Only The Beginning (Rockin' Country) (31 page)

“Even though it wasn’t the most pleasant thing in the world to hear, I needed to hear it. I’m glad you shared it with me. I get so caught up in my own crap that I forget about other people, and that’s not the way I need to live my life. I need to live it happy, not worried about what other people are going to say about the things I do. That’s something I got from him. His presence is a skin that I need to shed. I started that this morning. I burned everything he ever gave me. I allowed myself to cry over it and have a pity party for what I once thought was the most important decision of my life. Then I called my cell phone carrier and blocked his number. I also spoke with my lawyer about getting harassment papers drawn up just in case. There are still a few things he could do to hurt me, but if he does, I’ll be ready.”

This woman standing in front of him was amazing. “If he does anything else, I can’t guarantee you that I won’t kick his ass,” he warned.

“At this point, I’m thinking he deserves it. But what I’m trying to tell you is that I am ready. I can be with you. I want to be with you. I hope you haven’t given up on me,” she swallowed roughly, for the first time emotion clogging her throat.

He stood up and walked over to her, putting one arm around her waist and pulling her to him. The other arm went around her neck. “God, no. I thought my mouth and my temper had lost you. I’m sorry for the things I said. I never meant for all that to happen, but if it brought us here, then I’m glad it did.”

“I’m glad it did too.” She threw her arms around him then, holding on for dear life.

They stayed that way for long moments, him breathing in the scent that he had learned to associate with her. Her fingers dug into his shirt, clinging roughly. Finally she pulled her head back. “Can you do something for me?”

“I’ll do any damn thing you want me to, you just have to ask.”

“After you go take a shower, because you stink, can we go to sleep? I’m so tired. I haven’t slept in almost a full twenty-four hours.”

He chuckled. “Yeah, that can be arranged. Right now, I need to sleep too, but it’s not going to happen without you in my arms.”

That was exactly where she wanted to be.

*  *  *

G
arrett awoke to Hannah loudly whispering on her phone.

“Shell, I understand that you’re upset.” He watched as she held the phone away from her ear and he could hear Shell’s voice from the other end.

“I was worried out of my fucking mind. You got off the bus to get a snack, a damn snack, and then we couldn’t find you. Do you realize every scenario that played through my head? You’re famous and people want you. I thought someone had abducted you!”

Hannah breathed slowly. “I needed to get away, Shell,” she said patiently.

“Take your needing to get away and shove it up your ass. I’m furious right now, and I’ve never known you to be this selfish—ever. Don’t call me—I’ll see you tonight. I have a huge mess to clean up!”

Hannah looked at the phone as the call disconnected.

“She’s pissed I take it?” Garrett asked, sitting up in the bed.

“I think that would be an understatement. Apparently everyone is. My mom is furious, and you of course just heard Shell. I have to figure out how I’m going to fix this.”

“She’s right you know,” he gently told her as he came over and had a seat next to her.

“You think so?” she was honestly asking him.

He got the feeling that she had never done anything like this before. She had never really been selfish with her time and her feelings. Good girl Hannah had always done what was expected of her and what she was told. “Yeah, I do. You have no idea how freaked out we all were. I’m right there with her. I thought maybe someone had abducted you too there for a while. After that picture you put on Instagram, I worried that maybe you were going to hurt yourself. You do have a lot of work to do to clean this up. What are you going to do? You need to make it right. I think your Mom will understand if you just explain it to her.”

“I needed some time to myself.” She ran her hand through her hair.

“And while I understand that because I live this life, I’ve needed the same thing. Not everybody does, not everybody has. As the person who brings in the money, you have to take care of the people that take care of you. Don’t disappoint me here, babe. Make this right.”

“I don’t even know where to start. I’ve never had to apologize for anything before. I’ve always done what people asked of me.”

He laughed and pulled her over in his lap. “Lucky for you, I have a shit-ton of experience when it comes to groveling. On the drive, we’ll figure something out.” A thought hit him. “By the way, how are you getting to your own show?”

“I’m going to have you just drop me off at the airport. I have a ticket that should get me there a few hours before.”

He kissed her on the neck and squeezed her tightly around the waist. “Things are going to be fine; you just gotta work it all out. Instead of letting Shell do everything this time, you’re going to have to do it for her.”

Hannah knew that he was right. It was time to grow up and be an adult and to take control of the consequences of her actions. Everybody made mistakes; it was how they came back from those mistakes that truly mattered.

*     *     *

Shell felt like she was going to kill someone. Her phone was ringing off the hook, and she kept pushing everyone to voice mail. She was tired, so tired. Worrying about her best friend had taken a toll on her, and then the anger that had rushed through her body as she realized that Hannah was indeed okay had given way to a bone-deep fatigue. Sighing as her phone rang again, she saw Jared’s name. This one she accepted.

“How are you holding up?” he asked.

“I’m so tired, and I’m so upset with her. How could she do this to everybody?”

He was quiet for a beat, and she wondered if he was still on the line with her. She was about to ask when his voice sounded again over the line. “I’m not saying that what she did was right. Lord knows I’m not the type of person who should throw stones, but I’m going to tell you where I come from. I think maybe she was coming from the same place. Sometimes in this life, people—meaning fans and even your best friends—they look at you and they think you have this amazing life. That you have it all completely together and there’s nothing that you could want for.”

She gave him the respect of really listening to him and trying to put herself in his shoes. She wanted to understand this. The absolute last thing she wanted to do was be mad at Hannah. In all the years they had been friends, they had never let anger separate them. Never. As women that was saying something.

“I’m here to tell you that’s not the case,” he told her. “With the life we lead, you don’t get any time by yourself.”

“She’s in hotel rooms by herself all the time,” Shell argued.

“That’s not what I mean,” he interrupted her. “When you are on the road, you’re ‘on’ all the time. You’re that person that the fans expect you to be. You’re the person the people you work with expect you to be. Sometimes that’s not you, and you become a caricature of yourself. You lose yourself in everything you’re supposed to be, and you have to take time to recalibrate your life. Sometimes you need to be away from yourself.”

“Is that why you do what you do? The drugs?” she asked quietly.

“When you’re as creative as we are, that place within yourself can sometimes be very dark. I’m not expecting you to understand it, but I’m asking you to give her a break. She didn’t do this to hurt you; I can assure you of that. She did this because she needed it for her. If she’s not selfish for herself, no one else is going to be.”

“That doesn’t make it right,” she argued.

“I’m not saying that it does, but I’m just trying to give a different perspective from someone who’s been there. If she needs a day to herself to figure her shit the fuck out, give it to her. Don’t let her get so messed up that she does the things I do.”

Shell swallowed roughly against the lump in her throat. That was the last thing she wanted. “But I need her to tell me when she needs that.”

“Then explain that to her,” Jared told her. “Nobody said that to me until it was too late, and I still can’t shake my demons.”

That was a problem and she knew it, but she could only deal with one at a time. “Okay, I will try to cut her some slack and be polite about this, but I have to warn you, I’m pissed as fuck.”

“You wouldn’t be her best friend if you weren’t.”

They hung up a while later, and Shell sat there, still stewing when she saw an email alert on her phone. She opened it and her mouth hung open. Hannah had purchased a three-night vacation stay in Cozumel for Shell and a guest, to be used over their break. Along with it was a note.

I’m a brat, thanks for loving me! If I feel like I need a vacation, then I know you most definitely do. Have fun and I love you!

Shell couldn’t help but smile. Hannah was trying to do the right thing.

*     *     *

“On a scale of one to ten, how mad are you at me?” Shell heard her before she saw her. Shell was sitting in the backstage area of their venue for the night, waiting for Hannah to show up. She was relieved to realize Hannah had made it there with plenty of time to spare.

“Yesterday afternoon and last night a fucking twenty, but since talking to Jared, I’m at a firm seven.”

“That’s better than I thought it would be.”

Hannah walked in carefully, not sure of what Shell would say to her, and had a seat across from her. “I’m sorry that I worried you. I want you to know that.”

“I appreciate that, and I’m sorry that you felt like you had to leave here without telling anyone. For that I will take responsibility. I would have talked you out of it and probably have made you feel worse. As hard as it is for me to admit this, I sometimes think more as your manager than your friend in situations like that. It’s good, but it’s bad at the same time. I’ll take responsibility for the fact that we should communicate better.”

“And I’ll take responsibility for the fact that I shouldn’t have done it without letting someone know beforehand. I was selfish, and I can’t be that way anymore. I have too many people counting on me.” She bit her lip and pressed on. “I just felt so stifled, and it was such a strong feeling, I had to get away. I had to be able to breathe, and I just felt suffocated.”

“Next time you feel that way, you let me know. It’s my job to make sure your mental health is as good as your physical health, and you can thank Jared for reminding me of that. It would kill me if you did the things he does, because it’s preventable.”

“It is, and I don’t ever want to be like that. To be honest with you, I was in a very dark place. I don’t ever want to be there again. I’m going to work on my own self-esteem issues and make myself into the person that I should be, not the person that I let Ashton make me think I was.”

It had never occurred to Shell before this moment that Hannah was exhibiting signs of abuse. Not only the physical kind that showed on her arms in the form of bruises, but the mental kind that made her question every rational thought she had. It never should have gone that far, and she would make sure that from now on, they were all taken care of. Shell threw her arms around her friend, so glad that she was back and that she appeared to be no worse for wear. That had been one of her major fears when she had discovered Hannah missing. In their business, in their world, it could mean bad things. Someone could have hurt her, she could have had a mental break, and suicide had even flashed through her mind. It hadn’t been pretty as she had sat up all night with every scenario running through her head.