One Day Soon (49 page)

“Call an ambulance? Why? They’re only a block away. Bug told me.” He wasn’t making any sense. He seemed confused. Out of sorts.

And the blood was still dripping onto his shirt. I grabbed a handful of tissues and pressed it against his nose to staunch the flow. “Hold this against your nose. Can you get to your feet?”

“I’m not sure why we need to go to the store,” Yoss murmured, slumping down.

“Yoss! Come on now, I can’t carry you. I need you to try to stand up.”

His hands fell limply to his side, his chin hitting his chest.

“Yoss!”

He didn’t wake up.

So I called nine-one-one.

One day soon we’ll dance on the sand…

Not all happy stories have happy endings.

Fifteen Years Ago

I
t was after ten o’clock when we woke up. Happy. Relaxed.

Before the real world crashed into our blissful bubble.

“We have to leave soon. We should have another shower and get dressed,” Yoss suggested, kissing my shoulder. Neither of us moved. Not in a rush to leave this momentary sanctuary.

I was sore. My muscles ached but I didn’t mind. It was a pain that I welcomed.

“I wish we could stay here forever,” I sighed.

Yoss rolled me onto my back and ran his hands through my hair. “I can think of better places to stay forever than a cheap motel room with scratchy sheets,” he laughed. He kissed the side of my neck. “Now come on, before Mae barges in here.”

I sat up, covering my bare chest with the sheet and watched as he gathered his clothes. “How do you know Mae?” I asked him, having forgotten about the strange greeting she had given him the night before in the heat of things that came afterwards.

Yoss paused before going into the bathroom. “Oh you know, just around,” he replied dismissively.

“Yoss.”

He looked at me, dark hair falling into his eyes. “Stop hiding things you think I shouldn’t know. If I ask you a question, I want an answer. Don’t evade me.”

Yoss mouth thinned and there was a noticeably tick in his jaw. “I’ve known Mae for a long time.”

“Really? How is that?” I pressed. I too often let things drop when I shouldn’t. I instinctively shied away from information I was scared to know or Yoss didn’t want to give me.

But if we were going to have a life together, that had to change.

I couldn’t love half a man.

I needed all of him.

His secrets.

His truths.

Everything.

Yoss came back to the bed and sat down. “Sometimes I come here,” he admitted.

I
knew.

His eyes met mine. Shame. So much of it. It coated him in grime and bled from his mouth with words I wished I didn’t have to hear.

“With my…with the men…” He stumbled and fell over honesty.

“Oh,” I said quietly, sickened at the thought of sleeping in a bed that he had already lain in.

Touching someone else the way he had touched me.

How would I ever reconcile myself with the things he had done? Would it always be in the back of my mind? Taunting me? Laughing at my foolishness?

“Manny keeps a few rooms available. He pays Mae to have them ready.” Yoss was pale and he swallowed thickly. “I’ve never stayed here though. Not in this room,” he hastily added.

As if that were a consolation.

“It doesn’t matter though. We’re leaving today. We won’t ever see Manny again,” I said a little desperately with a bravado I wasn’t sure I actually possessed.

“Right,” Yoss agreed, rising to his feet. “Do you want the shower first?”

I shook my head. I felt disquieted. Uneasy. Yoss wouldn’t quite look at me. I was scared to really look at him.

After everything we had shared the night before I should have been jubilant. Excited. But Yoss’s demeanor was off. Guilty maybe.

Don’t be ridiculous!
I chided myself.
He’s still grieving! We both are! Give him a break! Stop looking for problems. We’re leaving today. Focus on that!

I heard the water turn on in the bathroom and got out of bed.

I stood in the middle of the motel room, wishing I wasn’t imagining Yoss here. With faceless other people.

It made me feel dirty.

It made me want to scream.

Instead I cried.

I had to learn to let this go. But could I?

And why didn’t I trust Yoss to do the same?

Not able to shake the sense of unease, I went into the bathroom and pulled back the shower curtain, stepping into the hot water behind Yoss.

His head was bowed, the water streaming over his slumped shoulders.

He was folding in on himself. Crumbling under the weight of things he wouldn’t share.

I ran my hands up his back and felt him shudder beneath my palm. I leaned in and placed my lips between his shoulder blades, kissing softly. So softly.

Without a word, Yoss turned and took me in his arms, his eyes still closed.

Hot. Wet. Slippery skin. Gasping, aching breaths. He fell to his knees in front of me. I parted my legs and almost collapsed when his mouth touched me.

His tongue made love to me as I tried to stay on my feet, my fingers pulling on his hair as I moaned. And sobbed. And promised a thousand unattainable things.

Too soon Yoss turned off the water and carried me back to the bedroom where he laid me down on the bed.

And he held me as I came, with him inside me.

I had no way of knowing that would be the last time.

That he was already preparing to break my heart.

“I have to go run some errands first. I want to try to get a few things before we leave,” Yoss explained after we were dressed and were readying ourselves to leave.

“I’ll come with you,” I said, tying my shoes and putting on my coat.

It was past noon. We had stayed longer than we should have. Why did it feel as if we were delaying something inevitable?

“No. Why don’t you head back to the bridge? Di, Shane, and Karla are probably there. They’ll want to know where we were. We need to tell them about Bug. And we need to say goodbye. Tell them what we’re doing. I don’t want to take off without them knowing,” Yoss replied.

“Shouldn’t you be the one to tell them? Can’t we do that together?” I protested.

I was worried.

I didn’t know why.

Yoss smiled and kissed me deeply. Tongues. Teeth. Meant to make me forget.

“If we divide and conquer we can leave that much sooner,” Yoss reasoned and I couldn’t argue with that one.

I would do whatever he asked so long as we put Lupton and this messy, messy life behind us.

“We’re leaving today, right? You’ll meet me at the bridge?” I asked a little fearfully.

I had to trust him.

Yoss kissed me again.

“Go to the bridge. I’ll be there as soon as I can.”

Lies. Lies. Lies.

Why did my heartbeat sound like a warning?

Yoss walked me to the street where our paths would diverge. I would head to the bridge. He would head somewhere else.

“Where are you going?” I asked again.

“I told you. I just want to get some stuff together. I don’t want you to have to worry about things. I want to take care of you. Will you let me do that?” Yoss took my hands and kissed my raw knuckles.

“You don’t have to take care of me, Yoss,” I argued, frowning. When would he stop looking at me as a defenseless girl? When would he realize that he didn’t need to go to the ends of the earth to keep me happy?

“I know I don’t
have
to.” Kiss. “I
want
to.” Kiss. “When everything else goes to shit, I can be glad that I made sure you were happy and safe. That’s all that matters to me.” Kiss.

“Don’t be long,” I pleaded.

“I’ll be there, Imi. Wait for me.”

Promises. Promises.

Always promises.

He went his way. I went mine.

Separate paths.

I should have known that was our fate.

“Where have you been?” Karla demanded angrily when she saw me approach. She and Shane were sitting underneath the bridge, hands held over an open fire. It was unusually desolate. As if everyone had hidden themselves away.

“Yoss and I went to the hospital. To look for Bug,” I explained, sitting down beside them.

“He’s dead. Di told us,” Shane said dully, his hair matted on the side of his face. I saw an old cut healing on his forehead. Dried blood on his cheeks. His clothes were grubby and covered in soot from the fire. Karla was huddled in her jacket, her hands tucked between her thighs for warmth.

“I can’t believe that little fuck is gone,” Karla remarked sadly, and the three of us absorbed the weight of that statement and what it meant.

“Do you know what happened? With the fire?” I asked, taking a piece of bread that Shane offered me from a torn bag.

“I heard it was one of the fires that were lit inside. The can fell over and a bunch of shit went up in flames. Someone else said it was a cigarette and lighter fluid. Who knows? The cops have The Pit cordoned off. No one can get in or out,” Shane replied, his mouth full with stale bread.

“Where’s Di?” I asked, looking around. She was the one I really wanted to see. I cared about Di. I didn’t want to leave without making sure she was all right.

Karla blew into her palms and rubbed them together. “She was here earlier but then said she had to go. She wasn’t good. She blames herself for Bug. She thinks she could have gotten him out somehow.”

“But that’s ridiculous! It’s not her fault!” I exclaimed, my heart hurting for my friend.

“That’s what we told her. When Bug was passed out, he was dead weight. And he wasn’t a little guy. He was tall and gangly as fuck. No way could a little thing like Di get him out of the warehouse. And if she had tried we wouldn’t have lost just one friend last night.” Shane stared into the fire, the smoke curling up lazily towards the sky.

“When will she be back?” I hated the thought of Di out there feeling guilty for things that she had no control over. She looked so tough with her shaved head and tattoos, but she wasn’t. She had a heart that could be broken just like the rest of us.