Only Love (The Atonement Series) (7 page)

Men were so crafty and that motherfucker was especially devious. He didn’t trust him and couldn’t put his finger on why he thought the relationship between the guy and his “business partner” seemed inappropriate. Sure, he’d shared this little fact with Deirdre but he didn’t mention she was a five foot, ten inch tall bleached blonde with ties to the Ukrainian Mafia.

It turned out not only was Drake related to Drew—they were first cousins—he had been disowned by his family and it was the primary reason he called the West Coast his home. However, having grown up with money, he knew where to find it and promptly started dating Mikayla Shevchenko, daughter of Evgeni and sister of Andrij and Fedir.

The family had come to the United States while Fedir had been a baby and established themselves as some of the top gun runners and drug dealers in southern California. Hell, the family had a working relationship with the Madreras Cartel, the most powerful Mexican Mafia in their country and the United States. Through Mikayla and her brothers, the family had begun to wash a lot of the money through a string of popular and see-and-be-seen restaurants, bars and clubs the siblings began to buy along the Pacific, from San Diego to San Francisco.

It was true: she and Drake were split partners; they were not only former lovers but he’d been involved in the Shevchenko family business before he could be trusted with Mikayla washing money in the restaurant business. They’d been engaged for a time but he’d broken it off and never gave a reason. Though he seemed positively enthralled with Deirdre, it was rumored he was still had feelings for Mikayla and the feeling was more than mutual. Women were just a means to an end until she “ceased her party-girl attitude and realized they were supposed to be together”.

This was the knowledge he’d shared with Drew and Aubrey that morning he’d shown up at Deirdre’s apartment. Instead of them being happy he was trying to protect his ex-fiancée, they accused him of being a stalker and immediately asked him to leave.

“Surely you don’t plan to tell Deirdre any of this nonsense?” Aubrey inquired in an incredulous manner. “The woman just had a miscarriage—she doesn’t need to hear about her neighbor being a former gun runner and having mob connections.”

“Drake never ran guns, believe me,” Drew responded in an authoritative manner. “He may not be welcome at barbeques and family reunions but he hasn’t been completely cut off. His mother is my mother’s sister for God’s sake and as an O’Connell, you never get cut off from one another, not really.”

Colin sat down on the love seat despite Aubrey having asked him to leave. “I know he’s family and when I found out you two were related, I was kind of relieved if you can believe it. You don’t know what went down between us and she’s hurting. I just want to make sure no one does that to her again. Do you get my point of view and where I am coming from?”

Drew sat next to him and nodded his head. “What the hell happened between you two anyway? One minute, you two are inseparable and the next, she decides she can’t stand the sight of you and high tails it outta Seattle. I just didn’t expect it, not from Deirdre.”

Colin would have given anything to break the sacred vow he had with his brother at that moment just to tell Drew everything but he couldn’t. He believed a huge reason why Deirdre left was because she refused to tell her sister the truth and she couldn’t stand the duplicity. Anyone who’d ever proclaimed it was easy to keep a secret obviously had never had to keep one to themselves because every moment of every day was torture for him.

He did a good job pretending because that’s what he did. However, he could admit he wasn’t as psychologically strong or cold as Liam and what came so natural for his brother didn’t come naturally to him. He felt like an imposter because he simply didn’t possess that “killer instinct”.

Colin then found himself doing the old merry-go-round when his brother had told him he’d confessed to assuage his conscience. It had nothing to do with revealing the truth or being completely honest with Deirdre but it did have a lot to do with having another person to “share the burden” of the secret.

However, he knew that was only one mitigating factor that had sent his ex-fiancée running away from him. It didn’t help for her—or himself for the matter—to find out the child she carried had belonged to his brother.

While it pained Deirdre, it delighted Colin she’d lost the baby. There was no way he wanted to raise another man’s baby, regardless whether it was his brother’s or not. It wasn’t part of him to be that giving but at that point, he’d been willing to say anything on the phone just to get her back to Seattle. As far as he was concerned, she wasn’t too far along that an abortion couldn’t be moved off the table. Now that was no longer a concern and all he had to worry about was getting his woman back.

Aubrey cleared her throat. “So, do you really plan to stay here until you’ve convinced Deirdre she belongs to you? Perhaps you two really do need the distance. She’s an adult—believe me when I say that she is more than capable of taking care of herself.”

“What’s this really about?” Colin’s crystal blue eyes grew hard as diamonds and his expression completely reflected his mood. “Is this about the bar?”

“You know what we are talking about doesn’t have a damn thing to do with the bar, Colin. Aubrey and I are heading back in a couple of days. Remember, Deirdre was—no, she
is
—my first love and I would never allow anyone to hurt her. I agree, I wouldn’t have chosen Drake for her but it’s not my choice. Besides, they aren’t dating, they’re merely friends. Would you be this jealous if she became close to a male friend at work?”

“This is different.” Colin buried his face in his hands to hide the tears which threatened to fall if he didn’t choose his next words very carefully. “I wish to God I could tell you both what was going between us and why everything is so fucked up but I can’t. All I can really say is that Deirdre has every reason to hate me but I still love her so much and I can’t give up on us. I’m not ready to throw in the towel yet. I’ll stay and make sure she’s okay. If she really is happy with this Drake guy then I will leave her to make a life with him.”

He wouldn’t dare look up but he could see Drew and Aubrey looking at one another from the corner of his eye.

“If you feel that strongly about my cousin then why don’t you stay? I’m making dinner—her favorite which of course is salmon stuffed with mushrooms and feta cheese, a spinach salad and risotto. I don’t know how she’ll react to you being here but we all know she’s not going to freak out.”

Colin looked up at Aubrey and smiled though he still felt the hurt in his heart and knew seeing Deirdre with this Drake guy was going to be tough. However, no one ever said love was easy and he was more than willing to do what it took to get her back. She’d been his first and only true love.

“Thanks, I’d really like that.”

And for a moment, he almost believed himself. He knew the day would be a nightmare in the making but he had to see her and if it involved suffering then he knew all about doing it quite well.

Chapter Seven

I couldn’t believe how comfortable I found myself in Drake’s company. He had a great sense of humor and too many times to count, he reminded me of Drew, my first love.

If I had anyone to blame for being miserable at this point, it would certainly be myself because I’d had a great guy who loved me unconditionally and would have done anything for me. The thought of spending the rest of my life with my first love didn’t sound appealing. In fact, it sounded downright boring!

I realized my adolescent brain couldn’t comprehend how easily it would be to fall for another but true love took time and patience. It was mutual trust and respect; a feeling that your partner, no matter how flawed they were, would never intentionally hurt you and even though the rough times could be so awful, it was often hard to remember the good, you had that person’s back and they had yours.

Wasn’t that the love which had grown and blossomed between Colin and me? Not only had we lived in the same apartment before our European vacation—though I’d slept in the guest room and we never consummated our relationship before we left—but I thought we had gotten to know one another. Our vacation was a great dose of unrealistic expectations in a reality that would never be our own simply because we were on vacation.

The most soul shattering events had occurred after we’d gotten back. Yes, I’d given up my slacker image and managed to get a real job but then my boyfriend and I found out we were expecting a baby. That was not part of our plans; neither was getting engaged so quickly. Unfortunately, the night Colin had revealed to me that he and his brother, Liam, were directly responsible for the death of my father, a part of me died and that person could never be resurrected.

How in God’s name could I forgive the unforgivable? The night he told me, shock had taken over and I had forgiven him. I said it was an awful situation but we would get through it. I had no idea if it was the equivalent of pregnancy hormones which acted similar to illegal stimulants but we both knew in our heart of hearts that could never happen.

Colin had broken my heart and it wasn’t my place to say anything at all but the silence was a heavier burden than those few lies I’d spoken so easily. Just seeing him again after these last few weeks was a dagger to my heart I refused to heal from so easily. It was worse than losing the baby and that made me feel like the world’s most awful human being for admitting something like that even if it was the truth.

“Uh oh, you’ve gotten quiet. That is never a good sign. Are you thinking about your ex?” Drake inquired, shattering my contemplation.

“Yes and no.” I looked over at him as he drove. He owned an onyx-colored 2013 Hummer H3 and I hated to say it but it suited his personality and to be honest, I couldn’t see him driving any other vehicle.

“What’s that supposed to mean?” he questioned out loud.

I stared at him, the white shirt he wore which showed the peek of tribal tattoo on his right shoulder. Were there any cool guys under forty that didn’t have tattoos? As far as I knew, it was the only one he had but then again, I’d never seen him shirtless—or without jeans—so I wouldn’t know.

“I would think your girlfriend would be awfully jealous to have her boyfriend spending so much time with a strange woman, even if I am your next-door neighbor,” I remarked, changing the subject. I didn’t want to talk about Colin so if I could avoid that conversation by talking about
his
relationship then I would.

Not that I had any interest in hearing about how a hot guy like Drake was taken by another woman. It was more of a burden than I cared to realize how lonely it was without someone special in my life. I missed quiet talks, kisses, sex, but most of all, the act of cuddling and feeling skin against skin.

My condo was so empty; I didn’t even have a pet to keep me company but my hours were so sporadic, I’d only be good to have a cat. However that involved house training and I wasn’t in the mood for picking up “accidents” until the kitten learned where the litter box was so that pretty much meant pets were out. My options were limited to a fish, hamster or guinea pig; none of the aforementioned I found the least bit appealing.

Drake and I stopped at a red light and he turned toward me. “I don’t have a girlfriend. My last one, Mikayla, also happened to be my business partner, and since we broke up six months ago, there hasn’t been anyone.”

“Mmm, six months isn’t a long time to be apart—”

“You’re one to talk. It hasn’t been a month between you and Colin. Kayla and I had been fighting for months before we broke up but you two were the picture of bliss up until you left.” The light changed and he pressed on the gas. “So, you know I have to ask…what happened?”