Perfect on Paper (6 page)

She got back to the table.

“So?” Her friends eyed her expectantly. “Gay? Straight? Attached? Single?”

“I don’t know. It wasn’t an interview.”

They both shook their heads at her.

“Don’t you two think about anything other than men?”

“Not really,” Alfonso said.

“I do,” Marnie said. “But it’s never as fun as thinking about men.”

Nadine took a sip of her drink. “To my friends. May you one day be guided by something other than your libidos.”

“What the hell kind of toast is that?” Alfonso objected. “Look, I know you haven’t gotten laid in way too long but don’t be hating on us for looking.”

Marnie nodded.

“Fine,” Nadine relented, feeling like the big sister in the group. “To Saturday night.”

“That’s more like it,” Alfonso said. “So where’ve you been anyway? You don’t come out anymore.”

“The bookstore. The business. It’s all kind of taking a toll. I’m in bed by ten o’clock most nights.”

“Is it me or does it sound like she’s talking about a baby every time she mentions the new business?” Alfonso asked Marnie. He added a semi-disgusted look for effect.

“It totally does,” Marnie nodded. “Sorry, Nadine. It’s true, though.”

“Okay, I know I’ve been kind of lame lately, but I’m stressed about making it. I’m putting everything on the line for this.”

“Well, not really, since you’re working full-time.”

“I need the paycheck and the health insurance.”

Marnie shook her head at Nadine then gave her a slightly mocking caress on the cheek. “You and security.” She shook her head again.

Nadine was going to defend herself, but there was no point. Marnie had known her for so many years, and she was right.

“I’m accustomed to a certain lifestyle. Is that so weird?”

“It’s not weird at all,” Alfonso said. “It’s just that you’re working full-time and trying to work at your business full-time and, well, sooner or later, something’s gonna give.”

“Don’t say that.” Nadine dreaded the thought. She had nightmares about things going wrong.

“I’m just sayin’. When’s the last time you cut loose? Had some fun? When was the last time you had sex?” he asked.

“Um.” Nadine tried to do the math but it was a blur. “Can we just change the subject?”

They looked at each other. “Nope.”

“There’s even this sexy young guy at her work who’s totally crushing on her,” Marnie told Alfonso.

“Oooh,” he said. “Do tell.”

“It’s nothing,” Nadine protested and took another sip of her drink.

“Name?”

“David.”

“Mmm. Sexy biblical name,” Alfonso said. Nadine punched him in the arm.

“Nothing’s gonna happen,” Nadine insisted.

“Why not?”

“Because he’s way too young.”

“How young?”

“One of the students.”

“Oh my God! That’s illegal,” Alfonso exclaimed.

“A university student,” Nadine said, irritated. “Geez. Don’t make it worse than it is.”

“So how old is he?”

“I don’t know for sure. Over twenty, I hope.”

“Girl, you are wild,” Alfonso kidded. “I take it all back.”

“Nothing’s happened. And, like I said, nothing will.”

“Why not?” Alfonso said.

“Because I don’t want to have to hear ‘barely legal’ jokes every time I hang out with my friends.”

Nadine loathed teasing and had really never been good at taking a joke. Her friends could tell by her suddenly serious tone that she’d had enough.

Marnie’s face changed from playful to her familiar best friend. “I think you should ask him out.”

“Come on!” Nadine said. “Would you two just knock it off?”

“You obviously noticed him. He has the wicked hots for you, too. So why not?”

“Yeah, girl. Get yourself laid.”

She wondered if she was really that uptight. She didn’t even need to ask her friends for their opinion on the matter. She turned the tables on Alfonso.

“It’s so easy for you guys. Twenty minutes and you’re done.”

“It is not always like that,” he protested. “I will have you know that sometimes it only takes ten.”

Marnie burst out laughing. “Guys are so lucky. Why do we have to get all mushy and overthink-y and manipulate-y?”

“I can’t answer that,” Alfonso said.

“Well, I envy you, too,” Nadine said. “And you know, maybe it wouldn’t be the worst thing. I mean he’s stupid hot. And I’ve never used anyone for sex before.”

“Don’t think of it as using,” Alfonso said. “He wants it, too.”

But the scenario had become too real, too fast. Just thinking about the recent conversation with David made Nadine nervous. He’d gotten to her somehow. She kept mulling over his words, all that Roman emperor stuff. What was he talking about? She was hopeless. If she was already overthinking David’s perspective now, what would happen if she actually slept with him? Nadine took another sip and decided to change the topic for good.

“Hey, Marnie, I think the bartender looked over here,” Nadine said, hoping to distract her friend from further scrutiny.

“If he did, he was definitely checking me out,” Alfonso declared. They looked at each other like they were going to arm wrestle over it. Nadine laughed. She was glad that she had come out. She had needed this.

* * * *

David called his friend Nick in the afternoon. “Dude, you gotta come shopping with me.” He needed someone with good fashion sense and, as far as he knew, Nick dressed himself, unlike some of the other guys they worked with whose girlfriends were the real decision-makers.

“Why, man?” Nick sounded skeptical.

David wasn’t going to beg, so he changed his tactic. “Come on, I’ll buy you dinner at the food court.”

“All right, fine.”

They arrived at the mall. Nick was immediately distracted by a booth featuring plastic kitchen trinkets.

“Oh, man, I totally need one of these,” he said, picking up a salad spinner.

“Dude. Concentrate.”

“What the hell, man? Since when are you so hung up on clothes?”

“I just…” David didn’t really have an explanation that seemed adequate. “I, uh…”

“This is about a chick, isn’t it?”

“Um, well, yeah.”

“Why didn’t you say so, man?” He slapped David on the arm. “What’s she like? Who is this secret vixen?”

“No one.” David instantly regretted bringing it up. Could anyone understand his feelings for Nadine?

“Dude, you just said.”

“Yeah, but I don’t think she’d ever go for me.”

“You can’t think like that, man. That’s for chumps. All right, here’s what we’re gonna do. We’ll start at the food court. You can tell me all about her. Then we’ll shop. Get you all set up.” He affectionately slapped David’s chest and made a little circle with his palm.

Over teriyaki beef, David told him everything without disclosing that he was talking about Nadine.

Nick listened intently. “Seems like you really dig this girl.”

“I do,” David confessed. “I think it might be more than a crush.”

“Well, don’t go getting ahead of yourself.”

“I haven’t felt like this before.”

“Maybe not, but girls don’t like it when guys come on too strong. Don’t be moving in with her in your mind just yet. Give her some space. Get her used to the idea.”

“All right, all right. So what kind of look should I go for?”

“Honestly, we need to do a whole makeover, man.”

“What?”

“When’s the last time you had your hair cut? I know someone talented.”

“Just clothes today.”

“All right, all right. Let’s see. I’m thinking semi-professional. Young. Hip. Artsy. We’ll work with what you got.”

Once they’d discarded their trays, they headed for Banana Republic. David tried on pants that weren’t jeans for the first time since his mom had made him wear Sunday clothes. The khakis looked good on him, the salesgirl said. So did the three collar-shirts and two sweaters, one of which was argyle. He even saw a leather messenger bag that looked a lot better than the backpack he’d been sporting.

David passed the sales girl his Visa.

“Hey, man, when’d you get a gold card?”

“I dunno. They just sent it to me.”

“God. Must be nice,” Nick said.

“I don’t really use it much.”

He signed the slip and they walked out. David felt like a new version of his older self had started to assert himself. He was looking forward to wearing his new clothes to work.

Chapter Eight

The textbook rush was over but the bookstore had extended David’s contract. On the days when it wasn’t busy upstairs at the cash registers, he was sent down to help out in Shipping and Receiving, a request he was rather sure came from Nadine.

“This is a different look for you,” Nadine said, as soon as he came through the doors in the clothes Nick and the salesgirl had chosen for him.

He was vindicated. It was worth it to leave the plaid shirt in the laundry hamper back home. He merely shrugged in acknowledgment of her comment.

“Just a side to me you haven’t seen yet,” he said.

“Hmm,” she said. “What’s next? Are you going to cut your hair and shave your beard?”

“This?” David tugged at his wolverine pelt. “Never.”

Nadine smiled as though she approved of his choice to keep the beard. He couldn’t help but notice how truly uncharacteristic this conversation was for Nadine.

“So, I’ve got a skid for you,” Nadine said, gesturing to the plastic-wrapped gigantic cube in the middle of the room.

“Cool. I’ve missed this.”

“You have not,” she said.

“You don’t know that. I have. I dream of clearing skids for you,” he said, wondering if he was laying it on too thick. She laughed, so it was probably okay.

“Well, then…”

“Uh-huh. Gimme the price gun and the paperwork and I’ll get ’er done.”

“Dependable. I like that.”

She was torturing him. It was awful and delicious and horrible and fantastic, all at once. He wanted to sweep her into a wild and passionate embrace and kiss her like they were in the movies, but they were not. He had a job to do. She had expectations. She went and sat at her desk and did not, as far as he could tell, look at him again.

* * * *

After a few hours, David was sweating from hauling books off the skid onto the cart. He stopped working and took his sweater off. Underneath he wore a T-shirt that showed off his built frame. He was surprisingly muscular. He tossed the sweater on the utility table next to him.

“Did you go shopping recently or what?” Nadine asked, looking up for the first time in ages.

“Yeah, actually.”

“Well, good choice. The sweater, I mean. But don’t dress up for this place,” she said.

“You do.”

“Yeah, but I’m not lifting all those books off the skids.”

“You make a point.” He didn’t want to tell her that he’d expressly changed his appearance for her. That would never do. Instead, he kept on working in silence.

Nadine finally interrupted. “I miss shopping.”

“Why? I hate shopping.”

“You do? No! You did such a good job of it. Don’t tell me you hate it. It’s shopping. Everything about it is great.”

“Not to me. I’d sooner live in a communist country where there are more important things to worry about than the latest fashion.”

“You don’t mean that,” Nadine said, getting up. She sat on the table next to him, dangling those perfect legs of hers in front of him. She was ruthless.

“I do indeed,” he insisted.

“Wow. A genuine hippie,” she said in a teasing voice.

“Busted.” He shrugged. “Material possessions are overrated—that’s all I’m saying.”

“You wouldn’t say that if you were homeless.”

“No, I wouldn’t. But above a certain socio-economic level—and not even a very high one, like I’m talking roof over your head sort of thing—you don’t really need much.”

“Oh, to be young again.”

He looked at her. She was smiling, having her fun with him.

“Let me ask you something,” David said.

“Sure.”

“Why do you work so hard?”

She looked taken aback. “Why wouldn’t I?”

“Well, why would you?”

“Um, I have to. Stability. Health insurance. Home. Car. Clothes.”

“See, that’s the foundation of consumer society—all that crap.”

“Oh, and are you going to try to undo centuries of Western capitalism with your philosophy now?”

“Not at all. But I would like to point out that we all have a choice. I try not to overcomplicate my life with too many belongings. I’ve never wanted to own a lot of stuff.”

“Yeah, but that’s what it’s like to be your age.”

“Any age.”

“You’ll probably change your mind. You’ll see.”

“Don’t condescend.”

She put her hands up like she was caught in the act of doing something illegal. Her lips curled downward.

“You know, one thing I’m really curious about is why anyone would sell themselves short in this life and put work before their dreams.”

Nadine’s shoulders tensed. “Because not everyone is comfortable with poverty. Some of us have aspirations.”

She got up off the table and walked back to her desk.

David knew he had to keep the conversation going or it would forever be over.

“I’m just saying that it’s not worth it to stress out too much about stuff. That’s all. I mean, it’s good to be able to walk into a store and buy a sweater because you like it, but it’s not the best part about being alive.”

Nadine scrunched her face up. “Do tell. What’s the meaning of life?”

“Well, I’m not sure. I mean, if
Macbeth
is right, it’s a tale told by an idiot and it signifies nothing. I don’t believe that, though. I really don’t know. All I know is that it isn’t about shopping.”

“Not for you.”

“You’re right. It’s relative. It’s different for everyone.”

Nadine rolled her eyes. “Why do I bother? All I meant to tell you is that I kind of miss the days when I was carefree and able to buy whatever I wanted because my life made sense.”

“Doesn’t your life make sense now?”

She shook her head. “Not really. Most days I feel like I’m herding cats. Starting a business is a heck of a lot of work and I… I don’t know, I sometimes wonder why I bother.”