On a Gamble (13 page)

Then just as quickly, her resolve firmly locked back in place, and she sat up straight. Stepping out of the truck, she turned toward him, and he wished she hadn’t. Her lashes were fringed with tears, but her face expressionless like stone.

“I should have known this was too good to be true,” she spat, venom laced with anger in her tone.

“Charlie, I’m sorry. It’s not you, it’s me.”

She rolled her eyes. “No, screw you. Don’t give me that tired bullshit excuse. What was this? All some cheap ploy to get me into bed, until you’d had your fill of me?”

The words couldn’t be farther from the truth, but she wouldn’t listen to him no matter what he said. Not that he could blame her. He let out an exasperated breath before speaking, “No, it was
never
like that. Please believe me.”

Anger spewed from her eyes. “I think it’s safe to say you’re fired.” Then she slammed the door so hard, the truck shook.

He watched with regret as she walked away. Lord, how badly he wanted to go after her, but held back. He let his foot off the break, and pealed out of the driveway.

Alex drove until he arrived at his dad’s building, not knowing where else to go. Even though he figured it would be an awful idea, because he was still so raw, emotions going every which way. He leaned back, resting his head on the seat. Jesus, breaking up with Charlie was the dumbest thing he’d ever done, but he had to keep telling himself it was necessary.

Mostly, he was angry with himself for allowing things to go this far.

Taking a deep breath, he slammed the door, making his way to his dad’s office.

As usual, his dad was on the phone when he walked in. He quietly took a seat, and within moments he finished his conversation, and hung up. “Good morning, Alex.”

“Morning.” He suddenly felt fidgety in this office, and he wasn’t sure why.

“How are things going?”

Alex looked up at his dad. “Don’t ask.”

“That well I take it.” The snarky cut of his dad’s tone grated already fragile nerves.

“I broke up with Charlie.”

His dad’s eyebrows lifted to his thinning hairline. “I wasn’t aware you were that serious, son.”

But his tone didn’t sound as sympathetic as he’d hoped. In fact, he sounded more annoyed than anything. “Dad, come on. I don’t need this right now.”

He stood up and paced, couldn’t sit in his chair anymore. As a matter of fact, he couldn’t stand being in this office right now. Needing distance, he got up, and stood near the window, looking at the Riverview skyline, seeing but not taking anything in. Everyone was just waking up. The hustle and bustle below looked more like little ants, quick and determined to arrive at their destination.

“What happened?”

“Dad, you know what happened. I have feelings for Charlie, and felt guilty being there. Doing what I was doing. I’m sorry.” But part of him wasn’t sorry.

Leaning against the window, a smile crept across his face, remembering Charlie. He’d fallen hard, fast, like a downward spiral of a rollercoaster he couldn’t escape, nor did he want to. He closed his eyes, could picture her, feel the soft corn silk texture of her hair, and smell its heady, intoxicating scent. Could feel her curves easily and quickly mold to his body, and it went beyond her physical beauty, but Charlie as a human being. Beautiful, kind, empathetic, a hardworking, rare find of a woman.

Heck, a woman that wasn’t afraid to dig into the mud, and get dirt beneath her fingernails. She didn’t care if her hair was messy, or if she went out without makeup, and looked sexier than hell in dirty farm clothes, driving a rusted pick-up truck. Remembering her ethereal beauty, and smile, as she sat astride her horse, the soft breeze flowing over her hair, eyes shining with mirth.

So unlike his fiancée, and other women he’d dated. Those women were all superficial, caring more about appearances, status, and money. More importantly, about
his
money, and things it could buy. Not having been aware of his money to begin with, she was the first woman to care about Alex the man. Not Alex, the man with the money.

She was a simple, loving woman. Charlie didn’t care about any of those things, and it was refreshing to see. Realizing it’s what made him fall head over heels for her. A brave woman, who’d lost so much, but carried a great capacity to love. She hadn’t vocalized her feelings, but he knew.

Images of this morning imprinted on the inside of his eyelids, and he felt like the world’s biggest ass. His heart broke all over again. Recalling the tears in her eyes, staining the hills of her cheeks. The way her body shook with hurt, anger, and betrayal. But he didn’t know what else to do, or how else to make the wrongs he’d done right. What he’d really wanted to do was take her in his arms, comfort her, and take back what he’d said. Or hell, to tell the truth, even though it would’ve been difficult.

His dad’s voice cut his train of thought. “Son, you need to make amends with Charlie.”

Alex frowned. “Jesus, do you even care that I hurt Charlie? All you care about is this stupid fucking business deal.”

He didn’t think of his dad being so heartless, and that all he cared about was business, not people. His stomach burned with shame, thinking about the man who’d raised him. Thinking he was nothing but a hollow shell of a man, with no emotions, no empathy.

“This ‘stupid fucking business deal’ is very important, Alex. You knew from the start.”

Alex walked toward the desk, planting his hands down on the mahogany surface, and leaned forward. “When I do go back, and I will go back. It
won’t
be for this business deal I promise you that.”

Then he turned and walked out without another word.

Charlie hibernated in her room for a day, if that, before coming to her senses. As much as this break-up pained her, and thoughts of Alex made her want to cry, she wanted to be strong. No, she
needed
to be strong. She’d not go down the same road she did before.

At the same time her gut burned with anger, betrayal, and just plain, what the hell happened? What had changed in twenty-four hours? The question rolled around in her mind on repeat, but she couldn’t find the answer.

She despised the brief lapse in weakness, hated it to the marrow of her bones. When she’d discovered her husband’s affair, she’d been livid with anger, hurt, and betrayal.

The hurt with Alex cut deeper, because she’d not only bared her body for him, but when they’d made love, she’d bared her whole being. And felt him down to her very soul and spirit, not only physically, but emotionally. Needing him in every way a woman could need a man. Honestly, she’d never been
that
naked with a man before, and realized that was probably why this was ten times as painful.

The next day, she decided a run would cure what ailed her. Despite the chillier temperatures, she didn’t care, as she bundled up, and made her way out. She popped her ear buds in, turned up the sounds of U2 on her iPod, and went full steam ahead. The sun just started coming up for the horizon, as twilight still hovered over the sleepy earth. Not a soul was around, and she relished the solitude. Then her thoughts inevitably veered toward Alex, and her heart ached all over again.

She didn’t think it was possible to fall in love with someone so fast, but Alex wormed his way into her heart, and buried himself there. He’d made her trust again, only to have it blow up in her face.

Thoughts of him, and that awful morning, only made her run harder. She pushed his memory out of her head. He didn’t need to be there, crowding her mind with foolishness.

Losing track of time, she didn’t know how long she’d been running at this speed. She paused. Leaning over, she braced her hands on her knees, and took a deep breath, her lungs burned with exertion. Her empty stomach gurgled in protest, as she’d not even thought to eat before leaving.

Already feeling better, she slowly walked the rest of the way home. Her anger assuaged for now. Making her way down the driveway, she stopped. A familiar truck parked at the end sent her stomach catapulting to the vicinity of her feet.

She spied Alex, seated on the front porch. Fresh waves of hurt, and anguish coursed through her. Made her feel light headed, and weak. Even if she wanted to blame it on the run, she knew otherwise.
Shit, I hate these feelings he brings out in me.

Placing her hands on her hips, she gathered courage she didn’t feel. She pulled herself together, and head held high, approached him. He arose to greet her, and for a moment, neither spoke. What was left to say? He’d made his choice loud and clear. She didn’t realize how much she’d missed him until now, and as much as she hated him, she also wanted to fall into his arms, and pretend they never broke up.

She bit her lower lip, and hoped like hell he couldn’t read her face. Which had
Alex-please-make-love-to-me
written all over it. As she gazed into those sexy, warm brown eyes, her heart melted. Her body weakened. Oh how she hated her body’s strong reaction to him, when her mind was still boiling mad. His proximity, his scent, the all-encompassing emotions swirling inside came to a head.

God damn her body for betraying her, for her thoughts turning so rapidly, making a complete one eighty at the mere sight of him. He stood there, looking effortlessly, and annoyingly good. Hands in his pockets.

“Hi,” he murmured.

“You have a helluva lot of nerve. What are you doing here?” Bravado exploded in heaping loads, even if she felt anything but brave.

“I came to apologize”—he began—“I’m sorry I hurt you, Charlie.”

“I want you to leave.”

Moving closer, he put his hands on his hips. Briefly, he glanced at the ground, a look of remorse and regret crossing his features. She should invite him in considering the cold weather, but God help her she just didn’t want to. Not willing to just allow him to waltz back into her life as if nothing happened.

“Charlie, please. If you’d let me explain,” he pleaded.

“I don’t want to hear anything you have to say. But I have some things I’d like to say.” She paused, gathered her thoughts. “I want to know what we are. Do you even know?”

“Do you?”

His challenge through her completely off guard, and left her feeling like an airless balloon. The truth was, she didn’t know. She liked to think they’d been seeing each other, and had feelings for each other. But using the terms boyfriend and girlfriend seemed too juvenile.

Their intimate moments seeped into her brain at a rapid rate. The time up in the hayloft shone with stunningly great detail in her mind’s eye. The time in his condo, up against his door not even making it to his bedroom, but then they had made love there eventually. Beads of sweat gathered on her forehead, and she brushed it away, annoyed. Recalling their powerful lovemaking, her stomach twisted in knots at the emotional memories. Realizing he’d also touched her without having used his hands. The explosive, emotional charge she felt being with him is what killed her. The imprint he’d left on her soul, and intimacy they shared that went beyond the bedroom.

Then that next morning sprang to mind, when he’d rained gentle kisses all over her face. He’d held her in such a gentle, reverent manner. Shoving the memories down deep, she attempted to keep her mind clear.

As much as she hated him, she loved him just as much.

“Charlie?”

She jumped, his voice startling her. One hundred percent sure her face colored with guilt at having been caught daydreaming for who knows how long. Her eyes snapped up to meet his, holding his steady gaze. “No, I don’t, but that’s not the point. I asked you first.”

“I care about you. I know that much.”

Her stomach fluttered at his words, but the angry, twice scorned side killed those flutters. Her anger grabbed swift hold. “I’m sorry, but I can’t just take you back, Alex. Please leave.”

He nodded. Shoulders slumped in defeat, he said, “Okay, let me know when you’re ready to talk.”

He slowly made his way back to his truck, glancing backward for a millisecond, as if hoping she might change her mind.

Before he even entered his truck, she hauled ass up the stairs, and into the house.

Locking the door with a decisive click, she sagged against it. Easing her body slowly down, until her bottom touched the floor. She hugged her knees to her chest, willing the tears away, but they came anyway. Soaking her damp with sweat running pants, as her carefully preserved bravado and self-control unraveled rapidly. Silently, she allowed the tears to keep coming, in hopes of purging Alex from her system.

Dear God, when will the pain stop?

That night at dinner, Charlie didn’t say much. She hadn’t told either of her grandparents that Alex had stopped by, didn’t wish to talk about him. Oddly enough, she didn’t even have a reason. She just, didn’t want to.

Staring, unfocused eyes at the cabbage rolls, she pushed the food around on her plate, prompting grandma to gently nudge her.

Charlie set her fork down, and looked up into her eyes.

“I wish you would eat something, darling,” she said.

“I’m not hungry, Grandma.” Normally a favored dish, any thought of food right now made her sick to her stomach.

Alex’s visit this morning still made her irrationally want to cry. She figured as long as he wasn’t around physically, she’d been okay. Then, bam! He’d shown up and it all went down the tubes. Something about him grabbed a hold of her, and would not let go. Mixed emotions coursed through her, and she wished she could contain them. The love, the angst, the hate, the passion from these last few weeks tied her stomach in knots.

“Honey, if it’s meant to be it will be,” Grandma Pearl placed a comforting hand to hers, as if she could read her mind, and knew she was thinking of Alex.

Normally, those trite words coming out of anybody else wouldn’t make her feel any better, but for some reason coming from grandma, they comforted, and soothed. She smiled, hanging on to her hand. “I’d like to go upstairs and lie down.”

Her grandma and grandpa nodded, not commenting further.