Only The Beginning (Rockin' Country) (30 page)

The pure desperation in his voice tore at her. She wanted to come through the phone and put her arms around him, hold him as tightly as she could, and take away all the pain she heard there. “Give it some time…the two of you will work it out. Sometimes you say things that you don’t mean, but that’s what a relationship is about. You forgive each other and you work it out.”

“I told her I would be here if she wanted to call, but she hasn’t done it yet. I’m scared that she isn’t going to. I let my temper get the best of me.”

“She will. If you didn’t get a temper with her, then that means you don’t care.”

“Then I care a damn lot because I got downright rude. I can’t believe the shit that came out of my mouth,” he whispered.

“It’ll be okay, just believe that. I wish I could make it all better for you. I would if I could, you know that, right?”

“I do,” he smiled softly. “Love you, Momma.”

“Love you too. It’s probably not as bad as you think. If you need me, call me.”

“I will.”

They hung up, and he put his phone to the side, lying back against the bunk mattress. Closing his eyes, he hoped that things would work out. If they didn’t, he wasn’t sure what he would do. All he knew was that he would go to a dark place he’d only been to a few times before. The only difference was this time, he wasn’t sure he’d be able to come back from it.

For hours he lay there, wondering what was going through Hannah’s head, wondering how things could have been different, wishing he could change the way things had gone down. It hadn’t been pretty, and he would regret that for a long time, but he couldn’t go back and change it now.

His phone finally buzzed at his side, and he picked it up quickly, praying that it was from Hannah. Disappointment and fear caused his stomach to drop as he read the message from Shell.

We can’t find Hannah; do you have any idea where she is? Has she tried to contact you?

*  *  *

H
annah was still missing. Those were the only thoughts that seemed to occupy Garrett’s mind, had occupied his mind since he’d received the text message from Shell. They were going on hours, and none of them had heard a word from Hannah. Even her parents were worried. She had performed an afternoon concert and then told Shell they needed to stop the bus to grab a snack. She hadn’t returned to that bus, and nobody knew where the hell she was. They had even contacted a lawyer to see what they needed to do to file a missing persons report and keep it out of the media, but they had been instructed to let it go at least twenty-four hours.

“You hanging in there?”

Garrett looked up at Jared, who was the only one to even attempt a conversation with him. The rest of the guys had already verbally gotten the shit kicked out of them by their frontman and were leaving him be. “Do I look like I’m hanging in here?”

“I know you’re worried.”

“I’m going outta my fucking mind,” he interrupted Jared. “It’s my fault that she’s missing. I should have reigned in my mouth before it got too out of control.”

Jared had a seat and faced Garrett head on. “Look, I’ve known you a really long time. I know how you get, but she doesn’t. I think maybe she just needs time to process things. This is all new for her. We’re new for her. She’s never known people like us, Garrett. The two of us—we’re passionate motherfuckers about everything, and we expect everybody else to be too. We shoot off when we think we’re right, but there’s one thing about the both of us. We never intentionally hurt the people we care about.”

“But that it’s, man, I did. While I was saying all that shit, I knew it was hurtin’ her. I could see it in her face. I could see it in her eyes, but I couldn’t stop the words from coming out of my mouth. I wanted a reaction. I told Shell I would never intentionally hurt Hannah, and I did it last night. What kind of bastard does that make me?”

Reaching over, Jared clapped him on the shoulder. “One who cares enough to stand up for what he thinks is right.”

“When did being right involve making a woman cry? She’s never going to want to see me again. I’m totally sure of that.” Garrett shook his head, burying his head in his arms.

“I think you’re selling Hannah short. I think she needs some time to get her head on straight. Let her do that, and I think you’ll be surprised.”

“I hope like hell I am, but I’m not holding my breath.”

*     *     *

After coming off stage, the first thing Garrett did was check his phone to see if Hannah had been found. The only thing there was another text from Shell that said they were still looking for her. Picking up his phone, he dialed Hannah’s number, cursing loudly when it went straight to voicemail.

“Babe, I’m worried. Forget all that shit I said last night, I’m sorry. Call me. For the love of God, please call me, I’m going out of my mind right now. If you can’t call me, call somebody else. We’re scared to death.”

Sitting alone in one of the backstage rooms, he allowed his head to fall back against the couch. The weight was too much for his neck; he felt like it would snap off if he didn’t relieve some of the pressure. He knew they had to leave soon, but he didn’t want to get any further away from where Hannah had last been seen if he could help it. Just being within a night’s distance made him feel closer to her. What he wanted to do was to tell the promoters to fuck themselves, and they would all as a whole just take a loss on the concerts, but he knew that wasn’t fair to the fans. If Hannah wasn’t found before the next morning, he knew without a doubt though that’s what he would do. Sighing didn’t seem to help anything, but it also didn’t stop him from doing it. A knock sounded on the door, and he wanted to tell the person on the other side to go to hell and leave him alone. But, he reasoned, it might be part of the clean-up crew, and they didn’t deserve his anger. When he swung the door open, the person on the other side was the last person he’d expected to find.

“Oh my God, Hannah,” he breathed, reaching out and folding her up in his arms. “I’ve been worried sick about you.”

“I know,” she nodded, holding her phone up. “I got your messages.”

“Where in the fuck have you been?” It was out before he could stop it, but he had been so worried all day, he couldn’t help it.

“I know, I worried all of you, but I’ve just texted Shell and my mom. They know I’m fine. I saw the guys and told them that we would be driving to the next venue on our own. I have a car, so we can get there,” she explained.

“What are you doing here?” he asked, once he came to grips that she was standing in front of him. She was okay, something horrible hadn’t happened.

“I need to talk to you. I don’t know if you want to do it here or some other place. I’m not sure how much time we have here. I do have a hotel room if you want to go back there and have our talk in private. That’s where I’ve been a good portion of the day after I left my bus.”

Her mood was different than he had ever seen. She seemed so pensive and so…unsure of the situation. Garrett knew that he was to blame for all of that. “Let’s go talk this out someplace private, just in case you decide to scream at me again.” He hoped his joke broke the tension and it did. Not enough to make him happy, but enough to satisfy him to a small degree that this just might be okay.

*     *     *

Hannah’s palms were sweaty as she let them into the hotel room she had secured for the night. After their previous experience, she was downright scared of what they could do to hurt one another. At the same time, she knew this had to be done. She had to prove to him that she could move on with her life. She had to explain to him and then see if he could move on with her. Hannah wanted that, so badly.

They entered the room, standing there in complete silence. Even on the first night they had spoken with each other, it hadn’t been this awkward. She absolutely hated this.

“I need you to listen to me, if you can,” she started, her voice small, but strong.

He had a seat on the bed and looked up at her. “I’ll listen to you all damn night if that’s what you need me to do.”

The smile that came to her lips was the first genuine emotion he had seen from her. It gave him hope. “This may take me a while, you have to be patient and hear me out, that’s all I’m asking from you. If you decide when I’m done that you don’t want to do this relationship anymore, then I’ll respect your wishes. It’ll hurt like you wouldn’t believe, but I’ll do what you want.”

His mouth wouldn’t open to respond. That was the last thing he wanted, but he had promised to hear her out. So hear her out he would.

It took her a long time to start; his eyes followed her as she wandered around the room. Finally she came to a stop in front of the window and opened the curtain, gazing out. When she began to speak, it almost startled him.

“You were right when you accused me of hanging onto Ashton,” she admitted, her voice strong and clear. “But I was hanging on in a much different way than what you assumed.”

That was it, he wanted to beat something. She still had feelings for this guy, and she was going to give him the kiss off. This was going to hurt like a motherfucker.

“I’m not hung up on Ashton because I still love him. As I realized over my night and long day of no sleep, I’m long over that part of our relationship. I’m not even sure now that I ever really did love him. I feel much more for you than I ever felt for him, but we’ve not said those words to each other—but right now, that’s neither here nor there. What I was hung up on was the hurt.”

She turned from the window and walked over to the dresser. Turning to face him, she leaned against it, crossing her arms over her stomach. “That hurt I held in front of me like a shield. It was a coat of armor I could put in place every time another person did something that I didn’t like. It was convenient. Someone hurt my feelings? I could blame it on Ashton and the way he left me, the way he hurt me. I’ve been hiding behind that fear, that hurt, for so long that I didn’t even realize it. I didn’t realize that even though I’ve given myself to you, I always expected him to come back. That’s why his number was still in my phone, that’s why I still had a box of old letters and ticket stubs from our relationship, that’s why I constantly think that nobody ever likes me for me. It’s been easy to let myself wallow in this pool of self-pity. If you expect to be hurt, then when it happens, it’s just something else that someone has done to you that makes you feel like a second-class citizen. You were right in every damn word you said to me, Garrett.”

He breathed heavily. He may have been right, and while that did feel good, he had to wonder at what price. What was this affirmation going to cost him in the long run? He didn’t want to ask. She had told him to listen, and that was what he intended to do.

“When you left, I took a good, hard look at myself and realized that I am different now. I’m not that same girl that I was a few years ago. I don’t need that protection because I know without a shadow of a doubt you aren’t going to hurt me. You told me—even though I kind of wish you hadn’t—exactly what you’ve given up to be with me.”

He blushed at that. “I really wish that I could keep my mouth shut sometimes.”