OMG! I'm in Love with a Geek! (45 page)

We had a goodbye meal tonight. Dad kept crying, and saying, “I do hope you'll see me as a kind of dad.” The odd thing is I DO but in a sort of “will never be around, vague but lovely man really” dad way. Ruby feels basically the same way. Her stepdad is her REAL dad. And her REAL dad is a “will never be around, vague but lovely man really” sort of dad.

It's complicated.

The real revelations from this holiday have been:

1. The fact that my half-sister is actually MAX sweet underneath all the Prada fake RUBBISH.

2. I know who I really LOVE. Now I think I need
to go home and tell him.

In bed and dreading the journey, sorting out men and never sleeping again.

Goodbye Butterfly, Dad and Tasmania. You are very weird but I think I may slightly, in a very mental way, REALLY LOVE you.

Ruby was asleep before we took off. I was sat between her and a woman who told me her husband's dying words were: “Have you given the cat his worming tablet?” She hadn't. She thinks that might have finished him off but at least now he was gone she had more time for knitting.

Then she got off and the woman who got on kept telling me that her son was in the chorus line of
Les Misérables
and if the lead's understudy was ill and his understudy was ill he'd be the star in the Wednesday matinee.

I think I finally fell asleep over Afghanistan according to the map.

OMG – Afghanistan! Isn't that dangerous?! How close was I to actual death?!

Ruby woke up when the doors were opened at Heathrow. We landed at – I can't even remember. We had to walk through the airport – about 26 miles. Collected the suitcases (mine was now back from Bangkok) and Mum saw me and would not let go of me! I was hugged for about a million hours. AND she cried!

Then Mum said I had to sleep in the car so I was ready for school. It's on Thursday!!! Thursday?! I need a week to recover!

I can't sleep.

1. How do I say it?

2. How do I even start to say how I feel?

3. And how do I tell the other one that I'm probably over him?!

Just was awake all night. Watched YouTube – I've seen every cat video ever. I've even see people pretend their cats are beards. You can't do that with a gecko, Goose! It would make such a rubbish goatee!

Goose. Goose. Goose. Goose.

I HAVE to tell him how I feel. Who cares what happens? I HAVE to put it out there.

Mum made me go to school today. It was AMAZEBALLS to see Dimple and Jen again! I nearly had a nap on Dimple's shoulder though when she hugged me. She just felt so comfy – like a human pillow. I told her she felt like a lovely bed. She didn't look ever so happy about that.

Then I fell asleep in the paint in Matfield's class. Jen suggested that I could paint with my forehead as that's what Salvador Dali probably did (who's HE? Jen knows some WEIRD stuff). This made Matfield go predictably mad as she worships the great artists and says they had more ability in the womb than I have at 15. I ended up having a lie-down on Mrs Kirton the school nurse's fold-out bed.

I was only allowed to stay there for an hour then I had to get up for Maths. Who cares? Data representation?! Dear Data – I do not want to represent you EVER.

Nathan grunted a “Hello” to me when I got home tonight. No – he did NOT ask me what Australia OR Dad were like as he truly does not care.

No, Gran, I cannot come to yours and sit with you for a few hours and tell you everything that happened. I am an official zombie. I'm not dead but my head is!

Gran has just been round. She quickly realized I was too tired to talk so she hugged me for 5 minutes then spent 2 hours telling me about her life. I fell asleep whilst she was telling me about the deli counter at her shop. Hungarian salami is not very exciting. Not even when Vera from checkouts is slipping on it and dislocating her shoulder!

PLEASE LET ME SLEEP.

Mum has agreed it's actually pointless going to school. Goodnight.

I have slept all DAY and I have had no contact with anyone on Facebook/Twitter/my mobile/MSN – anywhere any time! Mum says it was like this when she was growing up. How did people do anything? How did love actually happen? What if you were late and your mate was waiting there for ages – what did you do? It's MENTAL.

OMG – just got up to a message from Nicky:

NO KISSES AGAIN. DOES NICKY KNOW HOW TO WRITE A TEXT?!

“I've REALLY MISSED YOU”? Gran is right – the more you ignore men, the more they like you. They are CRAZY-WEIRD. If a girl ignores a girl it's because she hates her, is deadly jealous of her or she wants her to be a friend and is frightened of making a bit of a tit of herself. Men are very complicated. Someone needs to write a guidebook about men.

Anyway I don't want Nicky. I want Goose.

I just told Gran. She said, “Oh, you're awake now that you need to know about the opposite sex!”

I told her that Nicky had said he had missed me but that I really wanted Goose. Gran said, “WELL, TELL HIM THEN! What do you want him to do? Fly a plane over your house with an ‘I LOVE HATTIE' banner dragging behind it?”

I'll do it tomorrow. I'll go for it tomorrow. Tomorrow I'll just explode the Goose love.