Penitence (2010) (3 page)

Abria was occupied, Aunt Janis sat next to me on the bed. The truth is, I dont know where Matthias is. I was just asked to step back in and watch Abria for the time being. My heart sunk. You dont know anything? Im sorry. She reached out to pat my hand and stopped, withdrawing, both of her hands crossing on her lap. Some things are confidential. So, you arent my guardian, either? She shook her head. Dont you worry. Everything will work itself out. I hate that saying. Mom says that to me all the time and it drives me nuts. How can something work itself out? We have to make it work out, thats how it gets worked out. The main thing, Zippy, is that you go forward. Why do you keep calling me Zippy? Isnt that your name? Its Zoe. Ohhh. Much better. I thought your mother had one hen loose in the barn there for a minute. How is she, anyway? Tell me. I want a full report. Did she ever sell the Bryman house? I was still adjusting to the news that no one knew anything about Matthias. Was I meant to live out the rest of my life without ever knowing what became of him? I closed my eyes, fighting back a wave of depression. Maybe nows not a good time. Youre still recuperating. What was I thinking? Besides, Abrias fine. We can catch up later. No. Im good, really. I opened my eyes. Just disappointed. She cocked her head. Havent you learned anything from all of this? What do you mean? Youve had experiences that not too many mortals get to have and youre complaining? You must take after Joe, because your mothers side of the family was never so short sighted. Dads not short sighted at all. All right, forgive me. I didnt know your father very well. I think your parents had been married one year when I passed. Dads perfect, I said. She smiled. Is he? Well, sounds like I missed something wonderful. Tell me about him. Oh, Ive missed your mother so much. She deserved the best, I always told her so, too. She talks about you all the time. And she keeps that picture of you and Uncle Jerry right at the kitchen sink. She clasped her hands at her breasts. How precious. Ill have to tell Jerry, hell be tickled pink. Debbie was the happiest little girl. A delight to be around. Always had a smile on her face, and a smile that could melt an iceberg. She did? Id seen Mom burdened for so long, Id almost buried the image of her happy. But she had been happy when Luke and I were kids. Shes not happy? Youve been Abrias guardian. Havent you seen her? When Im here for Abria, everything else is tuned out. Is that the way it is with all guardians? Maybe Matthias was in trouble. He most definitely had not tuned me out when hed been here for Abria. Is that the way its supposed to be? I dont know of any other guardians who intermingle like your Matthias does. I swallowed a knot. Dont go worrying about this. Theres nothing you can do, anyway. It is what it is, now that it is. Her face tweaked a second, then she clasped her hands and let out a laugh. Back to your mother. Whats happened to you guys? Are you all wimping out? My mouth opened but nothing came. You need to toughen up. You think its easy to have Abria around? Its better than the alternative, isnt it? I was arguing with an angel. This didnt make sense. Of course its better. Besides, shes precious. Look at her. My body moaned when I leaned a few inches so I could see Abria: lying asleep on the floor, the spinning top in her hands. Well of course, shes asleep, I muttered. You guys have a way of doing that to her. Aunt Janiss brow arched over a teasing smile. Ill admit, she becomes... very relaxed when Im here. Ill say, I snorted. Could you spread a little of that sleeping dust around to the rest of us? Or maybe leave a bit of it in a jar somewhere for emergencies? She laughed, a sing-song tone that bordered sounding like an ecstatic bird. You have your mothers sense of humor. Wonderful. I was hoping shed pass that down. Suddenly the door opened. Mom stood, staring at me. Zoe? I jerked around, then winced from the pain the fast movement caused. Mom crossed to the bed. Are you all right? You need to take it easy. My muscles ached like Id just fallen down a flight of stairs. I nodded. Yeah. Fine. Who are you talking to? I shot a glance at Aunt Janis who stood eyeing Mom from head to toe, the smile on her lips gigantic. Um. Abria. Mom peered over the bed. Abrias asleep. She wasnt a few minutes ago. I hated lying. I struggled to my feet. Mom reached out her arm for support. Thanks. I dont think I can get her into bed. I wouldnt expect you to. You certainly have a way with her. Look, shes zonked. Ah, Deborah darling. Its so good to see you. Aunt Janis gleamed. Thats all right, you let her think you have the magic touch, Zoe. Thanks, I will. I froze. You will what? Mom asked. Can you make it downstairs? Yeah, of course. I crossed to the open door. The scent of Chinese food taunted my empty stomach. Aunt Janis stayed in the room, intently watching Mom, now pulling back the covers on Abrias bed. Deborah looks like shes lost weight. Tell her to eat more. Does she ever make my Sunset Rolls? I shook my head, making sure to stop when Mom moved to the side of the bed and picked Abria up in her arms. She used to love those rolls, Aunt Janis continued, ate a whole batch by herself once when she stayed with me and Jerry. Made herself sick, funny little thing. I put my finger to my lips to indicate that she needed to stop talking before I blew it and accidentally answered her. Aunt Janis waved a hand, dismissing me. You tell her to take better care of herself. Her family needs her. She crossed to Mom and shadowed her, close enough I held my breath, sure Mom would sense Aunt Janiss presence. But Mom merely continued tucking Abria in bed, lovingly stroking her hair, staring at my sisters peaceful face. I love her so much, Mom murmured. I know you do. Mom lifted her gaze to mine. How is my other sweet girl feeling? She crossed to me, and my heart soared. Time might make children into adults, but there was nothing time could do about changing a childs love for mother. Right then, I wanted to be tucked into bed, just like Abria. Reassured that everything would work out with the ease of a simple but worn out phrase. Tired, I sighed. Mom threaded her arm through mine and we walked out the door. I snuck a look over my shoulder at Aunt Janis who stood by Abrias bedside, watching us, her hands clasped at her bosom. Her smile lit the room. Four I lay in bed unable to sleep, even though Mom had tucked me in and Id enjoyed the step back to childhood with the gesture. Still, home was where I had most often seen Matthias and knowing I might not see him again was a sad thought that stayed in the forefront of my mind regardless of sleeping pills and familial comfort. Every sound I heard left me jerking to see if he was there, watching me. As the long night drew out, I was forced to accept the very real fact that he was no longer my guardian and that I wouldnt see him again, or else why wasnt he with me now? Sure, I was home and safe. But, I could suddenly have a heart attack, right? A blood clot or something. Anything? I laid in bed the next morning wasted, listening to the familiar sounds of Dads shower, Mom getting Abria ready for the bus and a handful of sentences from Lukes bass voice. A morning symphony. I managed to smile. My bedroom door opened and Dad, dressed in sleek gray pants and a white shirt, popped his head in. He was knotting his tie. You feeling okay? Pretty good, thanks. Its good to see you in your own bed. Aw, thanks. He drew the door closed, but Abria burst past him and ran into my room. She was giggling hysterically, and had a column of Oreos in her hand. And she was naked. Grab her! She got the Oreos! Moms voice called from the hall. Dad left his tie undone and leapt after Abria, but she wriggled free like a greased piglet. I laughed. Losing your touch Dad? She just got out of the bath. Mom hurried in. She must have had the Oreos stashed in her bedroom. Watching the two of them corner her was like watching an old black and white comedy movie. Finally, they caught up with her in my closet. Through dozens of thumps I heard Abria squeal. Mom hoisted her out, kissing her neck. Dad followed, his face flushed red from exertion. Behind them a trail of crushed chocolate and white cookies dirtied my bedroom floor. Dad went back to knotting his tie as he walked out the door. Howd you sleep, honey? Mom stopped at the foot of my bed, wet, writhing Abria in her arms. Pretty good. I pulled back my covers, every aching part of me moving in slow motion, and extended my feet to the floor. Yikes Im sore. You going to be okay here by yourself today? Mom backed out of the room, Abria wriggling and grunting in her grip. Sure. Ill probably sleep. Dont be surprised if you have visitors. Ive had calls since you got home last night. Seriously? Then Mom was gone, hefting Abria like a sack of potatoes over her shoulder, out the door and down the hall. I stood, wobbled and took a deep breath. I still couldnt immerse myself in water, so I went into my bathroom and used a washcloth, which took me about a half hour to gingerly dab the moist cloth around the bandages. By the time I was done, everyone was gone and the house was quiet. It took me a few minutes to creep down the stairs. My stomach growled. For the first time since the accident, I was hungry. I fixed myself a bowl of cereal, some toast and sat down at the kitchen table, out of breath, astounded at the fatigue seeping into my bones. I finished the cereal and didnt have the strength to put the bowl in the sink. I crossed to the couch and fell onto it in a breathless heap. The phone rang. I looked at it... miles away on the kitchen counter. Where is my cell phone? I wished Id asked Mom. Weird how I hadnt thought of it until now, its importance a zero on my list of priorities. Matthias was number one. The ringing finally stopped and I closed my eyes, imagining Matthias in the kitchen, his ethereal lightness filling the room with comfort and love. Deep down, I ached. Longed. Needed. Wanted. Missed. I hadnt missed anyone this intensely since I was little and Mom and Dad had gone on a trip, leaving Luke and me behind. It was the first time Id missed anyone since then, and the severing had cut straight through my heart. I must have dozed, because I heard the doorbell and opened my eyes. I rose and took the long trek to the front door, peering out the sidelights to see who it was. Britt. I opened the door. Her smile bloomed, then faltered as she got a longer look at me. She held out her arms. Honey? We hugged. Wow, you look... I know, right? I moved back so she could come in and she did, her eyes never leaving my face as I shut the door. Do I look that terrible? I hadnt even thought about checking my appearance before coming downstairs. I didnt care. Not terrible, just worn out. But still. Its so good to see you. She wrapped gently around me again, her berry splash scent filling my nose. I didnt know what to think, Zoe. Everyone was so scared for you. Your mom. She eased back, kept her hands on my shoulders. She was a wreck. I nodded. Yeah, I know. Feeling weakness pull me into the floor, I started for the family room couch. Britt followed me. So, how are you? she asked. Britt and I plopped onto the couch. Sore. Tired. Youve lost weight. Yeah? Well, thats always a good thing, right? Like you needed to, Zoe. Britt tried a laugh, but it came out fake. Youre so pale. I havent seen much sun the last three weeks, Britt. Yeah. So... Britt, never at a loss for words, seemed to search for what to say. At least the guy is in jail. What a loser. Yeah. Are you mad at him? I survived, right? And because of him, Id had the most wonderful moments of my existence. With Matthias. How could I be angry? Except that, because of him, I no longer knew where Matthias was, either. Matthias would still be in my life if the accident had never happened. What is it? Britt inquired. Nothing. Whats been going on? I feel so out of it. Are you and Weston still it? She curled her legs underneath herself and stared off for a moment. Weston... A surge of panic wracked me. What? Had he hurt her? Matthias had assured me that neither Weston nor Brady would repeat their attempted assault after his intervention, putting my concerns to rest. She picked at a loose string on the sofa fabric. Hes not the same. You mean hes scarred? Last you told me, he looked pretty bad. Not that. Those zitty things finally went away. But it took weeks. And hes still got some red spots. But most are faded now. That should make him happy. Thats just it. Hes totally changed. What do you mean? Hes different. Reclusive. And he wont talk to me. Why not? Her shoulders lifted. I dont know. What does Brady say about all of this? He doesnt say much. Neither one of them talk about what happened. I guess its pretty humiliating, everybody finding out about their boils and stuff. So, you went ahead with your plan and spread the word? Did you get over to Westons and take his picture? That might explain why he doesnt want to talk to you. I didnt do that, she snapped. Do you really think Id do that? You said thats what you were going to do. You were pretty mad at him the last time I saw you. Yeah, well, I wouldnt do that, no matter how mad I was. I love him. She swung hot and cold like a faucet. Okay. So, how did everybody actually find out what happened? A sliver of fear dug into me. Did anyone tie me to the party and Brady and Westons weird outbreak? Nobody knows anything except that Brady and Weston both came down with boils at the same time. So, Weston never took out revenge, like he said he was going to? She shook her head, looking sad. Thats what I dont understand. He could have, I deserved it. Hes too sweet. I guess he just couldnt bring himself to do it. I hate that he wont talk to me anymore. It doesnt make sense. Weston sweet? I shuddered, thinking about his and Bradys plot to rape me. If Matthias hadnt stepped in and saved me ... I shuddered again. You cold? Britt asked. No. Disgusted, was more like it. Both boys had gotten what they deserved when theyd come down with the most heinously raw case of acne Id ever seen. I still wasnt sure that was courtesy of Matthias, but when Matthias had soberly told me hed taken care of them, I got the feeling the pustules were his creation. Talking about Weston and Brady drained me. I leaned against the back of the couch, wrapping my arms around one of the decorative throw pillows and holding it against my chest. I closed my eyes, tears welling up behind them. Matthias, I miss you. So, what should I do? Britt asked. Keeping my eyes closed, I took a deep breath. Hes not worth it, Britt. Hes scum. A perv. A loser. Find someone else. I looked at her. Her mouth hung open and her eyes fired. Easy for you to say. Youve never had anyone like him, Zoe. She was so out of it, I didnt bother defending my explanation. Britt wouldnt