One Day at a Time (Starting Over Series Book 4) (15 page)

He often wondered what his parents would say about his sobriety now. He put them through hell, but they never gave up on him. They attempted to talk him into rehab and checked in with him up until the day they died. They met Abby right before they died, but didn’t have a chance to tell his sister that Abby existed until the night he fucked up and lost his baby girl. He shook his head, clearing his thoughts, and took a deep drag of his cigarette before snuffing it out.

Locking up once he was back inside he went to brush his teeth before he got back in bed with Tessa. Her back was bared to him and he couldn’t resist touching her. His hand slowly trailed up and down her spine. He smiled as gooseflesh popped up all over her body. He watched his hand glide over her golden skin. He paused when he saw something on her lower back. Scooting down the bed he peered closer to the skin at the base of her spine. There were scars. White jagged lines that marred both her upper buttocks and lower spine. His fingers traced them—his brain tried to make sense of them and identify what could have caused them. Carefully he leaned forward and kissed them one by one.

As he moved back up the bed he pulled her toward him, her back fitting up against his front. It looked like they were going to have a lot to talk about tomorrow.

Chapter Ten

Tessa stretched out in Cash’s bed. A groan slipped past her lips as her muscles protested the movement. Around six in the morning he’d woken her up, kissing her neck and nipping at the sensitive skin. He’d made love to her languidly, and when he brought her to release it was slow building and strong. When he’d found his own she could feel him pulse inside of her. She fell back asleep right after. Turning over she saw Cash’s side of the bed was empty. Touching it with her fingers, she knew he had been up for a while; the sheets were cold to the touch.

Looking down at herself she realized she was naked. Her cheeks flushed and she looked all over the floor until she found her nightgown. Slipping it over her head she made her way across the hall to the bathroom. She relieved herself, washed her hands, and then cleaned herself up a little bit. Satisfied with how she looked she made her way out to the kitchen. She smiled when she saw the coffee mug sitting by the coffee pot. She poured herself a cup along with a splash of the creamer he bought for her. Going to the sliding glass door she found Cash sitting on his deck. He was wearing shorts, a t-shirt and tennis shoes, and had a coffee cup in one hand and a cigarette in the other. He must’ve been out for a run already. He’d tried to get her to come with him before but she explained that she was allergic to running.

Of course he laughed at her, but that was okay. She’d just never been into exercising. She also was afraid that it would make her thinner than she was.

She sat in his lap when he held out his hand to her. “Good morning,” she said right before she kissed him.

“How’d you sleep, baby?” he asked against her lips.

“Mmmm…tho good. You’re all sweaty.” She rubbed a hand through his sweat-soaked hair.

They sat in silence, enjoying the breeze blowing through his backyard. She felt his lips against her neck and sighed. He was so affectionate, always touching, kissing, or hugging her. After their cups were empty she went inside, grabbing the carafe and bringing it outside. She filled up their cups and then sat down next to Cash.

When she had gone inside she’d grabbed one of Cash’s zip-up hoodies since the breeze was a lot cooler. He surprised her by grabbing her feet and pulling them up into his lap. She moaned in pleasure as he rubbed the instep of one foot and then, to her pleasure, moved to the other.

“Baby, there’s something that I wanted to talk to you about. I just ask you to promise me that you’ll let me finish before you say anything.”

Tessa’s heart started hammering away in her chest. Was he breaking up with her? Did he cheat on her? She had no clue what he was about to tell her, but she had to be strong no matter what.

“I-I’m a drug addict, or at least a recovering drug addict. I started using when I was around sixteen years old. Up until a little over four years ago I was in and out of rehab. I’d remain sober for a month or two then start using again. I haven’t used in four years. I still see a therapist and he helps me a lot. I go to NA, which is Narcotics Anonymous, twice a week. I don’t drink because I have an addictive personality and I didn’t need to trade one drug for another.” He held out his arms, his forearms showing. “Jared did my ink. These cover the track marks. Heroin was my drug of choice.”

He lit another cigarette, obviously hiding his face from her because he was looking down at his lap. It filled her with sadness that he suffered. She could hear it in his voice. Reaching out she squeezed his free hand between both of hers. He must not have expected that because his head jerked up and he looked at her. It gave him the courage to say more, and he continued to tell her about Jared reaching out after rehab the last time. He also told her that most of his friends were former users as well. It surprised her about Betsy, but everyone had bad times and coped in different ways. She was so glad that he and Journey were close again—it was obvious their relationship had taken a hit.

“Thank you for sharing this with me. I’m sure it isn’t easy to talk to people about it.” She pulled his hand up and pressed a kiss against his palm. “You are so brave.”

“It’s been a long hard road but I’m clean, I own my own business and have an amazing group of friends who are my family.” He tipped her chin up so she was looking into his eyes. “Life has been pretty great, and now, for the first time in a long time, I feel like I deserve the happiness I’m feeling and that’s because of you.” He cleared his throat. “It really means a lot to me that you’re not freaking out right now. I was scared that you were going to run.”

She should’ve been upset that he thought she’d run. She was sure people were not always so understanding about such a sensitive subject matter. She now knew she should tell him about her dad, but how did she bring it up? Fortunately, she didn’t have to worry about that since Cash did first.

“Baby, tell me about the scars on your lower back.” She had been worried he’d see them. She knew they were faded but were still noticeable. Her brother didn’t know they existed.

She began to tell Cash the story. Her dad had been on a bender that lasted the whole weekend. She tried to stay hidden in her room but he had come in to taunt her and when she wouldn’t take the bait he became enraged and beat her repeatedly with his belt. After the second round she had known that she had bleeding wounds.

“It wasn’t the first time that he hit m-me, b-b-but it was the time he inflicted the most damage. My back was torn to shreds. H-He barely gave me time to clean it up before he’d start in again. “

Cash pulled her into his lap, “Jesus, baby, I’m so sorry.” He was squeezing her so tightly it was almost hard to breathe, but she felt safe with him.

“Even before my mom died he wasn’t the most loving person, at least not to me or my brother. He treated my mom like a queen, and when she died he became mean and started getting physically abusive. I don’t think he ever wanted us. I think he did it just for her.” It was still hard to take so many years later that he hadn’t wanted them.

“Did your brother know how bad it was for you?”

“No, I never told him. He got it bad until he got bigger than our dad. As soon as he turned eighteen he left. I think a part of him still feels guilty for leaving me behind, but Dad kicked him out and told him he’d have him arrested for kidnapping if he tried to take me.” Cash’s arms squeezed her tight. “I got really good at pretending I was fine when I would visit Jonathon. My dad said he’d hurt me worse than I could imagine if I told him what was going on.”

“I hate asking this question, but did he-did he ever
touch
you?” It took her a second to realize what he was asking.

“Oh god, no, never. N-Not l-like that.” Just the idea of her dad ever touching her that way gave her the heebie jeebies.

After they finished their coffee, Cash stood up and helped her out of her chair. She followed him to the hammock and climbed onto it as gracefully as she could. Once he was settled in with her she wrapped herself around him as the birds chirped above them. Her head was resting on his chest as his hand stroked her back. They stayed like that for a long time.

***

Today was Tessa’s birthday and she knew Cash had something up his sleeve. He was being so secretive and cagey. It had been three weeks since he shared with her about his addiction. It certainly brought them closer together. Neither of them had said “I love you” yet—she knew it was because they were both still afraid. She loved him though—she knew that from the bottom of her heart. They were together more often than not. Of course, they were always at his place. Jonathon was beginning to finally loosen up and stop busting Cash’s balls.

She enjoyed spending time with his friends. Betsy was the complete opposite of her, but quickly becoming a good friend. They’d gone to the movies a few times and took Josie, Stella, and Margot to the zoo and the park.

Jonathon was still being cagey, but he quit being a jerk. She was just going to leave it alone for now and hope he’d come to her if he needed anything. She had the day off and stayed home last night. Cash had come over and stayed for dinner and a movie before leaving around midnight. She hated sending him away but it was her brother’s place and she didn’t feel right about having him sleep over. She had slept in until ten and it felt great. Climbing out of bed she threw on her robe and went across the hall to the bathroom.

She went through her morning routine, making sure that she shaved everything and buffed her skin. She slathered herself in her favorite fall-scented lotion and then threw her robe back on. She decided to do her hair up in a fishtail braid. Back in her room she slid into a matching light blue satin panty set. She had no idea what was going on for her birthday but she wanted to feel pretty. She pulled out a pair of wide-legged khaki pants and a baby blue shirt that hung off her shoulder. Betsy had talked her into buying it when they were out shopping.

Stepping in front of the mirror she smiled at her reflection. She was glowing and she had even begun to put on a little weight. She grabbed her overnight bag and went out into the living room, freezing when she found her brother sitting on the couch with a wrapped gift on his lap.

“Happy birthday, sis.” He held out the package to her. “I wasn’t completely sure what to get you.”

She sat down next to him and started to rip the paper off, opening the box. Peeling back the paper a sob bubbled up in her throat. Gently she lifted the picture frame out. It was a picture of their mom and them. She was sitting on the front steps. Jonathon was on her right and Tessa was right in her lap.

“That was your first day of Kindergarten. I remember she walked us to school that morning and when it was time for you to go inside she started crying and then you started to cry. I ended up having to drag you inside as you cried for her. Such a little drama queen.”

She let out a watery laugh. “Shut up and thank you. I love it.” Even though she was twelve when her mom passed away she felt like she had forgotten what her mom looked like and sounded like. She hadn’t seen a picture of her mom in a long time. Hugging the frame to her chest, she laid her head on her brother’s shoulder. They sat together in silence until Josie came busting out of her room with an envelope.

“Happy birthday!” she shouted. “There’s something else for you too, but this is also from Uncle Hunter and his family.” Tessa flipped over the envelope and saw that it was a gift certificate to her favorite salon. Throwing her arms around her brother’s neck she squeezed him tight.

“I love you, Jonathon. I love you too, Josie. Thank you.” He kissed her forehead and Josie hugged her tight.

“I love you too. Have fun tonight, and I’ll see you tomorrow.”

When Tessa pulled into Cash’s driveway she saw that his truck was gone. Getting out of the Jeep she grabbed her bag and went to unlock the front door with the key he’d given her last week. Making her way into the kitchen she found a piece of paper on the counter with a single rose in a vase.

Hey baby, I had to go take care of some stuff for work. Get comfortable and I’ll be home in a little bit.

Cash

P.S Happy birthday

Her heart sank a little and then she felt guilty for feeling that way. He had told her last night they were going to spend the whole day together. His business was important, so she knew that she would support him and suck it up. She put her bag in his bedroom and then put her toiletries in the bathroom. She pulled out the book she was reading and took it outside to the hammock. It was a little chilly so she had thrown on one of Cash’s flannel shirts.

It didn’t take long before she was immersed in her story. As the hammock gently swayed she read about the campus bad boy and the girl who stole his heart. After a few hours she got up to use the bathroom and check her phone. It was already two o’clock and she still hadn’t heard from him. Come to think of it, she hadn’t really heard from anyone else. She sat down on his couch and felt like crying. This was turning out to be a shitty birthday.

Her phone rang, jerking her out of her pity party. She grabbed it and saw that it was Cash.

“Hi, baby.” She tried to sound chipper. Her eyes started to water when he began to sing happy birthday to her.

“Happy birthday, baby. I’m finishing up here. Why don’t you come meet me at Tony’s Pizzeria?”

She didn’t want to be disappointed, but he had acted like he had something romantic planned. “Yeah, I can meet you. I’ll grab my purse and leave right now. How was your day, did you get done what you needed to?”

“Yeah, darlin’, I did. I’ll see you in a bit.”