Off the Record (20 page)

She wiped at tears running down her cheeks and gave a hiccough-sob of laughter as she felt her bruised flesh under her fingers.
He’s not so great for my physical health either. I’ve never been so battered and bruised in my life!

But she hadn’t been feeling any pain when she awoke in his arms. His healing hands had soothed her. She’d felt loved and protected. Another sob escaped.
No, it wasn’t love. He made that quite clear just now.
It hurt so much that he could think for a moment that she would sleep with him to get a story.

How could he think that? I’d never do that! Never! I love him too m …

Kate stopped breathing, her mind reeling with shock. She loved him? The room began to spin. Her lungs pulled in air as she closed her eyes against the sight of the tangled sheets on her bed. She remembered how reluctant she’d been to leave the security of his arms, but how she’d forced herself to leave the bed before he woke up, afraid she’d betray herself and her values if she stayed.
Of course I love him!

Kate was under no illusions. Paul Brand had lived his life avoiding commitment. Even friendship seemed to make him nervous, judging by the way he’d blown hot and cold with her over the past weeks.

That was why I was so scared when I woke up. I knew it was too late. I’ve been branded. His kisses, his touch, have left me marked as his forever. But he doesn’t trust me. He thinks I’m going to betray him. The idiot! Oh God, what a mess!

Kate laid her head on her knees and wept.

Chapter Twenty-four

Kate had the sense to call before she got home to warn her mother about the black eye. When she arrived at the vicarage, Alexandra took one look at her daughter and gathered her in her arms.

‘Oh, my poor baby. Does it still hurt?’

Kate hugged her back. ‘I’ll live,’ she said, wincing as she remembered the last time she’d said that.

‘Well, thank the Lord you’re safe. The bruises will fade, and you’re always beautiful, my darling. And it does give us the chance to spend some time together, which I’m grateful for. The telephone’s no substitute. I’ve missed you.’

‘I’ve missed you too, Mum. It’s good to be home.’

‘Well let’s get the kettle on. Then we can catch up on each other’s news.’

Kate followed her mother into the kitchen and sank down on a chair at the table by the window. She looked out at the roses bursting forth in the borders, the raised patio at the back of the garden where she’d sunbathed as a teenager, and where her father used to sit on the stone bench enjoying the fresh air and the views of the wooded hillside beyond. She wished he was still alive. She missed him so much.

‘Kate, darling, are you all right?’

Her mother laid a soft hand on her shoulder as she placed a mug of tea on the table in front of her.

‘No, Mum. I’m not. Right now I’m so miserable I can hardly stand it.’

‘Oh, Kate. Is it Paul?’

‘How did you know? No, don’t answer that – Johnson told you.’

Alex looked sheepish. ‘Have your ears been burning? We’ve talked about the two of you quite a lot.’

‘Haven’t you got anything better to talk about?’ Kate grumbled softly. ‘Like catching up on a few decades worth of history?’

‘Oh, we find plenty to talk about, don’t worry. But you and Paul are important to us. Of course we’re going to discuss our children together. Especially when they seem to be falling as hard and as fast for each other as Johnson and I did all those years ago.’

Kate’s heart sank. ‘Not quite,’ she said with a sigh. ‘The feeling’s definitely not mutual this time.’

‘Are you sure? Johnson’s pretty sure that Paul …’

‘I’m sorry, Mum, but I really don’t want to talk about Paul at the moment,’ she interrupted. ‘He’s not my favourite person right now. And please don’t discuss this with Johnson.’

Alex stroked her daughter’s hair back from her face and kissed her cheek. ‘All right, my darling. Let’s just enjoy some time together, OK?’

‘Yes. Good idea.’ She picked up her drink and took a sip. ‘Mmm. It is so good to be home.’

Alex sat down opposite Kate and pushed a plate of biscuits towards her. ‘Actually, that’s one of the things I wanted to talk to you about.’

‘What?’ she asked, selecting a custard cream.

‘Home. I’m … er … thinking of moving.’

Kate carefully replaced the biscuit on the plate and put her mug down. ‘But the house goes with the job. Are you moving to another parish?’

‘I don’t know. That’s what I’m trying to decide.’

‘Have you had an offer?’

Alex sighed. ‘No. Nothing so simple.’ She looked troubled. ‘I might look for another parish.’

‘But why? I don’t understand. Has someone upset you?’

Alex shook her head. ‘It’s not that. I’ve been restless, Kate, especially over the past few weeks.’

‘Since you met Johnson again.’

‘No, actually, before that. I’d been feeling low for a while. Remember my makeover? I’d already been thinking about making a fresh start.’

‘Daddy said you should, I remember. He said you were too young to bury yourself with him.’

‘Yes,’ she said, her eyes filling even as she smiled. ‘He did, didn’t he? And I refused to listen for two long years. I thought if I stayed here in our parish I’d be able to keep him close to me, not lose him completely.’

‘Oh, Mum.’ Kate took her hand and gave it a gentle squeeze. ‘I’m sorry, I didn’t realise. I was so wrapped up in my own grief.’

‘No darling, you have nothing to apologise for. I’ve been all right. I just needed to work through it. And I think I was just about there when Johnson walked back into my life and turned it upside down. Suddenly, everything’s so much more complicated.’

‘I can imagine. He lives in the middle of a circus when he’s on tour. Just the short time I’ve been with them has driven me round the bend.’

‘I’m sure it has. But it’s not so much that … as … well … that business with the text message didn’t help.’

‘D’you think we’ll ever find out who did that?’

‘Who did it doesn’t matter,’ said Alex. ‘It’s how people reacted to it that knocked my faith, I’m afraid.’

‘Are they still giving you a hard time?’

‘A few of them. The old die-hards who didn’t want me to take on the parish after David died are rejoicing in their chance to undermine me again.’

‘When are those old fools going to give up on the idea that women shouldn’t be priests? It’s stupid!’

Alex smiled at her daughter’s righteous anger. ‘I doubt if they ever will,’ she said. ‘And I’m suddenly tired of fighting them.’ She frowned. ‘I think I needed to have something to fight for after your father died. But even though the battle’s still going on for some, the war’s basically been won. More women are being ordained than men these days, and the first female Bishop will be appointed soon, so I can retire from the fray with honour.’

‘So what are you going to do? Have you told Johnson?’

‘I don’t know, and no. I wanted to talk to you first. I’ve had a couple of conversations with the area dean, and he’s suggested I go on retreat to pray about it and make a decision. There’s not much chance of another parish in this diocese because they’re under pressure to cut the number of livings to save money. So if I do decide to apply for another parish, it will have to be somewhere completely different.’

‘And you haven’t told Johnson?’

‘No.’

‘Why not? Am I missing something here? The man’s crazy about you.’

‘And in all honesty, I’m pretty crazy about him too.’

‘But?’

‘But … it’s only been a couple of weeks since we met again, and they’ve hardly been normal. I don’t want him to feel like he’s obliged to be there for me when he actually might want to cut and run back to America as soon as the tour’s over.’

Kate could relate to that. The reason she’d felt the need to come home was because she needed time to think. She could so easily end up under Paul’s spell. But if he was simply looking for a relationship for the duration of the tour, and intended to say ‘Ciao, baby’ when it was all over, the hurt and humiliation would be crippling.

Yet, his parting remark as he’d left her room was haunting her. Had she got it wrong? Did he care for her? Maybe she’d never find out. He was furious, even though he had no reason to be. That he had so little faith in her integrity made her so angry she wanted to slap him!

But no matter what a mess she and Paul were making of things, she felt sure Johnson was thinking in terms of a longer-term relationship with her mother. ‘I think you should tell him, Mum.’

Alexandra gave her an old fashioned look. ‘Perhaps,’ she conceded. ‘But I probably won’t just yet.’

‘Coward!’ Kate taunted softly.

‘Oh yes!’ she agreed. ‘Just like my daughter. You’re not going to tell Paul how you feel about him either, are you?’

‘He’s not interested in how I feel.’

‘Oh Kate! How could he not be?’

‘Look Mum, I know you mean well, but can we just drop it please?’ she asked. ‘I’m happy for you and Johnson,’
even though I’m scared silly he’ll take you away to America, and I’ll hardly see you. ‘
But please, don’t assume that means Paul and I will end up happily ever after. Anyway, it’s taken both of you nearly forty years to sort yourselves out, so what makes you think we’d be any quicker?’

‘All right, darling,’ she sighed. ‘I’ll drop it. I just want you to be happy.’

‘I know, and I love you for it.’

Kate didn’t hear anything from Paul over the next few days – not that she expected to – but she became aware of just how much her mother was hearing from Johnson. She’d known that they called each other fairly regularly, but not that it was several times
a day.
At first she teased Alex about it, but after a couple of days it began to bother her.

‘Johnson again?’ she asked Alex as she ended yet another call.

‘Yes. Are you OK with that, Katie?’ she asked.

Kate was silent for a moment, searching her mother’s face. ‘I think so. It’s been so confusing. I always thought it was a great laugh – my mum, the vicar, having a teenage romance with a mega rock star. And when I met him I really liked him. But now I realise how strongly you both feel about each other, I can’t help wondering.’

‘About what, darling?’

‘About whether you’d really loved Daddy,’ she confessed in a whisper.

Alex looked shocked. ‘Of course I loved him! How can you doubt it?’

Kate raised a hand and shook her head. ‘Mum, I’m sorry. I’m out of order.’

‘Kate, do me a favour and spend some time going through our old photo albums upstairs in the spare bedroom, will you?’ her mother urged gently. ‘It will help you to remember. Your father and I loved each other and you more than anything in the world.’

Kate looked shamefaced. ‘I know. We were all happy, weren’t we? I don’t need to look at old photos to remember, Mum.’ She hesitated. ‘But it’s obvious that you and Johnson love each other too. I think you could be happy with him, just like you were with Daddy.’

‘I still miss David, every day,’ Alex assured her gently.

‘I know. Me too. But I want you to be happy. He’d want that as well. In fact I think he’d have really liked Johnson.’

‘D’you know, I think you’re right,’ Alex smiled.

The trouble is
, Kate thought as she hugged her,
I’m not so sure how I feel about the prospect of having Paul Brand as a step-brother.
Being connected to him  like that would mean they’d have to get along for their parents’ sakes. She shuddered at the prospect of seeing him at family gatherings, having to be nice to the latest girlfriend, or–
God forbid!
 – one day – his wife!
No. Not nice. Not nice at all.

She’d want to scratch the other woman’s eyes out. Not very Christian of her, she knew. But that was how she felt. She shook her head, trying to dispel the nightmare images. Her mother still hadn’t told Johnson about her upcoming retreat and the decision she was wrestling with. Nothing was certain yet.

In fact, the only certainty in Kate’s life was that she needed to rejoin the tour as soon as possible. Her editor was being a pig. He’d been furious when Johnson had rung him to say that Kate was sick and needed to go home for a few days, especially as Johnson had refused his suggestion that another staff reporter take her place.

She was unhappy that he was demanding more sensational stories – gossip and innuendo, which Kate refused to supply. Much as she’d like to resign and wash her hands of the whole thing, she was conscious of the fact that her mother’s life was at the moment inextricably linked with Johnson’s, and if another reporter was sent in her place it would only be a matter of time before they exposed Alex to the full force of the paparazzi.

Her mother had had enough to deal with lately, without being chased from pillar to post by journalists. No, Kate would see it through, even if it did mean facing Paul Brand again. She doubted he would take any notice of her now anyway.

The next few gigs were around the West Country and South Wales – in Bristol, Plymouth, Bournemouth, and Cardiff – so she’d spoken to Johnson on one of his calls to her mum and arranged to stay at home and meet them at the venues. She’d written a piece about fans and her bruising encounter on the stairs – which had pleased her boss! She was focusing her next column on the backstage crews – the roadies, the sound and lighting engineers. She’d be there when they set up, and stay after the gig to observe them packing everything away again. With any luck she wouldn’t see much of the band, or Paul, at all.

When they moved on to the London venues the following week, she would go back to travelling with the circus.

The night before she was to leave for her retreat, it occurred to Alex that Kate hadn’t mentioned Paul for several days. In fact she had been fairly quiet for most of their stay. When she broached the subject, Kate shrugged.

‘There’s nothing to say.’

‘Surely you can be friends?’

‘I suppose that’s the most sensible course under the circumstances,’ she said thoughtfully.

‘What do you mean, “under the circumstances”?’

‘Well, if you and Johnson get married, that will make Paul my step-brother.’

Alex laughed. ‘I haven’t been asked yet.’

‘But it’s a possibility, isn’t it?’

Her mother shrugged. ‘I have no idea, darling. I don’t think you should decide whether or not to have a relationship with Paul based on anything going on between his father and I.’

‘But it would be a bit weird going out with him if you did marry Johnson, wouldn’t it? Supposing we had a row and split up? It would be pretty awkward at family get-togethers if the two of us were there. It could put a real dampener on the proceedings.’

Alex hadn’t thought about that, but she could see Kate’s logic. ‘Have you talked to him about this?’ she asked.

‘No. We never got as far as discussing things rationally,’ she replied, a trifle bitterly.

‘So he doesn’t know you’re thinking along these lines,’ she assumed.

‘No, I don’t suppose he does.’

Alex was silent for a few minutes, thinking about the strange situation they found themselves in – mother and daughter attracted to father and son.

‘I don’t know for certain that Johnson and I will marry, you know,’ she said eventually. ‘But whatever happens I hope we’ll always be friends. I think it would be a shame if you and Paul denied yourselves the chance to explore your feelings for each other, don’t you?’

Kate didn’t look convinced. ‘Who knows? Let’s see what happens with you and the rock star first. If you live happily ever after, Paul and I will have plenty of time to work it out.’

Alex prayed that, whatever did happen, both she and her daughter would find happiness. What worried her was that it looked as though Johnson and Paul Brand were the keys to their future, whether good or bad.