Parly Road: The Glasgow Chronicles 1 (40 page)

Chapter Forty Seven

  “Johnboy, Ah don’t gie a damn. Ye’re in this hoose until Ah get back,” Ma shouted at him fur the eighteenth time as he followed her aboot.

  “So, how long will that be then?”

  “As long as it takes.”

“Ah need tae go oot and see ma pals.”

  “Ah’ve telt ye, Ah won’t be long.”

  “Where ur ye aff tae?”

  “Look at ma lips. Ah’m away tae a sale up oan Grafton Square.”

  “That’ll take ages.”

  “So whit?  Whit’s yer hurry? Ye’re still no gaun oot. We’ve tae go doon tae Martha Street, tae the School Maintenance Board, wae yer sisters, tae get ye kitted oot fur school oan Monday.”

  “Aw naw, Ma. Ye awready know ma sizes. Ye’ll pick oot the stuff fur me whether Ah’m there or no.”

  “Ah’ve telt the lassies ye’ve tae stay in. If ye’re no here when Ah get back, ye’ll be in here the whole weekend. Don’t put me tae the test oan this,
Johnboy,” she warned him.

  “Bit, it’s important that Ah get oot ae here.”

  “And it’s important that Ah nip up tae Grafton Square tae help oot wan ae the neighbours.”

  “They’re no neighbours if they stay away up there.”

  “It’s jist roond the corner, noo shut yer arse. Ah’ll be back soon. Clean they dishes that ur in the sink.”

  “Whit ur youse daeing then?” Johnboy asked Norma, Anne and Isabelle as he popped his heid roond their bedroom door.

  “Playing music and dancing. Dae ye want tae join in?”

  “Ah’ll listen,” he said, sitting oan Norma’s bed.

  “That Colin Bluntstone is a total darling, so he is,” Isabelle shouted o’er the sound ae ‘She’s No There’ by The Zombies.

  “Aye, he widnae staun a chance in here, eh?” Anne said and they aw chuckled knowingly.

  “Whit’s a boardwalk?” Johnboy asked, scanning through the singles.

  “Somewhere where ye walk.”

  “Ur ‘The Drifters’ cowboys?”

  “Aye.”

  “Whit dis ‘Kinks’ mean?” he asked, his heid spinning roond and roond, trying tae read the name ae the group aff the record while it wis playing.

  “It’s the name ae the group.”

  “Ah know that, bit whit dis ‘Kinks’ mean?”

  Twenty seconds later, Johnboy wis looking oot ae his bedroom windae, watching the traffic gaun up and doon Cathedral Street. He could see the spray coming aff the back ae the lorries. A ragman sat huddled oan a horse and cart that wis trudging up towards Stirling Road, haudin up the traffic behind him. The horse hid a hat oan its napper. Johnboy could jist make oot the flowers. At least Jessie’s oot and aboot, he thought tae himsel. He lay oan his bed and tried tae read a comic. The ceiling wis thumping tae the sounds ae The Supremes’ feet, who wur aw screaming, oot ae tune, at the tap ae their voices, ‘Where Did Oor Love Go-oh?’ He wondered whit Tony, Joe and Skull wur up tae. When Tony hid come back efter catching up wae Calum and wance they’d aw settled doon, Tony hid telt them that aw it hid taken tae convince Calum wis tae talk tae him oan his ain, withoot everywan sitting there staring at him like zombies. Tony hid said that he never hid any doubt that screwing the loft wis gonnae go aheid whether Calum wis in or no. They’d hiv sorted something oot. Joe and Skull awready knew that. Johnboy thought that he wis jist saying that cause he’d caught Johnboy bubbling. Later oan, when Joe and Skull hid nipped aff tae strip the lead piping oot ae an ootside landing toilet, Tony hid telt Johnboy that he’d telt Calum whit Flypast hid said aboot Calum and Skull’s das’ involvement wae the big Horseman Thief Pouter years ago, which hid led tae Skull’s da becoming a cabbage. Calum hidnae hesitated before saying he wid dae it, as long as he knew whit the fuck he wis supposed tae dae...and he’d never even asked fur a cut ae the money they wur getting fur the doos either.

  “Is that youse aff tae get yer glad rags fur school then, girls?” Betty asked Isabelle, Anne and Norma, as she came trotting oot ae Cherry’s wae a bottle ae Irn Bru tucked under her erm and a wee poke ae sweeties in her haun.

  “Whit time ur you gaun doon yersel, Betty?” Ma asked.

  “The letter says three o’clock, bit Ah’ll heid doon aboot hauf past two tae get in the queue.”

  “Aye, we’re early
oorsels.  Ah cannae be bloody arsed wae aw that hinging aboot.”

  “That wis a laugh this morning, wisn’t it?”

  “Too right, it wis. Hopefully, they basturts won’t be back in a hurry.”

  “Dae ye think the wee lassie knew whit wis gaun oan? She looked a bit confused...probably because she disnae speak any English.”

  “Ah went roond tae get a couple ae tipped single fags fae Sherbet’s before Ah went up. He telt me that Maisa made sure she knew whit wis gaun oan. He never charged me fur the fags. He’s no bad that way, is he?”

  “Aye, his loss the day is his profit the morra.”

  “Aye, bit the lassie wis smiling when we left so Ah think she’ll be okay.  Ah’ll ask Sherbet if Maisa will take us up tae see her in a few days. Sherbet says the lassie usually takes her letters roond tae Maisa when she gets wan fae The Corporation so we’ll get plenty ae warning ae when they Sheriff officers will be back.”

  “Right, Ah better let youse get aff. Stan will be wondering whit’s happening. Ah hivnae been hame yet. He wis up aw night, sore efter getting that plaster aff ae his erm, so Ah’ve goat a wee bottle ae ginger and a bag ae aromatics tae cheer him up,” Betty said, wae a twinkle in her eye.

  “Aye, awright, Betty…Ah’ll see ye later,” Helen replied, smiling and gieing her a wee knowing wink.

  The last time Johnboy hid walked doon the street wae his ma and the lassies hid been the same time the year before, like they’d done the year before that and probably the year before that as well. They clocked the queue as soon as they turned intae John Street.  Everywan Johnboy knew and some that he didnae wur aw milling aboot, waiting their turn. Wummin ae aw shapes and sizes wae their boys and lassies in tow wur aw walking up the hill towards them, carrying parcels wrapped up in broon paper, tied wae string, aw chattering wae excitement. It wis jist like Christmas, only it wis the middle ae summer.  The queue stretched oot ae the door oan Martha Street, back intae John Street and aw the way doon past the door tae the registry office. Johnboy wondered oot loud if there wid be a wedding oan the go so he could get a chance tae get in aboot wae the scramble and maybe make a few pennies while they waited in the queue.

  “The weddings only take place oan a Friday night and Saturday mornings,” Ma telt him.

  It took aboot an hour and a hauf fur them tae reach the big store room, although it seemed like much longer, due tae the fact that Johnboy wanted tae be somewhere else. Him and the lassies spent aw their time laughing at the students coming and gaun oot ae the students’ union building across the road. Maist ae them looked aw serious and doon in the dumps tae Johnboy, wearing black duffle coats and stripy scarves, tramping up and doon John Street, wae ‘Beatles Fur Sale’ LPs tucked up under their ermpits.

  “They’re no doon in the dumps. That’s how intellectuals look. That’s why they’re aw at University. They’re supposed tae look like that, ya eejit,” Norma, the expert, telt him.

  “Is that right? Thank Christ none ae us will ever end up as intellectuals,” he’d retorted. 

  “Dae ye need tae hiv a bald napper tae work here?” Johnboy whispered oot loud tae his ma, as they wur ushered forward tae a row ae wee baldy men who wur aw staunin behind the coonter in broon coats wae pencils tucked behind their lugs.

  “Ah heard that, Carrot-heid.”

  “Don’t listen tae him. He disnae know how tae stoap babbling,” Isabelle, the sook, chipped in, hoping tae keep in wae Baldy so she could get aw the best ae clobber.

  “Right, who’s next?” Baldy shouted, licking the tip ae his pencil wae his tongue.

Chapter Forty Eight

Saturday.

10.30 A.M.

  “Dae ye like it then?” asked Kirsty.

  “Whit is it?”

  “It’s ma Sandie Shaw look,” Kirsty said, tapping her hair here and there, while trying tae see her reflection in the tobacco-stained mirror behind the optics.

  Talk aboot being in the right place at the right time, she thought tae hersel. Two ae The Big Man’s gorillas, Wan-bob Broon and Peter The Plant, hid come intae the bar earlier in the week wae bad news. The fag lorry they’d hijacked wisnae full ae fags efter aw, bit full ae hair pieces...five thousand ae them, tae be precise.

  “Wigs? Whit the fuck am Ah supposed dae wae five thousand Crown Toppers?” The Big Man hid shouted.

  “It’s worse than that. It looks like they’re aw fur wummin,” Wan-bob hid replied.

  Kirsty’s ears hid pricked up and she’d gone through tae the bar fae the storeroom.

  “Kirsty, whit dae ye know aboot wigs fur wummin, hen?”

  “If they’re real hair, they’ll be worth an absolute fortune. They’re aw the rage jist noo. Ah don’t know anywan that kin afford tae buy a real wan. They call them hair pieces or hair extensions in the trade. The real hair wans ur no yer cheap chats either. The human wans ur the maist sought efter due tae the fact that ye kin hot-style them, as long as they’re dry when ye apply the heat.”

  “Really? Dearer than a packet ae fags then?”

  “Nae comparison.”

  “Right, Wan-bob, drap aff hauf a dozen the morra fur wee Kirsty here,” The Big Man hid said.

  “So, whit dae ye think then?” she repeated.

  “Aboot whit?”

  “Ma new hair piece.”

  “Ah preferred the haystack ye hid before.”

  “Aye, well, you wid, seeing as where ye wur born?”

  “Eh?  Kirsty, hen, Ah don’t get that wan? Whit the fuck’s whit Ah jist said goat tae dae wae where Ah wis born?”

  “Never mind…maybe someday.”

  “So, how’s ma group? Aw set?”

  “They’ll be here at hauf three tae set up and dae a sound check. Ah’ll be away at quarter tae two…sharp. Ah’ll need tae get hame tae get ready. Under nae circumstances say a word tae them. Leave them tae get oan wae it and everything’ll be jist fine and dandy. Ye know how sensitive these artists ur?”

  “A swift kick in the auld hee-haws wid soon sort aw that artistic shite oot.”

  “Aye, well…that’s fur another group at another time.”

  “Whit time will ye be back then?”

  “Quarter tae five.”

  “Whit? Only three hours tae get a bath and put a wee bit ae pan-stick oan. Ur ye sure that’ll gie ye enough time?”

  “Pat, ye’d be well-advised tae stay oot ae ma way the day. Ah’ve gied up gaun tae see The Beatstalkers at The Locarno up in Sauchiehall Street the night and Ah need this pig-sty ae a place ae yers sorted oot before Ah heid aff up the road.”

  “Ye won’t even know Ah’m here. Whit dae ye want me tae dae?”

  “Ah need a helper tae help me re-arrange the layout in here.”

  “Is that it?

  “There’s wan other thing.”

  “Whit?”

  “There will be a couple ae extra guests coming the night.”

  “Who?”

  “Ah’ve invited a couple ae the record company people alang tae check oot the group. Ah don’t know if they’ll turn up though.”

  “Which wans?”

  “Bad Tidings, Gaun Fur A Song and Transatlantic, who’ve goat an office here in the toon.”

  “As long as they don’t expect free beer and a ringside seat.”

  “Don’t ye worry. Ah’ll pay fur their pie and peas, Mr Minge.”

  “Is that it?”

  “Tell Tiny they’ve tae get in withoot any hassle at the door.”

  “Who his?”

  “The record company people, fur Christ’s sake, Pat!”

  “Aw right…calm doon. Don’t get they knickers ae yours in a knot. Anything else?”

  “That’ll dae fur noo. So, whit ur ye gonnae be daeing while we’re aw slaving aboot the place?”

  “Ah’ll be sitting o’er here, dishing oot the orders as they come up. Don’t ye worry aboot me, hen…Ah’ll be fine. And talking aboot fine, here’s a fine man noo.”

  “Hellorerr Pat. Whit dae ye want me tae dae?”

  “Ye’re wae Kirsty, Calum. Anything she asks ae ye, ye dae it. Hiv ye goat that?”

  “Goat it, Pat.”

  “Right, Calum, ye kin start shifting they tables fae there tae there,” Kirsty said, picking up her Jackie magazine.

11.00 A.M.

  “Oh aye, he’s back, wance aw the hard work’s done,” Skull announced, as Johnboy arrived through the beads.

  “Aye, Ah’m sorry. Ah hid tae go and get ma school gear fur Monday, doon in Martha Street yesterday. Ma ma widnae let me oot aw day. Ah wis up here twice though, wance in the efternoon and wance last night looking fur youse, bit youse wurnae here.”

  “That’s because we wur slaving away, planning the robbery ae the century withoot any help fae you.”

  “Skull, shut yer geggy!” Tony said.

  “Is this the egg boxes?”

  “Aye, Joe’s away doon tae see if he kin get two mair. That’ll make eight boxes, which should be plenty.”

  “So, where wur youse aff slaving tae yesterday? Ah wis aw o’er the place trying tae track youse doon.”

  “We spent aw efternoon watching whit wis gaun oan up oan the Murphys’ roof fae the stairheid landing windae across the back fae them.  They’re fairly beavering away, trying tae get that other landing board finished. There wis a couple ae them up oan the roof aw day, hammering and sawing away.”

  “Aye, ye missed yersel as well. We skipped intae The Classic picture hoose doon at the bottom ae Renfield Street last night tae watch aw the dirty films. Ye should’ve seen aw the flopping paps that wur oan the go.”

  “Ah wis roond by yours yesterday morning, seeing Flypast, so everything’s okay that end. Ah tried whistling up at yer windae,” Tony said.

  “Ah hid a run in wae The Supremes so Ah couldnae hiv heard ye.”

  “Right, take these, Skull,” Joe said, as an egg box appeared through the beads.

  The boxes wur aw stacked up alang the wall beside the nesting boxes and wur made ae double thick cardboard tae protect the eggs, wae wee cut oot bits at each end tae get yer fingers in tae lift them up.

  “Fuck’s sake, wan ae these is rancid, Joe.”

  “Aye, Ah know. Some ae the eggs inside must’ve goat broken during transport. Ye should feel at hame then.”

  “Ha, fucking ha!”

  “Right, noo that we’re aw here. Let’s run through where we ur and whit’s happening,” Tony said, like the guy in ‘The Great Escape’ jist before they aw shot the craw oot ae the camp.

  “Am Ah in the Murphy’s loft?”

  “Skull, jist haud yer horses, fur fuck’s sake. Ah hivnae even started.”

  “Well, am Ah?”

  “Aye, noo shut yer arse and let me speak. We need tae get this right first time. We wullnae get another chance later oan when the shite starts tae fly.”

  “Ma lips ur sealed fae noo oan,” Mr Magoo said, settling doon oan the flair, as The Beatles sang tae everywan that there wis actually eight days in a week oan Radio Caroline.

  “Right, listen up. Efter Ah stoap speaking, we need tae get the egg boxes shifted doon tae St James Road and up tae the exit loft. Take two boxes each and heid doon there in different directions. We widnae want anywan tae see us humphing them aw thegither, seeing as whit we’re aboot tae dae. It’s gonnae be daylight when we’re up oan the roof as it disnae get dark till late. The neighbours ur used tae seeing people working up there, bit try and keep yer faces covered...and Skull, don’t wear yer Celtic tammy.”

  “Aw, fuck!”

  “And another thing, keep the noise doon. We need tae be up that loft nae later than sevenish, before the films come oan the telly. We kin aw meet doon at the close efter the Val Doonican Show.”

  “Why efter the Val Doonican Show?”

  “Because people will start tae settle doon tae watch the John Wayne movie that’s oan the telly the night and ur no likely tae be up and aboot looking oot ae their kitchen windaes. Joe’s nicked an alarm clock fae hame so we’ll know whit the time is. Whitever ye dae, don’t fuck aboot wae it and let aff the alarm wance we’re in the loft.  Masel and Skull will be oan the roof first tae tan in the landing board box that’s under construction. Wance we knock oor way in, Skull will nip in and Ah’ll shift back o’er tae the wan nearest oor loft. That’s where Ah’ll be anchored fur the rest ae the night. Wance that’s aw done and dusted, Joe will move oan tae the ridge ae the roof when Ah gie him the signal. Johnboy, ye’re in the exit loft aw night. Ye start haunin wan egg box at a time up tae Joe, who’ll ferry the boxes back and forth. There should only be wan box oan that roof at any wan time.  Hiv youse aw goat that?”

  “Right, Tony.”

  “Aye.”

  “Ah’ve spoken tae Flypast. Aw the learner driver cars will be doon at The Atholl at the bottom ae Stanhope Street fae seven oanwards. Calum will nip doon there, bang oan nine o’clock, and tell The Driving Instructor tae start sending alang the drivers every five minutes. He’ll then nip back up tae the close where ye’ll haun doon wan box at a time tae him, Johnboy. He’ll then nip back doon the stairs and haun them o’er as each driver appears. Ye’ll hiv tae pay attention noo, Johnboy, cause Joe will be haunin in the egg boxes tae ye fae the roof wae the doos in them and Calum will probably be hinging aboot oan the landing at the same time, waiting fur ye tae pass them doon tae him. So, get the boxes doon tae Calum as soon as ye kin. We’re fucked if some wee wummin opens her door oan the landing and he’s hinging aboot. Wance the second last box is doon wae Calum, make sure tae tell him that that’s him done and he kin heid aff back tae the pub. Wance we’ve goat the last box, which will hiv the three big Horsemen in it, Ah’ll deal wae that and get oor money aff The Driving Instructor. Don’t come back here tae the cabin. Hightail it straight hame and we’ll get thegither again the morra morning, back here in the cabin. The first thing they Murphys ur gonnae dae is heid roond here when they get hame and find oot that they’ve been raided. When they see we’re no here, they’ll then heid back here in the morning. We need tae be here when they arrive. And Skull, don’t bloody gie them any lip. They’ll be dying tae murder somewan, so let’s try and make sure it isnae gonnae be wan ae us. Is there anything youse don’t understaun?”

  Silence.

  “Wur we no supposed tae be paying them their money the day?” Joe asked.

  “Aye…Ah went roond tae The McAslin Bar this morning tae see Shaun tae see if Ah could leave it till the morra before gieing him the dosh. The Big Man said he wisnae there and asked me why Ah wanted tae see him. Ah telt him it wis tae dae wae the money we owed him and he telt me tae come back the morra wae it as Shaun wis gonnae be oot and aboot aw day…how’s that fur luck?” Tony said as everywan laughed.

11.45 A.M.

  “Awright, Pat?”

  “Awright, Shaun.”

  “Whit dae ye want me tae dae?”

  “How ur we daeing fur drink?”

  “Ah’ve jist brought o’er that case ae White Horse that Frankie MacDonald sent ye.”

  “Aye, he’s no daft, is oor Frankie. He thinks he’s aff the hook. Ah sent word doon tae Dunoon tae tell him Ah expect tae see him the night and aw is furgiven. Ah’ll deal wae him later. In the meantime, who’ve we goat picking up the sick, the lame and the lazy?”

  “Wan-bob and Charlie Hastie. Wan-bob will hiv the the Jag and Charlie Hastie’s in the Zephyr Six.  Peter The Plant’s in reserve wae the Mark Two.”

  “Mind and tell them Ah want plastic sheets oan they seats, especially oan the way hame. That good Jag ae mine smelt as if some basturt hid spilt a bucket ae ammonia in it efter Donna’s wedding.”

  “Ah thought it smelt ae cats pish masel.”

  “Right, Ah’ve goat Tam the Bam o’er fae The Grafton in charge ae the bar the night. Keep yer eyes oan him. He’s honest enough…that’s why Ah’ve goat him in…bit ye never know.”

  “Aw the boys, including masel, wur hoping tae hiv a good wee swally the night.”

  “And so youse aw should. Youse hiv earned it. Jist tell Wan-bob and Charlie they’ve no tae get too legless as Ah widnae want any ae the locals tae think Ah didnae care aboot the auld wans.”

1.30 P.M.

  Joe put his finger tae his lips while he listened at the hoose door
oan the landing
. Two seconds later, he wis staunin in the middle ae the landing wae his hauns clasped thegither in front ae him. Tony wis oan tae them like a shot and moved the hatch tae the side and slithered up and intae the loft. Johnboy and Skull started tae haun the egg boxes o’er tae Joe who passed them up. Joe pulled a wee roond alarm clock wae a bell oan the tap ae it oot ae his jaicket and threw it up through the hole. It only took a few seconds before Tony wis back doon, pulling the hatch back intae place.

1.45 P.M.

  They’d heided up tae the canal and wur noo sitting watching a squad ae boys their ain age, playing oan a couple ae homemade rafts. Each raft wis made up ae an oil drum sitting in the middle wae lengths ae wood strapped roond the ootside. Three ae them sat oan each drum as if they wur oan a horse and paddled themsels aboot using lengths ae door facings. The two boys at the front ae each raft wur wearing auld rusty war hats that they’d jist fished oot ae the water. Johnboy and the others wur hivving a good laugh, jist sitting watching them screaming every time the rafts hid a wobble. Skull wis touting fur bets oan which wan wid capsize first.