One Day at a Time (Starting Over Series Book 4) (26 page)

Chapter Seventeen

Cash woke when he felt Tessa stir beside him. He opened his eyes and saw she was still sleeping. Slipping out of her bed, he went to use the bathroom and to get a drink. He walked out to the living room, where he found Jonathon sitting on the couch, watching a college football game. He muted the TV as Cash sat down on the other end of the couch.

“Is she sleeping?”

“Yeah, it didn’t take long for that stuff to kick in and knock her out. She was starting to get agitated before she took it. I can’t even imagine what she’s going through right now.”

“I don’t think I’ve ever wanted to commit murder as much as I did after hearing what that bastard did to her and to my fucking daughter. He’s lucky he’s dead. I’m sorry she had to do it but glad at the same time, which is so fucked up. Josie’s doing a little better. She usually ends up climbing into bed with me or Tessa though. Thank god Shannon’s been here to help. She’s been a godsend.”

“Who is she?” He didn’t know if Jonathon was going to tell him and that was okay. It wasn’t like they were buddies or anything, even though he’d like to be.

“It’s a long story, but we’re having a baby, and I fucked it up. I’m just thankful she’s been here to help out with Tessa and Josie—even if she hardly speaks to me.”

“Well, I’m sorry things aren’t good. I’m sure you’ll make it right.” Footsteps brought his attention to the hallway. Tessa came shuffling out. His poor girl looked like shit. Her hair was a rat’s nest, her clothes were all wrinkled, and her eyes were just little slits. He got off the couch and went to her. She looked confused.

“Babe, what’s going on?”

“I woke up and you were gone. I thought maybe you left me again.” It hurt a lot to hear her say that. He wished he could take back all the hurt he caused her, but since he couldn’t he was just going to have to make it up to her and, god willing, he’d be doing it for the rest of their lives. He walked her back to bed, got her all tucked in and chuckled when she was out before he could even kiss her.

He knew they were in for a rough road ahead as she dealt with what had happened with her dad. She was strong—a fighter—and he had no doubt that she’d make it through this. He just hoped that, at the end of the day, she’d still want him to be a part of her life.

***

“So, Tessa, how are the nightmares?” Tessa looked up at Susan, the therapist she’d been seeing for the past two weeks. She didn’t like talking about what happened. It was difficult to get out what she was feeling about the whole ordeal. In her heart she knew she did what she had to do. It didn’t make her feel any less horrible. Her head was another story altogether. Every night she dreamt about that day. Sometimes she woke up thinking she heard Daisy whining at her door.

She ended up going back to Cash’s house to stay since that was where Daisy was buried, and she also didn’t have to deal with the constant reminder about what happened that day. She could tell Cash wasn’t happy she was sleeping in his spare bedroom, but she needed time. She went back to work a week ago, and for now was only working a few days to start. Her boss was amazing and was so accommodating. Cash drove her to work and picked her up. She didn’t want to admit that it felt nice having him take care of her. He certainly was doing a wonderful job of it.

He cooked for her, held her when she cried, and sang to her all of the time. It always relaxed her when he sang. He even shared a couple of songs that he wrote about her and about his addiction and recovery with her. The guy was so talented and needed to be a musician full-time, but he always shook it off with a nervous laugh when she brought it up. Right now he was sitting out in the lobby, waiting for her to finish her session.

“I still have them. At least once a night. I wake up, sweaty, shaking, and sometimes…and sometimes crying. When’s it going to stop?” She was so tired, but most of the time she was afraid to go to sleep because she didn’t want to dream. Of course, the Ativan they had her taking relaxed her to the point where sleep was inevitable.

“It’s going to take time. I’m here to help you learn the tools to accept what happened and how to process the feelings you have about it. When you’re ready, you will tell me all about what happened, and then we’ll move on. When you suffer from a traumatic experience like yours, you need to learn how to process it healthily. You keep coming, and I promise you we’ll get you there.” Susan handed her a composition book. “I want you to start writing for me. I want you to start when the abuse started. Then I want you to write about the day your dad came to the apartment.”

Tessa clutched the book to her chest. She didn’t know what that was supposed to do, but she’d try anything at this point. “O-Okay. I’ll do it.”

Her heart was pounding in her chest and she was starting to sweat. They planned to meet again Friday and she was supposed to bring the notebook with her. They stood up and Susan walked her to the door. “We’ll talk Friday.”

Being a true gentleman, Cash stood up when Tessa came out. “You okay?”

“Yeah, I’m good.”

She slipped her coat on as they made their way outside. It was getting colder and she hated it. It made her jaw ache, but she only had another week of her jaw being wired shut. She couldn’t wait to get the wire off. Cash helped her into the truck and they made their way back to his place. When they pulled in the driveway she noticed his sister’s van in the driveway. A very pregnant Journey got out and came right to her—hugging her tight.

“Sorry for intruding, but I wanted to see how you were doing and to see if you need anything.” Journey was so sweet to think of her.

Tessa smiled when Cash wrapped his arms around his sister and kissed the top of her head. He grabbed Parker out of his car seat while Tessa and Journey made their way into the house.

“I’m good, but thank you so much for asking. Can I?” Tessa motioned toward the other woman’s belly.

“She’s kicking up a storm.” Journey grabbed Tessa’s hands and placed them on her belly. It was hard but soft. Then there was a tiny kick and then another. It felt like there was more than one baby in there.

“Does it hurt?” She wasn’t around Alex a lot when she was pregnant with Josie. She didn’t think it felt good having a little person pummeling your insides.

“No, not really. It’s just uncomfortable. Especially since she loves kicking me in my kidneys and bladder. I think she’s going to be a little hellion,” Journey said as she accepted the water that Tessa grabbed for her.

“Well, you look fantastic.”

They sat and visited for a couple of hours before Journey and Parker had to head home so she could pick up the other two kids from school. She could certainly understand why the other woman was taking a year off from teaching.

While Cash walked them out, Tessa started to put together dinner for him. She couldn’t wait to eat real food. Because you could only drink so many nutritional shakes before just the sight made a person want to vomit. As she cooked she kept eyeing the notebook Susan gave her. It was something that she really needed to try because the lack of good sleep was starting to mess with her head.

Hearing the front door shut she knew that Cash would come in and sit with her or help her cook like he did every night. Not this time though, this time he slid his arms around her waist and pulled her against him. A flashback of that day hit her. Her dad behind her—his nose buried in her hair. Her heart raced, her body went rigid.

“It’s just me, baby, I’m not going to hurt you.” His voice was soft and soothing. It took a while but eventually she relaxed against him. A thin sheen of sweet covered her skin. “You’re okay, Tessa.” Letting out a shaky breath she slowly placed her hands on top of his. Giving her a squeeze he told her without words that he was proud of her. He kissed her cheek before he left her alone to finish cooking.

***

Tessa brushed her teeth and then changed into her pajamas. Grabbing the notebook, she sat down in her bed with her back against the wall. Opening it up, she stared down at the blank page. Susan asked her to write down the first incident she could remember from the abuse. It was the very first time her dad hit her. How could she ever forget that?

Tessa was hiding in her bedroom, looking out the window and waiting for her brother to get home from his shift at the grocery store. He’d protect her from their dad. He’d been acting weird all day. Every time she came out of her room he would just stare at her as he smoked those funny looking cigarettes. He didn’t say anything; he just sat there and stared.

He never really talked to her before, but after her momma went to heaven he got mean. She caught him twice hitting Jonathon, but now that Jonathon was taller than their dad he didn’t hurt her brother anymore. When he was at work, her dad made fun of her lisp. He called her stupid or retarded all the time.

She wiped the tears from eyes as she wrote down the cruel things he used to spew at her. It took her a long time before she quit hearing him say those things to her in her dreams. Taking a deep breath, she got back to writing.

With her stomach growling, Tessa made her way on silent feet to the kitchen. Her dad looked to be passed out on the couch. Reaching the cupboards, she grabbed the jar of peanut butter and then the loaf of bread. Her mom used to make the best PB and J sandwiches. “I misth you, momma,” she whispered to herself.

Quickly making her sandwich, she wrapped it in a paper towel and carried it back to her room. She reached the door, but before she could enter it a hand in her hair stopped her. Dropping her sandwich, she grabbed the hand that was holding her. She learned fast that was a mistake. She was shoved forward and hit the floor. Crying out she watched her dad come toward her with a red face.

“I hate looking at your face! You look just like her!” he screamed. She thought that would be a good thing, but then he grabbed her arm and yanked her up off of the floor. His hand was fast, striking her with his open palm. “I wish it would’ve been you, not her!” She couldn’t help it and started to cry. He hated her crying. He said it gave him a headache. But he was saying that he wanted her dead instead of her mom. It shouldn’t have hurt as badly as it did. He’d never said anything like that to her brother. Sure, he had hit Jonathon, but he didn’t call him names like he did her.

Hearing the front door open, he grabbed her by the throat. “You tell your brother about this, I’ll hurt you both or worse. Got me?” She nodded and he let go. Before she knew it he was out her door.

“Tessa?” Jonathon was coming down the hall so she wiped her face. As soon as he stepped in, she tried to hide the red side of her face from him. “How was your day?” he asked.

“Good, d-dad’s been in a mood, though.” She tried to keep her voice steady. “I’m going to just stay in here and read.”

“Okay, I’m going over to Alex’s place. Her parents are out of town and her sister’s going on a date.” He wiggled his eyebrows.

“Oh gosh, that’s so groth! I don’t want to hear that, but tell her I said hi.” Her brother kissed her on the head and took off out the door.

Shutting her notebook she took a deep breath. Cash knocked on the door and came in. “You doing okay?”

“Yeah, I was just writing in my notebook. Susan wanted me to write down about the first time my dad hit me. Will you sit with me? I want you to read it.” She slid over so he could sit next to her. He wrapped an arm around her shoulders. Opening the notebook she handed it to him and waited silently while he read it.

She loved him and trusted him to read it. She picked at the loose thread on the blanket covering her bed as her nerves set in. It didn’t take long before he pulled her toward him, kissing her forehead. “I’m so sorry you went through that, baby. No child should ever go through something like that. Does she want you to write about what happened?”

He knew most of the details about that day with her dad. Lord knows he’d held her enough as she cried about it. She appreciated that even though she wasn’t ready to be officially together again, he was still there for her. She wanted to do that for him, too, but instead he pushed her away. Maybe this was something they both needed to get past the crap they had both been through. Sure, her baggage was different than his, but that didn’t mean that it was any less traumatic.

Time would tell if they could go the distance. She hoped they could, because she’d never love anyone the way she loved him.

“Yes, she does. I have until Friday, so I thought I’d take my time with it.” She yawned, which was hard to do since she was unable to open her mouth.

“Here, let’s get you all tucked in.” He said as he climbed out of the bed. Helping her pull the covers down, she got all situated and then he covered her up. He leaned down and kissed her lightly on the lips. “Goodnight, sweetheart.” As he pulled away she stopped him with a hand on his forearm.

“Will you stay with me? I don’t want to be alone. Will you stay until I fall asleep?” She didn’t want to admit that the darkness made sleep difficult. When the lights went out her thoughts always went to the same scene over and over. It was always the exact moment that the bat hit him in the head. The sound it made played on a constant loop in the silence. Maybe having Cash hold her would help keep the nightmares away.

“I’ll stay, baby. As long as you need me to.” That’s exactly what he did. He wrapped his arms around her, pulled her snug against his body and sang softly to her until she finally felt sleep pull her under.

Chapter Eighteen

Cash sat in his truck, thinking about the events of the past few weeks.