One Hot Desert Night (10 page)

“For that reason, I prefer we enjoy each other while we still have time.”

Too little time to suit her, and that thought gave her pause. “I’m absolutely enjoying our time together now. You certainly know how to make a woman’s fantasy come true.”

He brushed her hair back from her face and lightly kissed her. “I vow to you I will endeavor to make each of your fantasies a reality in the days to come.”

* * *

For three whole days, Rayad made good on his promise. He had touched her in every way possible and in places she didn’t know existed. He had made love to her in various ways, with the exception of one due to his concern over her fear of confinement. He had been careful and considerate and extremely sexy. So sexy that he could have her with only a look, and he had several times.

Never before had she made love four times in twenty-four hours until she’d met him. Never before had she given that concept much thought. Cameron had been a once-a-week kind of guy. Her first lover had been an inexperienced jerk, but then they’d only been seventeen. Though her sexual conquests were somewhat limited, she knew enough to know that Rayad Rostam was a special breed. The kind of man who could steal a woman’s heart like a thief in the night then leave with his own heart still intact.

Regardless of the possible emotional fallout, with every interesting conversation over shared meals, with every sultry kiss, every sweet nothing whispered in her ear, Sunny acknowledged she was in grave danger of losing herself to him and landing in love. Unfortunately, the danger had become her reality, and she’d already crashed and would probably burn from their inevitable parting.

She’d always been upfront to a fault, yet in this case she worried if she divulged her feelings to Rayad, he wouldn’t reciprocate. She debated whether to come clean, or carry the secret the rest of her life. She despised secrets, and for that reason she decided to put it out in the open, let the chips fall and all that jazz.

On that thought, Sunny turned over in bed to find Rayad had left without her knowledge. She sat up and looked around, hoping to discover he’d gone for his morning bath and swim without her, though she would be disappointed if he had. The reservoir was undisturbed and the cavern starkly silent.

She needed to find him and confess before she lost her courage. That need drove her to search for her underwear balled up beneath the sheet at the end of the bed and put them on. Then she grabbed her discarded T-shirt and slipped it on while heading toward the bunker’s entry.

When she stepped into the corridor, she heard Rayad’s familiar voice, but she couldn’t understand the Arabic he was speaking. She did detect a hint of anger in his tone. As soon as the conversation ended, she padded on bare feet to the radio room and peeked inside to see Rayad leaning back against the table, staring off into space.

“May I come in?” she asked.

“You may,” he responded, although the stern look he gave her said she might not be welcome.

She didn’t let that hinder her forward progress, or deter her from her goal. But before she started playing true confession, she would find out the reason behind his dark mood. “Were you chatting with anyone interesting?”

“Adan.”

She moved to his side and hoisted herself up onto the desk. “What did he have to say?”

“Nothing that I wished to hear.”

Getting information from him was like pulling hen’s teeth, as her nana used to say. “I don’t mean to intrude, but do you mind telling me what Adan told you that has you so cranky?”

“It does not involve you.”

Cranky
had become a colossal understatement. “Fine. It’s probably something top secret that wouldn’t interest me anyway.” When he didn’t respond, she determined a subject switch was in order. “I was thinking that after we bathe and have breakfast, we could go to the village a little earlier today. I saw a scarf I’d like to buy for Piper.”

“That is not possible.”

“I promise I’ll pay you back.”

He exhaled a rough sigh. “It is not possible to travel to the village, nor is it necessary.”

Sunny could guess what he would say to her next question, and it made her heartsick to ask. But she had to know. “We have to leave, don’t we?”

“Yes. I have been ordered to return to my duties immediately.”

“What about the roads?”

“They were cleared as of yesterday.”

She should be grateful he hadn’t come by that information earlier, otherwise they would have missed out on several wonderful experiences. “I suppose that’s good news.”

“I suppose,” he repeated, no clear emotion in his tone, only detachment.

Sunny felt as if he had erected a steel wall, effectively shutting her out. She refused to let him. “Look, we both knew this was going to happen, and maybe it’s for the best. If we stayed together any longer, I would only...” Her determination to own up to her feelings trailed off along with her words.

Finally, he looked at her straight on. “You would only what?”

The moment had arrived to lay her heart on the line and hope it didn’t get crushed. “I would only fall deeper in love with you.”

He pushed off the table, laced his hands behind his neck and turned his back on her. “You cannot love me.”

She wasn’t at all surprised by his reaction, just the force of his demand. “I can, and I do. Believe me, this wasn’t at all what I had planned, and it’s ridiculous to think it happened this quickly. But I can’t help the way I feel.”

He faced her again, frustration reflecting in his dark eyes. “I cannot return your feelings. I will not allow it.”

Allow it? “Why is that, Rayad? Because you enjoy being alone, or are you afraid of being vulnerable?”

“My fear would be for your emotional and physical safety. You are grateful for the attention I have given you, but you do not know me as well as you might think.”

That made no sense whatsoever. “Unless you’re some kind of ax murderer, I’m fairly sure I’m in no physical danger. And emotionally speaking, if you’re intimating that I’m mistaking gratitude for love, you couldn’t be more wrong. I know what it means to care that deeply for someone although I have to admit, I’ve never felt this strongly for anyone. Maybe you’ve never experienced that before, and if that’s true, I feel sorry for you.”

“This has nothing to do with my previous experience,” he said. “If I continued an affair with you, I could be putting you in jeopardy.”

Affair—that about said it all. “Is this because of your military ties?”

“That is partially true.”

Just when she thought she was beginning to solve the puzzle, he introduced another piece. “What do you mean
partially
?”

“Leave it be, Sunny. There are things you do not want to know.”

She hopped off the desk and moved in front of him. “I want to know everything about you, Rayad. I mistakenly believed I did. You definitely know everything about me, including details about the abduction I’ve never told anyone. It’s only fair you return the favor by telling me what you’ve been hiding.”

Indecision warred in his eyes before he returned to his stoic persona. “I do not dare tell you all there is to tell. I have already risked being tried for treason for breaching security by bringing you here. Rafiq would not object, but if the governing council knew, I could be hanged.”

That was news to her. Distressing news. “And you’re just now telling me this?”

“I felt it was worth the risk. You needed a respite in a place where you could heal.”

Every moment they’d made love now somehow seemed false. “Thanks bunches for being my sheikh in shining armor, but here’s a newsflash. I don’t need to be rescued. I do need to know that when you made love to me, it meant something other than my consolation prize for being your bed buddy the past few days.”

“You are not being reasonable. You knew this arrangement would only be short-term.”

Every bitter emotion crowded in her at once, and if she didn’t leave, she might actually cry. “Yes, I did know it wasn’t going to be forever. I didn’t know I’d be foolish enough to fall for your charms and mistake you for a decent guy capable of real emotions. And I’m really sorry I did. I’ll go pack my things now.”

When she started away, Rayad clasped her arm, preventing her from making a hasty exit. “I wish I could tell why it is not possible for us to be together,” he said when she faced him. “But I cannot.”

“Yes, you can. You owe me that much.”

He hesitated as if he might have begun to waffle. “It is classified information.”

She’d decided to give it another shot, and to make it a good one. “I really don’t care about your government secrets, nor should you after what we’ve shared. You know that whatever you say will go no further than this room.”

“You will never see me in the same light, and I would prefer we part while you still believe I am a man of honor.”

Her belly tightened at the thought of what he could have done to make him believe she would toss him away like yesterday’s trash. Her mind began to reel with the possibilities. He was a military man, and that position at times required many things, the least of which was violence. Still... “You said you’re involved in intelligence. I always gathered that meant investigating insurgents and other covert activities.”

“It does, but my duties go beyond that realm. They have for some time now.”

Finally, she was getting somewhere. She just wasn’t sure she would like where they were going. “If you’re trying to protect me from the fact that you’ve killed someone, that’s not necessary. I know the realities of warfare, and I understand that soldiers don’t always have a choice. It’s either kill or be killed. If that’s the case with you, then I promise I won’t think less of you.”

A muscle ticked in his tightened jaw. “Again I implore you to leave it be, Sunny.”

She couldn’t leave it be, not until she had answers. Not until she quieted the warning bells in her head. “Tell me what you’re hiding, or I’ll walk out of here without you right this minute, even if I have to travel back to the palace on foot.”

Turning his attention to some unknown focal point, Rayad remained silent for several excruciating moments. Sunny’s heart began to beat faster while she waited for him to finally look her in the eye.

“I have always had a choice.”

Her mind grew foggy with confusion. “I don’t understand.”

“If you must know everything, then I will tell you.” She witnessed a flash of remorse in his eyes, then an intensity that shook her to the core as he said, “I have been trained to kill.”

Nine

“Y
ou’re an assassin?”

The indictment in Sunny’s query had an unexpected impact on Rayad. He wanted and needed her respect, which would require details, no matter the consequences. “Trust me when I tell you my duty is necessary.”

“Trust you?” She released a humorless laugh. “I’m standing in a cave with a man who intentionally shoots to kill. I slept with a killer. Forgive me if I find that a bit disturbing.”

He moved forward, and when she backed away, he felt as if she had run him through with a blade. “Do you understand that if I wanted to harm you, I would have already done so?”

She seemed to mull that over for a moment. “This isn’t about me. It’s about what you do. I can’t begin to imagine intentionally taking someone’s life.”

She could not imagine the monsters he had seen. “Would you feel more comfortable if I told you my services have rarely been needed?”

“Exactly how many have there been?”

If he told her, he’d been further crossing into treacherous territory, and not because of the minimal incidents. “I pledged my loyalty and silence when I assumed my military obligation. Any admission would be a direct betrayal to my country.”

“Failure to admit it will only make me worry about my judgment when it comes to men.”

He despised that she would doubt herself, or his intentions. Therefore, he would supply the answers she needed. “Two men. One had been plotting to set off a bomb in the middle of the village at the behest of a radical coalition based north of Bajul. The other planned to gun down Rafiq’s father during a public event. I was charged with protecting the former king.”

“I see. The assassin destroyed the assassin. Makes perfect sense.” The cynicism in her voice said otherwise.

“As difficult as it might be for you to believe, I was forced into this position.” Now that he had revealed too much, he braced for more questions.

“Explain how someone is forced to become a killer.”

He was torn between remaining silent and telling her the entire truth. To return to that part of his past would be painful, and he hated to resurrect those long-buried emotions. To refuse the woman who had boldly admitted her love for him would be unforgivable.

Rather than search for the words, he chose to show her. “If you want answers, then you must come with me to a place where you will find them.”

She folded her arms beneath her breasts. “Before I agree to do this, you have to give me more information about where you are taking me.”

The fact he had destroyed her trust wounded him deeply. “It is a site in the desert not far from here.” He looked down at her bare feet. “Our hike will require appropriate shoes.”

“I don’t care if I have to don a parka and knee boots, as long as I can solve this mystery.”

“As soon as you dress, I will meet you at the entry of the bunker.”

“Fine. I won’t be long.”

After Sunny departed, Rayad questioned his wisdom, and if he would be able to provide all the information she needed to understand why he had lost his soul, and his way. Why his heart had been broken beyond repair. Why he could never be the man she needed.

* * *

The sweltering heat began to take its toll on Sunny as they trekked through several passages on rocky ground. After twenty minutes of unsuccessfully trying to keep up with her guide, she rounded one giant stone formation and entered open desert. She caught sight of Rayad standing atop a dune and headed toward him to see why he had stopped. Hopefully, they’d arrived at their destination, though she saw nothing other than desolate terrain devoid of all forms of life. But when she climbed the sand hill and came to his side, she viewed a veritable oasis in the middle of nowhere, with an olive grove on one side, along with palm trees and varied plants on the other. In the middle of all the unexpected greenery, another sight sent shockwaves coursing through her. A massive pile of stone and charred wood, soaring to at least thirty feet, if not more, marred the inviting landscape.

“What is this place?” she asked, once she’d recovered enough to speak.

“The key to my past.”

When Rayad began to stride toward the ruins, adrenaline gave Sunny a burst of energy, and she matched him step for step. He stopped at a tangled metal structure that appeared to have once been a gate and took a seat on what was left of the stone support.

She claimed the spot beside him and waited for further explanation. When it didn’t come, she opted to prod him. “Tell me about this place and what happened here, Rayad.”

“This was once my palace,” he said with surprising detachment. “It was destroyed in an explosion.”

She’d predicted a fire had caused its demise. Wasn’t the first time she’d been wrong today. “Was anyone hurt?”

“Two of my staff members were killed, and there were others.”

As much as she hated that innocent employees had lost their lives, the
others
greatly interested her. “Who else was here?”

“My wife and our three-year-old son.”

She’d mistakenly believed she wouldn’t be stunned anymore today. “You told me you’d never been married.”

“I told you I was not presently married.”

When she thought back to their initial conversation, she realized he was right. In fact, she recalled he’d evaded the question, and she’d sensed a story behind that evasion. Time to get to the bottom of that story. “This wasn’t an accident, was it?” she asked, though she knew the answer.

“It was not.”

Now everything had begun to become crystal clear, except for pertinent details. “Who did this?”

He momentarily covered his face with both hands before returning his attention to the destruction. “Some vengeful person who wished to strip me of all that I held dear.”

At the sound of the abject sorrow in his voice, Sunny fought to hold back her own emotions. “I am so, so sorry, Rayad. I hope the perpetrator suffered for his acts.”

He fisted his hands resting on his thighs. “I have never discovered the murderer’s identity, though I have spent ten years searching for the evil miscreant who destroyed my home and my life.”

“And this is what led you to become an assassin.”

“Yes. I used my connections in an effort to root him out, and on the day I finally confront him, I will kill him on sight.”

“What if that day never comes?”

“I will not stop searching until I find them, or draw my last breath. I owe that to my wife and child.”

The quest for revenge had obviously consumed him for years, and still did. “I don’t know anything about your wife, but if she was like most women, she wouldn’t want you wasting your life on a futile mission to avenge her death.”

Rayad stood and began to pace, hands knitted together behind his neck. “Lira was not like most women. She was kind and gentle and a superior mother. She worshipped our son, Layth, as well as myself.”

At least now she had names to go with his family, and a strong sense of sympathy for his plight. “I can’t imagine what you’ve had to endure, but I do hope that someday you’ll try to be happy.”

He kept pacing liked a caged cougar, as if he couldn’t physically stand still without succumbing to the sorrow. He also avoided looking at her. “I cannot be happy until I avenge my family’s deaths by destroying their killer.”

“And if that happens, will you truly be content knowing you exchanged one life for another?”

“Four lives,” he said adamantly as he turned toward her. “I will achieve some semblance of atonement for my transgressions. Had it not been for my duty, they would still be alive.”

She pushed off the stone pillar and stood before him. “But you still have no idea who might be responsible.”

“I have followed several leads, but all have been dead ends. I still have more to investigate, including enemies of my father.”

Evidently, he was into self-torture. “Then you’re saying this tragedy could have resulted from your father’s connections, and you might not be responsible at all?”

He dropped his arms to his sides and looked defiant. “That possibility is remote at best. Regardless, I moved Lira and Layth to this remote location to protect them. I failed in that endeavor and by virtue of the fact I should have been there that night. My covert activities prevented me from achieving that goal.”

“And if you’d been there, you would be dead, too.”

“In the beginning I wished that very thing. My mission aided me in moving forward.”

“You’re not moving forward, Rayad. You’re caught in a prison comprised of guilt and hatred.”

His expression went stone cold. “Have you not wished ill will on your captors?”

“As a matter of fact, I have. I’ve fantasized about tying my abductor up in a heavy blanket and beating him with a baseball bat. My therapist said that was healthy, as long as I didn’t act on it. I thought that was kind of humorous since I can’t harm a phantom.”

“And you have never desired to know his identity?”

“What would be the point? It’s done, and it’s over. The experience has made me more cautious and maybe a little fearful. But I’m determined to get over that rather than let the experience stifle me. Believe it or not, you helped me to see the importance in regaining my life. I’m sorry you can’t seem to regain yours.”

He turned his attention back to the monument of destruction. “We should return to the palace now. And again I remind you not to mention this to anyone. Very few people know about my past.”

“Does that include my sister?”

“Yes. Adan is bound to his promise to me not to speak of it with anyone, including his wife.”

“Don’t worry,” she said. “Your secrets are all safe with me. Good luck carrying them to your grave.”

As she walked away, Sunny realized all too well that nothing she said to Rayad would ever break through his resolve to remain static in his life. If he chose to remain immersed in his grief and his search for retaliation, so be it.

He could never be the man for her, and that made her incredibly sad. Even worse, he would never let himself love again, and she couldn’t save him from that fate. She wouldn’t even try.

* * *

“Well?”

After a silent drive to the palace, and an uncomfortable family dinner, Sunny had retired to her suite to unpack and get some sleep. That plan had been thwarted by her sister, who now hovered over her like a mother hen. “Well what, Piper?”

“Did you enjoy your time with Rayad?”

Until today, she could confirm that had been the case. “It was nice while it lasted.”

Piper sent her a suspicious look. “Did the two of you...you know.”

Unfortunately, she did know what her twin was intimating and decided to throw her a bone. “Yes, we did
you know
. Several times. Are you happy now?”

“Question is, Sunny, are you happy? I’m thinking the answer is no.”

She tossed the last of her clothes onto the bureau and her tote in a nearby chair. “Look, we had a good time, it was great, but it’s over. End of story.”

Piper perched on the edge of the mattress and stared like a hawk scoping out its prey. “If he did something to hurt you, tell me, and I’ll have Adan deal with him.”

Sunny shoved the bag aside and practically collapsed into the chair. “He didn’t do anything to hurt me, so I don’t need you to ask your husband to beat him up. We’re both adults, and we knew whatever transpired was only temporary. Now if you don’t mind, it’s late, and I’d like to get to bed.”

Her sister put on a stellar pout and pushed up from the bed. “Okay. I know when I’m not wanted. But I want all the dirty details before you leave in two weeks, even if I have to force you to talk.”

As much as she hated to drop a bad news bomb, Sunny felt she had no choice. “On that subject,” she began as she stood, “I’m probably going to leave in a couple of days. I’m ready to get back to work.”

“We’ve barely had time to talk, Sunny. Won’t you reconsider staying at least a week?”

She might if she didn’t have to face Rayad on a daily basis. Then again, he could be leaving shortly to return to his mission of death and destruction. “I’ll think about it as soon as I get a good night’s sleep.”

Piper came to her feet. “Fine. I’ll leave as soon as you answer one more question.”

Great. Just great. “Make it quick.”

“Where exactly did you stay?”

In a mystical cavern in the company of a mysterious, tortured, gorgeous man. “Some primitive place near a small village.”

“No room service?”

She’d been serviced, and often. “Definitely not. There was only one bed, but it was decent.”

“I’m surprised you even noticed the bed when you had a hunk occupying it with you. If he’s anything like Adan, you didn’t even need a bed.”

With that, Piper grinned and rushed out of the room before Sunny could launch a verbal retaliation.

Weary and worn out, Sunny took her second shower of the day, brushed her teeth and hair, dressed in her favorite blue silk sleep shirt and slipped beneath the covers. Her mind wouldn’t seem to shut off and allow her to sleep, so she turned on the bedside lamp and attempted to read the mystery novel she’d brought with her. She couldn’t concentrate, thanks to the mental slideshow featuring wonderful moments with Rayad. At times the recollections caused her face to flush, and other memories made her heartsick. At least an hour passed before she finally gave in to the lure of sleep.

“I need you...”

Sunny came awake with a start, at first believing she’d been dreaming. But as her vision came into focus, she saw her dream man standing next to the bed, dressed in only a pair of navy pajama bottoms. “What are you doing here?”

“I need to be next to you one last night, though I know I do not deserve it.”

He looked so lost and forlorn, she scooted over and lifted the covers. “Okay, but just so you know, we’re only going to sleep.”

“I understand,” he said as he slid into the bed beside her.

As he stacked his hands behind his head, she rolled to her side to face him. “Too much on your mind to rest?” she asked, breaking the silence.

“Yes.”

“I had the same problem. I’d just drifted off right before you arrived.”

“My apologies for waking you.” He sent her a fast glance before going back to inspecting the ceiling. “If you wish me to leave, I will do so.”