Only Love (The Atonement Series) (3 page)

I raised a perfectly shaped eyebrow in a sarcastic manner. “You’re joking, right?”

His pale aquamarine eyes lit up in faint amusement. “About
what
exactly? Being a chef or needing to borrow sugar?”

“I’m not sure…both actually? And are you really my neighbor?”

He nodded his head before he fingered a hint of stubble along his jawline. “Listen, I know I sound like a walking cliché. Welcome to my life. Yes, I am your neighbor and I am indeed pathetic enough to need sugar for a recipe despite being a chef at Rouge, an obnoxiously expensive seafood and steak restaurant with a location literally on the beach.”

I had no intention of allowing my tough resolve to break but I began to laugh hysterically and he joined me shortly afterwards.

“The name is Deirdre Bardot.”

“You mean like the famous French actress?”

“Yes.”

“Drake O’Connell at your service. You have no idea how embarrassed I am about the situation which we are meeting one another. A beautiful woman like yourself deserves a dozen white roses and a nice bottle of Pinot Grigio to welcome you to the neighborhood. Sorry I haven’t brought either one and come asking for something from you instead of giving to you,” he explained in a hypnotically deep and sensual voice.

I crossed my arms against my breasts. “You’re lucky I am a health nut and the only sugar I keep on hand is in the raw. How much do you need?”

“A cup should do,” he replied in a voice that sounded extremely relieved.

I left the door open as I walked to the kitchen and opened the pantry. Since I had nothing but time, everything was organized as if I had lived in the place for years instead of a week. I grabbed half a package of Sugar in the Raw and walked it back to the doorstep where Drake still stood.

“I know this is more than a cup but you can keep the rest. Think of it as a present from me to you.”

Our hands touched only slightly at the exchange and it was pure electricity. I didn’t want to imagine those hands anywhere near any other part of my body and secretly hated myself for feeling anything at all when the situation between Colin and I was far from resolved.

I was the first to pull away and attempted a warm smile of encouragement but fell short.

He turned to walk away but then he stopped and faced me again. “Why are you being so nice to me? All I know about you is you turned up into town rather suddenly and bought Ground Beans from its struggling owner. I’m a bit concerned about what it seems you’re running from…
or is it
whom
you are running from
?”

My whole body language changed from open to guarded almost immediately. I grimaced at the sheer audacity of this Drake person asking me any personal questions at all. “I am not
running
from
anything
or
anyone
. Believe me, if I was a fugitive, I wouldn’t tell you but since I’m not, I don’t owe any sort of explanation to you. Enjoy the sugar for your recipe.”

Before he could reply, I slammed the door in his face and leaned against the locked door, my heart thundering in my chest.

How the hell did I end up with such a nosy freakin’ next door neighbor and why the hell did he have to be so damn good looking?

An hour after the whole “Drake incident”, I had dinner for one: baked free range chicken and couscous with a spinach salad covered in raspberry vinaigrette dressing, I did what I knew needed to be done. It had been too long and it wasn’t fair I’d called Liam before I called Colin but this would be the hardest call I would have to make. He simply wouldn’t understand and if I put myself in his shoes, neither would I.

A little over two weeks ago, I had forgiven him. He and his brother had murdered my father in a hit and run accident that had taken place almost a year previously. They’d both been high on Bath Salts and covered up the crime beautifully because to that very day, there were no suspects and the Seattle Police Department never arrested anyone for the crime despite their rigorous and determined investigation.

It had left my mother devastated, my sister a workaholic who’d ended up in a relationship with her father’s killer, unbeknown to her, and me in love with the second murderer. There had also been a world wind trip to Western Europe involved to ease me out of the feeling of hopelessness and inertia I’d felt since the death of my father the day before Thanksgiving.

Life had changed so very much over the past few months. Drew, my best friend and first love, now was in a semi-relationship with my cousin, Aubrey. They were comfortable though I couldn’t say whether or not they were in love. I’d accepted a job at uConnect which had lasted more than a few weeks and a change in management since Liam and his partners had sold the company to an even bigger high-tech company. And Colin had realized his dream of owning his own bar which served great food; he was no longer considered a slacker but a productive member of the community and a business owner.

So, what had caused me to run if I was happy and in love with another man for the second time in my life? I finally realized love couldn’t cure what I felt in my heart and although I loved Colin very much, another part of me hated him for what he had done to my family.

How could I, in good conscience, agree to marry the man who had killed my father yet didn’t feel enough remorse to turn himself in and pay the consequences for what he did?

Hence my dilemma and the reason why all I felt like doing was running away. However, there was another reason, one based upon instinct and emotion. The reason why I had forgiven him so easily was because I found out I was pregnant. We were expecting a child together and how could I live with myself if I sent the father of my child up the creek and made him turn himself in? If he was lucky—and chances are he would be—he and his brother would end up with criminal records but with all the money they had, the chances of them serving any time in prison would be next to nil.

Unfortunately, my initial surprise of being pregnant by Colin had turned into a bleak realization the last time I’d visited the doctor. At the time, I believed I was seven or eight weeks pregnant but the doctor informed me I was in fact I was further along and almost in my second trimester.

The problem with this scenario was I hadn’t slept with Colin until our trip to Western Europe so it couldn’t
possibly
be
his
baby.

However, I’d had a reckless one night stand with Liam, his brother, and although we used protection, obviously that night wasn’t as memorable to me as I thought it had been. We had made love numerous times and at least one of those times, a condom had not been used, lambskin or otherwise. I was on birth control but it was a low-hormone variety and the chances of an unintended pregnancy climbed quite a bit with a low-hormone birth control pill versus a regular birth control pill.

I then went back and searched my mind for what kind of medications I was taking along with the low-hormone birth control pill. Although I could not find evidence to the contrary, either I had not taken my birth control pills as directed or one of the medications my doctor had put me on interfered with the pill and made it easier for me to become pregnant.

I faced quite the pickle because I was about to marry a man whose baby I was not carrying. It actually belonged to his brother who happened to be dating my sister. I already hid a colossal secret from my sister since she had no idea our two “perfect guys” were the ones who’d murdered our father. More than one secret was too much to take and this is what I planned to tell Colin when I finally spoke to him on the phone.

It was the kind of call any woman dreaded to make because not only did I feel like the guilty party but I knew I would shatter this man’s heart. Would that be such a bad thing after what he and his brother had done to my family and did I still want this baby at all knowing what I knew?

It wasn’t too late; I was still in my first trimester and if I was going to make a fresh start, perhaps an abortion would have to be involved with that new life. Did I really want to raise the child of a man who had directly been responsible for my own father’s untimely death?

The thoughts floated around my brain and almost drove me mad but I tried to focus on one thing at a time. It was now or never. I picked up my iPhone and searched for Colin’s cell phone number. Before I could stop myself, I pressed the phone button and listened to the ring as it echoed in my ear. There was no turning back now.

Chapter Three

Colin

Colin watched with interest as Aubrey made drinks and took up some of the slack for the overloaded waiters and waitresses. She grabbed an order which consisted of two pitchers of beer and four, tall empty pilsner glasses and walked it out to the table.

Although Bardot’s was technically a bar, the place was also a restaurant so people ran up tabs and then paid before they left. Colin could afford to have such an attitude since most of his clientele was on the upper end of the income scale and being stiffed for drinks didn’t happen. He also had a couple of fit bodyguards who wandered around and took care of drunk patrons, along with acting as protection for the attractive women who worked for him and Drew.

He should have been sitting on top of the world: he had his own business and was expecting a baby with the woman he loved but instead he was in his own private purgatory.

Deirdre had accepted the news well enough and she seemed to be fine until he arrived home late one night to a note and her new Ford hybrid gone from the driveway. Her words were pretty much bullshit as far as he was concerned but what they amounted to was she had to be on her own with his baby and she would be in contact soon.

Colin wasn’t stupid; his first actions were calling his cell phone carrier to put a trace on her phone but it was turned off and had not been used outside of Seattle so they had no direction to point him towards. This meant Deirdre had taken precautions herself and obviously had another phone in her possession.

He called her sister, Caitlyn, to see if she knew anything about her sister’s disappearing act but she was as clueless as Colin and equally as concerned.

“Where could she have gone? I know she wouldn’t have risked a trip back east, not in the car!” he’d exclaimed to his future sister-in-law.

“I honestly don’t know.” Caitlyn paused on the other end of the line. “However, something tells me she is still here in the States. I don’t see her driving to Canada so that leaves pretty much three other states she could have disappeared to—”