Paranoiac (14 page)

I
took a step back and just watched everyone at a distance. It was
something I loved to do almost as much as people watching. I wanted
to look back on the tiny invisible threads that connected all of us
together. And I realized that I didn’t particularly feel close to
anyone here. Yes, Amy and I had a combination of history and
chemistry but in the end she wasn’t a part of my life. The only
thing I really had in common with these people was Molly and the
fact that we were all misfits. We were all strange, unwanted
characters who didn’t fit into the normal world. Sure, most of us
were at least semi-successful
but even in
our professional circles we were outcasts. Really, the only
'normal' person here was Senter. Besides being rude and obnoxious
he was painfully average. I guessed in some way Senter he was the
outcast among the outcasts. Thinking about it, he was really only
here because of Molly; I wouldn’t have invited him otherwise. He
was one of the meat-heads that she liked to hang out with. I
figured however that if she saw something in him, if she could
enjoy his company, then that’s all that mattered. This party wasn’t
for me after all, it was for her.

I watched as
Senter took five shots of Columbian rum in less than three seconds.
Even though I thought of him as a rutting man child but he did know
how to party. Smiling, I made my move to join the party. I figured
that I could at least attempt to have fun so the night wouldn’t be
a complete waste. And I certainly had a thing or two to show him
about drinking. Calling out his name, I slowly walked into the
kitchen.

As I passed
through the threshold, out of the hallway and into the kitchen,
time slowed down. Everyone looked towards me with emotionless blank
faces. The music went quiet and my ears filled with pressure. The
doorbell rang and my heart jumped into my throat. She was here.
Molly was here. She was finally here. I saw Senter mouth something
but it was muffled. I turned around and the front door was
instantly in front of me. It was like the entire walk from the
kitchen to the lobby was erased from my memory. All that mattered
was the person behind the door. The bell chimed one more time. My
hand slowly went for the doorknob. My heart was racing and as soon
as my fingertips touched the cold, brass knob I felt that unseen
tug of the invisible lasso.

Journal Entry Twenty Four

The lobby of the hellish house zoomed
away as I was wrenched from the past. “No! No!” I screamed into the
blurry whirlwind. Everything around me was Topsy-turvy; I couldn’t
tell up from down and the air around me felt sharp. Abruptly I was
thrown against my old oak desk. Pain shot down my back and my right
arm as I rolled over the sturdy desk. The pain didn’t matter
however, I wanted to go back. Molly was right behind that door! I
remembered greeting her at the door but after that it all went
blurry. Finally I was remembering everything. All of the questions
I’ve been begging for,I was finally getting the answers to. The
problem was, it didn’t feel real. I frantically pulled myself over
the desk and searched the bedroom for the journal. I wasn’t done
with it yet. I had to know. I needed to know every memory it held
within. I almost had the facts from the past few days. The journal
was shattering all of the lies I made to protect myself and I
wanted to know it all.

I looked to the floor and saw the
journal lying there, its pages splayed open. It hadn't been there
when I was searching the room, I swear to it. Perhaps it must have
fallen there when I rolled off the desk? I walked over to it and my
back tightened with pain as I bent down to pick it up. “Do you
really want to do that Isaac?” I froze in place, eyes wide open as
I listened to his dark, velvet voice. Standing up very slowly, he
shifted quietly from behind me. “Don’t you dare turn around,
Isaac,” He threatened, pronouncing every syllable
carefully.

“
What do you want?” I
asked tiredly, not even trying to conceal my terror. For a long
moment there was no answer, just the sound of his ragged breathing.
Every time I tried to move his breathing stopped, as if he was
anticipating my disobedience.

“
You do not want to do
that,” He said, finally breaking the silence.

“
I’m not going to turn
around,” I defended awkwardly trying to stay as still as
possible.

“
Not that Isaac. I meant
the journal.” I heard him take a step closer, “You really don’t
want to pick that up.” He took another step closer and put his hand
on my shoulder. My muscles tightened and my already dehydrated
mouth went dry.

“
But… I have to know.” I
felt uncouth and tiny, like a pitiful child. His grip on my
shoulder tightened.

“
You think you want to
remember,” He sighed then continued, “But sometimes the truth isn’t
worth the trouble.” His voice sounded sad and weary.

This time I was the one who sighed. I
looked up to the ceiling and its low-wattage yellow light. The fan
was lazily spinning and loosely rocking about. “I don’t want to
know, I need to know.”

He chuckled that deep velvet laughter
and his hand dropped to his side. “I’ve warned you over and over
and over again.” He kicked angrily at what sounded like a trashcan.
“I asked you to question yourself and your memories.” He came
behind me again, each footstep echoing around the room and then
replaced his hand on my shoulder. I just stared at a poster on the
wall, trying not to scream. “I even stooped so low as to try and
terrorize you, to scare you out of here and away from the answers
you want so badly.” He squeezed my shoulder, harder than last time
and put his face next to mine. His breath was hot on my
ear.

“
You wouldn’t understand,
you don’t even know who I am!” I all but whimpered out, trying
sound bigger than I was.

He chuckled in my ear, “You’ve got it
all wrong Isaac. I know you better than anyone else.” Squeezing my
shoulders, I winced from the aching pressure. “And the reason I
know, is because I am you.”

My stomach dropped and I turned around
unhurriedly. No one was behind me. The room was as empty and quiet
as it had always been. I leered at the trash can, it was lying on
its side. “I really am going mad, aren’t I?” I questioned myself.
Moving over to the notebook, I stared at it defiantly. Something
deep inside my soul told me it was alive, that it wasn’t normal. I
bent down, about to pick it up when pale hands grabbed my forearms.
My head jerked up and I saw that pale double, that pallid demon
staring me down with his cold, piercing eyes. He looked angry and
his grip was unrelenting. I felt suddenly cold and empty. “This is
my last warning, you pitiful child!” He said without moving his
lips. “You really don’t want to know the ending to this story. You
won’t survive its climax.” He said again, lips unmoving. I tugged
my body to the side, breaking free from his grip and in the blink
of an eye, he was gone.

I don’t care what that bastard said,
he didn’t faze me in the least. He has been torturing my whole life
and out of nowhere he tries to stop me? Lies, it’s nothing but lies
with him and without them he dies. I grabbed the journal, opened it
cautiously and began to read. My entire body became warm as I
waited for that lasso to yank me into the past. But I looked down
at the journal and it began to melt. It was dripping down my arms
and within a millisecond it jolted to life. I let out a small
whimper as it twisted and crawled up my arms and around my body. At
first it tightened around my arms, constricting my movements. My
eyes darted around the room, panic-stricken as its grip grew
tighter and tighter. Was he right? Did I make the wrong choice? I
couldn’t breathe, I didn’t know what to do. “All I want to know is
the truth!” I started to scream. “The truth! The truth! The truth!”
I screamed over and over again until my voice went hoarse. I opened
my mouth to yell again and the inky, black goo wrapped tighter
around my body and the forced its way into my mouth. I gagged and
retched as I felt it fill my throat and crawl into my stomach. My
world went black. I was blind and trapped in darkness. Choking,
trying to breathe, this tar-like creature crushed my body and
filled my every orifice. I was losing consciousness. This was the
end. I was fading away into that whirlwind of screaming men, woman
and children. My body relaxed as I dwindled into nothingness. I
gave up and stopped fighting, just letting it all fade
away.

Journal Entry Twenty Five

With a gasp of air, I
awoke. My lungs burned with oxygen and my heart raced with life. I
was on my feet, standing in the lobby right at the front door.
There
were two shadows behind the glass that was inset
in the egress
. The doorbell was
ringing, echoing off the walls of the dimly lit entryway. My brain
finally caught with me as I mindlessly stared at my surroundings,
jaw hanging open. I was in the past again, right where I left off
before the journal had flung me back into my room. My hand was on
the doorknob, the bells were chiming and Molly waiting for me,
anticipating my over-exuberant greetings. I quickly opened the door
and standing there was my beautiful, green eyed smiling Molly.
Without hesitating I hugged her, teary eyed and overwhelmed by the
sight of her. “Hi Isaac!” She said gently, patting me on the back.
“It’s good to see you too.” She continued as I looked up to see a
dark skinned man smiling back at me, his teeth impossibly
white.

I took a step back, surprised by this
mystery guest. Molly smiled widely and stood by his side. She
straightened out her pretty blue sundress and looked up at me
happily, “Zac, this is Davis. We met in Brazil about six months
ago.” He reached out to shake my hand yet I was so confused. I
politely shook his strangely smooth hand and welcomed him. “I’ve
heard so much about you. I’m glad I can finally put a face to the
name,” He said with a slight accent.

“
Pl-please come in,” I
stuttered, stepping to the side. Davis walked in and complimented
me on my beautiful house.

I looked at Molly confused. “I’ll
explain once we meet up with the others,” She said, her cheeks were
blushed and she seemed to almost skip as I led them to the
party.

Before we even got into the kitchen I
could hear Senter laughing drunkenly. I could smell a mixture of
cigarette smoke and weed. “Your friends know how to party,” Davis
said playfully. I smiled half-haphazardly and walked into the
kitchen.

“
Here’s the guest of
honor!” Senter shouted with a slur before coughing harshly and
passed a blunt to Hanna.

Molly smirked, looked at Senter and
said, “Well, it looks like you didn’t waste any time getting the
party started without me!”

The whole room burst into laughter.
“Wow! It didn’t take you guys long to find the party favors,” I
joked, grabbing the joint from Hanna. Taking a long drag, I held it
in for a few moments before coughing out a cloud of smoke. My
throat felt singed and I winced at the pain.

“
That is some sinister pot
Isaac. Where did you get it from?” Asked Vince beaming widely, his
booming voice carrying for miles.

“
If I tell you, are you
going to arrest me?” I countered jokingly trying to change the
subject. So distracted by Davis, I could barely focus on the
pointless banter of the murmuring party.

“
No worries Zac, I’m not a
cop anymore! I won’t bust you!” He said loudly, pulling Rosanna
close and hugged her. She smiled happily and kissed his
cheek.

“
That’s what they all say,
Vince,” I teased and everyone giggled. Molly made her rounds saying
'hi' to old friends and introducing Davis.

“
Wow, the last time I saw
you two, you were barely old enough to drink,” Molly said greeting
Josie and Hanna. Giggling, they all hugged and complimented each
other’s dresses. Davis wandered off to get him and Molly a drink.
He ended up getting cornered by Senter who was practically in awe
of the guy. Still I was so befuddled by Davis. I couldn’t tell if
Molly and Davis were dating or just friends. They didn’t seem to
hug or touch but I couldn’t believe they were a couple. I was
taken-a-back and baffled but I refused to let it get to me. There
were still had hopes for her big announcement, so I chose to stay
hopeful.

Everyone seemed to love Davis and his
wild, funny, exciting stories. Everyone but me. To me, he was a
phony and a fake. I didn’t know if it was the alcohol, the pot or
my petty jealousy but I didn’t like him. And Molly was so happy.
She was gleeful to see her old friends and exuberant to see Davis
getting along with them all. She walked over to me, high on the
excitement of the night and hugged me. “Thanks for this Isaac. It
means a lot to me,” She kissed me on the cheek and my heart raced.
I knew she was going to tell me her big surprise soon, I could feel
it. My heart was thumping in my chest and excitement was coursing
through my veins.