OMG! I'm in Love with a Geek! (27 page)

Today at work Gran told a trainee in the supermarket to wear a top that “didn't show her lungs” (that means her breasts in Gran-speak) and she got away with it! She says a woman cannot be taken seriously when the entire shop is talking to her boobs. The trainee THANKED Gran for her careers advice! This is Gran, not Alan Sugar – her employment history includes sewing the elastic into knickers and packing Marmite into boxes. AND WHY CAN'T A WOMAN WEAR WHAT SHE WANTS?!

Gran is now considering becoming a union representative. This means you get to shout at your boss and NOT get sacked! Nicky thinks this is really cool as authority needs to be challenged at every level. I'm just thinking, “Will she lose her discount card and have to pay full price for DVDs?”

Stuff the workers, as Gran calls them! I want everything with Robert Pattinson in for £7.

Dr Richards set the essay question “I love” today. He called it an exercise in self-discovery. Dimple said, “I bet MGK's answer is one word – ME!” LOL!

Then Jen looked across and saw the first part of MGK's answer!

Superficial or what?!

Florence Morse – ultimate rebel – wrote:

I know she is always in trouble BUT she always sounds dead clever.

What do I love? I LOVE NICKY! But I can't write that. He's busy again tomorrow. Doing what? Not asking. I am not turning into a psycho-girlfriend.

Gran says Florence is copying Winston Churchill. Bet the teacher doesn't notice.

Went to see Goose but he seems to be in a bad mood constantly at the moment. It's like a massive man period. If I mention Nicky at all he changes the subject or says, “She just wants kissy-kissy with her boyfriend.” It's almost nasty. It's so not like Goose. He's doing well at school, his mum is lovely and his gecko is eating properly – what's the problem?!

I think the problem may be… No. I am SICK of going OVER and OVER it in my mind.

You think Nicky holds his cards close to his chest, Gran! Goose has swallowed his cards!

We are going to Skegness tomorrow. I'm slightly dreading it. Rob isn't coming. He was born in South America and knows what real beaches are like. He's taking Goose to a boot sale.

Gran has just turned up 2 HOURS EARLY. She says she can't sleep these days anyway so she'd rather wait. This actually means sitting on the sofa like the queen, saying “Are we going yet?” and looking at her watch every 5 minutes. Sorry, Gran – I'm going back to sleep.

Just woke up to Gran at the end of my bed staring at me. She said, “When are we leaving, Hattie?” When I said, “Don't know – I need more sleep…” she started talking about how you can get 3 for 2 on flavoured sardines in her shop. I don't need to hear about cheap Omega 3 before 6 a.m. in the morning – if EVER!

Dear Princess – please stop eating my pillow. I will get up.

We are leaving early. Mum can't put up with Gran talking about special offers any more. We are picking up Nicky on the way. I've never been to Nicky's place. Basically because I've been playing it cool. Better text him to tell him we are going to be almost an hour early.

OMG – I AM NOT GOING TO SKEGNESS AGAIN. EVER.

To start with Mum forced us all to go to “Natureland”, which was EMBARRASSMENT TO THE MAXIMUM. Gran freaked out like she normally does in the butterfly house. I always forget they have lovely wings but big fat hairy bodies. THEN Mum made me and Nicky have our photos taken with the goat in Pets' Corner. Nicky thought it was LOL! It was not. The goat had a massive slobbering tongue and I am not 6. All I could hear was Princess whimpering outside for Gran. We couldn't take her in. If she saw a seal perform she'd jump in and try to catch the fish.

Gran and Nicky kept giggling at everything. They played mini golf and then spent 4 hours in the arcade, gambling. Nicky knows EVERY fruit machine and how to get the best from them. Gran and him spent about £40 but got £26 back! With our sort of winnings we all had fish and chips, though we had to leave Princess outside. Gran took her out some bread and butter.

At one point I said to Gran, “Any chance I can have some time alone with Nicky?” Gran was really moody and said, “You know he's had a tough time, Hattie. Why not give him a nice family day out? Bet he's never had one in his life.”

She's right but I wanted a bit of snogging.

Nicky does seem to be a bit ashamed of his family. When we went to pick him up he was looking for us through an upstairs window and sprinted down before we'd even stopped the car. I thought he was going to let me in and introduce me to his parents – but he didn't. He couldn't wait to get out. I think his parents are a nightmare.

The worst thing my mum did today was paddle in the sea and scream how cold the water was.

Oh, and put candyfloss on top of Princess's head and pretend she had hair.

It was quite funny. Princess didn't think so – she doesn't like anything pink. Mum let her eat it though so she was fine!

Gran just called me. Apparently Princess has been chasing her tail and barking for the last 2 hours. She said I was always the same after Skeggy – they could never get me to sleep.

I have just been compared to the world's most mental dog.

Text from Nicky:

6 KISSES!!! 6!!! I love him.

Dr Richards DID notice that Florence Morse has quoted Churchill! She got bonus marks for quoting the greatest Briton on Earth.

Nicky was off school today and hasn't texted. Perhaps I need to be less Skegness and more Vegas.

Tried to tell Dimple and Jen about Sunday but they just seemed bored and kept giving each other strange looks. At one point I think I saw Dimple roll her eyes! It was totally rude. I have had to listen to them go on and on about their boyfriends but apparently I'm not allowed to go on about mine. Thanks very much, my so-called 2 best friends!