One Day at a Time (Starting Over Series Book 4) (19 page)

“Sorry, it’s a habit when I’m stressed.” Should he bring up Abby? Should they talk about it with everything else going on?

“Don’t be sorry,” she said as she crawled over to him and onto his lap, where she proceeded to wrap her legs around his waist. “Let me help you forget for a little while. Please.” She kissed his lips, slowly. It didn’t take long before he took control—gripping her hair he angled her head to deepen the kiss. It still did things to him, knowing that he was the only one that had ever been inside her. Wrapping his arms around her, he flipped them so he was on top of her.

He slipped a hand under her shirt, gliding all the way up until he reached her bra-covered breast. Pinching her nipple between his fingers, he relished the way she arched into his touch. Swallowing her cries with his mouth he ground his hardened dick against her center. He felt her hands grab his ass and grind up against him.

It wasn’t long before he was pushing inside of her body. He thrust slowly—her tight channel squeezing him as she pulled his face down to kiss him thoroughly. He loved that she was starting to take what she wanted from him sexually. She was more self-confident and she no longer tried to hide her body from him. He pulled out of her, smiling when she whimpered, “Come on, let’s take this to the bedroom.” Pulling her up with him he kissed her and then scooped her up into his arms.

In the bedroom, he tossed her on the mattress and silenced her squeal with his mouth as he thrust back inside her. He drove her to orgasm and shortly followed.

Chapter Twelve

Cash was quiet as they drove toward the funeral home. The past couple of days had been okay. Sure, he was quiet at times and sometimes she’d find him sitting on the back steps with Daisy, chain-smoking in the middle of the night. This morning she’d found him sitting on the living room floor playing his guitar. She sat down behind him, her legs on both sides of his. Leaning her forehead against the middle of his back she listened as he sang “Tears in Heaven.”
The emotion coming off of him as he sang broke her heart.

She never had the chance to meet Sam, but besides what had happened six months ago, he sounded like a good guy who obviously couldn’t defeat his demons. She couldn’t imagine what his wife and kids must be going through. She knew that Cash, Betsy, and a few other friends would be going to see Sam’s wife. When he had come home from Loni’s house, she could tell he wasn’t doing well so she gave him time to himself. He wanted her to stay, so while he sat outside with Daisy she stayed in watching TV.

As he played the last notes of the song she kissed his back, “That was beautiful, baby.”

“I couldn’t sleep,” he whispered. “Did I wake you?”

She wrapped her arms around him tightly, giving him a squeeze, “No, I just find myself not sleeping real well without you next to me. What can I do?”

“Come here.” She moved around until she was sitting in his lap. “Baby, just you being here is enough.”

Now, as they pulled into the parking lot of the funeral home, Tessa was hoping she could do more for him. He was distant, but she suspected that it was a natural reaction. She got out of the car, smoothing down the black wrap dress she was wearing. He grabbed his guitar case and wrapped his free arm around her shoulders when he met her in front of his truck. He looked so handsome; he was wearing black slacks, a black button up shirt, black shoes and a black and grey plaid newsboy hat. She’d never known a guy that looked good in all different hats, but he certainly did.

When they walked inside she saw the large turnout. People were everywhere. Most greeted Cash by name and she was guessing they were people from his NA meetings. They found Betsy, Dario, and Jared standing just inside the room.

“Hey guys,” Jared greeted them. She still didn’t know him very well, but cared about Cash. They, along with Dario, did the typical man hug and back slap while she hugged Betsy and walked into the viewing room. Tessa spotted Loni right away. It was obvious that even though things ended badly, she still loved her husband. Their oldest boy couldn’t be more than twelve years old. The youngest was around five or six and clinging to his brother. She hadn’t really met Loni except for briefly at The Barn. Going through the line they hugged her and the kids, which was awkward for Tessa, but it wasn’t about her so it didn’t matter.

The service started and she intertwined her fingers with Cash’s as they listened to the speaker. Cash’s body was strung tight, and she hated that he was that stressed out about everything. The speaker said a quick prayer and asked Cash and his band to come up.

They had two guitarists and one bass player. She watched her man walk up to the microphone.

“Hi everyone. My name is Cash. I knew Sam for the past three years. Sam, like a lot of us, had his demons. Every day we pray to have control over them, but sometimes we lose that battle. This is for Sam and Loni.”

As he began to play
“Tears in Heaven,”
his voice filtered through the large room. She felt the tears build in her eyes as the song reached the chorus. All around her she could hear crying. Loni hugged her sons as they cried their little hearts out.

When the song was over, Tessa thought they’d be done, but Cash spoke, “Tom Petty was one of Sam’s favorite singers. This was his favorite song.”

As they played “Learning to Fly,” she couldn’t help but smile. He was just such a natural and he had oodles of talent. People swayed back and forth while the band played. Above the casket a video montage played. Cash was in a lot of the pictures, as was Betsy, Loni, and Jared. When they finished the band went to Loni, kissing her cheek and hugging her and the boys.

Cash sat back down next to her, and they finished the service.

On the way to the gravesite the interior of the truck was again filled with silence, but Tessa was okay with it. He would talk when he was ready. At least she hoped he would. The burial didn’t take very long. The minister said a few words, they prayed, and then everyone stood back and watched Loni collapse on the ground right at the hole where her husband’s body was being lowered into the ground.

“Goddamn you, Sam!” she wailed. “You didn’t have to fucking leave us!” Jared was by her side in a heartbeat. He took every hit as she punched, slapped, and cried at him. Cash and Betsy were herding the boys away so they didn’t see their mom lose it any more than she already had.

Jared was finally able to get Loni up and took her to his car. Everyone else started heading for their cars too. Tessa wasn’t sure what to do because she didn’t see Cash anywhere, and he had the keys. She didn’t really know anyone else so she slowly made her way toward the truck. Reaching for the door handle she tried to open it but it was locked. “Just great,” she mumbled to herself. It was cold and windy and her coat was in the cab of his truck.

She looked around hoping to spot Cash or at least Betsy, but she didn’t see either of them. One by one cars and trucks pulled away but she was still standing there. When it seemed like she was the only one left she hung her head as a wave of sadness washed over her. He forgot her-granted he was helping with the kids, but he still forgot. Thank god she’d decided to wear flats as she began walking down the path to the entrance of the cemetery. She could stop in the office to call a cab, but she was probably ten minutes from his place. She could at least go get Daisy from Mac’s house and call her brother to come get her.

The wind whipped around her as she made her way down the road toward Cash’s house. She wrapped her arms around herself and picked up the pace. She passed a coffee shop and all she wanted was to stop in there and get a hot coffee, but her purse was in the truck and she had no money on her. That would definitely be the first thing on the agenda when her brother picked her up.

As she walked she finally had the time to think about the information she learned about Cash and Abby. He was a dad, but his sister was raising her. Why? That was the answer she needed. Did he hurt her? No, that wasn’t even possible. He didn’t seem like the type that could hurt a child, at least not intentionally. Where was Abby’s mom? What was the reason she wasn’t in the picture at all? Tears pricked her eyes as the hurt filled her heart. And to make matters worse, he forgot about her. Did she mean that little to him that he could completely forget that she was there?

She felt relief as she turned down his street. Mac’s house came into view first and her steps quickened. Stepping up onto the other woman’s steps she knocked on the door. Smiling she heard her little baby’s bark. The door was flung open and Mac was standing there in purple stretch pants, a multi-colored sweatshirt and green crocs.

“Jesus, sweetheart, you look like you’re frozen to the bone,” she stood back as Tessa stepped inside. She reached for Daisy, who practically jumped into her arms. “Where’s Cash?”

“Um, I’m not sure. The man’s wife had a breakdown, and Cash helped get the kids out of there and never came back.” How embarrassing.

“What do you mean he never came back?” She directed Tessa to a seat at her kitchen counter and made her a cup of hot chocolate.

“It’s just as it sounds. He was with Betsy, her husband, and the kids. I don’t know where they went.”

“Well, did you call him?”

“I couldn’t, my phone, along with my purse, are still in his truck. Can I use your phone to call my brother to come get me?” Mac grabbed the phone off of the charger and handed it to her. “Thanks.” She kept the conversation quick with her brother, she didn’t need him sticking his nose in her business any more than he already did.

Luckily she didn’t have to wait long for her brother to get there. Mac immediately invited him in and was hanging off his arm. His eyes pleaded for her to help, but she just smiled and took a sip of her cocoa “You ready to go? Josie’s in the car.”

Mac seemed disappointed that he was leaving so soon, but hugged them both. She scooped up Daisy and followed her brother out of the door. They were almost to his car when Cash’s truck came barreling down the road. As soon as the truck stopped he was out of it, coming toward her with a look of regret on his face.

“I’m so fucking sorry, baby. Loni wanted the kids out of there and we just moved quickly and it didn’t hit me until we got to the luncheon that I fucking forgot you,” he wrapped her up in his arms. “How did you get here?”

There was no sense in sugarcoating it. “I walked.”

He grabbed her face, placing his lips on her forehead. Daisy squirmed in her arms trying to get to her daddy. “I’m so sorry. Please forgive me, baby.”

She nodded because he really didn’t need her being mad at him along with everything else going on right now. He enveloped her in his arms. She wrapped her free arm around him.

“So you just left my sister at a cemetery with no way home but her own two feet? What the hell, dude? Look at her, does she look dressed for a walk?”

She turned to her brother, “Jonathon, stop it. It was hectic and his friendth needed him.”

“Well what about you, Tessa? You needed him too and he wasn’t there for you.”

Cash stepped toward her brother, “You’re right. I totally messed up. It seriously will never happen again.”

“I hope it doesn’t. I know you’re going through some shit right now and I’m sorry about your friends, but it’s no excuse for my sister to have to walk home.” She felt her face heat up as her brother chastised her boyfriend.

“Okay, Jonathon, we get the point.”

Cash cut her off. “No, Tessa, he has every right to chew me out. What I did was horrible. What if the weather would’ve been worse? Something could’ve happened to you.”

“Well, since you obviously don’t need me, Josie and I are going to the movies. I’ll see you later.” Her brother kissed her head and she went over to her brother’s car to kiss Josie and promised to pick her up from school tomorrow and to take her to the bookstore.

Cash led her to his place with a hand on the small of her back. Once inside she walked through the house, letting Daisy outside to do her business. When she came back inside she found Cash on the couch with his head in his hands. On silent feet she went to him. She curled up next to him and smiled when Daisy started attacking his face. Especially since it got him to smile.

He looked at her with sad eyes, causing her to be conflicted. She should be so mad at him for forgetting her, but he was having such a hard time with Sam’s death. What type of person would that make her if she wasn’t compassionate and understanding while he was dealing with this unfortunate circumstance? Hell, maybe it made her a big, dumb idiot, just as her dad used to call her, to be forgiving, even considering the events from today.

She shook it all off and reached out, running a hand down his back. His muscles were so tight she could feel all of the knots there. He had already taken Daisy from her so she moved behind him, cradling his hips with her thighs. She began to massage his shoulders and knew she was hitting his sweet spot because he kept moaning and groaning as she did it. She moved further and further down his back. By the time she was done he seemed more relaxed.

“Thanks, baby,” he murmured. “I don’t deserve you. You know that, right?”

“Don’t talk like that, Cash. You don’t get to tell me what I deserve and what I don’t. I love you. You’re the first person I’ve ever said that to, besides my brother and his family. It’s not something I just throw around. I. Love. You. We deserve each other—you make me happy. Don’t I make you happy?” She didn’t know where the strength to speak her mind was coming from to say everything, but she’d take it.

He guided her so she sat next to him, his mouth turned down into a frown. “Tessa, you make me incredibly happy.” He slid a hand into her hair, holding her immobile. “I love you, don’t ever doubt that.” He pulled her to him, kissing her lips softly. “I. Love. You.” He punctuated every word with a kiss.

She grabbed his shirt to pull herself even closer to him. This wasn’t the cure for the things they needed to eventually talk about, but at least for right now they could think of something else. She shivered as his calloused fingers slid up her leg under her dress, sliding up until he met the bare skin above her thigh highs. He gave a little growl of approval, causing her pussy to clench. He rubbed his hand up and down her mound, she knew he was feeling the wet spot through the silk of her panties.