On a Gamble (15 page)

As his truck pulled away, her heart ached, wondering if she’d made a huge mistake.

With these sobering thoughts, she made her way inside.

Her grandma greeted her at the door, a huge smile on her face, and arms open wide.

Charlie had never seen a more welcome sight.

“Grandma.” She embraced her, reveling in her warmth, her comfort.

“Honey, why didn’t you ask Alex to come in?”

“I’m not ready, Grandma. I just want to be alone right now.”

She looked Charlie in the eyes, and didn’t say a word. As if she understood without further explanation.

“Come on, let’s get you something to eat.”

A week and a half later, she’d been examined by her doctor, and given the green light to resume her regular work routine. Sans Alex, and for that she was extremely grateful. She’d been going stir crazy with cabin fever, cooped up in the house for a better part of her day. She and Grandma took daily walks when the weather allowed, but she needed to keep busy. Clear her mind of Alex, and of everything that transpired these last few weeks. She needed the distraction work would bring.

She dressed, showered, but didn’t bother to grab breakfast. Her appetite had been absent for the better part of the day lately. The harsh November wind bit her face, as the cold wind swept over her body. She huddled into her coat, whipping the hood over her head to keep warm. Tightly wrapping the scarf around her neck, she made her way into the barn, attempting to put aside the happenings, and the heartache over the last few months and weeks.

Memories washed over her as she stepped in front of a stack of crates. Pressing a hand to her flat belly, a swarm of emotions engulfed her. Her body was still in a state of numbness, shock, anger, and disbelief that this had happened, and fearing her belly would forever remain flat. That she wouldn’t know the joy of carrying a child. She wouldn’t experience the feeling of a baby kicking, an ultra sound, of holding a precious little bundle in her arms.

Thinking of all she’d lost, tears cascaded down her cheeks. The loss of Alex, and how she still hated him for hurting her, then him assuming they would reconcile, just like that. She loved him for reasons she was still unsure of, and wasn’t ready to forgive or take him back as though nothing happened.

When in reality,
everything
had happened. Her feelings for him, now coupled with an empty womb, it was too much. She leaned against the crates with both hands. Gut wrenching sobs overtook her, as she tightly grasped her middle, wishing so many things. Wishing she’d never hired him, that she hadn’t crossed that line and fallen in love. Wishing she’d have known about the baby in the first place. Wishing she’d never lost him or her.

She wouldn’t be in any of this mess, any of this turmoil if she’d kept her heart locked up, right where it belonged. Her body and mind felt empty, and continued to mourn the baby. More frustrating was the fact that she hadn’t even known. She couldn’t seem to get past that.

Maybe she’d pushed herself too hard working, had over exerted herself on her morning runs. Maybe she wasn’t woman enough to carry a baby in the first place. She felt useless, helpless, and incomplete. And now that she’d gotten pregnant once, she feared she’d not be so lucky the next time.

Pulling herself together, she swiped at her cheeks, and pushed aside the dark thoughts crowding her mind. Letting out a pent up breath, she rubbed her hands together. She’d suffered tremendous loss before, and would get through this with the will of iron she’d been born with, and keep going.

Why then did this hurdle seem the most insurmountable of all?

Alex hadn’t slept very well in days. Three and a half weeks to be exact.

Thanksgiving had come and gone, and still, Charlie hadn’t called him. He’d heard nothing whatsoever and it made him crazy. He missed her, and worry ate away at him, especially after the miscarriage. Every day that passed, he hoped beyond hope she’d reach out to him. He’d been mourning the loss as well, and wished they could have mourned together.

He imagined she’d eventually forgive him, and want to see him again. Then he pictured pressing her up against his door, or the barn door, or her bedroom door, kissing her senseless. He’d cradled her face within his palms, like a man thirsting for water in the scorching desert heat, longed for Charlie the way parched earth longed for rain. He missed her presence in his life, the hole in his heart wide open, and vulnerable. As if a bird sat and pecked on it day after day, until he feared he’d bleed out.

Then last night the phone did ring, and he eagerly went to answer. Only to discover it was his dad, wanting him in for a meeting the next day. He dreaded it, deciding he’d rather have a root canal.

The next morning, he begrudgingly got out of bed, showered, dressed in jeans, and a sweatshirt. Throwing on his heavy winter coat, he made his way out. He’d even decided to drive the beat up truck, just because it reminded him of her. The first day after their fallout, her scent clung to the air in the cabin, but with each passing day, the fragrance of vanilla and Charlie, slowly faded to nothing.

It wasn’t only her obvious outward beauty that had attracted him, but her inner beauty as well. The way she loved her grandparents, the gentle way she handled the farm animals. The way she made love to him, so freely, so passionately uninhibited in her own skin. She was a one of a kind woman, and he longed for her, in every way a man could long for a woman, with his body, his mind, his entire being.

He turned into his dad’s building, and parked. Grabbing his briefcase, he made his way in.

As he walked into the office, he nodded a greeting to his dad, but didn’t miss the obvious disapproval on his face. His dad raised an eyebrow, but remained silent.

Alex slouched in his seat, and completely tuned his father out. So consumed were his thoughts of her, he couldn’t think straight, and every day that passed without her, killed him on the inside.

“Alex?”

His daydreams broke, as he looked up to see the grim expression on his dad’s face. “Yeah, Dad. What’s up?”

“I don’t know, son. You tell me.”

Alex frowned. “Nothing I want to talk about, but thanks anyway.” He got up and paced, going to the window, gazing mindlessly outside.

“I can’t believe that after this many months, that you have absolutely nothing,” his dad said.

Alex’s stomach churned at his sharp tone. Honestly, he didn’t give a flying fuck that he had nothing, because it had been on purpose. “I’m sorry, Dad. I can’t do this.”

Silence greeted him. Then. “Why?”

Finally, he turned around, taking seat across from him, and took a deep breath. “Because I love her.” There, he’d said it out loud, and wanted to say it again. The fierce need to drive over there, see her, and tell her how much he loved her. That he wanted to spend the rest of his life with her. Her face was the last thing he wanted to see at night, and the first thing he wanted to see each morning.

His dad leaned back in his chair. “I see.” He tented his fingers together, continuing, “Well. Pull yourself together, get home and change. Be back here an hour, we’re filming an interview for a local television station.” Offering nothing more, his dad abruptly got up, and walked out of the room.

Alex let out a pent up breath of frustration. The last thing he wanted to do was put a suit and tie on, and parade around on TV like some trained monkey in a zoo. He didn’t care about any of this. Charlie was all he cared about. She was all he could think of.

Picking up his briefcase, he made his exit. He drove with a heavy mind, and an even heavier heart. He’d do as asked, then go back home and chuck the suit, which lately felt more like a straight jacket.

Then he’d attempt to shake off these feelings, and take a long drive. Hopefully it would clear his mind.

Alex would do his dad’s bidding, but this would be the very last time.

Charlie second-guessed her decision in coming here. She sat in Alex’s driveway for the better part of a half hour. Becoming antsy, she’d turned the radio on and off at least three times. Her better judgment told her this was a mistake, but she missed him.

It didn’t even appear that he was home when she first arrived, but here she was, anxiously waiting. Rubbing her gloved hands together, she rested her forehead against the steering wheel. When she checked her watch again, it neared eight thirty. Daylight disappeared hours ago, and hopes of seeing him were dashed. Heck, for all she knew he was out with some other woman. The thought of Alex in another woman’s arms made her heart ache.

At the last thought, defeat entered her. She started her truck, deciding to put this failed mission behind her. Tears welled, blurring her vision as she backed up. Streaming down her face, she swiped the moisture away, and within moments headlights shone from behind her, and his car materialized next to hers.

Slowly, she put the truck in park, and turned to find him staring back at her. Her heart lurched into her throat when he smiled. He made his exit first, and she quickly followed suit. As if on their first date, she shyly stood against the door of her truck, and stuffed her hands in her pockets. “Hi.”

“Hi, Charlie. How are you feeling?”

“Better.”

He came closer, entering her personal space. He tucked a wayward strand of hair behind her ear, the soft touch made her tingly despite herself. Helplessly, her eyes closed as he caressed her cheek, moving toward her neck. She leaned into his touch, craving his proximity. Everything about this man made her hungry, made her want to face her feelings head on.

“I missed you.” Those three little words told her everything he couldn’t say, and more.

Opening her eyes, she met his penetrating gaze. “Me too.”

He put his arm around her as they made their way in. Now that she was here, she wracked her brain, and tried to think of what to say. She’d rehearsed a hundred times what she would say to him, but now her mind went blank.

Taking off her coat, she set it aside as she watched him do the same. Good Lord, he looked so good, and under the soft lighting of the condo, all rational thoughts fled.

She did the only thing she could think of. The only thing she really wanted to do. Walking to him, she pressed her lips to his. Her heart leapt for joy, as he wrapped his arms around her waist. She drank him in greedily, kissed him with everything she had, everything she felt for him, and he reciprocated. His hands traveled to her hair, fisting and crushing it between his fingers. Cocking her head, she deepened the kiss. Her heart beat triple time when he lowered his hands to explore her bottom, giving her a firm, and loving squeeze. The bulge in his jeans pressed into her belly, and a thrill of excitement shimmered through her veins.

“Oh, Alex, I missed you so much.” She breathed against his neck, inhaling his all male scent.

“I missed you, too. I couldn’t stop thinking about you, worrying about you,”—he paused—“and I would’ve married you if that’s what it took.”

The words sent a shot of adrenaline to her system, stark honest words she didn’t expect to hear.

She looked up into his face. “Are you serious?”

“Yes, Charlie.” His voice husky with need, as his lips made a sweet landing on her neck. She arched to the side, begging him to kiss her there.

Not wasting time, he scattered kisses along her cheeks, and jawline. Gently, reverently, he unbuttoned the top two buttons of her shirt. Her eyelids fluttered shut, as he leaned down to gift moist, open-mouthed kisses to the skin above her breasts, taking one in the palm of his hand. Cupping it until the nipple puckered from beneath the fabric. Her entire being sensitive, from head to toe, and after weeks of no contact . . .

Oh. Dear. God. This feels so damned good.

The moment swallowed her up whole, and her tummy would soon drop to the floor, if he continued kissing her this way. She opened her eyes, knowing without words he loved her, and despite everything that had transpired between them, she loved him. Wanted him. Even if he hadn’t said the words out loud, she knew he felt the same way.

Wordlessly, he pulled back, smiling that sly sexy smile of his before turning away.

She watched him fiddle with his iPod for a few minutes, before the smooth voice of Dean Martin’s “You belong to me,” filled the condo. He turned, his heated gaze fixated on her, warming her from head to toe and every place in between. The music, the soft lighting, the man, made her feel all lit up inside.

He held out his hand. “Dance with me?”

Charlie walked toward him, enfolding herself in his warm, solid embrace, reveling in him, in this incredibly romantic moment. She nuzzled against his cheek, his scent, earthy and masculine, invaded her nostrils. The light from the foyer spilled into the living room, casting a soft glow over their bodies.

Then, his mouth met hers in a soft, gentle kiss. Still on fire from the way he’d kissed her earlier, she whispered, “Take me upstairs, Alex.”

Without saying a word, he scooped her in his arms, and made his way upstairs. She giggled into the crook of his neck, and Dean Martin’s voice faded away slowly as Alex climbed the stairs.

He laid her on the bed, and she sat up. Making short work of unbuttoning her blouse, but her clumsy fingers were all thumbs. She barely made it halfway before noticing he stood at the foot of the bed. And made no move to come closer, or remove his clothing. She frowned. “What’s wrong?”

Alex put his hands on his hips, staring at the floor instead of at her. “It’s nothing, I’m just not in the mood right now.”

Her body and soul wanted him, and now he’d put out the flame. “You’ve been giving a good imitation so far. What’s the matter?”

“If it’s all the same to you, let’s just go to bed.”

Charlie blew out a frustrated breath, but in the end didn’t have the energy to argue. She decided it was okay, that as long as they were together, sex wasn’t important right now. Quietly, she made her way to the bathroom, grabbed her spare pajamas, and brushed her teeth.