Pastures New (7 page)

‘Does he have a girlfriend?’ asked Amy.

‘Not that I know of,’ said Saffron, ‘but I’m not one to listen to gossip, and I’ve been so busy this year with work and a new baby that I don’t tend to know what’s going on anyway. Why do you ask? Are you on the lookout?’

‘As if! I was curious, that’s all,’ said Amy. ‘So come on, tell me all about this business of yours.’

‘Not much to tell, since Caroline left me in the lurch,’ said Saffron.

‘What’s Caroline like?’ Amy asked. ‘Her name keeps popping up everywhere.’

Saffron grimaced. ‘I’m probably not the best person to ask, as she’s made my life a nightmare. We met on a gardening course in Sudbury three years back, and when we found out we lived so near to one another it seemed like a good idea to set up a business together. And at first it was great – she’s good at self-promotion and got us loads of clients to begin with, plus she is really good at garden design. But out of the blue she decided she had to go travelling to find herself, just before Ellie was born, and left me to pick up the pieces.’

‘Bummer,’ said Amy. ‘What a pain.’

‘
She
can be,’ said Saffron. ‘I think her main problem is that her parents are loaded, so she’s really spoilt and has never had to take responsibility for anything in her entire life. Plus she has a rather irritating tendency to flutter her eyelashes and get men to do her dirty work
for her – she was always getting the blokes on the allotment to do her digging and stuff. She’s a terrible flirt. She even tried it on with Pete once, when I was pregnant with Ellie. I was furious, I can tell you. But Pete just laughed it off, and said it was just the way she was.’

‘Ouch,’ said Amy.

‘Ouch indeed,’ said Saffron. ‘Anyway, enough of her. Why did you want to know about my gardening business?’

‘Well, I was just wondering if you had any openings? I’m itching to get my green fingers dirty.’

‘Are you serious?’

‘Absolutely,’ said Amy. ‘I’ve arranged with the school to do some supply teaching, but I need another income, and the idea was always to try and make money from gardening.’

‘I could really, really use the help,’ said Saffron. ‘I’m drowning on my own. Though I warn you, the finances are a bit dicey at the moment, so I can’t pay much.’

‘That’s okay,’ said Amy. ‘I’ve got a bit of a cushion to tide me over for the next few months.’

‘Great,’ said Saffron. ‘That’s such a weight off my mind.’

‘Then it’s a deal,’ said Amy, grinning. ‘When do I start?’

Amy was cooking lunch for herself and Josh – or, rather, for Josh. She had a terrible habit of finishing up his leftovers, and eating on the run. She couldn’t remember the last time she had made a proper meal for herself. She really ought to bring herself in hand. The radio was on, and it being Saturday she was listening to Jonathan Ross, who always made her laugh. And today he was making her laugh more than ever. For the first time in months she was feeling positive and cheerful about the future.

After Saffron had discovered her interest in gardening, she had insisted on dragging Amy back home and showing her the latest plans for Green Fingers. Saffron had nearly cleared the backlog left by Caroline, but she still had clients who were urgently demanding their gardens be tidied up for the autumn, as well as several who were after table decorations for Christmas.

‘Mind you,’ Saffron admitted ruefully, ‘I am in something of a fix. Because although I have too much work
at the moment, once I’ve caught up, I don’t have any new clients. I’ve lost a lot over the summer, and, to be honest, with the baby and everything I’ve been too exhausted to think about marketing.’

‘Have you got a website?’ Amy said.

‘God no,’ Saffron replied. ‘I’m way too computer illiterate for that.’

‘Actually, it’s quite easy,’ Amy told her. ‘It’s simply a question of buying a domain name and a package from a company that’s into website-building.’

‘Oh right,’ said Saffron, surprised. ‘How do you know all this stuff?’

‘You’d be amazed what you pick up teaching IT to seven-year-olds,’ Amy replied vaguely. It was actually Jamie who had taught her about computing, and when he and Giles had set up in business together she’d ended up getting involved in creating their website. Neither of them had been much good with design, but Amy loved playing about with typefaces and graphics and she had been happy to help.

‘Sounds great,’ said Saffron. ‘Got any other good ideas? Caroline was always great at that kind of stuff. I haven’t got a clue.’

‘Well, I could design you a leaflet if you like,’ said Amy. ‘And then you could do a drop with the local paper. Or leave them in shops – the local hairdressers would be a good place to start. You could offer a ten per cent discount on your first job or something. How does that sound?’

‘It sounds fantastic,’ said Saffron eagerly. ‘You are sent from heaven to solve all my problems. I would never have thought of that on my own.’

‘Aaah,’ said Amy. ‘I have been wanting to set up my own business for ages, so I’ve done a lot of planning over the years. And I’ve got a couple of weeks till my supply teaching starts, so I’ve got time at the moment.’

Before she knew it, Amy was also agreeing to go and price a job with Saffron the following Tuesday, once the kids were at school. It was just what she needed to move her life forward. She couldn’t wait to get started.

So, a little later, humming to the tune playing on the radio, she was cheerfully busying herself in the kitchen when the doorbell rang. Puzzled, she went to answer it. She wasn’t expecting anyone, and although Harry had taken to popping in from time to time to borrow some milk or play a game with Josh, she knew he had gone out to see friends today. She had been enjoying his avuncular concern. He was an easy person to be around, and it did Josh good to have a grandfatherly figure about. They often spent time with Harry at the weekends, taking the odd walk, going for pub lunches. Despite her differences with Mary, Amy recognised she had lost a useful support system, and Harry was doing a good job of plugging the gap.

She opened the door, and nearly passed out.

‘Mary! What a surprise!’ She hoped the shock in her face wasn’t too obvious. It wasn’t that she didn’t want to see Mary, but it would have been nice to have had some prior warning.

‘Well, I was coming to visit my sister in Romford,’ said Mary, in rather stiff tones, ‘so I thought I’d pop in to see how you were both doing. I hope you don’t mind.’
Romford to Nevermorewell was a good hour and a half. Something told Amy this wasn’t a spontaneous visit.

‘Mind? Of course I don’t mind,’ lied Amy, hoping the house wasn’t too untidy. ‘It’s lovely to see you. Josh, look who’s here!’

Josh, who had been playing with his train set in the front room, came diving out when he heard Mary’s voice.

‘Granneeee!’ he shrieked in delight, and flung himself at her.

Amy was relieved to see the pleasure in Mary’s face when she hugged her grandson. After all, it wasn’t really Amy she had come to see. And whether or not Amy cared to admit it, by moving away from Mary, she had taken away from her mother-in-law all that was left of Jamie. Josh, too, seemed ecstatic to see his grandmother. Amy had been fretting that he had seemed very quiet since the move. Now, seeing him so natural with Mary, she realised he hadn’t been his normal self. The old guilt welled up inside her, threatening to engulf the good feelings and bring her right back to square one. Mary’s next comment didn’t help much either.

‘Oh, I have missed you both!’ she said. ‘The house seems so quiet without you. No chance that you’ll change your mind, I suppose?’

‘We’ve only just got here,’ said Amy, trying to laugh it off and ignore the feelings of resentment the remark engendered.

‘Granny could come and live here,’ suggested Josh.

‘I don’t think that’s going to be possible, Josh,’ said Mary. She glanced at Amy, as if to say, is it?

Amy tried to ignore that comment too. The last thing she wanted right now was to have Mary round the corner again, even if she
wanted
to move out this way. And as they sat politely sipping their tea, Amy was suddenly struck by the gulf that had grown between them. It had only been a few weeks, but already she and Mary were strangers in this new environment; and yet, after Jamie’s death they had seemed so close. Irritated as she was by Mary, Amy couldn’t bear to lose that, and for Josh’s sake it wasn’t fair. So she asked suitable questions about Mary’s life and filled her in on their own doings. And then Josh mentioned Ben.

‘And who’s Ben?’ asked Mary. ‘One of your little play-mates?’

‘Oh no,’ said Josh in disgusted tones. ‘Ben’s well old. As old as Mummy.’

‘And?’ Mary looked askance at Amy.

‘And what?’ said Amy. ‘Ben’s someone I met on the allotments.’

‘Yes, and Mummy borrowed his clothes and he lent me his
Spiderman
DVD when we were at his house. He’s really cool.’

‘I see,’ said Mary testily.

No, you don’t
, Amy wanted to reply, but restrained herself.

‘Yes, it was a bit embarrassing really,’ said Amy, wondering why she felt the need to justify herself. ‘I had a problem with the plumbing and then I got a bit mucky on the allotments so he lent me some clothes.
I barely know him.’ She was aware she was gabbling. She was further aware that the more she gabbled, the more sceptically Mary looked at her.

‘Well, I suppose it was inevitable that you would find a new man one day,’ said Mary, ‘but I have to say I’m surprised that you’re rushing things.’

Amy blushed, immediately furious with herself for doing so. She had nothing to be embarrassed about or apologise for.

‘Mary, I don’t have a new man,’ she said. ‘He’s just someone who helped me out.’

‘If you say so,’ said Mary.

‘No, really,’ said Amy. ‘There is absolutely nothing going on between us, and even if there were, I don’t really see that it’s any of your business.’

The words were out before she could stop them, and she cursed herself when she saw the look on Mary’s face. It was as though Amy had punched her in the stomach.

‘Mary, I didn’t mean – that came out wrong,’ Amy began.

‘Your meaning was perfectly clear,’ said Mary. ‘It’s all right, I won’t stay where I’m not wanted.’

‘Mary!’ cried Amy, but Mary didn’t reply. Giving Josh a brief hug, she picked up her things, then was out of the door and gone.

‘Why didn’t Granny stay?’ Josh wanted to know.

‘She was in a bit of a hurry,’ said Amy miserably. ‘She’ll come back another day.’ She desperately hoped that was true.

‘I want Granny! I want Granny!’ Josh started to wail.

‘Oh sweetheart, we’ll see her soon.’ Amy tried to cuddle Josh, but he kicked her and ran off screaming, ‘I hate you! I hate it here! I want Granny!’

‘Josh!’ Amy was shocked. He’d never behaved like this before.

There was a twenty-minute standoff, during which Josh screamed and flung himself on the floor, before eventually retreating to hide under the table in the lounge. Amy managed to wheedle him out with the promise of chocolate – a bribe she knew she would later regret – and when he’d finally calmed down, she said, ‘Come on, let’s go on the allotments, the fresh air will do us both good.’

The tantrum now over, Josh seemed happy enough to come out with her, but if Amy had hoped for some kind of redemption from the allotments, it wasn’t forth-coming. Mary’s visit had left her feeling unsettled and miserable. It was a grey, dull day, and the smell of burning fires made her feel melancholy. The sound of leaves crunching underfoot reminded Amy that winter was on its way. Winter, and another Christmas to face without Jamie.

Several people she knew by sight nodded at her, but no one stopped for a chat. The strange man she’d seen on her first day here sidled up to her as she passed his allotment. ‘It’s a war zone out there,’ he said, his soft Suffolk burr making a surreal contrast with the writhing bucket he thrust under her nose. It contained a wriggling mass of slugs. Amy didn’t know whether to laugh or cry.

‘Bastard slugs get everywhere,’ he added, ‘but they’re
no match for old Jeremy.’ He cackled in an alarming way before setting the bucket on the ground and pouring a brown liquid into it.

‘Beer,’ he said by way of explanation, cracking his fingers. ‘Gets bastard slugs every time.’

‘Right,’ said Amy. ‘Well, I’d best get on.’

The encounter unsettled her, and despite Josh’s presence she felt desperately alone. She threw herself into her digging as a way of venting her emotion, but it was no good – seeing Mary again had pulled her back to the life she had left behind. Pictures of Jamie, which she had started to hold at bay here, in her new home, came flooding back.

Amy was on a boat. The sun was shining, and a band
was playing on the quayside as the boat pulled out to
sea. She could see Jamie up ahead with Josh in his arms
,
striding towards the outside decks. Why wasn’t she with
them? It didn’t make sense. She was glad that Jamie was
there. She had a strange feeling, as if something bad had
happened to him. But of course it hadn’t. There he was
ahead of her. She called his name. But Jamie didn’t turn
round
.

She hurried to follow them, calling Jamie’s name again
.
Why couldn’t he hear her? But when she got outside, he
and Josh had vanished. Frantically she asked her fellow
passengers if they had seen a man carrying a boy, but
everyone looked at her blankly and passed on their way
.

A feeling of panic was rising inside her. Something
was terribly wrong, but by now the boat was docking at
a harbour, and Amy was standing on dry land again
.
The sun burned hot in the sky, and the band was playing
an old music-hall tune, louder and louder, faster and
faster. People were swirling past her, laughing and joking
,
having a wonderful time completely oblivious to her
.

Up on the boat, she noticed flags waving, and people
cheering. Where were Jamie and Josh? Then she spotted
them high up on the top deck of the boat. Jamie had his
back to her and was bouncing Josh in the air. She called
to him again. But he didn’t turn around. Why wouldn’t
he turn around?

Up and down. Up and down. Jamie kept throwing
Josh, higher and higher. He didn’t hear her shout of
warning, and suddenly Josh was falling, falling out of
his father’s hands over the side of the boat. Amy screamed
and called for help. And finally, Jamie turned to look
at her. It wasn’t Jamie at all, but a hideous grinning
corpse. Amy screamed and screamed, but no sound came
out
…