Only With You (18 page)

“Yeah, not so much
.”

Paul smiled. “I knew
immediately you weren’t gay, but Syd was convinced, so I didn’t say anything to her.”

I shook my head
and rolled my eyes. “She has everyone thinking that.”

Paul shrugged. “She’s thought it for a long time. Does she know you’re straight?”

“Yeah, she does now. She sort of figured it out last weekend.”

He nodded. “That explains her good mood. I knew it couldn’t have been from Dillon
coming to visit. I like the bloke, don’t get me wrong, but they’re not right for each other.”

“I agree.”

“You’re into her, aren’t you?”

I hesitated before nodding.
“Yeah, I am.”

What did it matter if people knew how I felt?

He nodded. “And you think you’re right for her, that you can make her happy?”

Damn, it was like he could see right through me, see the doubts that had been plaguing me earlier.

“Yeah, actually I do,” I said firmly, because I believed it.

He shrugged, and I wanted to shove him for inserting his two cents into my relationship.
Of course he didn’t know it was a relationship. Damn, this was hard.

“Just think about this, because I can tell how much you care about her and want her to be happy.
I know how she feels about you. She’s told me, and I don’t know if anything has happened between you two yet, but–”

“Nothing’s happened,”
I interrupted, the words tasting sour on my tongue. “You know she has a boyfriend.”

I figured Sydney would be proud of me for telling him that. Of course
I had no idea if Paul believed me or not, but I wasn’t sure if it mattered either – at least not to me.

“Alright, but
let’s be honest. From what I can tell, that will probably be changing soon, and I think you know that too. I saw the way she was looking at you tonight. And Dillon or no Dillon, she’s been into you for a while. I just don’t want her to do something she’s going to regret because she’s rushing into it headfirst without thinking through the consequences.”

I felt my chest tighten
. I wanted to swing at him. Where the hell did he get off? Sure he’d known Sydney for a few years, but he didn’t know her better than I did. He didn’t know what she’d said to me last weekend and earlier in the night. He didn’t know shit.

“She’s a big girl,” I said through gritted teeth. “I think she’s capable of making her own decisions.”

“I know that, but I think you need to consider one very important fact. And that is, it’s pretty obvious to everyone else that you’re not gay, but Syd was convinced you were for years. Maybe that was just her way of protecting her heart, you know?”

Kind of like she was doing earlier tonight?

“I don’t follow,” I said, as I narrowed my eyes at him. I didn’t like where this conversation was headed.

“Come on, Ryder, you’re a smart guy – practically genius level from what Syd’s told me.
Can’t you see what different worlds you both live in? Syd’s career is on fire. Are you willing to be a part of that life, support what she does?”

“I’ve always supported what she does. I’m really proud of her
,” I said, narrowing my eyes at him as the conviction in my words only got stronger. “She’s incredible.”

“But you want to be a lawyer, right?”

“Yeah, I do.”

What does that have to do with anything, asshole?

“And you still have two years left at university before law school, right?”

“Yes.”

“And you go to school in Florida?”

“Yes,” I said slowly, finally starting to connect the dots to what he was saying.

It was exactly what I’d thought about again and again. It was at the root of my fears when it came to Sydney, but I didn’t want to think about it. Not again tonight. Not now when I’d finally bi-passed my anxiety over how she felt about me. I hated Paul for even driving another ounce of doubt into my head.

“So how exactly are you going to be there for her when you have something equally important in your life that you’re working toward? Are you going to
be able to drop everything to fly across the country to see her when she needs you?”

Yes. No.
I don’t know.

“I’ll figure it out,” I snapped.
“
We’ll
figure it out.”

He looked at me with skepticism written all over his face. “Just don’t hurt her,” he cautioned. “Syd’s a romantic, and she falls in love easily.
I know she wants to be with you, but sometimes what we want and what we should do are two very different things.”

When the fuck did he turn into Yoda?

“I know how she feels,” I said through gritted teeth, clenching my fists at my sides. “And I think you should let her decide for herself what she wants and needs. She’s a big girl.”

He shrugged. “I
know she is, but at the end of the day, I care a lot about her. I don’t want to see her hurt.”

I glared at him. “
I
care a lot about her. I’ve known her a lot longer than you have, and I’ve been there for her after every asshole she’s dated has dumped her. You think I want to make her feel that way again? Hell no. I’d never hurt her.”

“Maybe not intentionally, but your situation doesn’t lend itself for you to be in control of that. Just keep that in the back of your mind.”

Don’t worry. I will.

I wasn’t sure
pushing that thought out of my head was even possible. Now that he’d said it, I was never going to stop thinking about it.
Fucker.

I started to say something in response, but the door behind me opened, and Syd came out wearing skinny jeans and a black tank top
, her dark hair piled on top of her head. My heart started pounding in my chest when I looked at her. She was so beautiful with just a hint of make-up on her face and a wide smile just for me.

Shit, the last thing I wanted
to do was hurt her. But what if Paul was right? What if for years, Syd had been convinced that I wasn’t available because she knew being with me wasn’t conducive to her career. I’d never ask her to give anything up for me, and I knew she’d never ask me to do that either – but we did lead very different lives. Would it become a point of contention down the road?

Goddamn Paul for putting a damper on what was supposed to be the best night of my life.

“Hi guys,” Syd said, smiling at me and then at Paul. “What are you talking about?”

“Just how brilliant you were tonight, love,” Paul said
, smiling at her, and I wanted to smack that smile right off of his face.

“Aww, thanks, Paul,” she said hugging him. When she pulled back she stepped into place beside me, and I fought putting my arm around her shoulders in a possessive sort of way. She turned to me then. “Ready to go?”

Fuck.
Now I was wondering if I should even go through with what I wanted to do so badly. I hated to admit it, but Paul was right on some level. Sydney and I lived on opposite ends of the planet, and not just in the physical sense. But the distance was something else to think about.

Maybe I should
just transfer to UCLA and take that issue out of the equation. It would certainly give us more of a fighting chance if we lived in the same city. I’d gotten accepted there when I’d applied back in high school, so they’d probably take me as a transfer.

If I did that,
I could be near Sydney when she wasn’t touring. But was I really going to uproot my entire life for a girl? I liked UF. I had friends there. But then again, this was Sydney. She wasn’t just some girl. She was everything to me, and she was everything I’d ever wanted in a girl.

I knew I’d never love anyone as much as I loved her. She was the one for me, and just look
ing at her made me realize how far I’d go to make her happy. It wasn’t like I’d be giving up college. I could still get my degree, go to law school, and I could have her. I could do it all, and I
would
do it. For her, and for us, because my life was better when she was in it. Sure, it would be hard when she was on tour, but we’d make it work. If she truly wanted to be with me, I’d go to the ends of the earth for her.

I smiled at Syd, loving the smile I got in return. And then I ignored Paul, because I was mad at him for butting in
and slamming things into my head that I didn’t want to think about. Not tonight, and frankly, not ever.

“
I’m definitely ready to go,” I told Syd.

“Have fun, kids,” Paul said snidely, but Sydney didn’t catch it. She just took my hand and turned to look at him over her shoulder.

“We’re just friends, Paul,” she said, and this time it didn’t bother me so much, because I knew it wasn’t true.

“Keep telling yourself that, love,” he called out to her as she started to lead me away.

Yeah, we weren’t fooling anyone.

She turned and stuck her tongue out at h
im. “Don’t tell anyone,” she hissed playfully, and he just laughed.

If only she knew what he’d just been telling me.

“I wouldn’t dream of it,” he called back.

Sydney leaned into me as we walked, and just the feel of her warm skin against my arm did all sorts of crazy things to my body
, only strengthening my resolve that I wanted this. We could make it work. I desperately wanted to grab her, push her up against a nearby wall and kiss her until she couldn’t breathe. Soon. Soon we’d be in a car with darkened windows, and I’d be able to do just that.

“I thought about you while I was in the shower,” she whispered, and I stopped short. She turned around to face me. “What?”

Damn, the look on her face was all innocence, but I knew her better than that. She knew exactly what she was doing.

I cocked an eyebrow at her. “If you don’t want people to know that
there’s something going on with us, I’d suggest not making comments like that, because they’ll only succeed in getting you found out.”

“What do you mean?” she asked, completely toying with me.

“Say something like that again, and everyone in this damn place will know just how I feel about you,” I threatened, challenging her to push me so I could make good on my threat.

She stepped closer to me. “And how exactly would you show them?”

She angled her body so her back was to anyone who was passing by, and her hand reached out and brushed lightly over my semi-hard dick. I sucked in a breath, the contact pushing me to the point of being almost fully hard.

“Jesus fucking Christ, Syd,” I hissed, jumping back as if she’d shocked me. She just laughed.

“Come on,” she said, taking my hand in hers to lead me to the door I’d come in through earlier in the evening. “I can’t wait to get you alone.”

“You’re killing me,” I hissed at her

She just laughed again. “Good.”

When she knocked on the door, i
t opened to reveal Elisa standing on the other side along with two bodyguards. Two more guys were keeping the fans who were behind a barrier at bay, since when they saw Sydney, they started to go nuts.

“Just five minutes?” Elisa asked her, and Sydn
ey smiled and waved at the fans with her free hand.

“Okay,” she sighed
. Then she turned back to me and squeezed my hand. “I’m sorry. Just give me a few minutes, alright?”

My pulse was thrumming in my veins at how close I’d
gotten to getting her alone in the back seat of the Town Car that I’d ridden in earlier. It was idling just feet from the door. The windows were blacked out in the back, so no one would be able to see us. I’d be able to kiss her all the way to the hotel.

I smiled good-naturedly, knowing she wouldn’t want to let her fans down. “Sure, no problem.”

I could hold off for five more minutes. I’d been holding off for seven years. What would a few measly minutes hurt?

She smiled back at me before she dropped my hand.
When she turned around and stepped forward, I waited a few seconds before I slipped outside and got into the car. No one noticed me. Then I waited, watching Sydney through the window as she smiled, hugged her fans, took pictures and signed autographs. Twenty minutes later, I saw Elisa tell everyone that Syd had to go, and she waved goodbye to the fans who protested her leaving.

My heart started to pound when Gerald opened the door for her, and she slid into the backseat. She smiled at me and slid her hand into mine as the car started up, and we backed o
ut of the tight space, the bodyguards keeping the fans in place so they wouldn’t chase our car. I squeezed her hand back.

As soon as we pulled into traffic, I turned to her. She looked right back at me.

I figured a few measly minutes wouldn’t hurt, but I’d been wrong. In that time, as I’d watched her in her element, my brain kept turning over what Paul had said to me.

I just don’t want her to do something she’s going to regret.