OMG! I'm in Love with a Geek! (12 page)

Jen just texted. She says this is my karma for calling Freak “Freak”.

I'm going to have to try to make Princess.

Wish I was spending more time with Freak. AND his owner.

Just woke up feeling sick about clay.

Went round to see Princess – she just ran off. Gran says she can sniff out low-price food. She won't touch anything cheap. She can recognize the label. Keith, though, managed to do me a quick sketch of her. KEITH IS MY HERO (for the minute).

Gran usually goes to zumba on a Tuesday but she's decided that it's actually just quick line dancing. That is at least the 202nd health fad she has given up. Princess uses her yoga mat to sleep on!

Just remembered! Princess also buried Gran's juicer in the back garden! She hasn't missed it. She told us she cured her joint pain with a daily breakfast mix of carrot juice and wheatgrass! We know she really just has a cup of tea, a massive bowl of Frosties, 2 Nurofen and a nap in front of
Homes Under the Hammer
. She fancies Martin who hosts it! She says, “Lovely hair and he knows what to do with property. That ticks the boxes for me at my age, Hattie.”

OMG – Keith decided to attack Gran tonight for being closed-minded, unsupportive to her daughter and unusual domestic situations. He also said she was someone who gives up on things too easily, like zumba. He actually meant being closed-minded to HIM!

Now I think it's funny when Keith takes the mickey out of Gran but THAT is NOT ON, because a) although Gran is mental she has always been there for us, and b) Keith is not in a position to criticize anyone giving up zumba when he gave up 3 kids. Anyway it made me sad and MAD and that's when I said it:

“You do realize, Keith, that the latest research shows you have messed up my relationships with men for life by abandoning me.”

Keith actually got angry and refused to believe it.

Then he just walked off in tears.

Bet MGK didn't say anything like THAT.

MGK is officially more forgiving than me.

I think that's slightly depressing.

My 3D ceramic sculpture of Princess has gone wrong. I may transform it into a gecko.

How can I concentrate on recreating Freak out of basically mud when I've made Keith cry, Mum and Nathan seem to be sort of avoiding me, Gran is upset and even Rob is spending a lot of time in his shed?!

I AM THE QUEEN OF FEELINGS MESS-MAKING.

Today Mr Thomas, the new and young teacher, kept asking me questions. Why? MGK said he fancied me as he's a geek too. It wasn't that. He admitted it's because I'm the only name he can remember because it's unusual.

I stick out for all the wrong reasons – name, braces and BARKING family.

Goose has just told me REALLY CASUALLY that he's been asked on a cinema date by ANNA SHARPLES on Friday! He stared at me for ages after. What was I meant to say? “CONGRATULATIONS!”?

Matfield told me today that my ceramics project does not look like either a dog or a gecko. I need to emotionally connect with it to “make it work”. I can't emotionally connect to humans successfully – let alone clay.

Nicky “bad boy” Bainton then spread it around that my ceramics project looked like “tits with a tail-y bit”. I'd tried to capture the gecko's big eyes. He says I am making myself the boob job I have always wanted.

I am dying a slow social death with clay in front of everyone in the school ever.

I've decided I am officially changing its shape and turning it into a penguin. I've never had an emotional connection to one but I'll lie.

That's not true – I love Pingu.

Goose came round. He went on a cinema date last night but he was more worried this morning about Freak the gecko. He apparently looked “off-colour” and wasn't eating much! I told Goose that perhaps Freak needed more company (IN OTHER WORDS, TURN DOWN ANY DATES). I said, “Why don't you wear him like a brooch! You'll be fashion forward, Goose, and Freak will get to meet people!”

Then Keith interrupted and said, “Using live animals as clothing is not acceptable.”

YES! Thank you, Keith, for not being able to take a joke!

When is Keith going home?!

Just casually asked Keith – he says he has 2 passports and can stay as long as he wants.

Gran has checked! Keith can stay as long as he wants but if he stays longer than 3 months he might have to start paying tax. She slipped this into a conversation with him. She tried to make it sound natural but it was totally obvious she was saying “get lost”. Gran said, “He HAS to go. He's making my fridge vegetarian. I never thought I'd have tofu in my home. If people knew! The butcher wouldn't give me bones for Princes any more!”

Keith told Goose tonight that Freak is unhappy because he has been ripped from his natural habitat. According to Keith the reason he's not eating is because he's depressed.

Goose is now going to avoid our house till Keith goes home. Great!