OtherSide Of Fear (Outside The Ropes #3) (27 page)

He was staring at me like I had gone crazy. His rigid anger covered with confusion as he watched me fall apart. But I put all pride aside to fight for this. I had to get him to listen. I approached him and grabbed his hands in mine, but he held them limp. I searched his eyes for any reaction.

“Please, Gage. This one thing. I’m asking for just this one thing.”

He ripped his hands away, anger back and stronger than ever. “You ask too much.”

I gripped my stomach at the icy blast he sent my way. I couldn’t find my voice.

“I’m supposed to let him walk around thinking he has a piece of you. Why the hell would you want that?”

“I don’t want you to get hurt.” I sunk to my knees, crumbling, losing everything around me.

He took a breath, forcing down the anger. I could see him struggling with it, wresting the tension pulling on every muscle. “You have to trust me on this Regan.” His voice was strained, but when he crouched in front of me, his touch was light as his fingers slid to my cheek. “I know what I’m doing here.”

I closed my eyes and absorbed his gentle caress on my cheek, but it didn’t lift any of the terror crushing me.

His other hand slid to the opposite side of my head, turning me to look up at him, if I opened my eyes. I moved my hands over his and gripped them, a silent stream of tears flowing straight from my sliced heart.

“Regan.” He increased the pressure of his hold, and I opened my eyes. He was still determined and that only increased my pain. “I need you to trust me to do what’s best for us. Let me do this my way.”

I shook my head no, and he tried to drop his hands, but I held tight. “Wait. Just wait, all right? Wait till he gets out, if he gets out. Don’t go to that prison. There’d be nothing you could do but talk, and if things go wrong, there’s nobody there that can help.”

He looked away towards the wall, but he was in his own mind, jaw clenching with his thoughts.

“If he gets out, then we can decide what to do about him,” I pressed.

His eyes cut back to me, embers of his anger still glowing in them.

“You want me to trust you. I want to trust you. But you’re scaring the crap out of me right now.”

That seemed to hit something in him. He released a breath, eyes searching my face as his brows came together. “I’m scaring you? It wasn’t that long ago that you were under his control, pushing me away and turning to him. I can’t fucking handle that again. Not now. Not ever.”

I dropped my head, shamed by the past. “That won’t happen. I won’t let it.” I spoke so low I’d be surprised if he heard me.

He hooked one finger under my chin and lifted it back up. His voice soft but filled with strength, surety. “No, it won’t happen again because you are mine. All of you. And I won’t let him take any part of that.”

I swallowed down my tears, catching a spark from him to strengthen my own flame. “I’m yours. You have all of me, I gave it all to you. Now it’s your turn to trust me. This isn’t something you need to fight for right now. Trust that I won’t let him that close, and I’ll tell you if he tries. I will turn to you. I won’t wait, I promise. Just, please, don’t do anything yet.”

His nod was barely there, but I saw it and fell into him. His arms wrapped around me, catching me, pulling me close.

My relief was tempered when I tried to kiss him and he turned away. I leaned back in his arms to try and interpret his feelings, but his expression was too mixed to decipher. His soft lips pulled down and jaw flexed, a storm behind his eyes. My heart skipped at the thought that I maybe misread that nod to begin with. “You’re not going tomorrow, right?”

He shook his head, eyes bouncing over me before meeting mine. “I don’t want to regret this.” His sigh was heavy and full of unease. “I’m doing this for you because I see how upset it’s getting you and…” He shook his head, looking away from me and then turning back, hands sliding to my stomach. “I don’t want to cause you any pain. I don’t want to be the one that scares you. I want to protect you and the baby. I want to do this my way, but,” he silenced me before I could interrupt. “I’m willing to try your way under one condition.”

Needle pricks covered my skin, unsure about his request. “What?”

His hand trailed through my hair, tugging at the end of the strands. His fingers shook and that made my heart tumble to my stomach.

“What is it?” I grabbed his hand and pulled it to my chest as I raised to my knees to be on his level. “Just tell me.”

His mouth opened and closed a few times, but in the end he shook his head, defeated. “It’s nothing. I thought—but no, never mind. Just—when Anatoli gets out, because I know it’s only a matter of when now, we have to do things my way. No arguments.”

I paused, thinking over his request. As much as I wanted to give him whatever he wanted, I couldn’t. “I can’t promise that, but,” I gripped his shoulders, silencing him this time. “I can promise I’ll talk with you, and not do anything you don’t want me to in regards to him. But we have to work together on this, baby.” I don’t know why baby slipped out; I rarely used that term, if ever. But his lip twitched, turning up for a brief second.

He slid his hands into my hair, gripping my head. “Fine.” His eyes dropped over me, the fire in them morphing into something different, something primal. “Just say it again,” his grip tightened as he dropped his head to my ear. His voice was a low growl, sending shivers of sensation over me, radiating from my core. “Who’s are you?”

I leaned back, my laugh mixing with a moan as his lips attached to my neck, sucking on my skin. His hands slid down my back, supporting me so I could arch into his lips. In the pleasure he started, I let go of the pain, of my worry, and sought escape in him. But I saw it, how crazy we were. We both whipped from one emotion to the next, dropping it all for this, for each other’s touches and caresses.

He nudged my shirt down with his chin and dipped his tongue into my cleavage for a moment before pulling back, his firm hands gripping me. “Whose, Regan?” His rasp was demanding and something in it made me ache between my legs.

I moved to straddle him, to press myself on him. Meeting his eyes, I answered, “Yours.” Then I sucked his bottom lip between my teeth, pulling away before he could press further. “Who do you belong to?”

His chest rose and fell as he met my eyes, even his slight smile was heart stopping and he had my stomach doing flips when he licked his lips. With quickness he had me on my back on the floor, under him. “Yours, babe. Heart. Soul.” His hips ground into me. “And body.”

“I DON’T LIKE HIM.”

“Who?” I asked Gage as I pressed into the muscles of his oiled back with the heel of both hands, sliding to my forearms and elbows.

He grunted as I hit muscles near his spine, circling my elbow into it, kneading out the knot.

“That boy that was with you after class today.”

I sat up, still straddling his lower back, trying to remember.

“Brice or Leo?” I put more cream on my hands, rubbing them together to warm them up.

“The football player.” Gage pushed up onto his forearms to look back at me, eyebrow raised. “The one that was all over you.”

“That’s Brice.” I pushed his shoulders, spreading the cream and forcing him back down on the couch. “And first off, he wasn’t all over me, he only gave me hug. And second, him and Leo are together.” My thumbs slid up his neck, pressing into the muscles there and keeping his head from rising back up. “And third,” I leaned down, placing a kiss between his shoulder blades. “I’ve got you. I don’t pay attention to anyone else.” I wiped in the last bit of cream into his skin. “Brice is always talking about you though, he’s a bit star struck.”

“Okay then. Just make sure he keeps his hands to himself,” he relented, his hands reaching behind him to grip my thighs.

“Turn around.” I raised up on my knees to give his body space, and he turned beneath me.

I settled back on him with a smile as I slid my hands over his chest. “Tell your masseuse to keep her hands to herself. I don’t like her.” There were other people I wanted to add to this list, but the past two weeks had been going too good. Gage had been focused on training for his fight, and I was focused on school. I wasn’t about to move the conversation anywhere serious.

His stomach bounced beneath me as he laughed, and he grabbed my wrists on his chest. “She’s got to touch me. But you can take her job any day.”

“No.” I pulled my hands away. “With the amount of time you’ve been putting in at the gym, you need one, but get a guy. He’ll have strong hands.”

“You’ve only got tomorrow, and then you’re done the semester. You need a job, wouldn’t you want to do this everyday?” His eyes heated my skin as they moved over me, and his hands gripped my thighs again, the thin material of my leggings let me feel everything. I had to stop myself from rocking on him as a pleasant burn swirled low in my stomach.

“I don’t know. This is hard work, and soon my belly might get in the way.” I snapped my mouth close; I hadn’t intended to say that. That same fear pulled me down whenever I thought of the baby. A fear I couldn’t even place or explain. A fear of everything to come, the unknown.

But Gage’s full lips slid to a soft smile, and his hands slid over my stomach, cupping it like there was already a bump. “I can’t wait.” His eyes met mine, and I knew he meant it. “I think it’s already growing.” His smile grew, but I reached for his hands.

“It’s only because we just ate. In the morning it’s still flat.” I stared down at my stomach, there was a slight curve, but it had to be the food. Gage’s washboard abs taunted me and turned me on at the same time.

When I looked back up, he was staring at me, and one side of his smile dropped for a second. Then he sat up, pushing me back some. He swirled his index finger, signaling for me to turn around. “It’s my turn now.”

“I wasn’t finished, we didn’t get your chest.” He was lifting me, forcing me to turn and sit back down on his lap.

“I’ll get Lin to do it tomorrow, now sit still.”

“Lin? Of course she’ll be more than happy to—oh.” I sunk into his fingers as they ran up my spine, arching my back like a cat on a post. He pressed into the muscles in a way that had me melting and moving to get more. I hadn’t realized how sore I was until this moment.

“Your shoulders are really tense, babe. You need to relax more.” He pulled me back against his warm chest as his long fingers slid over my collar bone and shoulders. “I’ll get Lin to give you a massage tomorrow too, after your test.”

“Don’t remind me.” I rolled my neck to the side, giving his fingers full access. “I can’t wait for that last final to be over.”

His breath was cool on my neck compared to his heated hands. “And the doctors appointment is Thursday right?”

“Yes, at 5:30.” I focused on the feel of his hands, a moan escaping as he kneaded a knot between my shoulders.

His teeth clamped light on my ear. “Stop making that noise or this massage is going to get cut short.”

I rocked into his lap, feeling the length of his hardness press between my ass and his stomach. Rolling my head back on his shoulder, I spoke into the skin of his neck. “Is that a promise?”

His chest rumbled behind me, vibrating through me. He dropped his hands to my thighs, spreading them as his lips covered mine, and I tasted his groan. His fingers dipped into the waistband of my leggings, sliding into me, pumping and building pressure. I more than moaned, and he drank them down, absorbing them into his mouth.

I awoke to the click of a door, Gage’s voice trailing down the hall beyond it, fading as he walked away.

I sat up disoriented, trying to place the where and when in the dark. I had been in the middle of a confusing dream. The tableside clock read 4:08 am.

Only the soft buzz of silence surrounded me now, Gage was out of hearing range. I untangled myself from the sheets and went to see where he went, what was going on.

Since Vegas, we had only focused on his training. That’s what we talked about, but I knew he still had “meetings” with Viktor and still stopped by the club. But I knew that all came with Gage, he’d told me repeatedly there was no getting out. There had been no late nights recently though, and I’d reveled in the time I had with him, even if it felt like I was holding my breath, just waiting for the jump, for something to happen.

As I walked down the hallway, my skin goose bumped from more than the chill in the air. He was speaking low, the murmur of his voice getting clearer the closer I got to his office.

“When?…I remember…You know I will…I’ll be there…”

I stood outside the door, palm on the handle. I was going to open it. I wasn’t sneaking around. I wasn’t spying on him. That’s what I told myself, but I stood frozen, listening to the sounds coming from the other side of the door, soft sliding and thumps as he opened and closed drawers.

“Is that what she said?…Come on now, you know better…they won’t listen to that. We’ve already come to terms.” His quiet tone was rising as a tide of frustration built in his words. “Forget it. I’ll be there, just—don’t fucking speak or make another move till I get there.” One last drawer closed, and then there was silence.

I turned the knob, about to enter, when the door opened. Gage’s eyes flashed with surprise to see me, but his body relaxed in the next second, and his hand slid over my shoulder, walking us back to our room.

“Did I wake you up? I’m sorry, there was a call I had to take.”

“I heard.” I returned his honesty with my own, sliding my arm around his bare waist, he was only in his boxers.

The urgency I heard on the phone was absent from him now, and I was trying to keep from jumping to conclusions.

He nodded, waiting till we were in the bedroom to speak. “Go back to bed. I’ve got to go, but I’ll make sure someone’s here to take you to school today.” He sat me on the mattress and disappeared into the closet.

I stayed seated on the edge of the bed, gripping the sheets under my fingers. When he came back out of the closet, buttoning up his shirt with dark pants on, I questioned him. “What’s going on?”

He lifted his eyes from his buttons, meeting mine, and then shook his head, dismissing the question. “Nothing you need to worry about.” He stepped close, his hands dropping to my head and sliding down to my shoulders as his lips grazed my forehead. “Get your rest, and go take your test. I’ll be home later.”