Off the Record (23 page)

At last, they rested in each other’s arms, sliding to the floor, stroking, kissing, laughing.

‘Oh. My. God,’ she said. ‘What just happened? I thought we were having a row.’

He chuckled, nuzzling her breasts. ‘I think we just made up in the most spectacular way possible.’

‘Wow. Until I met you, I hated arguing. Now I can see the benefits.’

‘Hey, we don’t have to fight at all. We can just make love.’

‘Sounds good to me. Make love, not war. Great idea.’ She kissed him.

‘We might be a bit more comfortable in a bed, though.’

‘Later,’ she said. ‘I doubt I can walk, right now.’

‘Good call. I don’t really want to try moving either.’

She giggled, snuggling against him. They lay quietly, stroking and enjoying the afterglow. Eventually, he dozed, heedless of the hard floor beneath them. Kate listened to his soft breathing, not wanting to move, not wanting to fall asleep in case the magic went away …

The strident ringing of the telephone broke through Kate’s consciousness. She reluctantly pulled away from his embrace, shaken by how quickly he could make her forget everything but the pleasure of being in his arms.

Paul groaned. ‘Don’t answer it,’ he urged, reaching for her again.

‘I have to,’ she breathed, standing up. ‘Mum said she’d try to call to let me know she’s settled in.’ She pulled on her knickers and her blouse, leaving it unbuttoned as she went out into the hall and picked up the phone. ‘Hello?’

But it wasn’t her mother. Whoever it was remained silent.

‘Hello? This is the vicarage. Can I help you?’

More silence, then a soft click and the dial tone as the caller disconnected.

Kate looked up to see Paul standing in the doorway. His hair was mussed and he looked
sooo
tempting! She realised with a start that she was responsible for his sexy look, and suddenly shy, she turned to put the phone down.

‘Who was it?’ he asked.

‘Don’t know,’ she shrugged. ‘Whoever it was hung up.’

‘Does that happen often?’

‘Not often, but it’s not unheard of. Someone might have wanted a private word with Mum, and didn’t want to talk to me.’

‘I don’t like it,’ he frowned. ‘You’d better come back to the hotel with me.’

‘No, I can’t. Mum will be expecting me to be here when she calls.’

He looked at his watch. ‘It’s ten o’clock now. Surely she won’t call so late?’

‘Probably not, but I don’t want to worry her by not being here if she does call.’

‘I’m not happy about that call,’ he said, pulling her close. ‘You might not be safe here alone.’

Kate shook her head, her heart crying out for him. ‘Paul, don’t. I’ll be all right.’

‘Well, if you won’t come with me, I’d better stay here.’

‘Much as I’d love to invite you to stay, I don’t think it’s a good idea,’ she told him. ‘My mum has had enough trouble lately without my adding to it by having a man stay the night at the vicarage while she’s away. You have no idea what some of the old guard round here have put her through lately. I’m sorry, but I think you’d better go back to the hotel on your own.’

‘Kate, listen to me …’ He framed her face in his hands. ‘Don’t fight me on this, please. I want to be with you.’

‘And I want to be with you. Didn’t I just prove that to you?’

‘But you still want to kick me out of here, huh?’

She was so tempted to just give in and take him upstairs to her bed, but she couldn’t. It would make things so much more difficult for her mum. ‘Yes. I don’t want to, but I have to. Please don’t fight me on this, Paul.’

‘I’m not the one fighting, Armstrong. I thought we’d settled the argument by making love. Why are you so keen to get rid of me?’

‘I’m not …’

‘So, come with me to the hotel. Hell, if it’s too close to home, I’ll get a car and we’ll take off somewhere else. I don’t want to leave you here alone. That call could have been anyone.’

Shaking her head, Kate picked up the phone and pushed some buttons.

‘What are you doing?’

‘Finding the last number that called here. When it’s a local number, you’ll see it was nothing to worry about. Just a parishioner who wants to talk to Mum.’ She listened as the call connected.

‘Well?’ he asked.

‘The previous caller withheld their number,’ she quoted. ‘But that doesn’t mean anything. It’s still someone local, I’m sure. A lot of people withhold their numbers these days.’

‘Bullshit. I want you to come with me.’

Kate felt her heart sink. He was getting that look in his eye again. This had nothing to do with how he felt about her, and everything to do with his own paranoia. ‘Forgive me if I’m confused,’ she backed away, disappointment and helplessness making her angry. ‘But what exactly are you playing at?’

‘What are you talking about?’ he demanded.

‘I’m trying to work it out. Why do you want to be with me right now? Is it lust or are you just reacting to a stimulus and going into protective mode? I really don’t know.’

He shook his head, opening his mouth to argue, but she cut him off. ‘Why won’t you trust me when I tell you I’m all right here on my own? Are you truly worried for me, or are you projecting your own fears from the past into the situation? Now that we’ve had sex do you think you’re responsible for me?’

‘Jeez! What is this?’

‘For God’s sake, Paul, nothing is going to happen to me here. You’ve been using some unknown, unlikely threat as an excuse to push me away, now you’re trying to take over my life and practically ordering me to do what you think is best. I’m so confused I don’t know whether I’m coming or going!’

He looked shocked. Running an agitated hand through his already dishevelled hair, he turned and walked back into the lounge. She followed slowly, wanting to cry. He gathered up his clothes, pulling them on, his body language screaming frustration.

‘Don’t you dare give me the silent treatment, Brand,’ she said, hands on hips. ‘Talk to me, damn you!’

He stopped, his shirt half buttoned, and looked at her.

‘Kate. I’m sorry. When you’re around I … I don’t know, I … dammit, you make me crazy! I want to be with you. I want to keep you safe. I want to drag you off to bed and lose myself in you again, but I … You’ve already been hurt, and someone has been messing in your mom’s life. I wish to hell I knew what to do, but that call … it freaked me out. What if I’m right? What if it’s someone who wants to mess with you and your mom?’

Kate sighed. She could understand why he was thinking like that, but the chances of it being true were so slim that she couldn’t give in to him. If she did, she could only imagine how paranoid he would become. He had to see that not every situation held danger. Real life wasn’t like that. She walked over to him, kissing him gently and slipping her arms around his waist.

‘Paul, we are in rural Wiltshire. This is a vicarage. People call here all the time and sometimes they choose not to speak when their call is connected. It doesn’t mean anything. I’m sorry you think otherwise; I understand why you do. But it’s not like that here. This is my world. Trust me. Things like that don’t happen here.’

His arms came around her, holding her close. He rested his chin on her head, as he took a deep breath and let it out slowly.

‘OK,’ he said eventually. ‘Maybe I’m over-reacting. But I can only go on my experience. In my world, there are crazy people, and it’s not safe to take anything at face value. I don’t want anything bad to happen to you, Kate.’

‘It won’t. But thank you for caring,’ she said.

They stood there, holding each other, for a long time. Kate didn’t know what to say.

‘I guess I’d better go.’

She nodded, giving him another squeeze before stepping back. ‘See you tomorrow?’

He ran a hand through his hair. ‘I don’t know. Maybe I should leave the area.’

‘Oh?’ She frowned. He wouldn’t look at her. What was going on?

‘Maybe it would be smarter for us to wait until the tour is over. Now isn’t the time to try and work things out.’

‘Oh? Is that why you asked me to go away with you?’

‘I guess so.’

She felt her heart sink. Had she made the wrong decision, refusing to spend tonight with him? Surely he could see it wasn’t a good idea. Was he trying to punish her by making her wait for him? ‘OK. But has it occurred to you that when our parents get married, it might never be the right time?’

‘What do you mean?’ That got his attention. He looked at her, wary.

‘I don’t think it would be a good idea to have an affair if we’re related. Can you imagine the fall-out when it’s over?’

He was silent, watching her through narrowed eyes. Unable to remain still under his scrutiny she went into the kitchen and started to clear the table. Paul followed her.

‘So you’ve decided that there’s no chance of our making it work between us,’ he declared, his voice flat. ‘Maybe it’ll be the other way round. We could make it and our folks might decide to walk away.’

‘I doubt it. You’ve seen them together.’

‘Yeah. But do you think they’d deny themselves the chance to see if their feelings can last if they thought it would affect our romance?’

‘Is this a romance?’ she asked.

Paul smiled. ‘You’re something else, you know that? You can’t wait to call me a coward and a fool. But hell, you are the scarediest cat I know.’

‘Forgive me for being cautious. But given how you’ve blown hot and cold over the past few weeks, it’s hard to imagine how we could possibly make it work between us. I’m tempted to smack you more often than I want to kiss you!’

They stared at each other for a moment. She didn’t want to be first to look away. Finally, something changed in his eyes, making her panic.

‘Don’t you dare!’ she warned, shaking a finger at him as he moved towards her.

To her surprise, he stopped, inches from her, making no move to touch her. She fought the urge to step back, still stinging from his taunt. She wouldn’t allow herself to be scared of him!

The fact was, he’d got it right. She was scared by her own reaction to his nearness. That she desperately wanted to close the gap between them, and feel his strong arms around her again, wasn’t something she dared to think about right now.

Paul gave her a grim smile before reaching for his jacket. ‘Now there, lady, I have to agree with you. You are without a doubt the most stubborn, beautiful, ornery woman I have ever come across. I’d better get out of here before I give into the temptation to turn you over my knee and paddle your behind.’

He ran a gentle finger down her cheek. Kate shuddered as she felt his touch sparking through her body. ‘I do want you again, Kate. So much it’s already driving me crazy. But my life is not normal, not simple. And much as I want it to be different, it isn’t. I’ve lived with this shit all my life. Maybe it’s not fair to expect you to take it on. I hope you’re right and I am over-reacting. I guess I’ll have to trust that your instincts are better than mine here.’

‘But …’

‘No.’ He stepped back, raising a hand to stop her. ‘Don’t. Please. I’ve gotta go. We’ve both got some heavy thinking to do.’

Kate stood there, unmoving until she heard the slam of the door and the sound of his footsteps crunching along the gravel path. Then, with tears blurring her vision, she set about cleaning the kitchen before making her way slowly up the stairs to her bedroom.

Chapter Twenty-seven

Johnson and Jake were enjoying a brandy in the hotel lounge when Paul returned to the Manor House. He wasn’t in the mood to talk, but his father called him over.

‘Jake’s been baby-sitting, letting me bend his ear all night. He needs a break, and I’m not ready to turn in yet.’

Paul hesitated, needing to think. But he knew that Jake wouldn’t leave his dad on his own in a public area, and if he were honest with himself, he didn’t really want to be alone at the moment either. With a sigh, he pulled out and chair and sat down. Jake said goodnight and left father and son together.

‘OK, but I might not be the best company right now, old man.’

Johnson gave him a wry smile. ‘Kate?’

‘Not something I want to talk about.’

‘That bad, huh?’

‘Nothing a jug of Jack Daniels won’t cure.’

‘Forget it, son. I tried that. It won’t work.’

They had the lounge to themselves, but when Johnson looked up a waiter appeared and took their order for coffee. Paul could see his father studying him, and decided it was safer to start the conversation rather than wait for him to begin an interrogation.

‘So, Alex is out of touch for a week. Bummer.’

‘Yeah. I knew she was having some problems, but her going on retreat was a shock. I’d counted on spending some time with her. I guess I’ll have to be patient.’

‘Hey, what’s another week in almost forty years?’

‘One week too long,’ Johnson confirmed grimly, draining his brandy. ‘I swear if this weren’t my last tour, I’d …’ He broke off and smiled as the waiter returned with a tray. He signed the chit and waited until they were alone again before looking at his son. ‘You know I love her, don’t you?’

Paul nodded. ‘It is kinda easy to figure. Kate thinks you’re going to take her away and marry her.’

‘And how does Kate feel about that?’

Paul poured himself some coffee and added cream. ‘She’s concerned. So am I. Do you want some coffee?’

 ‘Yeah.’ Johnson frowned. ‘Don’t you like her?’

‘I like her just fine. She’s a nice lady. I’m pretty sure she’s perfect for you.’

‘So why the concern?’

‘Because Kate’s worried.’

Johnson took the drink his son proffered and sat back. ‘Kate’s a good woman. Reminds me of her mama.’

‘Well she’s not her mama, and I’m not you, Dad.’

‘No, you’re not. But you two are good together, regardless of who your parents are. For the record, I know her mama and I would both be mighty pleased if you two …’

‘Don’t go planning a double wedding, Dad. It ain’t gonna happen.’

‘Is that your decision, or hers?’

‘Hers,’ he answered automatically before shaking his head and checking himself. ‘No. It’s mutual. We both agree it’s a bad idea.’

‘I can’t say I can see the problem. But if that’s how you both feel, son, why are you so miserable about it?’

Paul was silent for a moment, trying to find the words to explain it, but failing. He shook his head and took a sip of his coffee. ‘Damn!’ he grimaced. ‘These Brits have no idea how to make decent coffee.’

Johnson smiled in sympathy and said nothing.

‘So are you going to marry Kate’s mom?’

‘If she’ll have me.’

‘And you’ll take her back to the States?’

He shrugged. ‘Maybe. Or maybe we’ll settle here. Once the tour is over and I’m officially retired from the circus, it won’t matter where I live.’

‘They have crazies in England too, Dad. Are you sure you can keep her safe?’

Johnson looked at him sharply. ‘Is that why you’re fighting against hooking up with Kate?’

He started to deny it, but couldn’t. ‘Yeah. You should understand that. How can I ask her to take the risk that some nut might … hell, she’s already been slugged and left for dead! And what about everything her mom’s been through lately? Is it fair to put her in danger, Dad?’

‘I’m hoping that she’d rather spend what time the good Lord gives us on this earth with me, than without me, whatever the risk. Nothing’s totally safe, son. People get hurt and killed every day.’

‘But what if …’

‘I’m not prepared to lose her again just because of a “what if”,’ Johnson declared. ‘And I don’t think you should let something that might never happen come between you and Kate, if you love her. And you do love her, don’t you?’

Paul couldn’t look at his father. ‘I don’t know.’

‘You sure? And if you were thinking straight you’d realise that trying to be noble and protect her from the circus is pointless if I’m gonna marry her mama. She’ll be right there in the middle of it, anyway.’

‘I didn’t think of that. I guess you’re right. Hell!’

‘If you’d stop being so damn stubborn and admit you love the girl, it could be heaven,’ Johnson smiled.

‘I do love her.’
Goddamn it, I do
! ‘I never thought it’d happen to me, but it has. I can’t stop thinking about her, wanting to be with her. She’s … special. When I’m with her, it’s amazing. Everything seems different.’

‘Then go get her.’

Paul sighed. ‘It’s not that simple.’

‘Sure it is.’

‘Go tell that to Kate,’ he laughed, although he saw no humour in the situation. ‘She’s got it in her head that we’re gonna be brother and sister so we can’t be a couple.’

‘No law against step-brothers and sisters getting together.’

‘No. But she’s not convinced we can make it work, and she won’t risk upsetting you and Alex when we split.’

‘Why does she think you’ll split?’

‘Aw, come on Dad! I’ve been a jerk. I know it. She knows it. Why would she want to hook up with me?’

‘Because she loves you.’

‘You don’t know that.’

‘Yeah, I do. She’s as easy to read as her mama. Kate loves you, son. I know it.’

Paul wanted to believe his Dad, but …

‘Go back and talk to her. Don’t be a fool.’

‘Maybe in the morning. Right now, I’m beat.’

Johnson knew better than to push. They said goodnight and headed for their respective rooms.

Paul paced. He needed time to think. Only minutes ago he’d admitted he loved Kate for the first time, even to himself. His first reaction was fear. He couldn’t keep her safe. Yet, if his dad married her mom, everything he wanted to protect her from would be there, threatening her. How would he deal with that? He wouldn’t be able to sit back and leave it to his dad to protect her. That said, why the hell was he thinking of cutting himself off from her and denying himself the chance to love her?

‘Damn!’

His mind was running in circles. What was best? For Kate, and for him? He knew he couldn’t answer that for himself. He needed to talk to Kate. To find out if what his dad said was true. If she really did love him, then maybe he should take the risk and tell her how he felt.

Knowing he wouldn’t rest until he saw her again, he left his room and went quietly out into the night. He barely noticed the full moon and countless stars lighting his path. It took just a few minutes to reach the village. 

In the distance he could see an orange glow. He took a deep breath, frowning slightly as he smelt smoke. He began running, his heart pounding as he prayed the fire wasn’t where he thought it was.

It was.

The front of the vicarage was ablaze.