Pastures New (17 page)

But it wasn’t what it had been. She needed a lot more to get herself going these days, and even Pete’s suggestion of watching exotic videos together hadn’t helped. Exhausted by the combination of motherhood and work, she found herself falling into bed most nights, with sex the last thing on her mind. Pete was forever telling her it didn’t matter, he was often tired too – but suppose, just suppose, that it did matter.

Saffron sighed. She couldn’t face the Vixens, and the Pole Kittens looked a bit too glamorous for her. She turned over the leaflet Linda had given her. It might be embarrassing to go to a class where you knew the teacher. But on the other hand, Linda was a laugh. For all her brashness and new money (her husband, Johnny the Brickie, had made money in the building
trade, from what Saffron suspected were nefarious practices), Linda was very good-hearted. She’d mentioned the classes to Saffron again, the last time Saffron had been round (thankfully on her own – Amy had been on another job). Oh bugger it, thought Saffron, picking up the phone. What have I got to lose? My pride. My dignity. My self-respect. She looked again at the leaflet.

Weight loss guaranteed, or your money back
. Damn it. It had to be worth a try.

Amy was doing the washing-up, staring aimlessly out of the window. Despite everything, she hadn’t been able to stop thinking about Ben. She hadn’t seen him for over two weeks and she missed him. And though she knew, for Josh’s sake, there could be nothing more than friendship between them, she still hoped that they could have that at least.

The doorbell rang, and she nearly jumped out of her skin.

She went to the door and opened it.

‘Ben.’ Her mouth was as dry as powder.

‘Amy – is it –? Can I come in?’ He seemed hesitant, awkward.

‘Yes, of course,’ she said. ‘Though I can’t guarantee you’ll get a great reception from Josh.’

Josh was sitting at the kitchen table, drawing. He shot Ben a dirty look, but otherwise ignored him.

‘Tea?’ Amy asked, thinking, why do we always offer
tea when we feel awkward? People had made her pints of the stuff when Jamie died.

‘No, thanks,’ said Ben. ‘I’m not staying long. I just popped by to wish you a Happy New Year.’

‘That’s nice, isn’t it, Josh?’

‘Suppose,’ grunted Josh, and went back to his drawing.

‘What are you drawing?’ Ben asked.

Josh sat up, shot him a look of pure hatred, and said, ‘I’m drawing Dr Octopus. He’s got you in his grips and Spidey isn’t going to rescue you. So there.’

He flung the paper on the floor and ran off upstairs.

‘Josh!’ Amy called in horror.

‘Leave him,’ said Ben. ‘I know why he did that, and I’m not upset.’

‘I’m sorry,’ said Amy. ‘You see how things are.’

‘I do,’ said Ben, resisting the urge to stroke her cheek. ‘I just wanted to come round to say I’m sorry for causing such a mess. I didn’t mean to upset anyone.’

‘It’s okay,’ Amy replied, her eyes brittle with unshed tears. ‘It’s not your fault. It’s no one’s fault.’

‘But we can still be friends?’

‘Of course,’ said Amy. ‘I’ll talk to Josh again.’

‘Good,’ said Ben. Then, giving her a swift kiss on the cheek, he was gone.

It was only later on that Amy realised she had no idea where Ben had been. Or with whom.

‘Hi, Mary?’ Amy was on the phone as Harry poked his head round her front door. She waved him into the lounge, while continuing her conversation. ‘Yes. A happy New Year to you too. How was the cruise?’

‘Be with you in a minute,’ she mouthed to Harry. She had rung Mary more for Josh’s sake than hers, and was pleasantly surprised to discover that her call had been greeted, if not with warmth, with tepidity at least.

‘Yes, we had a lovely Christmas, thanks … Josh has been asking after you.’ Amy took a deep breath and plunged right in, ‘So we were wondering, would you like to come for a weekend soon?’

Nothing like holding out an olive branch. To her surprise (and considerable relief), Mary said yes, she would love to come. They agreed to consult their respective diaries and Mary promised to ring back when she had worked out her availability.

‘Phew!’ said Amy as she put down the phone. ‘My mother-in-law appears to have forgiven me at last.’

‘Ah,’ said Harry. ‘I have something I was going to tell you about your mother-in-law.’

‘Oh, what would that be, then?’ Amy was puzzled. Harry hadn’t met Mary; what could he possibly know about her that Amy hadn’t already told him?

‘I’ve been meaning to tell you,’ said Harry. ‘When I had that chat with Josh, it seemed to me that it was Mary who put the idea into his head that Ben wasn’t to be encouraged. In fact, I’d go further and suggest she might have even given Josh the impression that you’d lose interest in him if you got married again.’

‘She didn’t!’ Amy was shocked. ‘How dare she? I’ve a good mind to ring her back.’

‘Amy, Amy, think about it,’ said Harry. ‘Your mother-in-law has lost everything. She’s a widow and her only son was killed. And you’ve taken the one person she’s got left away from her. Is it any wonder she’s bitter? Or that she’s taking it out on you?’

Amy sighed. She ran her hands through her curls, which were falling over her shoulder, and piled them back behind her ears. Angry as she was, she had to acknowledge her own responsibility in this.

‘I’m mad as hell, but you’re probably right,’ she said. ‘I couldn’t have managed in the first few months after Jamie died without Mary. She was stoical and strong when I was falling apart. She even encouraged me to keep up with my gardening course, which I’d have given up otherwise. I wouldn’t be here now without her. I suppose it’s inevitable she’d feel rejected.’

‘People do strange things when they’re grieving,’ said
Harry. ‘She probably didn’t even think about what she was saying.’

‘And she is Josh’s granny, whatever my current feelings towards her are,’ said Amy. ‘So I’ll just have to bite the bullet and not say anything. It is my fault too. I’m the one who left her behind. Do you think that was wrong of me?’

‘Amy, I can’t say what was wrong and what was right,’ said Harry. ‘Why did you decide to leave?’

‘Lots of reasons,’ said Amy. ‘Jamie and I had always talked about coming out this way. I felt I needed a new start. And, well, with the best will in the world, I was beginning to find it utterly claustrophobic living in the shadow of Mary’s constant devotion. So I didn’t feel I had any choice really. I still don’t.’

‘Well then,’ said Harry. ‘That’s all that matters. Everything will be well, Amy, you’ll see.’

‘Mum, are you sure you’re okay to babysit?’ Saffron was worried. Ever since Christmas her mum hadn’t seemed herself. ‘You still look a bit peaky.’

‘I’ll be fine,’ said Elizabeth. ‘Go on, off you go, you two. You deserve a night off.’

It was Saffron’s birthday and they had planned a night out. Gerry had been supposed to have Becky and Matt, but as usual blew them out, so Elizabeth now had all three children to look after. In her current state of health, Saffron was worried it was asking too much of her mother, but on the other hand, she and Pete
hadn’t been out for ages, they weren’t going far, and Elizabeth was very insistent.

They strolled hand in hand down the road into town. At the far end of the high street was a little Italian called Al Fresco’s, although, despite the presence of patio heaters for the tables and chairs in the small courtyard outside, the January chill was enough not to tempt them there. They were ushered to a table in the corner. The restaurant had murals on the wall, and wooden tables. It was small and cosy, and they were close enough to the kitchen to hear the chef shouting orders. The waiters were friendly, the service quick, and they soon found themselves chomping their way through pasta, salads and tiramisu, topped up with lashings of red wine.

‘I am so going on a diet next week,’ said Saffron, pushing back her plate. She wished she had the self-control to resist puddings, but when God gave out those genes, he clearly hadn’t endowed her with that one.

‘You don’t need to diet,’ said Pete. ‘Diets are bad for you.’

‘I do,’ said Saffron. ‘I don’t seem to be losing any baby weight. And if I eat any more I’m going to be putting even more on.’

Saffron was half-tempted to tell Pete about the pole-dancing class, which she had booked for the following week. But she was so embarrassed about it, she couldn’t bring herself to. Besides, she wasn’t sure yet if she was going to have the nerve to go. It would only take Pete to laugh at her for her to forget about the whole thing.

Pete looked her up and down.

‘Well, maybe a little trimming up wouldn’t go amiss. But you know I like my women cuddly. I’m always telling you that. You really should believe me, you know.’

Saffron laughed and sat back, relaxed and happy. It was true. Pete was always telling her he liked curvaceous women. She had nothing to worry about.

Saffron was still feeling happy as they wandered up the high street on their way back home.

‘Have we got time for a swift one do you think?’ Pete asked, checking his watch as they passed the Magpie.

‘I’ll just ring Mum to check,’ said Saffron, ‘but yes, why not. We hardly ever do this, do we?’

‘Nope, and we should more often,’ said Pete, pulling her to him and snogging her in the doorway of a shop.

‘Stop, someone will see,’ laughed Saffron.

‘So?’ Pete did it again.

‘I feel like a teenager,’ said Saffron.

‘Me too,’ said Pete. ‘Good, isn’t it? Race you?’

And, still giggling, they ran towards the pub.

The Magpie was packed and steamy, and as they walked in Saffron spotted various allotmenteers. There was a group of wine producers in the corner, and the Guys were all sitting together by the fireplace.

Saffron and Pete nodded their hellos, before heading for the bar, where they encountered Ben.

‘Hi, mate,’ said Pete. ‘It’s not like you to be out on a week night.’

Ben usually made a point of doing his drinking away from Nevermorewell, as, given the town’s incapacity to keep anything secret, it invariably led to a
patient telling him he’d been spotted the next day.

‘I just fancied getting out for a change,’ said Ben. ‘And I did go to the gym first, so I feel I’ve earned it. Where’ve you two been?’

‘Al Fresco’s,’ said Saffron. ‘It’s my birthday.’

‘Oh, happy birthday,’ said Ben, giving her a kiss. ‘Can I get you both a drink?’

‘Mine’s a pint,’ said Pete. ‘Just excuse me while I powder my nose.’

Pete disappeared into the throng, while Saffron chatted to Ben.

‘How’s Amy?’ he asked.

‘She’s fine,’ said Saffron, carefully feeling her way, not sure how much she was supposed to know.

‘And Josh?’

‘Well, he hasn’t done any more moonlit flits from school, if that’s what you mean,’ said Saffron.

‘Good,’ said Ben. ‘I suppose Amy’s filled you in on everything.’

‘I don’t know that there’s an awful lot to fill me in on,’ said Saffron, ‘but I know Josh has been upset about a few things. He seems to be a bit calmer now, though. So Amy’s a little more relaxed.’

‘That’s a relief,’ said Ben. ‘I’ve been so worried about them.’

‘Have you? Amy said she’d hardly seen you.’

‘Yes,’ said Ben. ‘The thing is, I said to Amy I wanted us to be friends, and I do, but Josh seems pretty set against me at the moment. So I thought it best if I stayed away – at least for the time being. Can you say hi to her for me though?’

‘Of course,’ said Saffron.

‘Where’s that pint, then?’ Pete was back, having been accosted at the bar by a couple of workmates. The conversation turned to other things, and Amy was forgotten. It was only when they got home that it occurred to Saffron that for someone who professed just to want to be friends, Ben was showing rather a lot more interest in Amy than he might.

Ben ushered out a harassed mother of three whose children had all come down with chickenpox and looked at his day list to check his next patient. He was pleased to see Harry’s name on the list. They must have squeezed him in. Good. Harry had evidently heeded his warnings and was doing something about it. Presumably he couldn’t get in with Jane Warrender, his own GP and Ben’s more senior colleague. Although, knowing Harry, maybe he preferred coming to a man.

His next patient was a tricky one. Angela Moorcroft, fifty-three, mother of two teenage daughters and just diagnosed with breast cancer. And despite the new ruling about Herceptin, Ben had been having a devil of a job trying to get the PCT to fund Angela’s, even though they were now supposed to by law. The trouble was that all the bloody PCTs were up to their eyes in debt. It was all very well politicians making the rules, but it was much harder to make them work. Still, Angela was a feisty sort. Ben expected that she wouldn’t take no lying down, and maybe she’d have more luck with
the PCT than he had. It helped that her husband was wealthy, so if it came to it they could afford to take legal action, but Ben always thought of the other Angelas, the ones who didn’t have money and couldn’t seek recourse in the law.

Angela, as it turned out, had been expecting his news, and was more than happy to go public on the story. She barely needed his help at all. Sometimes, he really did wonder why he did this job.

When Harry came in, he cheered himself up by thinking that here at least he had made a difference.

‘Okay, Harry,’ he said. ‘Come on, let’s be looking at you.’

Having quickly established that Harry’s blood pressure was too high, and prescribing medication to help, Ben also suggested that Harry go and have an angiogram to find out the state of his heart.

‘What good is that going to do?’ asked Harry, buttoning up his shirt.

‘It will let us know the state of your arteries,’ said Ben, ‘and hopefully prevent you having a heart attack.’

‘I think we can safely say my arteries are probably terribly furred up,’ said Harry. ‘And if I have a heart attack, well, so be it.’

‘Now that is not the attitude, and you know it,’ warned Ben. ‘I’m sending you for an angiogram whether you like it or not.’

‘You fuss too much, old boy,’ said Harry.

‘Someone’s got to,’ said Ben.

‘Quite right too,’ agreed Harry. ‘And, really, I’m not ungrateful.’

‘Good,’ said Ben. ‘So you will go to your appointment?’

‘Yes, I’ll go,’ Harry replied. ‘Otherwise I’ll have Amy going on at me too.’

‘Oh?’

‘Well, who else do you think made me book an appointment?’ said Harry. ‘She hasn’t stopped nagging me for weeks.’

So much for his influence, Ben smiled to himself wryly as he saw Harry out. But he was glad Amy was taking an interest in Harry too. It was like an unspoken bond between them. And for the time being it was all he could hope for.