One Day Soon (44 page)

“I don’t know,” Yoss replied and it was the truest statement he could ever say.

We walked the streets of Lupton for over an hour. Neither of us had slept the night before and could barely walk from hunger and exhaustion.

“I know where we can go,” Yoss said finally, turning us down a side street in a rougher part of town.

Yoss chewed on his bottom lip, dark circles ringing his eyes. His hair was plastered against his forehead from the snow that continued to fall.

“Where?” I asked, barely able to put one foot in front of the other.

“A place I know. We can at least be somewhere warm for the night.” He looked down at me, pushing my tangled hair back from my face. “I love you, Imi. I’ll make this right.”

We ended up at a sleazy looking motel that sat back off the street. We walked into a lobby that smelled strongly of Pine Sol and urine. It made me want to gag but at least it was warm.

An older woman sat behind the front desk, her blue rinse hair piled on top of her head in haphazard curls, a pair of glasses sliding down her nose. She looked up as we approached, smiling when she saw Yoss.

“Yoss, how are you? I haven’t seen you in a while, which makes my heart happy.” She gave him a pointed look that was both kind and mildly judgmental.

Yoss coughed and glanced towards me. “Mae, this is Imogen. We need some place to sleep. I don’t have any money, but I can pay you back. There was a fire where we live and I want to get Imi out of the cold for the night.” He was rambling. And nervous. I couldn’t quite figure out why. He seemed uncomfortable being here. There was subtext in the words being said and the looks Mae gave him.

My stomach twisted and turned.

Mae patted his cheek and then patted mine. Her giant hand was clammy and hot. “Of course, you can have a room. Maybe a different one.” Pointed looks. Again, more insinuation.

Yoss nodded. “Yeah, that would be great,” he said with relief.

Mae looked between Yoss and me. “This is nice to see. I’ve always told Manny you needed a nice girl to settle down with. He wouldn’t hear it. Not surprising though.” Her eyes cut through me and I trembled.

“Don’t, Mae,” Yoss pleaded quietly, his shoulders rigid, his jaw tight.

“I know, I know. I’ve got a big mouth sometimes,” Mae laughed. The entire thing was strange. And uncomfortable.

How did Mae know Manny? The fact that she did lowered her in my estimation. Even if she was giving us a free room for the night.

I looked around the lobby of the rundown motel. It was completely empty. But there was a feeling inside. A sad, lonely, desperate sort of feeling that I felt deep in my bones.

Mae handed Yoss a key. “Here you go, sweetheart. You can stay the night, but I’ll need you out of the room by noon, okay?”

Yoss took the key, gripping it in his fist. “Thank you, Mae. I really appreciate it.”

“No problem. You kids sleep well. It looks like you need it.” Mae’s smile was full of sympathy. It rubbed me the wrong way and I wasn’t sure why.

“Come on, Imi.” Yoss took my hand and led me back outside. We walked across the parking lot and stopped in front of room twenty-three. Yoss put the key in the door and opened it, turning on the light as we went inside.

The room smelled stale and clearly hadn’t had a remodel since the seventies. A double bed with an orange and brown duvet was pushed against the back wall. A small table was crammed into a corner with two mismatched chairs. A TV was bolted to the wall with what looked like a heavy chain and padlock.

“It’s not much, but at least it’s dry,” Yoss said, cranking the thermostat. The radiator started clanging but soon the room was toasty. Almost too hot. But neither of us cared. It was nice to be out of the cold.

“It’s great, Yoss.” I took off my wet shoes and left them by the door.

We both peeled off our socks and draped them over the radiator. I hung my jacket over one of the chairs and took off the hoodie that I hadn’t removed in months. It smelled horrible.

I went into the bathroom and could have cried. There was a bar of soap, two wrapped razors, and a small bottle of shampoo by the sink. Thin, yellow towels were folded on a shelf above the toilet. The sight of them was my undoing. The events of the last twenty-four hours crashed into me, and my legs couldn’t hold me up any longer.

I sat down on the edge of the tub and covered my face with my hands crying for so many things. For Bug. For losing what little I owned in the fire. For the new world of uncertainty that Yoss and I were forced to navigate now that The Pit was gone.

And for that tiny bottle of shampoo and dirty bar of soap. Necessities that had become treasures in my throwaway life.

There was a knock on the bathroom door and I heard Yoss calling my name.

“Imogen. Are you okay? What’s wrong?” I felt him pull me into his arms and I sobbed harder.

“I know, baby, I know,” he crooned in my ear. “I know.”

“There’s soap,” I sniffled when I could speak. “And shampoo and towels.” I sat back and wiped my cheeks with the back of my hand. “I’m sitting here happy because I get to sleep in a bed and Bug is dead. What is wrong with me? What sort of person thinks like that?” I was close to hysterics. My brain was short-circuiting.

“It’s okay, Imi. There’s nothing wrong with you.” He kissed my cheeks. My nose. My quivering lips. He took my hands and held them to his mouth. “We will cry for Bug. We will grieve. And we will be warm and comfortable and happy that for tonight we’re safe. We’ll do that together.”

The tears fell harder and faster. I couldn’t stop them. All of the ugly, all of the horror came rushing over me and it was too much.

Yoss turned on the shower, the hot steam filling the bathroom. “You’ll feel better once you’re clean,” he murmured. “Do you need me to help you?”

I shook my head. I needed a few moments to myself. To try to get myself together.

“Okay, I’ll be right out here if you need me.” Yoss kissed me again and quietly left the bathroom.

It took me several tries to get my clothes off. My jeans were stiff from dirt and my T-shirt ripped as I pulled it over my head. I stood in front of the mirror in my bra and underwear. My ribs stood out beneath my stretched, pale skin. Any curves I used to have were long gone. Lost with the weight I had shed due to lack of food and constant stress.

I barely knew the girl that stared back at me. She was a far cry from the young woman who left her mother’s house all those months ago.

She was older.

She had seen things she would never unsee.

Her eyes were lost.

I grabbed the soap, shampoo, and disposable razor on the sink and got in the shower, the tears falling again at the feel of the warm water on my back.

I let the hot spray wash away more than the dirt. Something had to change. This life wasn’t the one I wanted for Yoss and me.

I thought about Bug and the future he’d never have.

But Yoss and I would be different.

We had to be.

There was a new story that we needed to tell.

Because our love needed a happy ending.

Present

Y
oss slept for hours after we got back to my house. I cleaned up a little and put Yoss’s clothes in the washing machine. I carefully went through each item and was glad to see that a lot of them looked okay. The jeans were in fairly good shape and the flannels and sweatshirts, while stained, were in one piece.

There wasn’t a lot of clothing and I was able to get everything in one load.

After that I straightened up the living room as much as I was able to. I looked around at all the clutter and knew I needed to do something about my hoarding. Maybe it was time to get rid of a few things.

I knew
why
I held onto everything, but that didn’t mean I
should.

At the end of the day, they were only things. It didn’t make my life any less empty. It didn’t fill the void that only one person could fill.

I boxed up a bunch of knickknacks and put them by the front door. I had a mild panic attack as I started clearing off my windowsills and end tables, but when I was finished it looked a lot better.

As I waited for Yoss’s clothes to finish in the wash, I decided to turn on a movie. Twenty minutes into Bedknobs and Broomsticks, I was passed out on the couch.

It was dark when I woke up and I realized I was no longer alone. I sat up, wiping my eyes. Yoss was watching A Street Car Named Desire, his legs stretched out in front of him.

“How long was I asleep?” I asked groggily, turning on the lamp behind me.

“I’ve already watched The Black Cauldron, Labyrinth, and now I’m halfway through this one. So I’d say five hours or so. I guess you needed the rest.” Yoss paused the movie and put the remote on the coffee table.

“I feel totally out of it,” I grumbled, trying to smooth out my hair and running my tongue over my teeth, which were feeling fuzzy. “You should have woken me up.” I looked at the clock on my phone and saw that it was past seven. “Are you hungry? I should make dinner. I was thinking chicken and rice.”

“I’m fine. I’m not hungry at all. It’s been nice sitting here watching movies while you slept. Feels sort of normal,” he chuckled, scratching the back of his neck. “I forgot how much you snore though.”

I glared at him. “I do
not
snore.”

Yoss smirked. “I’ll never tell.”

“You seem better. Are you feeling alright?” I asked him.

“Yeah, I’m fine. I told you it was just too much pizza,” he responded shortly.

“Did you take your medicine?” I was nagging him. But I wouldn’t stop worrying about him.

“You don’t need to watch over me, Imogen. I’m a big boy.” Yoss sounded slightly annoyed, but gave me a small smile.

“Crap. I need to put your clothes in the dryer.” I jumped up and hurried to the laundry room, quickly shoving Yoss’s clothes into the dryer and turning it on. When I returned to the living room, Yoss had turned on a few more lights and the television was off.

“You didn’t have to do my laundry,” he said after I sat back down.

“It was no big deal. I’m happy to do it.” I waved away his protestations.

Yoss picked at a spot on his jeans. A nervous gesture that I recognized. “What exactly is the plan here?” he asked.

I frowned. “The plan?”

“Yeah, how long am I going to stay in your guest room? This can’t be an indefinite thing, Imogen. You have a life. A job. Friends. This entire situation is weird.” Pick. Pick. Pick.

“It’s weird being here?” I asked softly, honing in on that one particular sentence.

“Isn’t it? I mean you haven’t seen me in over fifteen years, now here I am, sleeping in your spare room, watching movies on your couch as if we were old friends simply catching up. As if the last time we were together we hadn’t been making plans to be together forever. As if we hadn’t been together during the absolute worst and best time in our lives.”

I sucked in a breath and let it out slowly. “Yes. It’s strange,” I agreed.

Yoss dropped his hand from his jeans and sat up straight. “I should go—”

“You never let me finish, Yoss. You have a really bad habit of interrupting me,” I chastised and he gave me a half smile.