OtherSide Of Fear (Outside The Ropes #3) (25 page)

“Think about this.” His eyes narrowed, and he leaned forward. “It can only end one of two ways if you tell him.” He dropped his gaze, sliding them up me as he lifted one finger. “If he’s smart and loyal, you tell him and he knows there’s nothing he can do about it. So then it’s only you that gets hurt, and I know you can’t be trusted.” He cocked his head to the side, dark smile sliding in place. “Or.” He lifted a second finger and leaned over the table, closer to me. “You tell him, and he stupidly thinks there is something he can do. Then I know you both aren’t loyal, and this time, he won’t get a pass on that.” He sat back in his chair, hands up and amused. “Actually that could be interesting. But it’s up to you now.”

I turned away from his smirk that was slicing at my heart and looked at the wall, trying to keep down the tears that stung my eyes. My emotions were as screwed as my thoughts.

“So you brought me in here to mess with me? To play this stupid game of who can trust who? How does this even show if I’m loyal to you? Anything I do will be for him.” I couldn’t stand the thought of him thinking otherwise.

“That’s what I’m counting on. There’s so much you never figured out yet, I’m quite surprised.” He licked his lips, long arms snaking across the table and grabbing mine. “Sweetheart, it’s never been about you. Not when it comes to business anyways.”

“So what is this about?” I yanked my arm out of his burning grip. It didn’t make sense—any of it. Why go on about keeping me safe, if it wasn’t about me? But I wanted out of here more than I wanted his twisted answers.

“Alessandra warned me that Gage goes beyond her repeatedly. And that he’s getting favored by those running New York. But when I get out, I am claiming my rightful place and he works for me, not them.”

“Don’t you all work together?” I was beginning to think beyond my situation. What would it mean if Viktor and Rusnak didn’t get along?

“We’re supposed to. But I want to make sure things are in order, just in case. Gage says he knows, but you hold influence with him I know. These changes he’s making, it needs to stop, until I get out.”

Anatoli looked to the door behind me and nodded. I twisted in my seat as it creaked and rose to my feet when the guard held it open.

“Show me you can be a smart girl. Remember who’s shown they can keep you safe if things go wrong. Don’t make the same mistake twice.”

I turned my back on him and walked out the door, glaring at the guard with the heat of my anger. But it was pointless, Rusnak was right, I didn’t control any of this, and the guard ignored my look. He ignored me completely except to hold the doors open for me as he walked me out of the prison.

Gage scooted close to me in the back of the town car driving us from the airport. His arm slid over my shoulder as he pulled me close. “This weekend should be good, give us a break from the city, maybe get your mind off everything.”

I could feel him staring at me. My constant headache began to throb, knowing his eyes were on me waiting for something, for some response. Something more than the barely there answers and excuses I’d given all week.

My arms slid around his waist, and I squeezed him, soaking up his warmth and clean scent. “I’m sorry. I—I know I’ve been off. I just—I’m going to let it go.” Every word felt like a lie, like a betrayal. But how could I tell him

His palm moved up and down my arm, his cheek resting on my head. “You don’t need to apologize. I know the news was hard. You never wanted to think about your past and then when you do, it turns out bad. It’s okay. I shouldn’t have taken you there.”

“Let’s go back to not talking about it, please.”

He kissed my head. “Okay. Whatever you want.”

His gentle words only made me feel that much worse. That much lower. But each moment that passed after we left the prison made it harder to say. Now if I spoke, I’d have to explain why I didn’t tell him to start.

I had to let it go.

“More gravy?” Gage raised an eyebrow at his brother. “You’re the one fighting tomorrow, right?”

Dexter let his head fall back, gravy boat in one hand. “Don’t even start with me. I know what I’m doing.”

Gage raised a hand. “I told you we should have had our Thanksgiving dinner Saturday instead.”

“Oh we are. We’re having deep fried turkey then, with stuffing, and pie, and sweet potatoes, and I’m going to gorge. But I’ve been damn good with my diet this past month, you’d be proud. None of those cheats I use to do.”

Leona rolled her lips in between her teeth, biting back a smile as she tore up pieces of turkey for Felix in his high chair.

Dexter’s hand went out quick as she snorted, he pointed to her. “Don’t even start.”

Gage sat back grinning. “Leona? Does he have Oreo cookies in the night stand?”

Dexter’s jaw dropped, but his eyes were bright with humor. “I. Do. Not.”

Nadia set her wine glass down, bumping my shoulder with her own. “He has hostess cupcakes in there.”

All eyes were on her now.

“Why the hell do you know what’s in my night stand?” Dexter’s voice nearly squeaked, but he was laughing.

“Felix was looking for his pacifier the other day.”

Gage was shaking his head. “Hopefully you’re ready for tomorrow.”

“I am.” Dexter took a bite of his mashed potatoes. “I’ve got this, that guy won’t even know what hit ‘em.”

Leona stood up and kissed his lips as she gathered empty dishes and caught Felix’s sippy cup at the same time. He had officially stopped eating and moved on to playing, making car sounds as he ground the turkey over his tray. The table had stayed loud throughout the evening, and I felt a pang for it to be ending. I had been content to sit back and watch everyone, especially Felix.

I stood to help Leona clean up, Nadia stayed at the table with her sons, and for once Gage wasn’t jumping to get out of her presence. They didn’t talk really; all conversation centered around Dexter, but still, it felt like a good step.

“This might have been my favorite Thanksgiving ever.” I had my head on Gage’s bare chest, fingers tracing his tattoo, a familiar path that I’m surprised didn’t hold an indent from my fingers.

He lifted his head to look at me. “Better than last year? I thought last year was our year of breaking all those records. Best Christmas, best birthday, best New Year.”

“It was, but this thanksgiving was nice to be with them.” I closed my eyes, trying to savor the warmth, letting tonight cast away my dark thoughts.

His hand slid over my bare stomach and my muscles clenched by reflex.

“Next year will be even better,” he spoke low. “It’s only going to get better for us—for our family.”

My secrets were an anchor, keeping my mood from lifting.

“I promise, Regan. I know the past couple of months have been hard, but things are getting better. The club isn’t attached to me anymore, and I’ve got some good news.”

“What?”

“You know Commie Magoro? The boxer running up the ranks?”

“Yeah.” I held my breath, expecting what he meant.

“He thinks he can take my title. And they’ll pay me well to defend it.”

“Can you do that? You haven’t been training hard and with the new club?”

“I would have to put that on hold. Viktor already knows and he’s okay, as long as I continue to assist with other things. But I’d have time to get back into training. The fight wouldn’t be for another four months.”

“So you’ve already decided and set it up?”

He looked at me, confused. “I thought you’d be happy about it. You’ve been talking about me going back.”

“I am.” I was stunned that the problem I’d been stressing over cleared itself up. “I just didn’t know.” The combination of thoughts triggered my guilt all over again.

He smiled. “I wanted to make sure it was all a sure thing before I told you. I didn’t want to get your hopes up if it fell through.” He sat up in front of me, his hand sliding to my cheek and eyes unbearably soft and tender. “But it’s not official yet, you still have a say in this. We’re a team, remember? What do you think?”

I closed my eyes, tears sliding onto his hand. I covered his fingers with my own, holding him in place. We were a team, and he needed to know what Rusnak had said. But a part of me argued that I would just be ruining his good news, that I was only telling him to lighten my own load.

“Babe. Look at me. What’s wrong?”

I pulled his hand down and when I opened my eyes, the confusion in his sealed my decision. He was feeling my burden whether I spoke or not, he had been feeling it all week.

I wiped the tears from my eyes and steadied myself.

“I have to tell you something.”

THE ENERGY OF THE ROOM WAS THE exact opposite of the way I felt. The excitement was electric, but it jump started my nerves. Thankfully no one seemed to notice or care. All the focus was on the cage in the middle of the room, waiting on the last round to start.

“It must get annoying, everyone always wanting his attention.” Leona leaned in to speak in my ear, nodding across the room to where Gage was talking with a group of guys while waiting on the fight.

“It’s only at events like this. Otherwise he’s left alone mostly.” And typically he’d dismiss the people to come to my side. But tonight, he was avoiding me. He had been avoiding me all day.

He’d been silent when I told him about Rusnak, and then he demanded I tell him exactly what happened, word for word. And I did. I told him everything while he sat stone still. He had me repeat it three times. Three times, and each time he didn’t react, and his blank response scared me. I knew the outward calm was masking a storm inside. When I was done talking, and he still hadn’t questioned or budged, I moved to touch him, and that broke his cover.

I raised to my knees, scooting across the bed to where he sat on the edge, covers bunching under me. Reaching my hand out, I touched his bare shoulder, and his muscles hardened under my palm.

“Gage? Say something.”

The way he looked at me then, the anger burning in his eyes, made me hesitate. But I pushed through and brought my other hand to his shoulder, intending to wrap my arms around him, pull my own reassurance from him, and give him some in return.

But he jerked away and stood up, turning to face me. My eyes dropped to his hands, they were balled into fists, knuckles white from the strain. He moved one up, inhaling like he was about to breathe fire, and then he dropped the hand back down. His jaw was clenched so tight, I was surprised he could speak. “You. Should. Have. Told. Me.”

I scrambled off the bed to face him, ready to apologize. “I just did. I wanted to tell you, but—”

“Stop.” His fist lifted again as he bit out his command.

I flinched back. In my mind, I was certain he wouldn’t use it on me, but my body had its own reaction.

He took a step back and dropped his fist, closing his eyes. “I can’t fucking talk to you right now.”

The disgust oozing from his words was a glue holding me in place. I stood there as he turned and stormed out of the room into the sitting area of our hotel suite.

His anger caused tremors to start in my muscles, but when he came back in the room and dressed, those tremors increased to painful bone quakes.

“Where are you going?” I was near panic, or maybe beyond it, because I grabbed him when he tried to walk away.

He jerked his forearm from my grasp with a growl, and the look he shot me was worse than if he had shoved me away. But him leaving, without speaking, without telling me what he was doing or where he was going, felt like he had used the fist his hand was still balled into.

“Maybe you should go over there? I don’t think he’s seen us yet. Maybe he doesn’t know where our seats are,” Leona spoke up as Gage sat down in the front row to the side of where we were with the guys who had intercepted him when he entered the arena.

“I’ll just text him.” I pulled out my phone, fingers hovering over the screen as I reread his last text message from last night.

Gym

That had been his one word response, and he hadn’t even been able to speak it to me. The hotel had a gym, and after hours of him being gone, I checked without being seen, and he was there on the treadmill when I snuck a peek. With that knowledge, I went back to the room and tried to sleep. He came back in sometime later and slept on the couch.

This morning, he still wouldn’t talk. He dropped me off with Leona and left with Dexter to prepare for the fight. This was the first time I’ve seen him since.

I texted him our seat numbers, but he knew them, I knew he did. He always knew where I was. He made it a point to know. That couldn’t have changed, not over this. He just needed time, I kept reassuring myself.

He slid his phone from his pocket, glanced at his screen, and put it away, not even bothering to look around or acknowledge my message as the two fighters came back to the center of the cage, starting their third and final round.

Dexter would be the next fight, and I tried to put all other thoughts away. Leona cringed as one man picked up the other around the waist and dropped him onto the mat, landing on top of him. Then it was hard to see who had the upper hand as they both were tangled in each other’s arms, bodies rocking as each tried to gain leverage.

“Oh man, Dexter better not let himself get stuck in a wrestling match.” She rose to her feet, with the rest of the crowd, as the man on the bottom flipped the man on top of him, sending his knee into his sides over and over.

The fight had enough action to hold my attention, and I tried to stay focused on it, but as the men continued to roll around the ring, getting side punches and jabs in, my eyes cut away to Gage. He was standing with that same group, but now he had one of the oversized foam beer cups in his hands, gulping it down.

The round ended, and both men dropped their hold on the other and rose to their feet, breathing heavy and red faced from exertion and hits. I’m pretty sure the one in the green shorts would be called winner, but it was close.

Gage nodded at whatever the man next to him was saying, and then his gaze landed on me, striking me still. He lifted his drink, and his head inclined towards me in acknowledgement. The side of his lip curled in the smallest sneer, but then it was blocked by his cup as he tilted it back, drinking deep.