One Hot Desert Night (11 page)

“I
wish
you would talk to me, Rayad. Let me in, and let me know what you’re thinking.”

He exhaled a rough sigh. “It would be too difficult.”

“It would be cathartic.”

When he failed to respond, Sunny assumed he was bent on ignoring her suggestion. Then suddenly he said, “My code name is Lion.”

She hadn’t expected that revelation. “Okay. Why are you telling me this now?”

“Layth means lion. I took it in honor of my son.”

She inched closer to his side, drawn to his undeniable grief. “Did the name suit him as well as it does you?”

His ensuing smile looked so very sad. “It did. He was a very brave boy. Highly intelligent. Always in motion and into trouble at times. Yet he had a very caring side to him. He inherited that from his mother.”

“He inherited some of that from you.”

The comment drew his gaze. “How can you believe that when you know who I am and what I am capable of doing?”

She wanted to scream from frustration. “It’s not fundamentally who you are, Rayad. It’s a bitter force that drives you to try to be that man. You’ll never be able to succeed because believe it or not, there’s still too much good in you.”

“I am beyond redemption,” he said as he reached over and snapped off the light.

Against better judgment, Sunny settled her cheek on his chest. “You’re so very wrong. It’s obvious you loved your wife, and I suspect she loved you, too.”

“You are correct. I loved her the first time I set eyes on her.”

On one hand, Sunny wasn’t sure she wanted to know all the details. On the other, she had the opportunity to finally glimpse the real man behind the steely exterior. “When did the two of you meet?”

“The night our fathers announced our betrothal.”

Incredible. An arranged marriage that had gone right, until fate took a wrong turn. “How old were you when you married?”

“I was nineteen, and she had barely turned eighteen. Layth was born two years later. That was the most monumental day of my life.” He paused and drew in a breath before continuing. “I remember how it felt the first time I held my son in my arms. I recall his first smile and the day he took his first steps when I returned from a month-long mission. For many years I have rejected those memories, but lately I cannot.”

“You shouldn’t deny them, Rayad. Letting yourself remember will help you finally heal.”

“The loss has left a wound in my soul that will never heal.”

“Have you ever cried for them?” she asked.

“No. I feared if I did, I would never stop. No man should live long enough to bury his beloved wife and child.”

The slight break in his voice made Sunny want to cry for him. Instead, she moved closer and held him tighter. They stayed that way for a long time, until Rayad pulled her to him and kissed her with all the passion she had come to know in his arms. Before long, they were naked and touching each other without restraint. And when it came time to consummate their temporary, troubled union one final time, Sunny let go of her own fears and pulled him on top of her. She relished his weight, the closeness of his powerful body as he moved inside her. She welcomed her climax and loved the way he said her name when he found his own release. She loved him, period, with all her heart and soul.

In the aftermath, Rayad was so still, she thought he’d fallen asleep. But then he shifted back beside her, draped his arm across her abdomen and laid his cheek against her shoulder. That’s when she felt the dampness on her flesh. That’s when she knew he had finally given in to the tears that were long overdue. That’s when she started to hope that maybe, just maybe, the healing had truly begun.

* * *

“Wake up, Sunshine. It’s happening!”

Sunny pried her eyes open, glanced at Piper then remembered Rayad’s late-night visit. She turned her head to see only an empty space beside her, and for once she appreciated his habit of sneaking off without waking her.

She sat up against the headboard and yawned. “Okay, Pookie. What’s got your drawers in a wad this morning?”

“Maysa’s in labor. Actually, she’s been in labor all night. The doctor says it should be any time now.”

“Why aren’t you at the hospital?”

Piper rolled her eyes. “She’s not in the hospital. She’s in her suite. Apparently, tradition dictates that a future king is born at the palace, barring any emergency.”

Of all the archaic practices, this had to top the list. “What if she has to have a C-section?”

Piper plopped down on the end of the bed. “According to Rafiq, they’ve prepared for that and have a makeshift operating room set up in the basement and an ambulance standing by. But it looks like she’s going to deliver without any problems.”

Sunny threw the covers aside, thankful she’d put on a T-shirt last night, and that she didn’t find any obvious evidence of Rayad’s presence. “I’ll take a quick shower and join you.”

“Meet me upstairs in the family sitting room,” Piper said on her way to the door. “But hurry. I want you to be there when they bring the baby out. No one knows if it’s a boy or a girl.”

“I bet it’s one or the other,” Sunny called to her sister, but the snide comment clearly feel on deaf ears.

As much as she liked Rafiq and Maysa, she wasn’t in the mood to celebrate a birth. But the prospect of seeing Rayad again drove her from the bed to complete her morning routine. Provided he actually showed up.

* * *

He did not want to be there, yet family loyalty overrode his wants and desires. He had been watching the clock for well over an hour, when he had not been thinking about his night with Sunny.

As if those memories had come to life, she appeared in the doorway, dressed in the flowing blue caftan he had purchased for her in the village and a pair of gold sandals. She looked as beautiful as she had the first time he had seen her standing beneath the palace portico. Her blond hair curled around her slender shoulders, bringing to mind the times he had kissed her there. He took a visual journey across her face, his gaze coming to rest on her lips to find her smile was absent. He was to blame for that, as well as the sadness in her eyes.

Following the lead of the rest of the men present in the room, Rayad came to his feet, battling the urge to go to her and kiss her soundly. For that reason, he thought it best to avoid her at all costs.

As unwelcome fate would have it, she crossed the room and claimed the chair next to his. “Did you finally get some sleep?” she asked with a smile.

“Some,” he muttered. “And you?”

“Same here. Are you okay?”

He recognized the referral to his emotional breakdown, a subject he did not wish to broach. “I am ready to return to my duties.”

“Of course you are.”

The venom in her tone filled him with regret, and the wish that he could be the man who would grant her every desire. An impossible undertaking.

When the conversation ceased, Rayad grabbed a magazine from the side table and pretended to read. The room remained abuzz with speculation over the child’s gender, creating an atmosphere that hindered his concentration. Having Sunny so close did not help his predicament, either.

If only he could find an excuse to leave before the birth, yet that would be too obvious. If only the queen would get on with it.

“Ladies and gentlemen, may I have your attention please.”

Rayad glanced up from the magazine to see the balding, bespectacled Deeb, the palace’s executive assistant, standing in the entry. The man cleared his throat twice before he garnered everyone’s attention.

“It is with great pride, and the parents’ blessing, that I present to you Bajul’s newest royal son, Prince Ahmed ibn Rafiq Mehdi.”

A son.
Rayad froze the moment Rafiq walked into the room, the infant cradled in his arms. All the memories he had tried so mightily to keep at bay came rushing in on him. The crowd gathered around the newborn thwarted any escape, and he realized Sunny was at the forefront of the celebration.

“May I hold him?” he heard her ask, and Rafiq granted her request, though Rayad found that odd since she was not a blood relative.

He also found it odd that she seemed to be approaching him, her gaze unwavering. He was completely astonished when she arrived and handed him the child. “This is what it’s all about, Rayad. This new baby is a sign that life does go on even during the darkest of times.”

He looked down on the sleeping child and remembered, not with bitterness and regret, but with wonder. He silently welcomed this boy into the world and prayed that no harm would ever come to him. Yet when the pain of remembrance became too great, he intended to hand him back to Sunny, and found her gone.

And there he stood, holding a child that was not his, and with little hope of ever having another.

Ten

S
unny wasn’t surprised when Rayad stormed into the suite, primed for a confrontation. That had been her plan all along. A chance to implement Sunny’s Last Stand.

“You had no right or cause to put me through such agony,” he said, his voice teeming with fury.

She kept right on packing her toiletries, as if he’d told her he appreciated the gesture. “Like it or not, you needed a wake-up call.”

He strode across the room and stood at the foot of the bed, hands fisted at his sides like he wanted to throw a punch. “That is not for you to decide.”

She afforded him only a brief glance before resuming her preparation for departure. “Someone had to do it, Rayad, and it might as well be me.”

“I resent your intrusion.”

After zipping the carry-on, she calmly picked it up from the bench and then set it on the floor with the larger bag. Only then did she give him her full attention. “As of tomorrow, I’ll be out of here and out of your life for good.”

“Where are you going?”

Funny, he sounded almost disappointed. “Back to Atlanta then back to work.”

“Why so soon?”

“I’d think that would be obvious. This palace isn’t big enough for the both of us. As long as you’re here, I can’t get over you, and that is unacceptable. But before I go, I have a few things I need to say.”

He took the chair in the corner, crossed his slack-covered legs like a gentleman, and said, “Please. Be my guest. That should allow me time to calm enough not to say something I will later regret.”

She chose the bedpost spot that he’d recently vacated to give it her best effort before giving up. “First, I sincerely didn’t mean to hurt you today by handing you the baby. I only wanted to force you to realize that life renews itself, if only you’ll let it. My mistake.”

He streaked a hand over his jaw. “We have been through this before.”

“Secondly,” she continued. “I love you, Rayad. More than you will ever know. But I won’t stay another minute and watch you die inside a little more each day because you can’t forgive yourself.”

He uncrossed his legs and lowered his head. “I do not merit forgiveness.”

She went to him, knelt down and laid her hands on his thighs. “Yes, you do. And someday you’ll wake up alone and realize you’ve missed out on a future full of happiness and love. Do you really want to face that, or would you rather spend your days with a woman who both loves and accepts you unconditionally?”

He took her hands, came to his feet while simultaneously pulling her into his arms. They embraced for several moments before he let her go and sought her eyes. “I do not understand what you see in me, Sunny, nor do I understand how you so readily accepted my many transgressions. I am honored to have met such a remarkable woman.”

There it was—the inevitable goodbye. She refused to shed a tear, even though they threatened to make an appearance. She’d rather part on good terms and a smile, which she gave him. “I’m not so remarkable, Rayad. I’m just your average girl who hopes to one day find a guy who loves her like crazy.”

“I wish that could be me. Since it cannot, I have no doubt you will find a man who better deserves you.”

Hard for her to imagine that now that she’d found the best. Too bad he didn’t realize it. “Thanks for the optimistic outlook on my future partner, and most important, for giving me back my confidence.”

“It was always there, Sunny. You did not need my assistance, only minimal prodding. Rest assured I would not take back those moments with you, and our lovemaking meant more to me than you realize.”

If she didn’t get away from him now, she would have a total meltdown. In an effort to prevent that, Sunny headed to the desk in the corner, retrieved a piece of royal stationery, and jotted down her personal information. When she was done, she willed her composure to return before she went back to him and offered him the paper. “This is my temporary address until I find a new apartment, and my cell phone number. Should you happen to find yourself in Atlanta, stop by and see me. And if you change your mind and decide, miracle of all miracles, you want to give us a chance, give me a call. If you don’t, call me anyway if you’d like, just so I know you’re okay. That is, when you’re not packing an AK-47 and searching for bad guys, of course.” She attempted a smile, but she was sure it fell flat.

He stared at the page for a few moments before centering his gaze on hers. “I can make no promises.”

“I know that,” she said, her eyes beginning to mist. “Just promise me you’ll at least try to be safe.”

“I will try.”

She gave in to her need to hold him again, and he thankfully accepted her embrace. He also gave her a gentle kiss that only served to shatter her heart a little more. Then he left without looking back, or saying goodbye.

After the door closed behind him, signifying the end to an unforgettable chapter in her life, Sunny stretched out across the bed and cried.

* * *

For seven long days she had been gone. For seven long nights he had missed her company.

Rayad could only think of one way to abandon all thoughts of Sunny McAdams and bring his mind back to the ever-present mission.

For that reason, he dressed in uniform and sought out his commander-in-chief. “I am respectfully requesting my immediate return to active duty, Adan.”

His cousin did not bother to rise from the chair when he’d strode into the office without announcing his arrival. Nor did Adan look surprised by the request.

“The answer to that is no, Rayad. You have yet to be medically cleared.”

“I am completely recovered.”

“We’ll see what the physician says about that.”

Fortunately he had prepared for this argument. “I saw him earlier this morning and he pronounced me quite well. If you do not trust me, call him.”

“I will most certainly do that,” Adan said. “And then
I
will determine if I believe you are not only mentally but physically ready to return to work.”

Rayad braced his hands on the desk and leaned forward. “If my memory serves me correctly, you summoned me back to the palace last week because you were in need of my services, yet you have avoided me since my return.”

Adan tossed the pen he’d been gripping aside and watched it roll onto the floor. “I lied about the mission.”

His blood began to boil over the deception. “Why?”

“Because of my concern for my sister-in-law’s well-being.”

“I did not harm her, nor would I.”

“Not intentionally,” Adan said. “But Piper believes you didn’t help her, either. In fact, my wife is convinced you’re the reason she departed earlier than planned.”

He could deny that conjecture, but then he would be telling a falsehood. “She is preparing to resume her career.”

Adan inclined his head and studied him straight on. “Are you certain about that? Sunny seemed fairly down in the dumps when she left, not to mention I’ve been informed you took advantage of her during your respite.”

One more insult, and they might come to blows, as they had a time or two in their youth. “No advantage was taken. Sunny and I are adults, and what transpired between us was consensual.”

This time Adan leaned forward and glared at him. “I know you, Rayad. After your wife’s death, you used your mysterious charm and machismo to pull women into your tangled web. Then you would leave them high and dry with a wounded heart.”

He felt the need to defend himself, despite the truth in his cousin’s acerbic comments. “What I shared with Sunny was very different. She is different. I care a great deal for her. More than I have cared for any woman in years. I would never intentionally cause her any pain, emotional or physical. Still, I am not the man for her, and that is why I was forced to let her go, although I despised every second of it.”

Adan suddenly began to laugh. “Bloody hell, Rayad, you’re in love with her.”

He straightened from the shock of hearing his name in relationship to that word. “I did not say that.”

“You didn’t have to say it. It is written all over your lovesick face.”

Rayad realized Adan was correct in his assumption. He had fallen in love with the beautiful journalist. He loved her still, and most likely always would love her. Yet one issue still prevented him from exploring their relationship further—he had yet to find those responsible for murdering his wife and child. “Regardless of my feelings, I cannot act on them.”

Adan chose that moment to stand, sending the rolling chair backward into the bookshelf behind him. “Are you daft, Rayad? Of course you can act on them. Nothing is holding you here. You have more money than you can spend, and you no longer have a home to speak of. I will grant you an extended leave to get your head on straight and go after her, the same as I went after my wife. I have not once regretted that decision, and neither will you.”

The suggestion seemed to make sense, yet he harbored several concerns. “I have not found my family’s killers. She would never understand my need to complete that mission.”

His cousin leaned forward and glared at him. “Perhaps it’s time to move on from that mission.”

Had Adan suggested that before Sunny, Rayad would have immediately rejected that notion. “If I did decide to seek her out, though I am not claiming I will, she most likely would refuse to see me.”

“My bride also happened to tell me Sunny gave you her number and address,” Adan said. “That is not the action of a woman who doesn’t want to see you.”

Another correct assessment, followed by more internal debate. “If I pursued a relationship with Sunny, I would be giving up all that I have gained in my career. I would be giving up on avenging my wife and child’s deaths.”

“And the gifts you would receive in return would be tenfold.” Adan sighed. “Just remember, retaliation won’t bring your wife and child back, Rayad. You should put the past to rest, otherwise, your futile quest will rob you of a future with Sunny. Honor your wife and son by learning to love again.”

His cousin’s logic only served to confuse him. “I will take your advice into consideration, but I make no promises.”

“Fine, but don’t wait too long to decide. And should you need to pay Sunny a visit, I will personally fly you to the States myself.”

“In the meantime, I will report for duty at the base in the morning,” he said as he walked away from his well-meaning cousin.

Rayad left the office in a state of turmoil. He could not go to Sunny unless he was prepared to discard his need for revenge. He could not give his all to her unless he learned to forgive himself. He could not move forward in his life unless he prepared to let go of the past.

Until he was absolutely certain he could manage all those things, he would return to his mission with only memories of a very special woman who had changed him in many ways through her unconditional acceptance. If that certainty did not come, he would face spending the rest of his days alone. And for the first time in many, many years, that concept no longer appealed to him.

He had much to decide and hoped he arrived at the correct decision. Only time would tell.

* * *

When the bell rang, Sunny was just about ready to give the pizza guy a good piece of her mind for taking two hours to deliver her dinner. Poised to do that very thing, she threw open the door, only to find not some skinny adolescent, but her erstwhile lover and favorite tough guy. She opened her mouth, closed it then opened it again. “Is this a mirage?”

He cracked a crooked smile. “No mirage. May I come in?”

“Of course. Have a seat and take a load off.”

He sent her a confused look as he breezed past her then dropped down on the lounger next to the sofa. It took a minute for Sunny to move, and she was trembling so badly she thought she might shake right out of her fuzzy purple slippers.

After she sat down on the couch, she stared at him a moment, expecting him to disappear. “If I’d known you were coming, I would’ve baked cookies. Or at least dressed in something nicer than sweats and a hoodie.”

“You look as beautiful as I remember.”

So did he in his navy sport coat, matching slacks and white shirt. “Mind telling me why you’re here?”

“I have been doing a lot of thinking since you left Bajul.”

“About?”

“Us.”

“
And?”

He leaned forward, his hands clasped before his parted knees, his usual position when he was about to get all serious. “I returned to duty for a few days, yet I could not stop remembering our time together. I could not discard that the danger I frequently face might take me away from you permanently.”

I will not hope. I will not hope... “
But we’re not really together, Rayad.”

“And that is why I am here.” He hesitated a moment before he spoke again. “You have been right about many things, Sunny, the least of which involves my inability to regain my life. I want to change.”

She leaned across the end table and touched his arm. “You can, Rayad. You will.”

“I am still not certain that is true. I know I cannot accomplish that without your help, yet I question if it would be fair to ask that of you.”

Hope crept back in despite her determination to stop it. “I can only help if you let me, and that’s going to be difficult if you’re determined to find your family’s killer.”

“I have taken a leave from the military, with Adan’s blessing.”

Once again she was shocked senseless. “Does Adan know about us?”

He leaned back and rubbed his chin. “He does. He was instrumental in convincing me to seek you out. He went so far as to pilot the plane that brought me to Atlanta once I decided to come here.”

The next time she saw her brother-in-law, she was going to give him a big sisterly kiss. “I can only imagine that conversation.”

“He told me that he regretted almost letting your sister go, but he doesn’t regret seeking her out and making a life with her.”

“It’s obvious he doesn’t.”

His gaze drifted away before he leveled it on her again. “Would you be willing to return to Bajul with me?”

“Why would I do that when I just got back from there a month ago?”

“Because I wish to be with you.”