying my name and so many other words I can’t understand. She’s shouting… I think. But she’s shouting at someone else as she lifts my head.

I glance down the length of my body, and my legs lift, letting me know they’re still working. But my heart sinks to my toes when I see all the blood seeping through my jeans.

So much blood...

It just keeps pouring out, turning my jeans darker and darker red, and I reach down, touching the wood at my sides. My fingertips get wet, and I stare in horror at all the blood on them.

Too much blood...

My baby! No. No. No. No. No. Please, God, I’m begging you, don’t take my baby away from me.

Blackness swarms me as my eyes roll back in my head.

“Bella! Bella, no! Don’t close your eyes, please! Stay with me!” is the last thing I hear Ruby saying before it all disappears.